In My Wildest Dreams
by mmldt
Summary: Cupcake fic - rated M for language and sexual content.
1. Chapter 1

_Just borrowing JE's characters, not making any money off of this, and so forth. _

* * *

Name: Stephanie Plum  
Occupation: Bounty Hunter Extraordinaire  
Age: 30-something and no longer counting!

Okay, okay, you got me. My name _used to be_ Stephanie Plum, and in my wildest dreams I am a bounty hunter extraordinaire. In all honesty, I should probably classify myself as bounty hunter mediocre. Unless, that is, I find myself working with my mentor and sometimes partner, Ranger. He has enough extraordinary in him that I'd like to think it occasionally rubs off on me. There was a time that I wanted a lot of Ranger to rub off on me, but that's a whole other story. Thoughts of Ranger occupy a different part of my brain now, otherwise known as the "_just friends_" part. Or better yet the "_I'm not dead and am still allowed to fantasize every now and then_" part.

Why the new classification for Ranger? That brings me to why I said my name "_used to be_" Stephanie Plum. It should actually read:

Name: Stephanie Plum-Morelli.

Yep, it's true. I am Mrs. Joseph Anthony Morelli. Funny how life works out sometimes, isn't it?

Don't let my mistake fool you, though. I have absolutely no regrets about marrying Joe. In fact, it was something I should've done a long time ago, and I honestly couldn't be any happier. It's just that old habits die-hard, and I haven't gotten entirely used to having a new name.

Wisely I didn't bother to change it when I married Dickie (which, by law, should be legal proof of my extremely high intelligence – if you can overlook the fact that I married him in the first place). I guess I knew subconsciously from the start that the marriage was doomed to fail, so why even bother?

After our divorce I took the whole "avoiding love and commitment" issue to the extreme. I promised myself I would never sacrifice my identity just to please other people and fit into their standards of who I should be and how I should live my life. I don't consider myself to be a feminist, but I didn't want to be a Burg housewife, and I told myself I didn't need a man to feel complete.

Thankfully all of that changed when I finally realized that Joe was the man for me. It took me a long time to get there, but every step was totally worth it. I am now a full-time wife, a part-time bounty hunter, and a very expectant mother. Forgot to mention that part, didn't I? Just goes to show that just because I'm old and married now that I'm still full of surprises.

But enough with the introductions. It's time for me to tell my story and try to put into words how I've been feeling. It won't be easy, but hopefully you'll enjoy the read.

* * *

About eight months ago, my life took a dramatic turn. I was currently in the off-again mode in my relationship with Morelli, and I was working full-time at RangeMan. That probably had a lot to do with why we were off-again, but I didn't want to see it that way. I chose to see it as Joe trying to control me and not trusting me enough to let me do what I wanted.

Truth be told, though, I'd lie in bed at night and wonder what it was that I really did want. Where was my life going? Was I truly happy being on the outs with Morelli? It didn't matter how I answered that question, because I was too stubborn and too proud to admit that I wanted to be with him or that I missed him.

I could easily admit that I missed Bob. I could probably admit that I missed spending time at Morelli's house, sharing a pizza and watching a ball game together. And just maybe I could admit that I missed his incredibly hot body and all the amazing sex. Those thoughts in particular made for some very lonely nights, and no matter how hard I tried, eating chocolate bars and birthday cakes weren't making it better.

But it was my stubborn streak that kept me far away from the house on Slater and alone in my own bed. Deep down, though, I knew something was missing; I just wasn't ready to face the reality of what that something was.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a Tuesday morning that seemed to start off like any other day. Except on that particular morning, Lula dropped by, more or less begging me to ride shotgun while she picked up a skip. At that point in time, I wasn't looking for FTA's, and I was happily convinced I didn't want to either. But Lula's persistence wore me down, and truth be told, I guess it didn't take that much to make me say yes. I was eager to get out of the office and back where the action was.

And who knows, maybe I'd get lucky and witness a shooting or see a car explode. That would make Morelli come running and put me back in control. I'd show him that I was still living dangerously and definitely not following any of his rules. In my mind I could picture Morelli standing in front of me, and of course, I envisioned myself doing what I did best when I felt defiant: sticking my tongue out at him. Take that Officer Hottie!

"So what scumbag is at the top of the list today?" I asked Lula, casually taking my gun from the cookie jar.

"Girl, you know what today is, don't ya? It's the day we stand up for us middle class folk. Today is the day we take down one of them high class do-gooders that think they're better than the rest of us."

Lula was decked out in her finest spandex ensemble that morning, and judging from the ever so slight grease stain on her overstretched top, I assumed she had eaten breakfast and was raring to go.

"I've got no problem with that," I told her. "Trenton will certainly appreciate one less do-gooder to deal with today."

"Damn skippy," said Lula, grabbing her keys and pushing me toward the door.

As it turned out, the pretentious fool was none other than Herbert Walker III, the black sheep son of Herbert Walker II. Herbert #2 was a class act who had served on the city council for as long as I could remember. Whether it was true or not, he had earned the reputation of an extremely honorable man, though his wife was a woman of questionable morals.

Patsy Walker was a product of the Jersey middle class, having been a classmate of my mother's all throughout high school. With a little wealth and power, though, she had become a major snob, turning her nose up at anything she considered to be common. Her main goals were to attend any and all high society functions, play hostess at numerous cocktail parties, and throw in some occasional charity work to keep her name in the papers.

It also seemed one of her not so favorite past-times was keeping her beloved son, Herbert #3, out of the papers and maintaining the illusion of respectability. Last I had read Herb the Perv was engaged to the daughter of a judge and wasn't actually employed in a real line of work.

"So why was a guy like Herbert bonded out by Vinnie in the first place?" I asked Lula.

"I asked Connie the same thing when I took his file," Lula explained. "And all she said was old Herb didn't want his momma knowing what he had done, and without his momma, he's one broke ass loser. So he called the number of the first bondsman that somebody gave him. I bet Vinnie prob'ly peed his pants when he found out who he was bonding."

I nodded in agreement. I could definitely picture Vinnie nearly peeing his pants.

"And from what Connie says, Herbie offered bribes to just about everybody to keep their mouths shut. That's how come none of this was in the papers or on the news. I bet once we take him back in today, the whole town's gonna be reading about him and what he did. Just goes to show high society fools ain't no better than the rest of us. All that money his family's got, and he's still gonna go FTA."

"Yeah, I'm sure he just expected all of it to go away because of who he is. He obviously forgot that that only happens when he lets mommy in on the secret." People like that made me sick. Seeing him hauled back to the station was certainly going to brighten my day.

"He's gonna be wishing that I'd go away by the time I catch up to him. All I know is I'm hungry, and old Herb better not give me a hard time. I told Tank last night I was going back on my supermodel diet, and I'm starting to feel weak already. I'm just glad I remembered to grab leftovers on the way out."

So with the file in my hand, and Lula behind the wheel, we sped off to find Herb. Turned out to be easier than we thought, because where else was a pampered momma's boy going to be at 11 a.m. on a Tuesday? The golf course at the Trenton Country Club, of course.

Getting into the country club was a bit challenging, but it sure made for a great memory. I still laugh to myself whenever I think of the confrontation between Lula and the guard. Thankfully I was able to hide her purse and keep her gun out of sight or Morelli would've arrived way before he eventually did. But I don't want to get ahead of myself. The Joe part comes later.


	3. Chapter 3

I stood in bewilderment, staring up at the gorgeous chandelier hanging above our heads. A lifetime of Joe's and mine's salaries combined probably wouldn't even pay for that. I had never seen such grandeur, especially if you consider this wasn't even someone's home. And if that weren't depressing enough, a quick trip to the ladies' restroom left me feeling even more inferior. The hand towels were better than any I owned or would probably _ever_ own. The marble flooring was to die for, and the matching countertops shimmered and gleamed in the soft light of the candles all around. Of course while I was drooling, Lula was exploring. It didn't take her long to discover the bidets, which quickly became her favorite topic of conversation for the next hour or so.

"You see that thing?!" she asked. "I need one of those at my place. Imagine how much money I could save on toilet paper. You gotta try it before we leave here. You gotta go poop? Or you could just pee. I'll run some water and see if that'll make you have to go. I feel so fresh and clean. Girl, you're no fun. You don't seem so excited about it."

She was right. I really didn't care to squirt water up my ass. Or anything else for that matter.

Ignoring the gasps and stares as we walked through the clubhouse, we eventually made it out onto the golf course. Lula and I stood amazed at the beauty before us. Flowers of all types were in bloom, and the entire scene was absolutely breathtaking. Never had I seen grass so perfectly green. I stood there wondering how they got rid of all the weeds.

I kept imagining Bob running around and having a hard time finding just the right place to poop. It was difficult enough for him in Morelli's crappy yard. This place would probably be near impossible for him. I imagined that if Bob could talk he'd be as fascinated with the grass as Lula was with the bidet. But thinking about Bob reminded me of Joe, and I started to realize that perhaps this wasn't exactly the place I wanted to show him how in control I was.

Just as I was mentally preparing myself to reign in Lula and handle this as professionally as possible, I spied her flying around the corner in one of the club's golf carts. "Hop in!" she yelled, slowing down just enough for me to jump onto the backseat.

"Slow down," I yelled to her, but she didn't seem to hear me. She was laughing and bouncing and driving that golf cart as fast as it would go. I was busy holding on for dear life and wondering, if we were to tip over, how badly would I be hurt? I mean there weren't any air bags, but then again, I wasn't wearing a seat belt. I imagined myself flying forward and landing in one of the lakes or a bunker. My vote was for water, but let's get real. I'm the type who's going to wind up in the bunker with all that sand. A quick swim versus a week of finding sand stuck in all the cracks and crevices of my body? Yeah, I'm definitely a cracks and crevices kind of girl.

Eventually, though, we came to a screeching halt, and the most damage that seemed to be done was to a few rose bushes that Lula brought along with us. Oh, and let's not forget the beautiful grass that was churned up from about the start of the course to around the fifth or sixth hole.

Let it never be said, though, that Lula can't make an entrance. "Now where is that no good, sorry excuse for a high society man? Who here goes by the name of Herb the Third?" she shouted to a group of men standing around with putters and cigars in their hands.

To say that there was a collective dropping of jaws would be quite an understatement, but one man was composed enough to step forward and admit to being Herbert. Taking us to the side and speaking in a hushed tone (probably in hopes that Lula would follow suit), Herbert inquired as to who we were and what we needed.

"What do we need? We need your skinny butt to come with us to the Trenton P.D., that's what we need," Lula yelled.

Herbert looked pleadingly at me, hoping to appeal to some sense of mercy, I guess. Of course, I'd read his file and knew what he'd done. He'd hired a hooker, and after having his way with her, had decided she was deserving of a pretty severe beating. He wasn't getting any mercy from me. Whether you're a pimp or a prince, you still don't have the right to abuse someone the way this sorry excuse of a human being did. In my mind I saw Lula, bloody and tied to my fire escape, compliments of Benito Ramirez.

Remembering that incident seemed to stir up even more fury inside of me. At that moment, I felt like Joan of Arc. Erin Brockovich. Sally Field as Norma Rae. I was fighting against everything in the world that was wrong. Every injustice felt by man, woman, or child. No matter what color, what age, what religion. I was mad, and sadly for Herbert #3, there was to be no mercy.

I'd like to say that I followed suit with a beautiful soliloquy about the working class vs. the upper/privileged class. That I stood up for that hooker that he tossed aside as a useless object, someone not deserving of the same treatment he would give his beloved fiancée. I'd like to say that my speech was so moving that everyone within earshot applauded and commended me for my brilliantness.

But the truth is, as I stood there with a scowl on my face and my fists clenched, there was only one reaction that came to mind. Okay, two. First and foremost, I, Stephanie Plum, stood up for all of mankind by flipping Herbert the bird. Realizing that a stunned expression wasn't exactly the emotion I wanted from him, I moved on to the second reaction that came to mind. With malice and premeditation, I proceeded to hawk a huge loogey right into his face.

And then I got the reaction from Herbert that I wanted. Wiping frantically at his face, he began cursing at me. "You dumb bitch! Nothing but common trash, no better than that pathetic whore I beat the shit out of. You want some of what she got, you stupid slut?" Then Herbert pushed my shoulders, and I stumbled backward.

The next thing I knew, someone was hitting Herbert upside the head with Lula's purse. Amazing that Lula could be doing that since she was standing there watching us. Oh, wait a minute, that's because it was _me _hitting Herbert in the head with Lula's purse. And how lucky for Herbert that she had just started her model diet. Not only was her very heavy gun in there, but I noted several large t-bone steaks as well. I guess it was turning out to be a good day after all.

At some point I realized that, although my arm was in the process of swinging forward toward Herbert's head, my body was moving backward in the opposite direction. My legs were swinging in the air, and I think I was even growling.

"Stephanie! That's enough! Stephanie, stop it!!" Uh-oh. I knew that voice, and I preferred to hear it whispering sweet nothings and perverse sexual innuendo in my ear instead of yelling angry orders at me.

It was Joe Morelli, and once again, I'd been caught behaving foolishly instead of appearing as the professional I longed for him to believe that I was.


	4. Chapter 4

As I waited quietly in the country club's private garden, I took the time to think back on the day and all that had happened. I thought about Joe and our relationship. I had loved him for so long, but things never seemed to work with him. Why was that? Was it because of Ranger? There was no denying his hotness, but it wasn't just that. I mean for goodness sakes, on a hotness scale of 1 to 10, Joe had scorched right past 10 and was sizzling on up to a class of his own. So if it wasn't Ranger's looks, then what was it?

I used to think it was the fact that Ranger didn't try to control me, but the problem with that was, in a way, _he did_. Being at RangeMan was like being inside a heavily guarded fort. Ranger played bodyguard just as often as Joe did, and when he couldn't do it, one of his Merry Men stepped in to take his place. I knew it was for my own personal safety and not to change who I was as a person, but still, the constant supervision was there, just like with Morelli. And it wasn't as if Joe wanted to own and imprison me. He just wanted to love me, and how incredible is that? Honestly, to have this gorgeous man want to be with me and only me, was a dream come true. I just needed to decide what it was I was looking for in life.

I knew I could never be like my mother or Mrs. Morelli. I knew sitting in a place like the Trenton Country Club that I wasn't looking for a man with a lot of money or power. I wanted a man with honor and morals. I wanted a man who loved me so much that he gulped antacid by the gallons whenever he worried about me. I wanted a man I could depend on at all times, good and bad. It was finally starting to dawn on me that that man had been right in front of me the entire time, but I was too stubborn and foolish to see him.

Okay, so maybe I didn't deserve the extremely high intelligence award I mentioned in reference to Dickie. But none of that mattered now. I finally realized that Joe was the man I wanted. I will always find Ranger attractive, and I respected him as a bounty hunter and someone who could teach me a lot. But it was time for me to grow up and move on with my life and stop this on-again/off-again with Joe. If he was truly the man for me, then we had to start working on this relationship, and I had to stop running away.

I sat there a while longer, thinking and dreaming, when I finally heard the sound of Joe's voice. I felt my pulse quicken, and I had to take in several deep breaths to calm myself down. After all of the thoughts I was just having about this man, and believe me there were some equally naughty ones to go along with the serious ones, I actually felt nervous to see him.

Gorgeous as ever, he had his cop face on, but I thought I detected a hint of a smirk and a smile around his eyes.

"So Cupcake, I see you and Lula have taken to harassing the fine people here at the Trenton Country Club."

"Now wait a minute, Joe. It wasn't my fault! I ..."

It was then that Joe interrupted, full smile on his face. "It never is, Cupcake. It never is." He was laughing now, and I was growing more irritated by the second. Perhaps I was hasty in thinking he was Mr. Right.

I started to speak, but he held up a hand to stop me. "It's okay, Steph. I know what happened, and I know he brought it on himself by shoving you. Granted the spitting part does sound a bit disgusting, but it's still no excuse for him putting his hands on you."

Joe had moved closer to me, still laughing, now twirling one of my curls around his finger. "There are no charges being filed against you, which is why I'm not putting you in cuffs right now." I could tell by the look on his face that the thought of me in handcuffs was getting him turned on.

"I have to admit, though," he continued, "I wouldn't mind taking you home with me and putting you under house arrest for a while."

He began gently caressing my cheek, running his fingertip along my bottom lip. He was being so tender and playful, and at that moment, I realized I couldn't even recall why were on the outs in the first place.

And there it was. I knew right then and there that I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him, kiss him passionately, and spend the rest of the afternoon and evening making love with him. I wanted Rex on his kitchen countertop, I wanted Bob at my feet, and I wanted my toothbrush on one side of the bathroom counter and his on the other. No, it wasn't a romance novel, but it could damn well be close to one. It was as simple as that.

I moved forward quickly, startling him. He stepped aside, thinking I was going to walk out, but I surprised him instead by nearly pouncing on him. All I could think about was having his mouth on mine, and his incredibly sexy body pressed tightly against me. I wanted to feel him next to me, and I didn't want to let go. Our tongues danced passionately with one another, the heat building much more quickly than I expected.

Before I could come to my senses, I was pulling my t-shirt over my head and unbuttoning his jeans. Damn Levi's 501 and all those buttons. What seemed like mere seconds later, my shorts were gone, and I was guiding Joe inside of me, caressing his back, rubbing his arms, feeling every strong muscle flex as he began to move inside of me. It wasn't a lengthy lovemaking session; after all, we were still in the garden at the country club, and I guess technically, Joe was still on duty. But why worry about such minor details when you're in the throes of passion?

We came together, our kisses deepening to help quiet our moans. Lying there with Joe, I realized how happy and content I felt. Okay, so maybe it was a bit foolish to make love in a public place. It was definitely something neither of our mother's would have done, which made it all the more delicious for me. But I knew there was no holding back and waiting for later. I still have that problem to this day, but Joe never complains, so I don't stress about it.

As we lay there beside one another, Joe gently stroking my hair, everything in the world felt right again. Kind of like when you're solving a difficult puzzle, and you finally get that very last piece to fit.

"Mmm," Joe mumbled between kisses. "Your idea completely blows away my house arrest plan. This was way better."

"Just wait 'til I get you home," I whispered, biting down gently on his earlobe. "You ain't seen nothing yet!"

* * *

As life changing as my revelation in the garden was, I haven't even touched on the "dramatic turn" part. You see, it wasn't until a few days after our lustful encounter there that I realized I had forgotten one very important detail. I had spent so much time that day thinking and had made so many important revelations, but I hadn't quite covered all the bases.

I realized that there would always be a part of me that found Ranger sexy, but I knew I would never act upon it again. It was Joe that I loved.

I accepted that loving Joe and being with him didn't mean I would have to be a Burg housewife and become a carbon copy of our mothers. I think I had proven that fact quite well by having my way with Joe there in the garden.

Finally, I admitted to myself that I truly belonged with Joe in Aunt Rose's old house, with Bob and Rex and a half-empty refrigerator. Take-out boxes cluttering the countertops, and clothes strewn every which way, having been discarded wherever we happened to be when the mood hit us.

But the one very important detail that slipped my mind while I was removing my t-shirt and unbuttoning Joe's jeans was that I never once thought about protecting myself. And as it turned out, we didn't just make love that afternoon. We also made a baby.


	5. Chapter 5

As it turned out, I wasn't the only one who had decided it was time to grow up. It seemed that in our time apart, Morelli had also made some changes. Little did I know how difficult they were going to be for me to handle.

Since Lula had split hours before, I was left carless. Seeing as I was headed to his house anyway, it made sense to hitch a ride with Joe. We strolled out toward his POS cop car, hand in hand, and at that moment, I felt as if I could do anything. Amazing how a little bit of great sex can make you feel that way.

I was lost in thought, when I finally realized Joe was speaking.

"Hey, Cupcake, do you mind if we make a quick stop at ShopRite? I didn't realize how late it was, and I had planned to pick up a few things after work."

I was puzzled, but Joe didn't catch the hesitation in my voice. "Sure, no problem. Maybe I'll grab a few things, too."

I sat there quietly in my seat, pondering this latest turn of events. Had Joe just asked if we could stop off at a grocery store? A serious grocery store versus the Quickie Mart two blocks from his house? I'd never known Morelli to shop at ShopRite. What did they have that Quickie Mart didn't?

As we entered the store, I quickly spied the hand baskets and turned to grab one. Just then I spotted Joe, out of the corner of my eye, grabbing a grocery cart. Morelli pushing one of those things just didn't look right. I stood there debating if it made him look a little on the girly side or if it was sexy. Staring at the best ass in Trenton in front of me, though, I concluded that the verdict was definitely sexy. Then my mind trailed to thoughts of later when my hands would be on that sexy ass and ...

"Cupcake, are you even listening to me? I'm trying to find out if you want to grab something for dinner here or make a quick stop at Pino's?"

Grab supper at the grocery store?! Who was this man standing in front of me and what had he done with Morelli? Exactly how long had we been on the outs again?

"Uh, something here is fine," I managed to mumble, as Joe moved forward, and I followed behind. I walked along silently, admiring all the fresh fruits and vegetables and feeling a bit embarrassed that I couldn't remember how long it had been since I'd actually stepped foot inside a true grocery store. And yet, here was Morelli, strolling the aisles, obviously familiar with each and every one. To say I was a bit startled would have been an understatement.

As I walked along, watching Joe toss various items into his basket, I started realizing that I wasn't feeling very well. Maybe it was just hunger. Thanks to Herbert I had missed lunch. And thanks to my libido and Morelli's hot body, I had managed to burn off all of my breakfast calories and probably a few leftover from yesterday. That had to be it. I was just feeling hungry.

"Okay, that should do it, Cupcake." That should do it?! Was he preparing to feed an army? So much for that half-empty refrigerator I was dreaming about.

"Anything you need? I thought you said there were a few things you were going to get?"

"Uh, no, I'm good." Then I started laughing like a drunken hyena. "Stupid me!" I exclaimed, as I did a forehead slap that was just a wee bit harder than necessary. "I stopped by here just last week and stocked up on everything I needed."

I couldn't believe I had just said that. A few hours before I had decided that Joe was the man of my dreams, and I was going to try my best to start our relationship fresh and new. Now, just a few hours into it, I was already lying to him. What was happening? I couldn't breathe, and my stomach was feeling worse. Not to mention, I was angry at Morelli.

Wait a minute. Angry at Joe? For being a ShopRite customer? I realize now how idiotic that sounds, but at the time, it was just so out of character for him and so hard for me to accept. Since when had the Quickie Mart not been enough? I mean, it sold the essentials. Ice cream, chips, beer. There was even a small section that stocked all the necessary toiletries a person could need. Why did Morelli all of a sudden want to shop at ShopRite? When had the two become so close? This was just wrong.

I realized at that point it was time for one of my mental pep talks. "_Okay, relax Stephanie. You're not thinking clearly. It's just a grocery store for Pete's sake. It's a place where normal people go every single day_."

"_But not just normal people_," I thought, as I spied the woman heading down the aisle toward us. Her appearance couldn't have been screaming "_Housewife_!" any louder if she had tried. My stomach rolled, and I let out a loud burp.

"Oops," I giggled nervously, "excuse me."

"Stephanie? Are you alright?" Joe was asking, a puzzled look on his face. "You don't look so good, sweetie."

Sweetie?! Sweetie?! What the hell was happening here? When had Joseph Morelli ever called me sweetie?! That did it! I was going to be sick. Right in front of the express lane at ShopRite. Right in front of Mrs. Housewife and her disapproving glances.

Sure, I knew what she was thinking. With my strange behavior and loud burp, she assumed I was drunk, and that my upstanding, wonderful boyfriend brought me to ShopRite in hopes of buying just the right thing to make it all better. My upstanding, wonderful boyfriend who felt right at home in aisle 7, while I was feeling like a tourist in a foreign country where no one speaks English.

And it was at that exact moment that I decided to let it all out. Well, it wasn't as if I decided to do it, it just kind of came up and out on its own. Sadly, I was standing right next to a display of chocolate candy bars and sweet candy heaven. If that wasn't the most ironic spot for me, Stephanie Plum, to pick to hurl, then I don't know where else would've been better.

I guess I should've been comforted by the fact that because I hadn't eaten since breakfast, there really wasn't that much vomit everywhere. But the humiliation I felt was absolutely awful. How had this day gone to hell so quickly?

Mrs. Housewife shook her head in disgust, the bag boy let out a loud sigh, and the gum-smacking cashier called for backup.

"Don't worry about it, honey," she said to me soothingly. "It happens all the time around here. Just not usually on a Tuesday night." Ewww, I didn't need to know that.

Joe was at my side instantly with a few paper towels and a bottle of water, feeling my forehead, and trying his best not to look so worried. "Come on Steph, let me help you out to the car."

"No, honestly, I'm fine. Go ahead and checkout. I'll just wait for you right over there by the candy machines."

"Okay, I'll do self scan. It'll be faster. You know how it is when you get a cashier who wants to talk."

I think I was hyperventilating by then. No, I didn't know how it was, and I guess the bigger question was, why did Morelli?

He had already made his way over to the self checkout lane and was quickly scanning his groceries. He was doing it so quickly, like he'd done it a million times before. It was then that another wave of nausea struck. I rested my head on top of a candy machine and closed my eyes. I just wanted to get out of there. I wanted this to be over. I took several deep breaths while giving myself another mental pep talk. "_You can do this, Stephanie. You're not this pathetic_." A few more deep breaths and I felt good to go.

That is, until I lifted my head to see Morelli swiping his debit card and keying in his pin number. I was literally about to explode. Debit card?! What happened to the days of cash only? Joe didn't use a debit card. Joe didn't want to balance a checkbook.

My hand was covering my mouth as Joe was walking towards me, that look of concern back on his face. Oh dear Lord, I could only imagine what surprises were in store for me when we got to his house.


	6. Chapter 6

After what seemed like the longest ride of my life, we finally made it to Morelli's house, and I was already starting to feel better. I told myself it had been the stale air inside ShopRite that made me ill. I chose to believe that rather than accept the notion that I might have some sort of mental issue going on up there. Otherwise, why on earth would a mere grocery store outing with Morelli produce such a strong physical reaction?

Truth was, I knew why. That first outing at ShopRite was the start of our life as a domestic couple. I think deep down I sensed that, and I was fighting it tooth and nail. I was ready to accept Morelli as my steady guy. I was even ready to give up my apartment permanently to move in with him. I just didn't want to embrace the day-to-day activities that a married or committed couple do together. Like grocery shopping, planning a budget, or color coordinating your clothes to match.

At least one thought made me feel better. Morelli hadn't pulled coupons out of his pocket at the self scan checkout, and he didn't seem to be openly comparing prices or reading nutrition labels. Things were improving already.

After grabbing all the bags to avoid a second trip, Morelli and I sauntered up to the front door. I could hear Bob inside, scratching and whining, and I realized how happy I was to be home. Bob bounded out the door, stopped a few seconds for some hugs and kisses, than quickly took care of business right in the middle of the lawn.

"I'll get that, Cupcake. Your stomach may not be fully recovered, and the last thing you need right now is to smell the Bob special."

At that point I made a mental note to myself: the occasional upset stomach and vomiting could be used to my advantage. Little did I know how soon I was actually going to be using that.

I told myself I should feel guilty for thinking such things, but truth was, I didn't really care. I had more pressing thoughts on my mind. Like food, and what exactly had Morelli bought for us to eat. Turns out we were making our own sub sandwiches. Hmm, not bad at all. No serious pots and pans required, no strenuous cleanup afterward. Okay, I had obviously overreacted.

Morelli flipped on the television, turned it to a game, and set our plates and napkins down on the table. "Oh, Cupcake, would you mind grabbing two drinks from the fridge?"

"No problem, your majesty," I teased. A cold beer was definitely going to hit the spot. I could literally taste it hitting my mouth as I was opening the door to the refrigerator.

I peeked inside and was floored to see that there wasn't any beer. What the hell? We just came from the grocery store, and Mr. ShopRite over there forgot to get more? But hang on a second. There was something in the back, something in a can. Omigod, my eyes had to have been deceiving me. I just knew I wasn't staring down a six pack of Diet Coke. And just like that, the nausea was back. I literally slammed the refrigerator shut and hurried back to the couch.

"Where're the drinks?" Joe asked, his mouth full of food.

"There weren't any. Nothing," I stammered.

Morelli hopped up, walked over to the fridge, and did the unthinkable. He reached in and grabbed two cans of diet soda. The shock, the horror, the feeling you get when you have an out-of-body experience was the best way to describe it. What was he thinking? Who had he become? Air, I needed air. I couldn't breathe.

"_Okay, get a grip_," I thought to myself. "_Imagine that you're watching him pop open a beer can_." But no matter how hard I squinted my eyes and pretended to make it right, those diet soda cans just weren't going away.

"Stephanie, what on earth is wrong with you?" he asked, in a beyond frustrated tone.

"It's just, just, that you're, you're drinking diet soda. Where's the beer? You always drink beer. Beer is what you drink. It's what we drink at your house," I managed to spit out, somewhat coherently.

"Jeez, Steph, you're freaking out this much over a can of diet soda? You have issues, sweetie," Joe said, while simultaneously patting me on my head.

That was it. I couldn't take it any longer. I rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked myself in. "Breathe, breathe, breathe," was all I kept telling myself.

Not long after that I heard footsteps coming down the hall.

"Cupcake, I'm sorry. I was only playing with you. I know you don't have issues." How he said that without laughing, I'll never know, but it's one of the main reasons I love him so much. That he could tell such a bold-faced lie and make it seem so true, just to spare my feelings, made him all the more wonderful to me. All I can say is you just have to love a man like that. They're perfect to have around, especially when you need to know if you look fat in something or not.

"I'm sorry, Joe," I whispered, as I opened the bathroom door. "It's just you've made so many changes, and I guess I felt a bit overwhelmed."

Next thing I knew, Joe's arms were wrapped around me, and he was kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back. "It's okay, Cupcake. I'm still me. I just decided it was time to stop drinking so much beer. I'm getting older, you know. It's not good for me to drink so much. But it's not like I've given it up completely. We'll still share plenty of beers together. I promise."

Staring into those gorgeous brown eyes, my heart just seemed to melt. And just like that, all the emotions I'd been feeling since we left the country club spilled over and out into the open. Along with a good amount of tears and a bit of snot from my runny nose.

"I'm sorry I'm acting so stupid," I said with a sniffle. "Seeing you at ShopRite, pushing one of those carts and buying a lot of groceries all at one time, it was just hard to handle." I blew my nose. "And then you had a debit card, and now you're drinking diet soda." I started crying again, but Joe was great. He just let me cry it out, holding me, caressing me, never saying a judgmental word.

"It's okay to feel this way, Steph. It really is." His voice was so soothing, and I was starting to feel better already. He lifted my chin, so I was forced to stare into his eyes. "I just think it's time for me to grow up a little bit. That's all. Most people don't buy all their groceries at a convenience store. Most people have a checking account and don't drink beer with every single meal. I'm still the same person, Cupcake. I still love you just as much as I did before. You know that, right?"

At that point, words no longer seemed necessary. I proceeded to let my lips, tongue, and other parts of my body speak for me. Joe was definitely the man for me, and I was determined to show him exactly how much I loved him, too.

"Remember when I promised you at the country club that you hadn't seen anything yet?" I whispered seductively into his ear. "Well, now it's time for me to show you some more." I began unbuttoning his shirt, leaving a trail of kisses along the way. Taking him by the hand, I led him into the bedroom and proceeded to fulfill every fantasy I had imagined earlier.

* * *

At around eleven o'clock that night, Joe and I emerged from the bedroom and made our way back downstairs. We snuggled closely on the couch, eating our freshly made subs - Bob had apparently enjoyed the ones we left sitting out earlier - and drinking our cans of diet soda.

"I never imagined, twelve hours earlier today, that I be would be back in your life, back in your house, and back in your bed. But I'm so glad that I am," I confessed to Joe, hugging him as close to me as I could.

We stayed that way for a few moments before Joe pulled back to stare at me. The expression he wore was so serious. I could see the emotion in his face, and I have to admit I was a bit scared to hear what he was about to say.

It was easy to hear him since we were snuggled so close together, but when he finally spoke, it was barely above a whisper. "I always knew you'd be back, Cupcake. I wasn't sure it would be today, but I knew it would happen." He leaned over and kissed my lips tenderly, staring deeply into my eyes after he pulled away. "I knew, Stephanie, because we're soul mates. We're meant for one another, and I promise never to run you off again. No matter what it takes, no matter how hard we have to work at this, we have to stop pushing each other away. You're my world, Steph. I've been lost without you, and I don't want to go through this anymore."

Joe was holding my hands, kissing them softly, and right then and there, I knew I wanted to be part of a couple. I would go grocery shopping with Joe the very next morning if that was what he wanted. Hell, I'd open my own checking account, and we could waste an entire afternoon writing a budget. I'd even wear a navy blue t-shirt and jeans on the same day that he wore his. I'd been so silly to be scared of such minor things. What mattered most was the love that we shared and the fact that we wanted to make this work.


	7. Chapter 7

As I mentioned earlier, it had taken a few days for it to dawn on me that Joe and I had been having some extremely hot and incredible unprotected sex since getting back together. The sad thing is I'm not sure exactly how long it would have taken me to remember if I hadn't found my nearly complete pack of birth control pills in Joe's bedside table drawer.

I was lying in bed, watching television, when I had a severe attack of the munchies. Feeling vertically challenged at the moment, I decided that going downstairs in search of food would take too much effort. And I had hoped that since I always stashed a few snacks in the table by my bed, maybe Joe did the same thing.

So I opened the drawer, rummaging through the contents in hopes of finding something. I would have even settled for a lousy stick of gum. But there was just a scrunchy, a travel pack of tissues, my favorite tube of lipstick that I'd been looking for everywhere, and my birth control pills. "_Oh shit_," I thought. I'd found my birth control pills. That was the pack I had been on about three months before, and there were only two pills missing. Double shit. How on earth had I forgotten birth control? I wasn't some sex-crazed, hormonally challenged teenager. I knew better than that. Or at least I liked to tell myself I did.

But none of that mattered now. I'd just have to get Morelli to wear a condom from this point forward. I couldn't start taking the pills again just in case a baby Morelli was already in the works. But as soon as my period came, I decided I'd start back on the pill. And I made a promise to God that if he would make sure I wasn't pregnant, I'd never skip a pill again.

In the meantime, what was done was done, so I decided to do what I did best. Denial, meet Stephanie. Stephanie, meet Denial. That's right. I pushed all thoughts of a potential baby out of my mind. Because we all know that if you just don't think about something, it won't come true. That philosophy had worked at least a few times for me in the past, so why not try it again?

I was doing quite well living in Denialville, until my former best friend Mary Lou changed all of that. Okay, I exaggerate. She wasn't my former best friend. It's just that she made me so mad that day, shattering my ignorant bliss. But don't worry, I totally forgave her, and Joe and I even decided that she would be Squishy's godmother. So it all worked out in the end.

By the way, Squishy is the nickname we've given the baby. I decided before the sonogram I didn't want to know the sex, but we did discover that he or she kind of had a squishy looking face. I haven't admitted this to Joe, but I sure hope it doesn't look like that when it comes out. I know that's a silly thing to be scared of, but I can't help myself. We've seen all ten fingers and ten toes. There's a head, two arms, and two legs. In fact, it appears he or she is developing perfectly. Strong heartbeat? Check. Lungs developing the way they're supposed to? Check. The parts that make it either a he or she are present and accounted for? Check. But even though all of that was confirmed for us, the sonogram technician never once said anything after Joe and I said the face looked squished. I mean, come on. First time mother here! Would it have hurt to have reassured me and let me know that all babies looked that way? You would think it would be a given to say something, but nope, not a word. She just laughed and kept writing notes in my chart. Maybe she was writing down that we knew beforehand the baby was squished so we couldn't claim negligence and sue.

But enough of all of that. I'm stressing myself out, and that's not good for Squishy. Perhaps Joe and I need to come up with something else to call the baby now that I think about it. Squishy doesn't sound quite so cute any more. In fact, it sounds sort of gross and not at all romantic. After all, if you can manage to block out the whole labor and delivery aspect of pregnancy, the thought of having a baby is really quite sexy. When I walk around with Joe and my big belly that shows everyone he's mine, and it's because of him that I'm so adorably big in the middle.

Did I just write adorably big in the middle? I didn't mean that. I'm huge. I truly am as big as a whale. When I lay sideways, I take up most of the bed. I woke up the other morning and caught Joe hanging onto the side just so he wouldn't fall off. I try to tell myself I'm not fat and that it's all baby, but sometimes I have a hard time believing that. Joe absolutely loves my belly though. I know this is what he's always dreamt of, and being able to give him a child more than makes up for my temporary fatness.

Speaking of Joe, he's really been enjoying me being pregnant. He's become obsessed with feeding me these past few months and making sure I'm eating a well balanced diet and getting the proper nutrients that our little Super Baby needs. I thought I'd try out that nickname for a while instead of Squishy. After all, with Wonder Woman for its mommy and Superman for its daddy, Super Baby definitely fits.

Anyway, I made it perfectly clear that I had absolutely no problems eating healthy, as long as I didn't have to cook it and Joe kept his mouth shut when it came time for dessert. I don't want to hear how many calories I'm about to consume or see any looks of disapproval on his face. If so much as a single negative word or sound passes through his lips, than I get to pick whether I want a foot rub or back massage for a full thirty minutes. I thought that was a fair deal, and Joe agreed.

You see, we've been learning how to compromise with one another, and it's made our relationship so much stronger. Though I do have to admit that I'm usually the one right now who's getting my way. I know I should be ashamed that I use Super Baby to my advantage, but why not? I'm the one, after all, who has to carry the baby, putting my body through all these physical changes, not to mention the whole childbirth thing I still have to look forward to - which I'm trying really hard not to think about right now, so I'm not going to delve any further into that.

And what has Joe had to do throughout all of this? Well, let's see. He had the pleasure of participating in some rather incredible, mind-blowing sex, which resulted in the creation of Super Baby. He's gone with me to the doctor a few times. He's been shopping with me for baby furniture and has helped set up the nursery. He does cook more than he used to, but since he's eating it, too, I don't think that should really count. But most importantly, he still gets to look hot and sexy and skinny, while I get bigger by the hour.

So in my opinion, I deserve to have everything my way, and Joe agrees. One time, in the beginning of the pregnancy, he actually thought about disagreeing, but it didn't take long for him to start seeing things from my perspective.

But back to my story. I know I promised to get to Mary Lou, and I will. But I think I'll keep writing in chronological order and share with you what happened the morning after that fateful Tuesday.


	8. Chapter 8

The following morning I woke up in my favorite position - my back facing Morelli and something poking me in the ribs. Lucky for us we both had time for a little morning fun, so we spent the next hour engaging in more mind-numbing sex. I somewhat subtly reminded Joe that I'd really been missing the "lizard" the past few months, and to my repeated pleasure, he was more than willing to follow suit with some of his terrific tongue action.

We finally made it out of bed and into the shower, but Joe's naked, soapy body brought to mind some pretty dirty thoughts, and there was no way I wasn't acting them out. That was fine with him, because it was obviously more important for him to make certain my breasts were extremely clean versus making it to work on time.

Eventually we made our way to the kitchen and to our much needed morning cup of coffee.

"So, what are your plans today, Cupcake?" Joe asked, glancing up from the paper.

"Just work during the day, but I'm hoping for some incredibly kinky sex tonight," I answered, planting kisses on the back of his neck.

"I think that can easily be arranged," he said with a grin, turning me around and pulling me down onto his lap. "How kinky are we talking?"

"Did you happen to get any whipped cream while we were at ShopRite last night?" I whispered into his ear.

I started licking Morelli's earlobe and blowing softly in his ear, managing to get the button on his pants undone and his zipper down. In an instant, he was on his feet, and I was backed against the kitchen wall.

"Whipped cream, huh? So you want to be a naughty girl, do you?"

In a flash, my shirt was gone, as well as my bra, and Morelli had his mouth on one nipple while his fingers were pleasuring the other. Joe managed to pull himself away from my breast long enough to ask, "And where exactly do you want me to put that whipped cream?"

He went back to sucking on my nipple, but his fingers had moved south and were working their way inside my shorts and panties. He had found that magical spot, and I was on the verge of another delicious orgasm when the doorbell rang.

"Just ignore it. Whoever it is will go away," Joe groaned. But of course, they weren't. Bob was barking, the doorbell was still ringing, and I could hear Mrs. Morelli saying that Joseph had to be there because his police car was still parked in the driveway.

"Shit!" we both said at once, as I scrambled for my bra and shirt, while Joe adjusted himself and zipped up his pants. "I can't answer the door like this," Joe said, pointing toward his crotch.

"No! This isn't fair!" There was no way on earth I was opening the door and facing Angie Morelli.

"I can't either," I stated matter-of-factly, pointing at my breasts. "See, my nipples are hard, and they're showing through my shirt. That's just as bad."

"Cupcake, you know good and well it's not the same. Give me a second, and I'll be out there to rescue you."

"Fine," I said with a pout. "But you're going to owe me big time. We're talking serious sexual pleasuring tonight."

"Mrs. Morelli, how good to see you," I exclaimed, in the most sincere sounding voice I could muster. As Mrs. Morelli walked through the doorway, I saw who it was we had heard her talking to. My arms went numb, and it took all the strength I could muster just to close the door behind them.

"And Grandma Bella, you're looking lovely today."

Grandma Bella wasn't having any of it. "Back in my grandson's bed again, are we now? Joseph, Joseph, Joseph. When are you ever going to learn?"

"How nice to see you, Ma," said Joe, kissing his mother on the cheek. "And you're looking rather ornery today, Grandma Bella. What has you in such a fine mood this beautiful morning?"

Mrs. Morelli smiled at me and patted my arm. "It's so good to see you again, Stephanie. How have you been? I didn't realize you and Joseph were back together. I brought fresh muffins from People's for you, Joseph."

"Thanks, Ma, but you really don't have to do this all the time," said Joe, placing the bag on the kitchen counter. "I hate for you to go out of your way just for me."

"Don't be silly, Joseph. You know good and well I don't mind a bit. Plus it gives me a chance to see how you're doing and remind you of things that I know you've forgotten. Like you promised to come to dinner tomorrow night. And you'll come, too, won't you, Stephanie?"

While Mrs. Morelli had been speaking, I had been dreaming about the muffins from People's. I had no clue what she was saying, but I heard my name, so I automatically responded with, "Sure."

"Wonderful! And you know, I've been thinking. All this time that you and Joseph have been together, our families have never sat down to dinner with one another. I'm going to call your mother when I get home and invite your parents to join us. Oh, and isn't your grandmother still living with them? There's certainly plenty of room for her at the table, too."

I was smiling and nodding yes, but I was saying, "No, no. Please don't put yourself out like that. That's too much. Really."

I turned to Joe, pleading with my eyes for him to step in and put an end to this, but he just smiled and said, "That sounds like fun. Great idea, Ma."

I couldn't believe he had just said that. Big fat rat fink! And though there was a smile on my face, I was shooting imaginary daggers at Joe with my eyes.

"Yes, don't be silly, Stephanie. It's no trouble at all," Mrs. Morelli assured me, patting my cheek. "Seven o'clock sharp. Don't be late."

Though Grandma Bella had stayed silent the entire time, she was watching me like a hawk and was obviously enjoying my discomfort. "Don't forget, Stephanie. I see things," and with that, they were gone.

"You are so going to pay for this," I said to Joe. "I can't believe you said that! Grandma Mazur eating supper with your mother? What are you thinking?"

"Free entertainment, Cupcake. After all, there's no game on tomorrow night," Joe said, laughing and dodging pieces of blueberry muffin I was throwing at him. "My mother in the same room with your Grandma? I know people who'd pay to be at that table tomorrow night."

"You're sick, Joseph Morelli. Absolutely sick," I exclaimed. I fought off the urge to stick out my tongue and instead decided to do something else with it. No matter how mad I thought I was, it wasn't enough to make me forget what we'd been doing before the bell rang.


	9. Chapter 9

As soon as Morelli was out the door for work, I was running to the phone to call my mother.

"Come on, come on. Pick up, pick up."

"Hello?"

"Hey mom, it's me, Steph. Listen, I just wanted to warn you that Joe's mom is going to be calling to invite you and Dad and Grandma for supper tomorrow night. Just tell her you can't make it."

"Why on earth would I do that, Stephanie? Imagine what people would think of me if I turned down a social invitation from Angie Morelli?"

Shit. I should've known my mother would think of it like that. "It's okay, mom. People won't care. Just make up some plans and then actually go do them. Who wouldn't understand that?"

"Stephanie, I think you're overreacting. Besides, I've already spoken with Angie and graciously accepted. And I told her I'd bring a pineapple upside-down cake."

Nooo! This wasn't happening. What had I done to deserve this? Why was God punishing me? I tried so hard to be a good girl, and it wasn't as if I was all that bad. It just wasn't fair.

I looked down and realized that I was stamping my feet and that my mother was still on the phone.

"Fine, but do me a favor and don't tell Grandma. We'll find someone to take her tomorrow night. Maybe there's a viewing she's already made plans to go to."

"Stephanie, I'm not thrilled with the prospect of your grandmother misbehaving, but what was I to do? Angie specifically invited her to come along, and how would it look if I said no? To have the entire Burg know that I had insulted Angie Morelli, well, that just wouldn't do. Besides, when did you get back together with Joe? Last I heard you were your own woman and didn't need a man to make you happy."

"Yes, I know, mom, and I still don't need a man to make me happy. I just happen to like it when Joe does. Anyway, I have to go. Just consider maybe slipping Grandma some kind of sedative or something before you leave for Mrs. Morelli's tomorrow night, okay?"

Damn! The day had started out with such potential, compliments of a Morelli-induced orgasm, and now this was what I had to look forward to. On the bright side, though, Joe had left me the key to the Ducati in case of an emergency since I didn't have my car at his place. Oh yeah, baby! Maybe the day wasn't a complete loss after all.

At that point, I made another mental note to myself: Giving Joe a blow job first thing in the morning definitely resulted in some nice perks later on in the day.

Okay, I needed to get my thoughts in order. First things first, I had to call RangeMan and let them know I wouldn't be coming in to work that day or the next. I had too much on my mind to face Ranger and deal with that situation. I would take care of that after I survived dinner with Mrs. Morelli. And Grandma Bella. And Grandma Mazur. Oh boy.

That being settled, it was time to ride over to my place and pack up a few things. Fortunately for Rex, I had remembered to call Dillon before we left the country club and asked if he would mind checking on him and making sure he had food and water. I felt quite proud of myself for doing that. If the day ever came that I did decide to take the plunge and have a baby with Morelli, perhaps I wouldn't be such a bad mother after all. Of course I wouldn't be able to leave a baby in a cage on a countertop for hours upon end, so just maybe I needed to rethink that. But again, I decided to do that later.

As I was grabbing the key to the Ducati and heading towards the door, it dawned on me that there was just one problem with riding over to my apartment to pack. It meant I was going to have to leave the bike there, load up my car, bring all my stuff over here, then drive back to get the Ducati. And we all know if Morelli happened to be out and about and saw his Duc sitting in the parking lot of my apartment complex, unattended, he'd have a complete and total shitfit. That Ducati was Morelli's baby, and I knew better than to let anything happen to it.

"Fine," I thought to myself. "I'll save the Ducati outing for later, and call Lula for a ride instead." Hopefully she wouldn't want help with another skip.


	10. Chapter 10

Bob and I were out front waiting for Lula when I heard the sound and felt the booming vibrations of a car stereo's bass coming from about two blocks away.

"Here comes Auntie Lula," I told Bob. Sure enough, minutes later, there was Lula coming down the street.

"So you back with Officer Hottie, huh?" she asked, stepping out of the car. "I knew you couldn't stay away from that man. You got it bad for him, and you know it."

"No more than you have it bad for Tank. Am I right?" I said teasingly.

Lula laughed so loud that I jumped back about a foot. "You got that right. Tank is the bee's knees. The cat's meow. He's the cherry on top and all that shit."

I held up a hand to stop Lula from going any further. "I get it, I get it. And yes, I've got it bad for Morelli." I let out a big sigh, "Way bad."

"Girl, you know what your problem is? You think too much. Stop thinking and just live. Be happy for whatcha got and have fun with it. That's all I'm saying."

And that was why Lula was one of my best friends. She didn't mince words and just said it like it was. And amazingly, she was always pretty much right on the mark. She's the perfect example of not judging a book by its cover.

"So you gonna bring all your girly stuff over here and pretty up the place? Whatcha gonna do with your apartment?"

"Give it up. I'm committed to making this work with Joe, and when we're together, we're never over there. So, why pay rent on an empty place?"

"Well, listen here. I don't mind helping you pack and all, if you don't mind helping me."

"Lula," I whined. "I told you on the phone I didn't want to help with any skips today." I should have known she was going to do this.

"I know. I know. But this one ain't bad at all. It won't take more than twenty minutes I bet. Come on. And the best part is we can get the little turd in cuffs and eat lunch all in the same place."

"Why, where does he work?"

"That pizza place for kids. Uh, Chester Cheezy or something like that."

"We're picking him up while he's at work in front of a bunch of kids? I don't know if that's such a good idea, Lula?" I asked cautiously. "You know how things often go wrong for us."

"Nah, you worry too much, girl. Ain't nothing gonna go wrong. I got a good feeling about this one," Lula stated matter-of-factly.

"And what makes this one any different from all the others?" I asked doubtfully.

"I dunno. I just figure we're due for something to go right, that's all."

"Fine." I was tired of arguing. Besides, I was hungry, and cheesy pizza for lunch sounded good. "What's his name?"

"Manny Bianchi or however you say it," Lula said, reading off the file.

"What'd he do?" I asked hesitantly. I wasn't so sure I wanted to know.

"Says here he sold some dope to some kids, and it was like way too close to their school."

"Well, there's a winner for you. Even better that his job involves him working around kids." I was shaking my head in disbelief at how pathetic some people were.

"Okay, Bob, be a good boy while I'm gone. Mommy'll be back soon," I reassured him, trying not to shut the door on his nose.

"Girl, you do got it bad," Lula snorted.

"Shut up, and drive," I told her. "And if you tell anyone I said that, I'll gas you."

* * *

About fifteen minutes later, we had arrived at Chester Cheezy and were shocked to see so many cars in the parking lot. "Why on earth are there so many people here at 10 o'clock on a Wednesday morning?" I wondered aloud.

"They have those birthday parties here and shit. Kids like to celebrate, too, you know."

"Well, why aren't they in school?" I really didn't want to be around any kids. I told myself it was because I didn't want to risk the chance of us traumatizing them, but anyone who knows me, knows the truth. Kids scare the hell out of me.

"You sure you ain't a blonde? You act ditzy sometimes, y'know. There's so many kids here cuz it's summertime, and they ain't in school."

"That's right. Well, whatever. Let's just get this over with. And Lula, please remember that because there are kids around, we want to try to not make a scene. Better yet, why don't you let me handle this just to be on the safe side." I was determined to prove to myself that we could actually apprehend a skip without a single problem. It's better to be a blind optimist, in my opinion, than a realistic pessimist.

"I ain't got no problems with that. You know more about apprehending than I do, missy."

Lula and I walked to the front door, and I took a deep breath and said a prayer before walking inside. Entering Chester Cheezy was like opening the door to a whole new world. One I didn't like a whole lot. There were kids everywhere. I'd never seen so many short people gathered together in one small place. They were running and screaming and jumping, and it was sheer chaos and mayhem every which way you looked.

We started to walk toward the counter, but some teenaged kid in a stripy vest stopped us before we could. "Are you here for a party?" he asked in a monotone voice.

"Not exactly," I said with a laugh.

"That's cool. But I still gotta stamp your hand."

"Stamp my hand for what?" I asked. "It's too early in the day to drink."

"No, it's to make sure that when you leave, your kid's number matches yours." The guy was adjusting some little dohickie and pressing it down on an ink pad.

"Umm, in case you haven't noticed, I don't have a kid with me." I shook my head in disbelief and rolled my eyes. What a dumb ass.

"Well, it's to also make sure that you don't try to leave with a kid that belongs to someone else."

At that I started to laugh. "Oh, I see. I get it. It's okay. You don't have to worry about that. I'm pretty sure I hate kids. You couldn't pay me to take one of these snot-nosed brats home with me."

Oops. I must have said that too loudly, because all of the mothers at the cash register turned around and gave me the evil eye.

"Just kidding," I laughed and gave them all my little finger wave. "I didn't mean _your_ kids. I'm sure they're the cute ones. Now probably one of yours I'd be tempted to snatch up and take home." Oh shit. What in the hell was I saying?

"Uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you," Mr. Einstein with the stamper advised. "Just let me stamp your hand, and you can come in."

"Good going, Blondie," said Lula, laughing hysterically. "That's my new name for you. Blondie."

"Never mind that. Let's just find Manny and get the hell out of here. This place is making me nervous. I think I'm starting to break out in hives." I stared down at my arm and couldn't resist scratching.

We finally found someone who wasn't hiding in the backroom who could help us. Believe me, I think if I had to work there, I'd be hiding out, too. I wouldn't just be hiding, though. I'd be drinking. And it wouldn't be diet soda.

Anyway, after checking with several other employees, it was eventually determined that Manny was the one in the Chester Cheezy costume. We were pointed toward the back of the restaurant, and sure enough, there he was, dressed in this huge oversized costume singing a birthday tune to some little kid who was looking like what I probably did the night before at ShopRite.

So we walked to the back of the restaurant, and I started to ask Lula if she had her handcuffs with her. I turned around, but there was no Lula. I finally spotted her sitting next to some kid at the party table. She was singing "Happy Birthday" along with them and smiling for the camera. I bet mommy was going to have a fun time explaining to everyone who that was she invited to little Billy's birthday.

I couldn't help but to start laughing. It was just such a great scene and so typical of something that would happen to us. At least a job like this wasn't going to require Morelli backup. I could take Chester Cheezy, piece of cake.

It seemed like it took me forever to get to Lula's table. Kids were running in front of me, knocking into me, pushing me. I was trying to make my way through, and I slipped on some little round balls. Crap was everywhere, and all I knew was I needed to get out of there and fast!

"Lula, why are you eating cake? Remember Manny? We have a job to do here!" I couldn't believe it. Well, actually I could. This was Lula I was talking about.

"I know, I know. I just can't help it. That supermodel diet is getting to me. You don't know how hard it is to give up sweets. I just gotta have a little," exclaimed Lula, cake crumbs falling out of her mouth.

"Fine. Enjoy yourself, but give me your cuffs. I'm going to get this guy so we can hurry up and get out of here. And you can forget about eating lunch here. We'll go to the mall instead. I'm sure Macy's is having a sale on shoes, so we can do some shopping afterwards."

I turned toward Manny and tried to grab him by the arm, but there were too many kids in my way. I took a quick peek around to make sure no one was looking, and when the coast was clear, I pushed a few out of the way. "Hey, you meanie. Stop it," one of them yelled.

Finally, there was Manny. I grabbed him by the arm and proceeded to try to cuff him, when I realized it wasn't going to fit around that huge costume. At the same time, Manny realized what I was doing, and he yelled out, "What the hell?!"

All of a sudden the room was quiet, and as I looked around, all I could see was mom's with their hands covering their kids' ears. I smiled a nervous smile and turned back to Chester, uh Manny. Too bad for me he realized what was up, and he was trying to make a getaway.

I hadn't come all that way and endured all this torture for nothing, though, so I lunged toward him. We fell to the ground, wrestling one another, me still trying to cuff him, and him still trying to escape.

Kids were screaming, some were crying, a few of them came over and started kicking us and laughing. Next thing I knew we were being pelted with those round plastic balls. "Ow," I yelled. "Stop it!" I looked up just in time to see some kid stick his tongue out at me and run away. "You need to learn some manners, you little punk," I yelled after him.

By this point I had managed to pin Manny's arm behind his back, but he was still struggling pretty hard. Thankfully he appeared to be rather scrawny, but the costume was so big and bulky that it was starting to look like a helpless situation.

I scanned the crowd for Lula, and there she was, still devouring cake and watching the whole thing with a big grin on her face. "Aren't you going to help me over here?!" I yelled.

She just kept eating and laughing. "Nah, you look like you got it under control. Remember, you was gonna handle things cuz you was trying to do it all on the safe side."

"Fine!" I yelled. "Be that way." I went back to fighting Manny, while the manager finally arrived on the scene. "It's okay kids. Everything is just fine. Chester's just playing a new game he's learned, that's all. Let's get back to the party."

"This is ridiculous!" I heard one of the mother's yell. "If you're not going to do anything about this, I will!"

The events seemed to play out in slow motion as I watched the mom grab the fire extinguisher from the wall and then proceed to blast white foam all over Manny and me. "You obviously have problems, lady. Maybe this will cool you off!"

The manager was trying to grab the fire extinguisher from her, employees were trying to pull me off of Manny, and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Carl Costanza and Big Dog walking toward us. Shit! That meant only one thing.

Morelli wouldn't be far behind.

I finally relinquished my grip, and Big Dog grabbed hold of Manny. I was covered in foam from the fire extinguisher, so I was slipping and sliding everywhere. And just as I started toward Carl, I spotted Joe. He was trying to work his way through the crowd of screaming kids, but several of them had attached themselves to his legs. He was just kind of dragging them along, inching toward me very slowly. Though my vision was pretty blurred because of all the foam in my eyes, I could still make out the huge grin plastered on his face. Great. It looked like _**I**_ was going to be his entertainment for the day.

* * *

A few hours later, we were once again walking hand in hand to Joe's POS cop car. Joe was about to open the door for me, when he stopped and looked me in the eye. Though I had tried to clean up in the employee's bathroom (all of the moms had refused to let me use the ladies restroom), there were still tell-tale signs of foam in my hair, on my clothes, and squished in my shoes. I knew I had to have been a ridiculous sight, and I just kept thinking how embarrassing it must be for Joe to have to deal with a girlfriend like this. I wondered what he was thinking, and I felt my cheeks turning red under his gaze.

"So let me ask you, Steph. On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you think that apprehension went for you today?" Then he started laughing and hugged me to him.

"It's never a dull moment with you, Cupcake. That's why I love you so much. What say we go pack up your apartment and get Rex? And I can help you get all nice and clean while we're there." He flashed me a sexy smile, kissed me on the nose, and opened the door so I could get in. He went around to the driver's side, got in, and proceeded to start the engine.

"Oh, and just in case you were wondering. It appears that if we ever do have children, their mother will never be allowed to bring them to Chester Cheezy. You've been banned for life, as well as from their sister companies, Monster Island Mini Golf and Bounce Bonanza."

Never a dull moment with me, indeed!


	11. Chapter 11

Try as I might, I couldn't stop Thursday night from arriving. Joe was in the bathroom getting dressed, and I was standing there admiring him in all his manly glory.

"We could be a little late, you know?" He smiled at me devilishly.

"No! You saw your mother. She patted my cheek and said 'Don't be late' in that tone that only mother's use. There is absolutely no way we're not showing up on time."

I was struggling to get into my panty hose, when just then my fingernail snagged on them, causing a huge run up and down the length of the leg. "Shit, that's my only pair!" I shouted out.

"Why are you so worked up about this?" Joe asked, wiping toothpaste off his mouth. "It's really nothing to get yourself so stressed out about."

"That's easy for you to say. No one's going to gang up on you. Everyone just loves Joe. Joe the perfect son. Joe the respectable cop. Joe the ..."

Morelli reached over and grabbed me close to him, squeezing me tight. "Just stop, Cupcake. Take a deep breath and relax." He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and took me by the hand, leading me down the stairs.

"You want to ride over on the bike? We can find some pretty kinky things to do on it after all of this is over."

He winked playfully at me and tried lifting up my skirt. "I knew I was going to find panties. Oh, wait a minute. That's a thong. You _are_ a naughty girl tonight."

Next thing I knew my tongue was in his mouth, and his hand was creeping up my top.

"Stop it, Joe. We have to go!" I said in a snit. "And not on the Ducati! It took me forever to get my hair like this."

"Alright, alright. Let's just get this over with," Joe said exasperated, his hand on the small of my back, leading me out the door.

* * *

"What a lovely home you have Angie," my mother said, clasping Mrs. Morelli's hand. "Thank you so much for inviting us to join you for dinner tonight. This is such a treat."

"I'm just sorry we haven't done this before now," replied Mrs. Morelli, taking the pineapple upside-down cake from my dad. "How are you this evening, Frank?"

My father smiled politely at Mrs. Morelli and acknowledged her question with a nod and a simple, "Fine. How are you?"

"Just wonderful, thank you. Oh, this cake looks and smells delicious. Joseph tells me it's Stephanie's favorite dessert. That's a good thing for me to know."

Mrs. Morelli returned from putting the cake in the kitchen and offered to take Grandma Mazur's coat. Why grandma was wearing a coat in this heat, I had no idea. "Oh, crap," my mind raced frantically. "What's going to be under that coat?" I worried to myself.

"Why, thank you. Here you go." Grandma just sort of tossed her coat to Mrs. Morelli and walked off into the living room. There were a few collective gasps, and all I could do was shake my head and wonder again "Why me?!"

Grandma was dressed in some sort of crazy 4th of July outfit. She was wearing about six or seven Mardi Gras-type bead necklaces, all red, white, and blue. She wore a stretchy red halter top and had about five chunky plastic bangles (also red, white, and blue) on each of her bony wrists. How she managed to keep them from falling off, I'll never know. She was wearing a short blue jean miniskirt and little white boots. You know, the kind like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders wear. You had to hand it to Grandma Mazur. She knew how to stand out in a crowd.

"Grandma Mazur, your skin looks a little orange. Have you been eating too many carrots again?" I asked, concern in my voice.

"Oh, no, nothing like that. I found some natural skin bronzer when your mother took me to ShopRite yesterday and thought it might give me a nice glowing tan for summer." Grandma Mazur was holding out her arm for all of us to admire.

"Speaking of ShopRite, you didn't happen to go in there the other night, did you? I was talking to Dolly, and she was telling us the funniest story. You know how it is at the checkout line in the grocery store. That's where you get to hear some of the best gossip."

My stomach turned, and I took a deep breath. "Uh, no, Grandma, wasn't me. I don't shop at ShopRite," I said with a straight face, scanning the room to make certain Joe wasn't within earshot.

Thankfully it was time to eat, and I don't know who made it to the table first - dad or me. I think we were both equally desperate to get that evening over with.

The table was quiet while we filled our plates, and Joe poured the wine. Mrs. Morelli said a very nice and thoughtful prayer to bless our food, and then we dug in.

The silence was finally broken by Grandma Mazur. "So, Stephanie," she started. "Loretta tells me you were involved in some sort of 'incident' yesterday at Chester Cheezy."

"No, not here of all places, grandma," I begged silently to myself.

"Oh, it was nothing," I replied with a nervous laugh. "Really."

"Not to hear Loretta tell it," Grandma Mazur continued. All eyes at the table were on her, minus Joe's and mine, anxiously awaiting what she would say next.

"No, honestly, it wasn't a big deal. Right, Joe? He was there. He can tell you," I tried to say convincingly, wiping my mouth with my napkin out of nervousness.

"Well that does it. If Joe had to stop by, that means there's definitely a story. Spill it."

"If you insist, Grandma," I said with a forced smile on my face, placing my napkin down on the table. "Lula and I just had a wee bit of trouble with a skip, that's all. Nothing major."

"Well Loretta's daughter was there with her kids for a birthday party, and from what she told Loretta, you were screaming and shouting and threatening to kill Chester Cheezy. She said you even said you were going to snatch some of the kids and take them home with you."

That got a reaction from Joe. I felt his eyes on me, and my cheeks started to burn.

"I did not! I wasn't trying to kill Chester, just handcuff him. And believe me, I didn't want any of those kids. They were all pure evil."

"Was it really a good idea to try to apprehend a fugitive in front of little children?" asked Mrs. Morelli. "Perhaps it would have been better to have waited for him to get off work."

I clenched my fists under the table and again planted a forced smile on my face. "I know, you're absolutely right. Hindsight's 20/20, though, isn't it?" I said, laughing like a spaz. "But it really wasn't a big deal, and nothing happened to the kids that were there."

I picked up my napkin and wiped sweat from my forehead. "Besides, those little monsters could've probably taken Chester down with a lot less effort than it took me." I continued to laugh, but I noticed no one else was. They were just kind of staring at me like I'd lost my mind.

I looked over at Joe, silently asking for help. He just kept grinning and stuffing his face with lasagna.

"Well ain't that a pip," exclaimed Grandma Mazur. "I guess that's that then. So Joseph," continued Grandma Mazur, turning her attention to him. "I have a question for _you _now."

"Sure," answered Joe in a casual tone, sitting his fork down on his plate and wiping his mouth with his linen napkin. "What can I do you for?" Joe asked rather nonchalantly, between sips of his wine.

"Well, you see, I want to know something. Exactly when are you planning to marry my granddaughter and stop getting it for free?"

Joe choked down his wine, a chunk of lasagna flew out of my mouth onto my plate, and mom looked as if she were about to faint.

"Well if someone's just going to give it out, how can you expect a man to say no?" stated Grandma Bella.

"Are you calling my granddaughter a slut?!" asked Grandma Mazur.

"If the shoe fits ..." replied Grandma Bella matter-of-factly.

"Well I never. You apologize to Stephanie right now, you old bat."

"I will not, you raving lunatic."

Both Grandma Bella and Grandma Mazur were leaning over the table, their faces meeting in the middle.

"You think you're going to make me?" yelled Bella. "I'll put the eye on you."

"The eye? I'm not scared of you, old woman. Bring it on!"

"Enough!" yelled Mrs. Morelli. My mother was gulping down water, and my dad seemed to be oblivious to the whole thing. I'm sure he was daydreaming about a very long vacation in some sort of tropical paradise or at least wondering why God couldn't have blessed him with a normal family.

"Entertained yet?" I muttered under my breath to Joe, my teeth clenched and my face burning hot.


	12. Chapter 12

"Joseph, Stephanie. Go outside and wait in the backyard," ordered Mrs. Morelli. "Right now!"

I sat there for a moment in shock and disbelief. Was Mrs. Morelli actually sending Joe and me out of the room like we were two little kids? Omigod, could this night get any worse?

"Joseph," Mrs. Morelli repeated sternly. "I said take Stephanie and go outside."

"Ma, really, I'm a grown man ..." Joe started to argue.

"Joseph Anthony Morelli, this is not up for debate. Now!" she yelled.

"Okay, okay. Come on Stephanie." Joe took my hand, and we walked out of the room. We sat outside for a few minutes, neither of us saying a word. It was kind of awkward witnessing Morelli's mom yelling at him like that. I felt like a five year old who was being sent to bed without dessert.

"I didn't even do anything, you know? I don't see why _I _had to leave." I was feeling embarrassed and defiant all at the same time. "This is all your fault, _Joseph_!" I said, emphasizing his name to sound like his mother. "If you hadn't told your mom that dinner with my family was a great idea, this wouldn't be happening." I was beyond mad at that point. "I wanna go home," I said, my lips forming a pout.

Joe just stared at me, shaking his head. "How was I supposed to know our grandmother's were going to go at it like that?"

"Uh, hello?! This isn't the first time. What made you think tonight would be any different?" I was fuming at that point.

"Well don't get all mad at me. I can't control what they do and say. I was just trying to enjoy a nice home-cooked meal with my favorite girl."

No, he was absolutely not going to get to me like that. There was no way the infamous Morelli charm was getting him off the hook. I was mad, and Joe was going to suffer.

"If you had wanted a home-cooked meal with your favorite girl, then why didn't we just stay at your house and eat one? Arrrr! You make me so mad I could punch you," I threatened, digging my nails into my palms.

"If that will make you feel better, then go ahead and do it. Just hit me. Right here." Joe was pulling up his sleeve and pointing to one of his sexy biceps. "Come on, I can take it."

"No! That's what you want me to do, so I'm not going to do it! I refuse to do what you say!"

"Oh, that's sweet, Steph. That's what it all comes down to, doesn't it? You have to make certain you do the exact opposite of what I say all the time, huh?" Joe was shaking his head and starting to walk away.

"Don't you walk away from me!" I yelled. "Weren't you the one just the other night who was professing your love and saying that no matter what, we should never walk away from each other ever again? And now, here it is. I should've known."

I reached out and kicked the side of the old metal chair that was sitting there. "Ow, stupid chair!" Right then and there, I hated that chair. I wanted to see bad, horrible things happen to that chair. "Errrr," I yelled, as I punched it as hard as I could.

"Ow, ow, ow," I cried out, "that hurts!" And before I knew it, I was crying. Huge tears were rolling down my cheeks, and Joe was at my side in an instant. "Let me see, Cupcake. Let me look at it. Why do you do these things, sweetheart?"

Joe wrapped his arm around my shoulder and said, "Come on, let's go inside and get you some ice."

"No, the ice can wait! We have to finish this, Joe," my lip was quivering, and though a part of me really didn't want to go there, I knew it had to be done.

"Joe, you're absolutely right," I said between sniffles. "It _is_ my first reaction to do the opposite of what you say, and I'm sorry. I just can't seem to stop myself." I was crying again, and Joe was holding me close and rubbing my back gently.

"Shh, it's okay, Steph. I'm just as guilty. You saw _my_ first reaction was to walk away."

"It's just that I have this big fear of losing _me_, you know? I have to be my own person, Joe. I can't be something I'm not." My throat felt like it was closing up, and my head was starting to hurt.

"Steph, I don't want you to change for me. I truly don't. I love you exactly the way you are. I love that you stand up for what you believe in, even if it means beating some stupid jerk in the head over and over again. I love that you're so determined to get the job done, even if it means being beaten up by a bunch of little kids in the process."

"Stephanie, you're perfect just the way you are. If you want to be a bounty hunter, than be a bounty hunter. If you want to work at RangeMan, than that's fine. RangeMan it is. None of that matters to me. All I want is for you to be safe, but I'm not going to watch you like a hawk to make sure that happens. I'm still going to show up and check on you, just in case. But no more demands. No more cursing and yelling and trying to put you in a box. And no more ultimatums! I just want you to be happy."

I had been listening silently, tears streaming down my cheeks, as I watched the man that I loved pour out his heart and soul to me. "I'm so sorry, Joe. I didn't mean all those horrible things I said to you, and I didn't really want to hit you. I just love you so much," I said, feeling as if my heart was breaking.

"I love you, too, Stephanie, more than words can say. You're my everything. I don't ever want to lose you, Cupcake. Never." It was then that Joe lifted my chin and stared longingly into my eyes. "This isn't at all how I had planned to do this, but right now, I just don't care. Stephanie Plum, will you marry me?"

The tears were falling from my eyes, and I could barely speak. All I could manage to do was nod my head up and down, sniffling and whispering, "yes, yes" over and over.

All of a sudden the back porch light flipped on, interrupting one of the hottest, most passionate kisses we've ever shared. But Joe and I didn't care, and we didn't stop.

"Well ain't that a sight," yelled out Grandma Mazur. "Now that's what I like to see."

"Joseph ... Joseph," Mrs. Morelli cleared her throat loudly. "You and Stephanie can come back in now."

Breaking away from one another gently, Joe grabbed me by the hand and led me back inside. "I'm not sure what went on in here, but it looks like something major happened for us out there." Joe looked at me, asking approval with his eyes if it was okay for him to share our news. I nodded happily, my smile brightening up the room. "Stephanie has just made me the happiest man on earth!" Joe took my hand, raised it to his mouth, and gave it a sweet and tender kiss. "She's agreed to become my wife."

At that moment we were both besieged with hugs and kisses, cheers, and congratulations. "It's about time, you two." "Why in the world did it take you so long?" were a couple of the responses.

At that moment, my dad spoke up, wine glass in hand, and said to everyone, "Let us all raise our glasses to Joseph and Stephanie. May you be blessed with a lifetime of happiness together. And Joseph, you better take good care of my baby girl."

"Absolutely, Mr. Plum, I can promise you that." Joe smiled warmly at me, than leaned in for a gentle kiss, before we all drank to daddy's toast.

Mrs. Morelli came over for yet another hug, and she smiled at me sweetly, her hand holding my cheek. "My dear Stephanie, you are going to be such a beautiful bride. I promise to do all that I can to make certain you have the wedding that every little girl dreams of." Then she turned her eyes toward both Grandma Bella and Grandma Mazur, her voice turning darker. "And I also promise to make certain that _everyone_ is on their very best behavior for yours and Joseph's special day." She patted my hand, turned on her heels, and went to the kitchen to slice mom's pineapple upside-down cake.

I'm not sure what happened in that dining room while Joe and I were outside, but from the looks of things, it was obvious that Mrs. Morelli had laid down the law. Both grandmothers had merely nodded in agreement when she addressed them, making it abundantly clear they weren't about to usurp her authority. And that was fine by me. It was just one less worry I had ahead of me. I let out a big sigh, thinking of all that lay in store for me now.


	13. Chapter 13

Morelli and I were engaged to be married! I didn't have a ring yet, but I wasn't worried. I knew Joe would take care of that, and I didn't want to pressure him. He had already confessed he'd been planning to propose, so I decided to let him handle giving me the ring in the way he saw fit.

I thought the sex up to that point had been phenomenal, but I hadn't seen anything yet. I'm pretty certain I was already pregnant by then, but if I hadn't been, there is no doubt a baby would've been made that night. Joe and I were insatiable. Something about finally being committed to one another brought a whole new level to our sexuality. Simply put, I wanted him bad!

We decided to skip dessert at Mrs. Morelli's, so we could have our own at home. It was all I could do to keep my hands off of Joe on the short ride to his house. It's a good thing he's a cop, because I had him swerving in the lanes, exceeding the speed limit, and running a couple of stop signs. Joe came to a screeching halt in the driveway and jumped out of the car. He ran over to my side, flung open the door, and literally pulled me out. We scrambled up the walkway, our lips locked, our hands all over each other.

"Open the door, open the door," I panted, trying to grab the keys so I could do it myself.

Joe barely managed to get the door shut before I had stripped down to my lacy bra and matching thong.

"Take off your clothes. Take them off," I was pleading, at the same time gasping for breath. Morelli was actually having a hard time keeping up with me. I pushed him back onto the stairs and started unzipping his pants myself. "Never mind. I'll do it." I couldn't wait any longer. Every nerve ending in my body was pulsing; I had to have him. I threw his underwear across the room and quickly dispensed of what I was wearing, too.

"Like what you see, do you?" I asked him seductively, running my fingertips down his chest to the very tip of his manhood. "Mmmm, I like what I see, too. I like it a lot." I bent down and proceeded to work a little magic of my own. Morelli was running his hands through my hair, pulling it up tightly into a pony tail, just to let it fall back onto my shoulders and repeat the process all over again. I had him moaning and groaning and saying my name over and over.

When I finally felt he was fully satisfied, I started inching my way back up his body. He started to wrap his arms around me, but I gently stopped him and whispered, "Oh, no, my dear Joseph. It's not your turn yet. Why don't you follow me instead?" I took him by the hand and led him upstairs to our room. I grabbed a blanket from the bed and threw it onto the floor along with a couple of pillows.

"Why don't you lie down on the blanket and make yourself _very_ comfortable. You won't be alone for long," I reassured him, with a naughty grin. Morelli did as he was told, seemingly entranced by the way I was taking charge.

I hurried to the kitchen, grabbed the can of whipped cream, and practically tripped up the stairs on my way back.

"You thought this was for _you_ to put on _me_, didn't you? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Officer," I explained to him, straddling his legs at the same time, "but I never did get dessert tonight, and I'm in the mood for something very sweet." While I was speaking I had sprayed some whipped cream down the length of my finger and was suggestively licking it off.

"Now, where should I start?" I pondered teasingly. I squeezed a little out on the side of his neck and began gently sucking it off, making certain that my breasts, and extremely hard nipples, were rubbing ever so slightly across his chest. I moved up a little bit and started running my tongue up and down the rim of his ear, making sure to breathe hot and heavy inside it at the same time.

"Oh, Steph," he was moaning, which was turning me on even more.

"Hmm, I think I'm still a little hungry." There went whipped cream on one of his nipples. "Stephanie," he moaned, "I can't take this much longer. I'm about to explode." I smiled a wicked smile at him and asked, in my most innocent voice, "What was that again? You want to explode deep inside of me?" And that was all it took. Within seconds, I was on my back, enjoying every single inch of what Morelli had to give me.

We came together, Joe collapsing on top of me, our breathing sporadic and ragged. "That ... was ... incredible," Joe managed to get out. "I would've offered a serious proposal a long time ago, if I'd known it was going to have this effect on you."

I can't remember how many times that night we actually made love, but I do know not very much sleep took place, and we were out of whipped cream the next morning. Joe had wanted to call in, but there was some important paperwork that he needed to take care of, so he dragged himself out of bed and showered while I was still sleeping.

I awoke to find a breakfast tray on the bedside table and a note that read, "Cupcake, Have to finish up a few things at work, but I'll be home around lunchtime. If you can manage to get the day off, we'll spend the rest of the afternoon and evening together. Love, Joe." He had placed a single rose in a small vase on the tray, along with two doughnuts and a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. I smiled to myself, remembering the first time we'd made love, here in this house, and how I had dreamt the next morning of squeezing fresh orange juice for him.

"He's got it bad," I laughed to myself, picking up the phone to let them know I wouldn't be coming into work that day.

* * *


	14. Chapter 14

That same morning was the one I had touched on briefly before. It had been a while since I'd eaten the doughnuts, and I was now watching television. Out of nowhere I was struck with a severe case of the munchies. Being too tired and worn out from our activities the previous night, I had no desire to get out of bed and go all the way downstairs for food. That was when I then searched the bedside table drawer, found the pack of birth control pills I had abandoned three months earlier, and became an honorary citizen of Denialville.

Having settled all of that, I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I was now free to start the day. My stomach was rumbling, but I needed a shower. I hopped in, quickly cleaned all the parts that needed cleaning, and washed my hair. I pulled on a robe and rambled down the stairs. I said "Good Morning" to a sleeping Rex and checked to make sure Bob had food and water. See, I was already on my way to becoming the Domestic Goddess that I am now.

I was sitting down with the paper and a very strong cup of coffee, when I heard my beloved turning his key in the door. I was still on my sexual high from the night before and was feeling very affectionate toward Joe. "Hi, handsome," I said with a smile, jumping up to give him a kiss and a little squeeze on the rear end. "Are you finished for the rest of the day?"

"Woah, who is this woman, and what has she done with Stephanie?" he asked playfully. See, we're so much alike that it's scary sometimes.

"I like it when you're affectionate and frisky." He kissed me on the top of the head, took the coffee cup out of my hand, and placed it on the counter. "But it's already past noon, and you're not even dressed. I have a special afternoon planned for you, so hurry up. I'll take Bob for a quick walk while you're getting ready."

I think I practically skipped up the stairs, dreaming of what wonders awaited me.

* * *

"Here we are," announced Joe, cutting the engine. I stayed firmly planted in my seat, not moving a muscle. "You're kidding, right?" I asked with some major Jersey attitude.

"Nope, not a bit," Joe answered seriously. "I'll come around and open the door for you," he smiled.

The door opened, but I stayed seated, not taking his hand. "Morelli, this isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"I know it's not, Cupcake, but remember, this is the day that _I've_ planned for you."

I let out a loud sigh and took his hand. Walking toward the door of Chester Cheezy, I reminded Joe that I had been banned from this place just two days before.

"Don't worry about that, Cupcake. I had a nice long talk with the manager, and it didn't take long for him to see things my way," he said with a wink. "Your membership has been reinstated." Lucky me.

Unfortunately for me, it was crowded just like it had been the other day, and the same teenaged kid was stamping hands at the front door.

"I know the drill," I told him, holding out my hand. Morelli had his hand stamped, too, and I stepped over to the side, away from as many kids as possible, while Morelli headed off to the counter to order our lunch. He came back with a huge cup of tokens, grinning like a little kid. "Come on, let's go play."

"Joe," I frowned, "why are we here? Don't you know me better than this? This isn't exactly a place that I would consider special."

Joe took me by the hand and led me to one of the booths across from the game room. "Scoot in," he said softly, than he sat down beside me.

"Listen, Steph, the other night I lied to you just so you would stop crying. I told you that you didn't have issues, but we both know that you do. So I've decided that we're going to spend today resolving some of them. And this is our first stop."

He was staring at me with those gorgeous brown eyes, and I knew I was weakening. I wanted to argue, but he seemed so insistent on us doing this. I didn't know what he hoped to accomplish, but whatever it was, I knew it was pointless to try to change his mind. He was a man on a mission, and it would be up to him to deal with the fallout when this silly scheme he had concocted failed miserably.

"Fine," I said, putting on the best happy face I could muster. "Let's go play."

"I thought you'd never ask!" he exclaimed, pulling me out of the booth.

We made our way over to the skeeball machine, and I watched as Joe popped in a token and started tossing balls. "Are you just going to stand there and watch or are you going to play?" he grinned. "Oh, I see," he said smugly. "You're checking out my score, and you're afraid that I'll totally wipe the floor with you."

"Give me one of those tokens," I demanded, grabbing the cup. "It's on, Morelli. This is war."

We proceeded to spend the next twenty minutes laughing, playing, and dodging little kids that were constantly in our way. The tokens were finally gone, and the cup was now overflowing with tickets.

"I have an idea," Joe said. "Let's make this fun. Why don't you look around and decide which lucky kid wins this cup of tickets."

That did sound like fun; I liked picking winners. I looked around the room, and my eyes settled on a little girl in the prettiest sundress, a truly to-die-for pair of sandals, and a head full of curls tied up in a pretty pink bow. "Her!" I pointed. "Definitely her."

"I can agree with that. Go give them to her," he said, trying to hand me the cup.

"Nuh-uh, I don't think so. You go do it. You won most of them," I argued.

Joe was shaking his head no and trying again to get me to take the cup. "There's only one problem with that, Steph. In this day and age, there is no way I can approach a little girl and give her anything. If she's been taught well, she'll run off screaming, and her mom will find me and beat the shit out of me."

Okay, he had a point. "Fine, then," I said. "I'll pick a boy."

"Doesn't matter, Cupcake. Most moms would be uncomfortable with any man approaching a girl or a boy. Think about it. If we had a child, would you want some strange man talking to him or her and offering tickets or tokens or whatever?"

I knew what Joe was doing, but I wasn't taking the bait. "Good point. I guess I'll just sit them up here on one of the games, and we can watch and see who takes them. That'll be fun."

"Cupcake, they're just kids. I've seen you interact with your nieces."

"They're different. I'm used to them, and besides, I have to do that. They're family." I argued.

"Cupcake, go give the little girl the tickets. I promise she won't bite."

"Fine," I said, snatching the cup out of his hands. "I'm not afraid of some little girl in a dress."

I slowly walked toward her, hoping and praying she'd run off before I could reach her. Why had it seemed to take an eternity to reach Lula the other day, but now, walking across the room, there wasn't a single obstacle?!

"Damn," I muttered under my breath, finally approaching the little girl. I bent down to her level and simply said, "Hey, I don't need these tickets. Do you want them?" My heart was beating fast, and I knew Joe was right. I obviously had issues.

She was probably only about five years old and was, without a doubt, the cutest little girl I had ever seen (sorry Valerie, you know your girls are precious, but I have to give credit where credit is due). Staring into her sparkling blue eyes, I suddenly remembered what it was like to be that age, so sweet and innocent. A time when the biggest joys in life were eating ice cream cones, getting piggyback rides from daddy, and helping mommy frost a chocolate cake. And just like that, I wasn't afraid of her any more.

Her eyes were opened wide, staring in delight at the cup in my hand. "You want them?" I repeated softly, and she bobbed her head up and down so excitedly that I worried for a second that it might pop off. "Thank you," she said shyly, taking them from me, before running off to show her mom.

I slowly made my way back to Joe, trying to act casual and unaffected. I didn't want him to know that his plan was working. Thankfully he didn't make a big deal about it. He just guided me toward the table and said, "Lets eat. I'm starving!"

* * *

"So did you have any fun at all, Cupcake?" Joe asked sincerely, as we were walking to the car.

"Maybe," I smiled sheepishly, embarrassed at how I had behaved earlier. I mean, you could have fun anywhere in the world being with a guy like Joe. He knew how to laugh and play and just act like a big goofy kid. I guess that's why he's so good with them. I gave him a big squeeze and simply said, "Thanks for lunch. The pizza was really good."

He buckled in and started backing out. "So, where to now?" I asked.

"ShopRite," he said with a huge grin, patting my hand, which was resting on his thigh. "Don't worry, Cupcake, you'll be just fine."

I shook my head hopelessly and let out a big sigh. "Special afternoon?" I thought. Lucky me.


	15. Chapter 15

We made our way through the sliding doors, and Morelli pointed to the candy machines. "If you promise to behave, I'll give you a quarter so you can get a prize on the way out."

"Very funny," I said, making a face at him.

He pushed my shoulders from behind and led me to the grocery carts. "Grab us a basket. I'll let you push."

I pulled out a cart and smiled. "Push it with me. I think that'll make us look cute."

"Lord knows I worry about looking cute," Joe said, rolling his eyes at me. "Just do it!" I ordered.

We walked up and down each and every aisle, picking out items each of us wanted and finding new products we didn't even know were out there. We spent a long time in the pet food aisle, finding treats for both Bob and Rex. We decided to cook out on the grill that night, so we grabbed a couple of steaks, and Joe even suggested getting a six pack of beer. I found a magazine to read later and also picked out a birthday card for Mary Alice. Joe got a few house essentials he knew we were getting low on, and I was inconspicuously trying to find the aisle where the condoms were located.

Thankfully Morelli's phone rang, and he said he had to take the call and walked away. I quickly made my way back to the front of the store, where I discreetly tried to ask one of the cashier's if she could tell me where to find condoms. "Condoms are on aisle 12, aren't they, Diane?" she yelled. So much for discretion. "Yeah," Diane confirmed. "Right near the pregnancy tests."

I rushed over there and quickly tossed a pack in the cart, moving them underneath the toilet paper. I purposely turned my head and refused to acknowledge the pregnancy tests nearby. Those weren't allowed in Denialville.

I finally caught up with Joe and asked if he thought we had everything we needed. I was eager to get my hands on that self checkout register. Scanning looked like fun.

"Just a second," he said suddenly. "Do you know what we forgot to do at Chester Cheezy?" Before I had a chance to even attempt a guess, he replied, "Eat dessert. And I know my girl needs her sweets. Hang on a second, I'll be right back."

I watched as Joe strolled over to the bakery and motioned to one of the ladies behind the counter for help. He pointed to the inside of the bakery display, and I saw her nod and reach in. I was standing too far away to see what was inside, but I was hoping Joe would come back with something really yummy.

When he turned toward me, I saw that he had two cupcakes, one in each hand. "Here you go," he said. "I decided to get one, too."

"Joe, we can't eat the cupcakes now. We have to pay for them first."

Joe shook his head. "No we don't, not these. I told her today is your birthday, so they're free."

"Joe, that's terrible!" I exclaimed, but I really didn't care. My desire to eat one of those cupcakes overruled being honest.

"Here, I picked these two for us. Which one do you want?"

I stared down at the cupcakes and noticed they were different. One of them was frosted with white icing and had sprinkles on it. The other had pink frosting with a little plastic ring in the middle. The ring was also pink, and it had a feminine version of the Superman logo on it.

"Gee, I guess I'll take the pink one," I said, playing goofy.

"Excellent choice," grinned Joe. "Wait, allow me." He proceeded to pull the ring out of the cupcake and pass it in front of my lips. "Here, you can lick the icing off," he grinned devilishly.

"Joe," I blushed, "I can't act like that here. That's just for at home."

Joe laughed and licked the ring clean himself. "Fine, I guess I'll just have to do it for you."

"Now, give me your left hand," he said with a serious face. "I think I owe you an engagement ring."

"Cute, really cute," I laughed. "But no thanks."

"You mean you don't like the ring I picked out for you? I'm crushed. I'm just really hurt here." He was poking out his bottom lip a little and holding his hand over his heart. I couldn't help but laugh seeing him act that way.

"Fine, I don't want you crying here in ShopRite. I'll wear the ring." I held out my hand, but instead of putting the ring on me, he grabbed hold of my hand and led me back to the bakery.

"What'd I tell you? I knew she wasn't going to like the one I picked," he said to the lady who had given him the cupcakes, shaking his head sadly.

"Okay, Stephanie, you leave me no choice. Guess you're just going to have to pick one for yourself."

I just stood there, looking at Joe, then at the lady behind the counter, and then back to Joe. "What is it you want me to do again?" I asked, with a look of confusion on my face.

"Well, it wasn't a traditional proposal, so I guess choosing the ring shouldn't be traditional either. So, go ahead. Pick." Joe pointed to the inside of the glass bakery display, and I noticed that right there in the middle, nestled between two birthday cakes, were three cupcakes lined in a row. They were each frosted a different color, and there was a different style diamond ring laying on top of each one. I let out a loud gasp, and both Joe and the lady behind the counter laughed.

"I'm sure Gabriella wouldn't mind handing you each one so you can take a closer look."

Recognition was starting to dawn on me. I looked again at the lady behind the counter and realized she wasn't a ShopRite employee. It was Gabriella Avanzato, and she and I had gone to high school together. Her dad owned Avanzato's Jewelry Store, which explains how Joe was able to arrange all of this. I hadn't recognized her because of the hair net and white bakery uniform.

"Steph, do you see one you like?" Joe was staring down at me, but I couldn't seem to compose myself enough to answer. That he would arrange all of this just for me was the sweetest thing ever, and I found myself overcome with emotion.

Joe was laughing softly and wiping away the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. He gave me a big hug and whispered into my ear, "I want you to be happy Cupcake. I know it isn't quite the same as having me surprise you with a ring that I picked all by myself, but we kind of have our own way of doing things anyway. These were my top three favorites, so any one that you choose will be a ring that I chose, too." He kissed me tenderly and then asked Gabriella to hand me one of the cupcakes.

I ended up picking a one carat platinum princess-cut three stone diamond ring. I didn't tell Joe, but I decided to go with the three stones because each one represented a different stage of my life with him. On the one side was "reckless and wild" Joe, who taught me an "innocent" game of choo-choo at the age of six and who later took my virginity at the age of sixteen. On the other side was "boyfriend" Joe, who, over time, went from being positively annoyed with me when I was tracking him down for the bounty money to finally admitting he couldn't live his life without me. And the larger diamond in the center was to represent "future" Joe, my husband, the father of our children, the man that would soon be promising to love, honor, and cherish me for the rest of the days of his life. It just seemed fitting, and the ring itself was (and still is) absolutely gorgeous. I kept the pink Superman ring, too, and it stays locked up in my jewelry box. I know it holds absolutely no monetary value, but to me, that plastic ring is priceless.

Since all three rings were in the same price range, Joe and Gabriella had been able to negotiate a final price beforehand, so whichever ring I picked was already paid for. I was thrilled to know that once Joe had placed it on my finger, I didn't have to take it back off - it was mine forever! I loved watching it sparkle in the light, and I kept catching myself staring down at it.

"So has it been a special day, Cupcake?" Joe asked, nuzzling me close to him. "The absolute best!" I assured him, hugging him tight and kissing him.

I was too jittery to scan the groceries, so Joe said that I could do it next time. I even forgot to make him give me that quarter on the way out.

But it didn't matter. I had the best prize of all. And I was going home with him.


	16. Chapter 16

The rest of that Friday and Saturday were the most relaxing, playful, and carefree days that Joe and I had ever spent together. We didn't have a single disagreement, and I never once thought about the unresolved situation with Ranger and what I was going to say or do. Sunday, however, I wasn't quite as fortunate. There was no way Joe could take another day off, so he had to go down to the station. The day had started off with such potential but quickly turned sour as Joe was leaving for work.

"Cupcake?" he called out to me, walking in from the other room. "I just remembered that I wanted to ask you about these." He was standing there holding the box of condoms with a puzzled look on his face. "I went ahead and bought them the other night, but what do we need them for? You're still on the pill, right?" He didn't look stressed out asking me that, so I took that to be a good sign. Not that it mattered, of course, but it was good to know where he stood on the subject, just in case.

"Well, duh!" I said, implying he was an idiot. "Of course I'm still on the pill (nervous laugh), but I've been having problems with my tooth, and the dentist is going to have to give me an antibiotic for it." Woah, I wasn't sure where I pulled that one from, but I have to say I truly impressed myself.

"And if you take an antibiotic while you're on the pill, it can, like, render it ineffective or something like that." I ended the sentence with a big grin on my face, feeling quite proud of my ability to think up a really good lie on the spot.

"Oh, okay. That's a good thing to know," he said, pinching my nose playfully. "I guess we do need these then, don't we?" he added, tossing the box down on the coffee table. "We're not quite ready for the pitter patter of little feet around here, are we?" He gave me a quick kiss, grabbed his keys, along with his gun, and said, "If I'm not back in time for supper, just eat without me. I'll grab something on the way home."

I told myself that I didn't care he had said he wasn't ready for a baby, because after all, it didn't matter. I absolutely was not pregnant, so it wouldn't even be an issue. But whether I was conscious of it at the time or not, I still walked around for the rest of that day in an extremely grumpy mood. And not just because of Joe, but also because I knew I was going to have to face Ranger the following day.

* * *

Joe was up and out of bed early that Monday morning, so I decided to sleep in. I casually rolled out of bed at around 8:30 a.m. and took a leisurely shower. I spent extra time on my makeup and hair and then slowly made my way downstairs for breakfast.

"Mmm," I said to Bob. "I can't decide what to eat. I guess I'll just sample a little bit of everything." I proceeded to nuke some frozen waffles, toast and butter some bread, pour a bowl of cereal, and grab a couple of pieces of fruit. The sad thing was that I didn't want any of it. I just sat there with my cup of coffee and stared at my cell phone sitting on the table beside me. I let out a big sigh, picked it up, and then put it back down again.

"This is ridiculous," I said to Bob. "It's just Ranger. It's not like we're strangers or anything." I tossed Bob a waffle and picked up the phone again. I hit speed dial and quickly disconnected. "Shit. I'm such a wimp." I was sitting there mentally beating myself up when my phone rang. Ranger.

"Yo," he said when I answered. "You call me, Babe?"

"No, I don't think so. My phone was on the couch beside Bob. Maybe he hit speed dial with his butt."

"Bob? Oh, right. Morelli's dog." Silence.

"Funny you called, though," I said, with a nervous laugh. "I was just about to check and see if you could meet me for breakfast. Pat's Diner, say about half an hour?"

"I'll be there." Click.

"Okay, then," I said to Bob, throwing him a piece of toast. "Guess I'd better get going," but I continued to sit for another few minutes. For some reason, my feet just didn't want to move.

* * *

Ranger was already sitting at a booth when I arrived. I slid in across from him and grabbed one of the laminated menus off of the table. "So, what's up?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"You asked _me_ to breakfast."

"Oh, yeah, right." I was starting to sweat and wondered if I'd remembered to put on deodorant. "Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about something."

The waitress came over and poured out two cups of coffee, and Ranger ordered a bowl of fruit with a side of whole wheat toast. The waitress looked expectantly at me, and I just stared at her smiling. "And you'll have?" she asked between pops of her gum.

"Oh, right. I'll have, umm, I'm not that hungry, so I'll just have, umm, an order of pancakes, sausage, and a couple of strips of bacon." The waitress started to walk off, but I continued. "Oh, and two biscuits. And bring jelly. Grape jelly. Oh, and maybe a bagel, too. Plain. No, I'll have cream cheese on it."

"Anything else?" she asked in an irritated tone. "No, that'll do it. Like I said, I'm not that hungry."

Ranger was silent, but he was watching me intently, no sign of emotion whatsoever.

"So," I started, "what's up?"

"You asked that already. Breakfast was your idea."

"Oh, yeah, right." I started laughing, but the laugh went on for a bit too long, and I realized I looked and sounded like an idiot. I took a deep breath and tried to gain back a little self control. "Well, you see, uh, I've been thinking." I paused again and waited for Ranger to say something.

"Continue," he finally said.

"It's not that I don't like working at RangeMan, because I do. It's great. You're great. Well, I mean that in a 'you're a great boss' kind of way not that 'you're great' like the other kind of way. You know what I mean? I mean, not to say that you aren't great, because you are. But when I said it, I was referring to you being great as someone to work for." I was rambling on like a buffoon, totally lost in where I was going with all of that.

"Babe," Ranger said, holding up his hand to stop me. "Are you trying to say something here?"

I sighed and stared down at the table. "Just that I've decided to go back to bounty hunting full-time. With Lula." I just kept staring down at the table, not knowing where to go from there.

"That was so hard to tell me?" Ranger asked, a smile in his voice.

"I just didn't want you to be upset. Like I said, you're great. I mean working for you is great ..." my voice trailed off. "Joe proposed," I said, holding up my hand in front of me so that he could see the ring on my finger.

"Congratulations," Ranger replied, again with no emotion.

"Thanks," I hesitated. "But he's not why I'm leaving."

"Stephanie, the reasons behind this decision are your personal business. You don't have to explain or justify."

"No, I know. It's just I didn't want you to think he told me I had to do this, because he didn't. He said I should stay if I wanted." I paused for a second before I continued. "But I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I mean, I know I'm not the best bounty hunter, but it's really where my heart is. I just don't think the whole office scene is the thing for me."

"I can respect that," said Ranger, sliding out of the booth and tossing a few bills down onto the table. "And I think you're making the best choice for you." I knew when he said that he didn't just mean the job. "Enjoy your breakfast, Babe. I've gotta run. Don't be a stranger."

I sat there, overcome with emotions, while a single tear slid down my cheek. Watching Ranger walk out of that diner felt like goodbye forever, and truth be told, it hurt. I truly did care about him and hoped so much that, given enough time, we could resume the friendship that we once had.


	17. Chapter 17

A couple of weeks later I found myself in yet another head shaking situation with Lula.

The two of us were back to chasing skips full-time, and we had agreed to take on just the ones we felt confident we could handle, leaving the big time bad guys to Ranger and his men. I know Lula and I didn't exactly have the best record when it came to tracking down FTAs, but at least we were trying. Thinking back on those couple of weeks, I recall that Joe had only had to show up on the scene twice, so that was a definite improvement for me. I was growing more confident with my abilities with each day that passed, and I really felt that my life was finally headed in the right direction.

* * *

"So," I asked Connie, plopping down on the couch, "who're the lucky criminals we get to take down today?"

Connie looked up from filing her nails and tossed me a stack of files. "Take your pick. I saw a few good ones in there that you can choose from."

I started to flip through them when, all of a sudden, Lula burst through the door in a huff. "Some days are just shit!" she yelled.

"What on earth?" I managed to get out, not being able to take my eyes off of Lula's head. "Your hair!! What happened to your hair?!" I started laughing, and Lula shot me a death glare that I immediately took to mean, "_Shut it now or I'll kill you_."

"You're never gonna guess who I ran into this morning on the way in!" Lula said, and she was right. I was never going to guess, because you just never knew from one minute to the next what was going to come out of her mouth.

"You remember that dumb ass security guard at the country club a few weeks back? Well just my luck that stupid mother fucker don't work there no more."

Lula was pulling all sorts of things out of her hair - twigs, pieces of grass, leaves. I even saw a cigarette butt. I contemplated trying to help her but decided there probably wasn't much I could do. Her clothes were a mess, and it looked like she had a mustard stain right above her left boob. She had a flattened hamburger bun stuck to her ass, and I have to admit that I was laughing hysterically inside of my head. It looked like some of my luck was starting to rub off on her. Not that I wished that on Lula or anything; I was just glad to see it happen to someone besides me.

"That stupid prick is working the drive thru at The Ugly Biscuit now."

"Oh, no, I said sympathetically, "Not the Ugly Biscuit! That's your favorite stop for breakfast every morning."

"Hmmph, it ain't no more. That big old dumb ass don't know shit about taking orders. Can't hear a damn thing and asks you to repeat everything you say. So I drive up to the window, and can you believe he had the nerve to ask me to turn down my music? Can you believe that?!" Lula shouted incredulously.

Connie had moved over next to Lula and was helping her get the rest of the debris out of her hair.

"So I told him to just do his damn job and give me my breakfast. And then I turned it up even louder. Well, that little punk had the nerve to try to reach down in my car and turn it down himself. Nuh-uh. Lula don't play that."

"So how did all that stuff get in your hair?" I asked, still staring in amazement as Connie pulled out a straw.

"Well I'll tell you Blondie if you'll shut the hell up." I'd never seen Lula so mad, and I had to fight hard to stifle the laugh that was trying to work its way out.

"So anyways when he reached down into my car, I pulled the son of a bitch outta that window. You know I never pull up too close to the building, right? I mean I don't wanna chance nothing happening to my car. One time before I got smart about it, I did that, and I dropped my money when I was trying to hand it over. So I had to open the door to get it, and I put a big old dent in the side. Well, that taught me a lesson right then and there, and I ..."

"Get to the point, Lula!" I exclaimed.

"Alright, alright. Hold your damn horses. What got you in such a snit today? Didn't get none from Officer Hottie last night?" Lula was beyond pissed, and I could tell she was going to unleash her wrath on any and every one who got on her nerves that day.

"So, anyways," Lula said, turning her direct attention to Connie and ignoring me, "let me hurry and finish before Blondie over there has a shitfit. When I pulled him out, his bony ass landed on the ground, and he smacked his head on the pavement. Now I know that didn't feel good and all, but it wasn't like it was my fault. His momma shoulda taught him better than to go sticking his arm where it don't belong.

"Damn skippy," I nodded in agreement.

"Damn skippy's right," Lula said. "So I opened my door to see if he was okay and all, and I knocked him right in the head. It wasn't like I did it on purpose or nothing. Here I was trying to be all considerate and shit. It wasn't my fault his big old head was in the way." Lula was waving one arm all about while trying to scrub ketchup out of her top with the other.

"So I get outta the car to check on him, and he takes his legs and kicks as hard as he can. Made me fall right down on the ground, and that ain't right. So we just started fighting and punching and then some of the people in line behind me got out of their cars, and they started punching and hitting too. I mean it was a damn mess. Someone threw a trash can, and there was all this old food and dirty cups filled with soda flying everywhere. Look at my clothes! This here I got on ain't cheap. I mean this ain't like the stuff you buy," Lula said, looking directly at me.

I nodded my head in agreement and then realized what she had said. "Hey, I resent that!"

But Lula just ignored me and kept talking. "So the cops came and threatened us all, so we all got back in our cars and drove off. And I never did get my damn biscuit."

Connie and I stood there kind of at a loss for words. "Well, look on the bright side," I said in a cheerful tone. "At least that kept you on your supermodel diet, right?" Lula just stared at me, so I continued. "You know, no carbs. Biscuits have carbs. You know, bread and all. Get it?"

"Girl," Lula said, shaking her head. "You got problems. Anyone ever told you that?"

And that was the start of our day. Sadly, it only went downhill from there.


	18. Chapter 18

I hung around chatting with Connie while Lula drove home to change her clothes. I had pulled out five files for us to choose from and was going to let Lula decide which skip we went after that day. Turns out that that was a pretty stupid thing for me to have done, considering the way Lula's luck was going that day. But I guess I'm allowed a few screw-ups every now and then. After all, it's hard to be at your best and brightest all the time.

When Lula finally returned, she was eating a cheeseburger and sipping something out of a huge Big Gulp cup. "I'm feeling better already. Whatcha come up with, Blondie?"

I rolled my eyes at Lula's new nickname for me. She hadn't been kidding when she said she was going to call me that from now on. "You pick," I said, fanning out the files in front of her like a deck of cards. "And the rules are we can't change it. Whoever you pull from my hand is _it_."

"Girl, I like how you're always spicing things up," she snorted, "but I bet you hear that from Officer Morelli all the time."

"Just take a file," I said impatiently.

Lula reached out and grabbed one, and we both peered inside, curious to see the grand prize winner. "Looks like it's someone by the name of Caty Daniels. Looks like she got caught forging checks. She sounds simple enough."

"You can't assume that, though," I said. "She could be the worst one ever."

"Nah, not with a name like Caty. Now if her name had been Alberta or Roberta we mighta had some trouble. But I predict we're back here in an hour, two hours tops," Lula said determinedly.

"Whatever you say. Let's just get going," I said anxiously. "I can see you've had _your_ lunch, but I'm starving. I want a cheeseburger from where ever you got that. And a milkshake, too. And maybe some fries. Do they sell apple pies?" I asked, walking out the door behind her.

"Girl, you gonna get fat and then Officer Hottie gonna be telling you to go on a diet. Then you'll be coming in to work all crying and telling us how your man don't love you for you." Lula was rambling on, so I smacked her in the head with the file and told her to knock it off.

* * *

After driving around in circles for what seemed like an hour, we finally found where Caty Daniels lived. It was a small one-story brick house with a tiny front yard and no garage. It was neatly mowed, though, with pretty little flowers surrounding the mailbox and a "Welcome" mat at the front door.

Lula reached out and knocked loudly, and we eventually heard the sounds of a baby crying, followed by footsteps coming toward the door.

A woman cracked the door open a bit, keeping the chain in place, and asked, in a rather irritated tone, "Can I help you?"

"Are you Caty Daniels?" I asked. The woman nodded her head, so I continued. "We're with Vincent Plum Bail Bonds, and we need to take you in and get you rebonded. You missed your court date."

"Shh, can you keep it down?" she asked impatiently. "I was trying to get the baby down for her nap. If she doesn't get one, she's awfully fussy."

"Sorry," I said sincerely. A fussy baby definitely sounded like a bad thing to me.

Caty took the chain off and opened the door so that we could enter. Her house was sparsely decorated but neat and clutter-free. There was a baby swing sitting in the middle of the living room, a rocking chair beside the couch, and a small entertainment center with a television.

She had the television turned on, but the volume was muted. There was some weird looking show on with a bunch of guys in different colored shirts. I have no idea what they were singing, but they were up on a stage and a whole bunch of kids and parents were cheering them on. I felt kind of sick watching it, so I quickly turned my attention back to Lula and Caty.

They had been discussing taking her in, and Lula was asking, "Do you have someone who can watch her for a little while? The police station ain't no place for a baby."

"No, no one. I could try to reach my mom, but that's doubtful." Caty walked off into the other room to use the phone, and I nudged Lula and motioned toward the television.

"Get a load of that," I said with a laugh. "Wanna get tickets to see them in concert?"

"Like I said earlier, girl, you got problems." We both started laughing, and Caty returned, ordering us to be quiet. Turned out to be for nothing, though, because the next thing we heard was a loud cry, and Lula and I nearly jumped out of our skin. "Great, you guys woke her up!" exclaimed Caty in a disgusted voice. "I'll be right back."

Lula and I sat down on the couch and became mesmerized with the goofy guys on television. When Caty walked back into the room, she was holding a baby, and she didn't look happy. "No luck reaching my mom," she sighed.

"Well, I guess one of us is gonna have to stay here with the baby while the other one takes you in." Lula looked over at me and pointed to the baby.

I realized what she was going for, and I started shaking my head like crazy. "Nuh-uh, no way. No, Lula. You stay here with it."

Caty looked at me like I had just accused her kid of being a mass murderer. "She's not an 'it.' Her name is Abby."

I stared at Abby, and she stared back at me. Her face was still splotchy from crying, but at least at that moment she was being quiet.

"Come on, Blondie. It won't take long; you know that for yourself. We'll be there and back in no time."

"No Lula," I argued. "Even a minute alone with _it_, uh, Abby, is too long. No offense," I said to Caty. "I can't do this. Isn't there a neighbor you can call? A best friend? Hey, what about the mail man? We can wait until he comes around and ask him."

Caty was just staring at me, a look of horror on her face, when Lula cut in. "Look, you ain't got no choice," she said, in a tone that implied she was done messing around. She stood up and walked over to Caty and took Abby from her arms. "See, this don't look so hard, does it?"

The baby stared at Lula, fascinated with her huge loop earrings. She reached out and tried to pull one, but Lula stopped her hand. "No, no baby. I don't need no rips in my earlobes. Been there done that, and it hurts like hell." She shifted the baby around the other way and then held her out to me. "Take her."

I stood up off of the couch and was thinking of making a run for it when Lula suddenly thrust her toward me. My arms went limp, and I immediately dropped her. Thankfully I was standing in front of the couch, which is where Abby landed. I stood watching as she slowly rolled off onto the floor, landing with a thud. "Oops," I said.

Caty had already reached the baby and was cuddling her close. Abby was crying really loud, not so much because she was hurt, but because the motion of falling had scared her. "You're a lunatic! What is wrong with you?" She turned to Lula and cried, "I'm not leaving my baby with her!"

Lula wasn't in the mood. "You ain't got no choice. You don't come with me now, there's this big bad mother fucker in black gonna show up and take your ass in. And believe me, you don't want none of his associates babysitting little Abby." Lula continued, pointing her finger at me, "This here is the best you got."

"Thanks a lot," I replied, but I knew it was true.

"Can't we do this some other day?" Caty begged.

"Nope, we gotta go now. It won't take long. Just come on, and let's get this over with. Try giving Stephanie the baby again."

I stood there, not offering to take Abby and pleading with Lula as well. "Come on, Lula. I think another day sounds like a great idea. Then maybe Caty will have time to arrange to get a sitter for the baby." Caty was violently shaking her head "yes," but Lula wasn't budging.

"No! We're doing this now, and that's that! I don't have time for this shit. It's been a long and bad day, and I ain't going after any other skip. You're the one we picked, and you're coming with me."

Caty let out a big sigh and tried to pass Abby off to me. "Can't you stick her in that swing thing over there?" I begged.

"That's a good idea." She placed her gently down into the swing and then turned back to me. "Okay, she has a clean diaper, and I fed her a while ago. Just let her swing and watch television and that should keep her happy for a bit." She pointed toward the corner of the room where a small bucket was. "She has some toys in there that she likes, and if she messes again, you can change her on my bed in the room at the back. You'll see the diaper and wipes in there."

"Messes again?!" I thought to myself. Had I not been in such a panic, I probably would've dwelled on that more, but as it was, I was still desperate to switch with Lula.

"Lula, come on," I said, following them to the door. "You stay and let me go. Please!"

"No way, girl. You think I'm letting you behind the wheel of my car? You're crazy!"

"Fine! But I'll only stay here on one condition." I knew I wasn't in a position to bargain, but I didn't care. "If you happen to see Joe, you keep your big mouth shut. Got that?!"

"Now why would I go telling Morelli our business? You know me better than that. This don't concern him."

"Just remember that. And hurry up!"

I shut the door behind them and slid the chain back in place. The irony of that, though, was that I was locking myself in with what I was afraid of most. I stared over at Abby and said a silent prayer that time would pass quickly. My head was pounding, and I had thoughts of ransacking the cabinets in search of a drink.

"You can't drink in front of a baby, Stephanie!" I said out loud. I guess I said it too loud, because Abby started to cry. "Crap!" I thought, silently cursing Lula to myself. "Now what?"


	19. Chapter 19

I walked over to the baby swing and gave it another crank. "There you go," I said cautiously, stepping back to see if it would help. Obviously it didn't, because Abby just kept right on crying. I decided to push the seat to make it go faster, but she _really_ didn't like that. "Little kid, don't make me have to hold you, okay? You really don't want that." I stood there staring at her, trying to figure out how old I thought she was. I guessed maybe two months.

I pulled out my cell phone and went into the kitchen to call Lula. "Hey, ask Caty how old Abby is." It was hard to hear Lula over the car stereo, but I managed to make out that she was five months old. "Yeah, that's what I guessed," I said, feeling myself blush. Okay, so I had a little bit to learn about babies. I disconnected and walked back out to the living room. Abby's face was really red, and she was screaming pretty loud.

"Okay, you win," I said, picking her up and out of the swing. I was holding her out in front of me, arms length, but that made her scream even louder. "Oh my gosh, little baby! What is your problem?" She just kicked her legs and kept right on crying. "You're not going to make this easy on me, are you?" I remembered Valerie was always putting Lisa on her shoulder and patting her back, so I decided to give that a try. But just as I was bringing her closer, I caught a whiff of something really bad.

"Oh no! No, no, no! Not that! Why would you do that, baby? Why?" I was literally on the verge of tears. "I'm gonna be sick," I yelled out to no one. I stood there a moment, trying not to breathe in the smell, but it was no use. I wondered how long a baby could stay in poop until it hurt them or something, but then I realized it didn't really matter. What was more important was how long I could take the smell of that poop, and it wasn't long at all.

"Baby, stop crying. Please?" I begged. But she didn't listen. Bob behaved better than she did. I took a deep breath and decided to suck it up and attempt a diaper change. I walked down the hall and peeked into the bedroom, spotting the diapers Caty had warned me about.

I put Abby down on the bed and told her to "stay." She was too busy crying to listen to me, but she didn't move, so it was all good. I turned her from side to side, examining the diaper she was wearing and how it appeared to be placed on her. It looked simple enough. I carefully ripped off one of the tabs and then the other. I started pulling the diaper off, but it was so messy that I quickly closed it back. It was then I decided she was just going to have to sit in it until her mom got home. After all, it was her fault. She did it.

It was a good plan in theory, but when I went to pick her up, the little tabs weren't sticking any more, and the diaper fell to the ground. "Uggh!" I cried out. "Gross!" There was baby poop on the bed, on the floor, and all over her legs. And of course throughout all of this she was still crying! I laid her back down and grabbed the wipes. I was past the point of caring anymore; I just wanted to make it all go away. I think I went through about half the box, and that was just for her legs. I decided I wasn't touching the poop on the bed or the floor; I figured I'd be long gone before Caty noticed. I mean, it's not like I was getting paid extra for this.

I proceeded to use the remaining wipes to clean her rear end, and then I took the dirty diaper and closed it up inside the empty wipes container. I grabbed a diaper, picked up Abby, and literally ran out of the room, shutting the door behind me. "That'll just be a little surprise for mommy later," I told Abby. "That'll teach her to forge checks."

I laid her down on the floor and attempted to get the diaper on. I thought I had it just right, so I lifted the sticky tab and pushed it down in place. I looked at it again, but I wasn't convinced, so I tried to lift the tab to redo it. When I did that, though, it pulled pieces of the diaper off with it. "Oh forget it!" I said, exasperated. But when I tried to push the tab back down, it wouldn't stick any more. "Damn, this sucks! Who designs these things?! It has to be a man!" I yelled to Abby.

I ran back to the bedroom, grabbed about ten diapers and went back to try again. I had two diapers remaining when I finally managed to get one on her that wasn't falling off. I picked up the nine discarded diapers and threw them behind the entertainment center. "Another surprise for mommy," I said with a laugh.

I told Abby not to go anywhere, and I ran into the kitchen and proceeded to scrub my hands thoroughly about fifty times. Okay, I exaggerate. It was probably close to four. I went back into the living room, picked Abby up, and sat on the couch with her. "Let's watch television," I said in a dopey sounding voice. I imagined baby's liked that, but Abby didn't. She just kept crying. I put her back in the swing and went into the kitchen to call Lula again. "Ask Caty what I need to do to make this baby stop crying!" I screamed as soon as Lula answered. "And what the hell is taking so long?"

"Hang on, hang on. Calm yourself down, missy. I gotta go see if they'll let me ask her."

"Who is it? Who's up there right now? You tell them if they don't let you talk to Caty this instant, I will find them, and I will kill them! Do you hear me? I will hunt them down and shoot them with their own guns. You got that? Tell them! Tell them I said that!"

"Damn, girl, hold on. It's no big deal. I'm heading back there now. You gotta relax." I started to say something, but Lula cut me off. "Okay, here's Caty. Let me ask." I heard muffled noises and finally Lula came back and said, "Caty says she's prob'ly hungry. She says there's some baby food jars in the pantry and to just give her one."

"How do I do that?" I asked.

"Whaddya mean how do you do that? You take the top off and scoop some out with a spoon and put it in her mouth. Jeez, Blondie, you on the pill, right? If not, you and Officer Hottie better make sure you're practicing some kind of safe sex. You ain't got no business with a baby."

"Well, no shit, Lula!" I yelled. "I think that's why I said I didn't want to do this in the first place!" I took a deep breath, let out a long sigh, and tried to calm myself down. "Okay, I'll try the baby food. Anything else?"

"Uh, no, I don't think so. Oh, but speaking of Officer Hottie ..."

I cut Lula off before she could finish. "What about him?!" I yelled into the phone. "Lula! Tell me you haven't spoken to Joe?!"

"Uh, why? Would that be a bad thing?"

I wanted to slap her. Repeatedly. "Lula!! What do _you_ think?! I don't want him knowing I'm some sort of pathetic loser who can't even babysit some two month old baby!"

"Caty said she was five months ..."

"Shut up!" I yelled.

"Look, it ain't no big deal. Officer Hottie already knows you're a pathetic loser, and he's marrying your skinny ass anyway. So chill out, girl. All I told him was that you was over there with a baby and maybe he'd wanna go over and check on you."

"Why do you do these things to me?!" I cried into the phone. "I thought we were friends?!"

"We are, that's why I did you this favor. We're gonna be stuck here about another hour, so I figured you and Officer Morelli might wanna play house for a little while ..."

I snapped my phone shut on Lula and went back out to the living room to check on Abby. Big surprise that she was still crying.

"Okay, baby. Let's get you some food." I picked her up carefully, but my hands were trembling. "How has my life come to this?" I whined to Abby. But if she had an answer, she wasn't telling. She just kept crying.


	20. Chapter 20

A little while later I heard a knock on the door. "Shit!" I told Abby. It was a good thing she couldn't talk or else she'd have been in big trouble when her mom got home.

I took a deep breath, walked over to the door, and opened it only as far as the chain would let it go.

Joe was standing there, smiling, and asking, "Can I come in?"

"Uh, no, that's okay. Everything's good here. I've got it all under control."

But he just stood there, waiting. "You're not going to let me in?"

"Fine," I said, shutting the door and removing the chain. I opened it back up, and Joe stepped through the doorway. He took one look at me and burst out laughing.

I looked as if a rainbow had exploded all over me. I had baby food in my hair, all over my clothes, and on the side of my face.

"What happened?" he managed to ask between bouts of laughter.

"It's not funny!" I yelled. "I tried to feed her, but she didn't want any of it." I pointed to the twenty or so jars sitting on her highchair tray. "I tried each flavor, but every time I scooped it into her mouth, she'd spit it right back out again. I finally found that thing," I explained, pointing to the pacifier in her mouth, "and she seems to like that."

Joe walked over to the swing where Abby was and bent down in front of her. He was saying something to her, but I wasn't listening. I was trying to get baby food out of my ear. Of course she'd stopped crying by this time and now looked like a perfect little angel. I knew the truth, though.

"Cupcake, she's a mess. You can't leave her like this."

I blushed. "Well I figured she'd want to wait for her mom. I didn't think she'd be comfortable with a stranger seeing her naked. That's kind of a private thing, you know."

Joe looked at me like I was an idiot and then picked Abby up out of the swing. "Hey there sweetie pie. Are you having a bad day?"

"_Her__ having a bad day_?!" I thought to myself. She had it easy. All she had to do was sit there and cry.

I didn't think it was possible for Joe to look any sexier than he already did, but standing there watching him cradle Abby, I realized it was. That was, without a doubt, the hottest I'd ever seen him, and if it wasn't for the fact that he was holding a baby, I would've jumped him right then and there.

"Cupcake," Joe said, interrupting my naughty thoughts. "She needs a new diaper. This one's falling off. It almost looks like it's on backwards."

"Oh, yeah, I noticed that, too. Lula changed her before they left," I said, not at all feeling guilty for that lie because Lula deserved it. "I thought about changing it but decided if it was doing the job, why waste a diaper? I don't think Caty has a lot of money."

"Well, why don't you go find her a clean shirt and another diaper? I think we can do a little better than this," Joe told me. Then he looked down at Abby and said in a tone I'd never heard him use before, "Isn't that right? We can do better than this, can't we?" Abby just stared up at him, sucking on her pacifier, seemingly content in his arms. I guess Joe had a better sounding dopey voice than I did.

I came back with a clean shirt and diaper, and Joe laid her down on the couch beside him. "Did you bring any wipes?" he asked, carefully removing her messy shirt.

"No, there aren't any. Like I said, I don't think she has a lot of money."

"Well go see if you can find a washcloth and wet it. We need something." Boy, he sure was being particular. What did it matter? There wasn't any poop in there.

I did as he asked, and watched in amazement as Morelli diapered her up, all nice and neat. I tried to act nonchalant about the whole thing, but I really was quite impressed.

He picked Abby back up off the couch and put her on his shoulder. "She looks pretty sleepy to me. She'll probably fall asleep if you rock her."

"And how do you know that?" I asked in an irritated tone. I was starting to feel bad that Joe would make a better mother than me.

"Well, she just spit out her pacifier so she could yawn, and now she's rubbing her eyes."

"Oh," I said sheepishly. I wondered why I didn't notice the same things Joe did. I sat down in the rocking chair and held out my arms to take her. Joe gently passed her over, and I tried to discreetly arrange her in my arms so I'd look natural holding her. Thankfully, Joe had turned back to the couch to get her pacifier, so he didn't see.

Abby was squirming, and I noticed she was sort of rooting around in my shirt. I pulled her away from my chest and said, "This is one weird baby. I hope they're all not like her."

Joe had a big grin on his face and was shaking his head at me. "Cupcake, my guess is she's a breastfed baby. She probably wants to eat."

"Take her!" I screamed, as if he had just said she had the plague. "What, she can't tell the difference between me and her mom?! I don't have anything in there, and even if I did, I wouldn't let her have it." I shuddered. "That's gross."

Joe was just laughing at me, making his way to the refrigerator. "Looks like there's backup in here." He took the bottle out of the refrigerator and tested the temperature of the milk on his wrist. He took the top off and warmed it in the microwave. Then he brought it to me. "Here, give her this, and I bet she'll be out before you know it."

I looked down at the bottle. The milk didn't look anything like what I poured in my cereal every morning. "No way. I'm not touching that."

Joe shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Give me the baby, Steph, and get out of the chair. Go see if you can find a bib."

I came back with one and then sat down on the couch, watching Morelli rock and feed Abby.

"How do you know so much about babies?" I asked, a little bit jealous but still majorly turned on.

"You've seen all the kids in my family," Joe explained. "I know this may come as a shock to you, Cupcake, but they didn't just come into the world the size that they are now. They were once little babies just like this. And we all had to help take care of them whenever they were at grandma's house. As you can see, they were over there a lot."

He continued rocking her, and after a while, she fell asleep in his arms. Just then we heard Lula driving up with Caty, and I rushed to the door to let them in. "Freedom!" was all I could think. I was finally escaping Babyland.

I noticed Caty breathed a big sigh of relief when she saw Abby in someone's arms other than mine. She gently took her from Joe and headed off to put her somewhere. I assumed in a crib.

When she came back, Lula was still laughing at the way I looked, and I noticed Caty was frowning in the direction of Abby's highchair. I hoped she hadn't looked in her bedroom yet.

We all walked to the front door, and Lula was telling Caty, "Listen, you need a ride for your court date, you call me, okay? Just don't miss it again. You don't want this one here coming back and babysitting again, do you?" Caty was shaking her head "no" really fast, and I just rolled my eyes at both of them. Joe opened the door for us, and we walked out to our cars.

"I take it you two are leaving together, right?" Lula asked. Joe nodded his head, and I gave Lula a look that said, "_Believe me, you will pay_!"

"See you tomorrow, Blondie!" Lula said with a laugh, climbing into her car and roaring out.

"Blondie?" Joe said, puzzled. "Don't ask," I advised, shaking my head.

"So I have a crazy idea," Joe started, pulling me toward him, leaning us back against his car. He continued speaking, stopping every now and then so he could plant kisses on my lips. "Why don't you and I (kiss) go home (kiss) and throw out that box of condoms?" He had a faint smile on his lips, but I could tell he was being serious. My arms felt tingly, and I think my brain went numb. Joe hesitated, trying to gauge my reaction. When I didn't say anything, he just smiled and tried to brush it off. "Or we can just get in a little practice, if you prefer."

I felt awful the entire ride home. A part of me had wanted to confess to Joe that practicing probably wasn't necessary. But unfortunately, that part was buried deep down inside of my brain. The stubborn part had already taken over, refusing to let me even entertain thoughts that, in a little less than nine months, Joe would be rocking _our_ baby to sleep.

The thought of having a baby scared me so much that I just sat back in my seat and let the stubborn side win.


	21. Chapter 21

After a series of head-splitting collaborations with both sides of our families, we finally set the wedding date for September 17th. We had originally decided on September 3rd, the Saturday of Labor Day weekend, but Joe's brother, Paul, said he was taking his family to the beach for the weekend, and he didn't want to change their plans. So we pushed it back to September 10th, and of course Valerie said that date wouldn't work for her. Albert had recently surprised her and the kids with the announcement of a trip to Disney World in September, and they wouldn't be home until the 12th. Fortunately for the health of everyone around me at the time, September 17th was given the all clear, and it became the official day Joe and I would finally become husband and wife.

* * *

It was now July, and I was heading into my sixth week of pregnancy. I didn't know that at the time, though, because I was still refusing to consider the prospect that something was growing inside of me. Nearly six weeks of denial training had taught me to be a good little soldier.

That particular morning was extremely hot and sticky. I woke up without any covers on top of me, and even though we had the air conditioner and ceiling fan going full blast, I was still sweating like a pig.

I wanted to snuggle up next to Joe, but it was just too damn hot. So I laid there beside him, watching him while he slept. I sighed to myself, practically drooling, and began to debate whether or not I wanted to reach under the covers and wake up at least one part of his body.

Sadly, I never got the chance to go exploring. Just as I was moving my arm toward him, a wave of nausea struck. I laid there for a moment, trying to decide if it was going to pass or if I needed to do something about it. After a few seconds, I knew, without a doubt, that a trip to the bathroom was in order. And fast!

I rushed out of the room, gently shutting the door behind me. I just barely made it to the sink when I seemed to explode.

I was bent over, panting and panicked. Standing over the sink, my subconscious began forcing me to think "What if?" and "What are you going to do?" I knew I was late, but I'd still been holding out hope that Aunt Flo was coming for a visit.

I stood there another minute or two and decided that the best thing I could do was to pretend to actually be sick.

As soon as the nausea passed, I walked back into the bedroom, holding my stomach, and gently nudged Joe's shoulder to wake him. "I don't feel good," I groaned. "I think it was something I ate last night. How is _your_ stomach?"

Joe opened his eyes, groggy, and turned to look at the clock. "Huh? What'd you say?" He was half sitting up, rubbing his eyes, and trying to focus on me.

"I think I might have food poisoning, and I just want to make sure you're feeling okay."

Joe started out of bed, yawning and stretching, and then he leaned over and touched my forehead. "Poor Cupcake." He did a little sympathy pout for me and patted my head. "You're not feverish, so that's a good sign. Can I get you anything?"

"No," I stammered. "I think I'll just keep the trash can by the bed and try to get some sleep. I've been up for hours fighting this."

"Aww, I'm sorry, sweetie. Why didn't you wake me? I could've stayed up with you, holding your hair or something." God he was so thoughtful. I should've felt like shit for lying to him, but I didn't. I was actually started to believe I _did_ have food poisoning and that I _had_ been up for hours.

I laid back down in the bed and closed my eyes. I wasn't really sleepy, but I had to pretend for Joe's benefit. I stayed there until he was finished with his shower, and then I heard him come back into the room. He sat down beside me on the bed and asked, "Do I need to go in late today? You want to run up to the clinic and see if they can give you something?"

"No!" I shouted. "I mean, that's okay," I said in a softer tone. "It'll pass. I've had food poisoning before, and it was exactly like this. I think it's just a mild case, so I'll be feeling better in ..." I started to say "no time," but instead I said "Blurp" and threw up right on Morelli's pants.

Joe quickly grabbed the trash can and put it up to my mouth while I continued to barf up this bitter-tasting yellow liquid. His wet towel was still lying on the floor, so he picked it up and passed it over to me. "Let me get you some water." He stripped off his pants, picked them up, and headed off downstairs. Minutes later he was back wearing a clean pair of pants, a glass of water in his hand and a puzzled look on his face.

"Cupcake, you didn't eat supper last night," Joe said, not so much as a question but a statement of fact.

"Uh, _yes_ I did," I argued, emphasizing the "yes" to show I knew I was right. I got out of bed and walked over to the closet, mainly so he couldn't see my face.

"No, no you didn't. I distinctly remember, because I thought you were going to eat with Lula, but when you came home, you said you didn't. Remember? I offered to fix you something, but you said 'no'?"

Oh crap. Now what was I going to say? "I didn't say it was something I ate last night. I think it was the mayonnaise in the potato salad I ate at lunch." Whew. Would he just shut up and leave already?

But he continued to disagree. "No, that's not what you said. You said it was something you ate last night. Then you asked about _my_ stomach, but I didn't eat any of the same foods that you did yesterday."

"Oh my gosh, Joe. You were half asleep! How do you know for sure what I said? What, am I on trial here?!" I yelled. "What are you interrogating me for? Go to work and do that to some bad guys or something. Jeez."

"Steph, I wasn't accusing you of anything. I was simply ..."

"Sure sounded like it to me," I interrupted, playing the insulted part perfectly.

"No, Cupcake, really. Just that maybe you don't have food poisoning and something else is wrong."

Now I really was mad at him. "What, food poisoning isn't bad enough? Now you want it to be something worse? That's just mean!" I fussed at him, crossing my arms over my chest, and staring him down.

Someone familiar with the symptoms of pregnancy would've been able to put two and two together, what with the vomiting and obvious mood swing, but thankfully Joe didn't have a lot of experience in that field. Having baby knowledge was one thing; a hormonally challenged pregnant woman was a whole new ballgame.

"Of course not, Steph. Why would you even think that?" he reached out to hug me, but I pushed his arm away. "Don't touch me! I don't want to talk to you anymore."

"Stephanie, this is silly," Joe said firmly. "Look, I only ask questions because I care. You know that, right?" He was trying to get me to look at him, but I refused to do it. "Right, Steph?" And then the next thing I knew, I was crying.

"Stephanie, come here." Joe took me into his arms and hugged me, at the same time pulling the trash can closer to us. I guess he didn't want to have to change clothes again.

"Listen, you're not feeling good, and I think I'm doing more harm than good. Get back in bed and try to sleep a little bit more. Come on ..." He was leading me back over to the bed while I was drying my eyes. He tucked me in and kissed me softly on the lips. "Just get some rest, and drink plenty of fluids. As soon as I finish up what I need to do, I'll come home and check on you."

I closed my eyes and didn't open them again until I heard him shut the front door.

"Good looks _and_ brains," I said with a sigh. "I couldn't be marrying a hottie that's stupid."


	22. Chapter 22

Not long after Joe left, Mary Lou came to the door. I was still lying in bed, but thankfully the nausea had passed. I was contemplating what I was going to eat for breakfast when I heard the doorbell ring. I swore to myself, just knowing it was Joe's mom and Grandma Bella. "Uggh," I said to Bob. "I don't need this today."

I walked over to the window and pulled back the curtain. To my delight, Mary Lou's minivan was parked in the driveway. "Thank you, God," I said, grabbing my robe and hurrying down the stairs.

"Man you're lazy!" Mary Lou teased as soon as I opened the door.

"Yep, I'm being a big old bum today, and I don't care! What're you up to?"

"I thought I'd stop by and see if you want to go shopping with me. I need a dress to wear to the in-law's anniversary party tomorrow night."

"Me? Go shopping? You know it! Give me five minutes to get dressed, and we'll be on our way."

I ran upstairs to get ready and was back down about ten minutes later. Mary Lou was on her cell phone, and she held up a finger, asking for a minute. I nodded and went over to the coffee pot to pour us each a cup. I handed one of the cups to her then leaned back against the counter, waiting while she talked. I stood there chewing on my fingernail when I was suddenly hit with a big desire to eat leftover cheese tortellini (compliments of Mrs. Morelli, of course).

I reached into the fridge and pulled out the dish. I grabbed a fork and dug in, not even bothering to reheat it. I was chewing and swallowing when I suddenly realized that I didn't actually want that. So I dropped my fork in the dish and reached into the fridge again. I searched for a few minutes and spotted Rex's bag of carrots. "Yum," I thought. I hadn't eaten carrots in ages. I pulled out the bag and started chomping down. I was so engrossed in eating that I had honestly forgotten Mary Lou was still there.

Finally the sound of her voice brought me back to reality, and I noticed that no matter what I did or where I moved to, she wouldn't stop staring at me. Her eyebrows were knitted together, like she was thinking hard, and it was starting to make me uncomfortable. Finally I couldn't take it any longer, and I yelled, out, "What? Do I have food on my shirt? Something on my mouth?" A little piece of carrot fell out, and I started picking at my teeth, almost as a reflex.

"Listen, I gotta go. We'll talk about this later." She snapped her phone shut and said, "Nooo," very slowly. "It's just that ... you look different." She kept staring, so I decided to ignore her. "Nope, not a thing different. Same old Stephanie. Same old me." I picked up the tortellini dish and placed it down into the sink.

"No, there's something definitely different about you."

"Would you stop it?!" I said, completely frustrated. "There isn't a single thing different about me. I would know, wouldn't I?" I snapped.

"You're pregnant?!" she shouted out, like she'd just answered a million dollar question and was waiting to find out if she had won.

I couldn't believe she had said that. "I am not!" I said vehemently, shaking my head and turning my back to her. I started rinsing out the pan and asked "Why on earth would you say that?"

"It's your boobs. They look bigger. And the way you just ate. And this mood you're in." She nodded her head "yes" and said, "Yep, you're pregnant alright."

"Would you stop saying that! You know you can't say things too many times or you'll make them come true!"

"Stephanie, stop being weird. I'm so happy for you!" The last sentence came out kind of funny, because she was jumping up and down, holding onto my arms, as she said it. "I can't believe it! My bestest friend ever is finally going to have a baby!" She just wouldn't shut up.

"Do you know when it happened? If you do, maybe you can remember what position you two were doing it in? If you were on top, than it's probably a girl. If you were standing up, like against a wall or in the shower, than it should be a boy. I think doing it doggy style gets you a boy, too, but I'm not sure. When I got pregnant the second time, Lenny and I tried all three the same night just to mix up our chances a bit."

It took a few minutes for Mary Lou to notice that I had both hands covering my ears and was singing "La,la,la,la" in order to drown her out.

"Fine," she said, pulling my arms down from my head. "I'll stop. I promise."

"Thank you," I said, wiping off the countertop. "Now can we just go to the mall and have a good time?"

"Sounds like a plan." But just as we were walking out of the kitchen, and I turned off the light, she asked, "When did you have your last period?"

"Mary Lou! Stop it! For the last time, I am not pregnant!" I was rubbing my forehead and contemplating thoughts of hitting her in the head with a lamp.

"You know, at best the pill is only 99 percent effective. And you can't always trust a condom. There's slippage, an accidental hole. The only way you can be sure is to just not have sex, and I know there is _no way_ you and Morelli aren't having sex!"

"I can't take it anymore!" I shouted. "For the last time, I am not pregnant! _Maybe_ we had sex a _few_ times without any protection, maybe I am two weeks late, and maybe I am puking my guts out, but that doesn't mean I'm pregnant dammit!" I immediately covered my mouth in a gesture that said, "Oops."

"I knew it! I knew it! Am I good or what?" she exclaimed, obviously very proud of herself. "Yeah, you're a regular Sylvia Browne," I said with an overexaggerated eye roll.

I plopped down on the couch, and Mary Lou sat down next to me. She was acting calmer, but she was still grinning really big. "I'm sorry, Steph. I know you think right now that you don't want a baby, but ..."

"That's right," I interrupted. "I don't want a baby right now. Maybe in a few years. Just not right now. That's why I'm not pregnant, Mary Lou. Okay?"

Mary Lou just stared at me, so I repeated, "Okay?"

"Steph, I know you want to believe that, but you have to realize that there's an extremely strong possibility that you may not have a few years ..."

I cut her off again. "Look, can we just not talk about this anymore?"

"Will you at least take a pregnancy test if I go get one?" Mary Lou was obviously playing with fire and enjoying it.

"No!" I yelled. "For the last time, Mary Lou, I'm not pregnant! I don't want to talk about it anymore. No mentioning pregnancy tests, no trying to get me to look at maternity clothes, baby clothes, nothing!" I exclaimed, grabbing my purse off the table. "If you still want me to go to the mall with you, I suggest we get going. Right now!"

* * *

That conversation wasn't quite what had led me to thinking I hated Mary Lou, but she was definitely heading down that path. Thankfully she managed to keep her mouth shut while we were at the mall, but she obviously went home and gave it considerable thought. It was the next day that she became Public Enemy #1!

I have to say that even though the day hadn't exactly started off well, Mary Lou and I ended up having a great time shopping. She found the perfect dress, and I found a must-have pair of FMP's and a few sexy pieces of lingerie to wear for Joe. Mary Lou never said a word, but she was probably laughing to herself thinking I wouldn't be wearing any of it for long.


	23. Chapter 23

Mary Lou dropped me off at the house sometime after three o'clock, and Joe was already home.

"Hey, Cupcake," he said with a smile. "I see you're feeling better." Then he handed me my cell phone. "How am I supposed to check in on you if you go off without this?"

I flashed him a smile and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I think I can find a way to make you forgive me."

"It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with what's in those bags, would it?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

I was already running toward the stairs. "Give me five minutes," I shouted, "then meet me in the bedroom."

I locked myself in the room and quickly stripped off my clothes. Since the FMP's I bought were black, I decided to stay with that color scheme and pulled out the black teddy. I started putting it on, but I was having trouble getting my boobs to fit. "Shit," I said, staring down at the discarded tag. "Did I buy the wrong size?" I ran to the mirror and checked to see how bad it looked. I was pleasantly surprised to see that my breasts actually looked pretty sexy the way I had them stuffed in there. "You should've bought the wrong size way before now," I said to my reflection in the mirror. In reality, it was the same size I always bought, but it made me feel better lying to myself.

I unlocked the door and sat down on the bed. A few minutes later I heard footsteps on the stairs, and I anxiously awaited the turning of the knob. When Joe finally came through the door, I saw he had already removed his shirt and was holding a bottle of wine with two glasses. I walked toward him and smiled to myself, noting his fixation on my breasts.

"You like?" I said seductively. "I got it on sale."

"I would've paid full price for that," he managed to get out, turning around long enough to put the bottle and the glasses down on the dresser. He turned back to me quickly and pulled me close to him. His tongue was immediately in my mouth, and his hands were all over me. No matter where they explored, though, they kept coming back to my breasts. He leaned down and started kissing the exposed cleavage that the teddy couldn't contain. "My God, Steph, I don't know how it's possible, but this nightie makes your breasts seem so different. It's almost like they're bigger."

I was rubbing my hand over his erection, my only thought at that point being how long it was going to take for that to be inside of me. "No," I said with a slight laugh, "they're the same as always. But I'm glad you're enjoying them."

We made our way over to the bed, and I was just about to remove my shoes when Joe stopped me. "No, leave them on. And this, too," he said, pulling on one of the straps of the nightie. "I can see you naked later. Right now I want to see you just like this."

He made quick work of getting out of his jeans and underwear and returned his full attention to my breasts. He was on top of me, and he started to part my legs with his knee when he suddenly stopped. "Let's try something else," he said, flipping himself over onto his back and pulling me on top of him. "How about you on top this time? This way I get the pleasure of watching them bounce."

I had no problem with that. I thoroughly enjoyed having the ability to get Morelli so turned on.

* * *

A few hours later, I was blissfully asleep, sweat matting my hair to the side of my head and a puddle of drool on the pillow. "Mmm," I stirred, turning to see if I was alone or if Joe was with me. He was lying in bed beside me, watching me as I slept. He smiled when I opened my eyes and leaned over for a kiss. "I never got a chance to ask how your stomach feels?"

"Much better," I reassured him. "No more potato salad for me for a while, though."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that. I don't like seeing my little Cupcake sick. So, are you hungry? I have supper ready and waiting downstairs."

"I'm starving!" I exclaimed, starting out of bed. Joe stood up, too, and passed me my robe. "Don't bother getting dressed," he said. "I want you to model another one of those nighties after we eat."

Thankfully I wasn't having any weird cravings at that point, but I did seem to be having issues with food. It had started several days before then, and it was growing more intense with each passing day. Out of the blue I would think of something to eat, and I had to have it right then and there. That night was no exception.

I walked downstairs with Joe and spied a smorgasbord of food awaiting us. It all looked delicious, and I piled my plate high. We sat down on the couch, and Joe flipped on a ball game.

I started to take a bite, but all of a sudden, something else sounded more appealing. "I want an egg roll with fried rice," I blurted out.

Joe just looked at me rather oddly and said, "That sounds good. We should order Chinese for supper tomorrow."

"No, I mean I want it right now," I explained.

Joe laughed and asked with a raised eyebrow, "Are you serious? You've got a plate full of food right in front of you."

"I know, but I don't have an egg roll and fried rice."

"Well, that's true, but can't we wait and eat that tomorrow night?"

"Yes, I guess we could," I said, "but that doesn't help me tonight." Joe stared at me for a few seconds and then said, "You're playing with me, right?"

I let out a nervous laugh and realized I'd be best off stifling that particular urge before warning sirens went off in Morelli's head. "Guilty as charged, Officer," I said with a playful grin.

Joe put his plate down and then took mine out of my hands. "Well, then," he said, leaning in to kiss my neck. "I suggest you behave yourself and take your punishment like a good girl."

I obviously enjoyed being disciplined, but I still wanted that egg roll.


	24. Chapter 24

The next morning started off pretty much the same as the day before, except that, to my delight, Joe was up and out of the house early. That meant I didn't have to feign food poisoning or come up with some other mysterious illness to explain why I was once again spending quality time in the bathroom. I had given up hope of going back to sleep and decided to just make myself comfortable on the floor in front of the toilet.

Between bouts of vomiting, I sat there praying that I would suddenly be struck with severe menstrual cramps. I promised God that if he would just let that happen, I wouldn't take a single pain pill. I'd suffer through every excruciating moment of it and not complain a bit.

After finally accepting that the cramps weren't coming, I slowly made my way back to bed. I had just gotten settled when I heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. I panicked, assuming it was Joe, so I ran to the window and pulled back the curtain. But it was someone worse than Joe. It was my mother.

"Stay quiet, Bob!" I ordered. Then I ran over and shut the bedroom door. A few seconds later I heard the doorbell. I stood perfectly still and waited. The bell rang again. After a third time, my cell phone chirped.

"Shit!" I said to Bob. My mother's cell phone number popped up on the screen. I debated whether or not to answer, finally deciding I'd pretend to be out with Lula.

"Hi mom," I said casually.

"Good morning, Stephanie. Why aren't you answering the door?"

"What are you talking about? I'm not at home to answer the door. I'm out getting breakfast with Lula."

"Stephanie, I don't care how old you are, you will not lie to your mother. Come down and open the door this very minute."

"I'd like to mom, but I'm not ..."

My mother cut me off. "Stephanie, I saw you look out the window."

"Impossible. Maybe it was Bob."

"Stephanie Plum! Open the door right now or I'll call Joe to bring the key."

I quickly disconnected and ran downstairs.

"Stephanie, no matter what is wrong with you," my mother fussed, "it is never acceptable to lie."

I stared down at the floor, seriously fighting off the urge to puke. "I'm sorry, mom. Could you give me a second?" I asked, holding up my finger. "I was right in the middle of something." I ran upstairs and shut the bathroom door, turning on the water to drown out any noise I was about to make.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally wiped my mouth and flushed the toilet. I stood there debating what to do next, hoping and praying my mother hadn't heard anything. I took a few calming breaths and then splashed water on my face. I opened the door and walked back downstairs to the living room.

"Sorry about that," I began to explain. "I think I must be coming down with some sort of bug. Lula had it yesterday, and I think Connie's had it, too. Hopefully it's just a 24 hour thing ..."

"Stephanie," my mother interrupted, a very serious look on her face. "I think we both know that you're not sick."

"I think I'd know if I was sick, mom. I'm not an idiot."

She hesitated for a moment before placing her purse down on the coffee table. She let out a sigh and then simply said, "Stephanie, Mary Lou called me about half an hour ago, and I think you know exactly what she told me."

My mind was racing. She'd heard me upstairs in the bathroom, so obviously she felt as if Mary Lou's suspicions were confirmed. I was going to have to spill every dirty little detail. And don't even get me started on Mary Lou! How could she have betrayed me like this?! I knew she was determined to get me to face reality, but I never thought she'd stoop so low. I never thought she'd play the mom card! Best friends just didn't do that.

Finally I managed to speak. "Mom, Mary Lou has no idea what she's talking about. She's a total luna ..."

"Stephanie," my mother said firmly, once again stopping me. "I don't know what silly game the two of you are playing, but I really do not have time for this. I have enough on me having to deal with your grandmother."

I hesitated a moment, totally surprised at the turn in the conversation. "What ... what are you talking about? What exactly did Mary Lou tell you?"

"She called me this morning, begging for me to come over and talk to you. Something about you trying to back out of the party tonight."

"What?" I asked, totally confused.

"From what I could gather, you promised to go to the anniversary party for Lenny's parents tonight, but you called her trying to get out of it. Apparently you told her you were going to play sick so that you and Joe don't have to go."

I narrowed my eyes at just the _thought_ of Mary Lou. To think how close I'd come to confessing everything to my mother. Mary Lou was in big ass trouble!

"Stephanie, I'd like to think I raised you better than this. You do not accept an invitation and then lie so that you can do something else. Your father doesn't want to go either, but he realizes the importance of sticking to one's word."

My mother bent over and picked up her purse. "I expect to see you and Joe there this evening."

I nodded my head "yes," relieved that my mother was leaving none the wiser. "I also think it would be a nice idea if you called Mary Lou and apologized."

"Oh, believe me, I'll call Mary Lou. You can count on that."

"Good," my mother replied. "And no more of this foolishness. You're both way too old to be acting this way."

* * *


	25. Chapter 25

I honestly wanted to kill Mary Lou. I tried reaching her at home and on her cell, but wisely, she wasn't answering. I went upstairs for my morning shower and then came back down in search of food. I was starving, and I wanted pancakes. With lots of syrup.

I was just squeezing out the last remaining bit of whipped cream when I heard the doorbell ring. I quickly added a cherry on top and then started toward the door. As soon as I opened it, a white flag was immediately shoved in my face.

_Mary Lou_! I prepared myself for battle, opening the door fully so she could appreciate exactly how ticked off I was. I hoped for her sake she was ready.

Unfortunately for me, I took one look at what she was waving, and I burst out laughing.

She had tied a pair of Lenny's underpants to a stick and was standing there waving it, a big goofy grin on her face.

"God, Mary Lou, please tell me that those are clean. You were just waving them in my face."

She stepped inside, and I shut the door behind her. "Yeah, I'm pretty sure they're clean." Then she took a sniff.

"Mary Lou!" I cried out. "What the hell is wrong with you? You're disgusting!"

Then we both started to laugh. "I'm going to kill you, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Mary Lou said with a guarded smile. She was still standing several feet away from me, which to be honest, was the smartest thing she'd done so far that day.

"Come on," I said with a sigh. "Let's go in the kitchen. I'll kill you after I've had breakfast. My pancakes are getting cold, and besides, I need to get my gun out of the cookie jar." I sat down at the table and forked a piece of pancake. "You want somethin' to eat?" I asked, between bites of food.

"No, thanks," Mary Lou replied, staring at me with a slight look of disgust on her face. "I'll just have some coffee."

"Help yourself," I mumbled, still chowing down.

Mary Lou poured herself a cup and then sat across from me at the table. We were both silent for a few minutes, deep in thought, and then I finally spoke.

"What were you hoping to gain from doing that? Was it honestly worth almost tossing out all these years of friendship? I mean, come on, Mary Lou. I was on the verge of confessing everything to my mom."

Mary Lou sat there quietly, then she said softly, "I thought there was nothing to confess, Steph?"

She had me. "Well ... technically there isn't," I stammered.

"Steph, I have to admit that I was pretty worried about how this would turn out. It took me several tries to actually punch in your mother's number. But you've got yourself so deep in denial, I knew it was going to take something drastic. And what's more drastic than calling in the big guns?"

She smiled slightly and said, "Sorry, best friend, but I had to try. It was either your mom or Morelli, and there was _no way_ I was calling him." She took another sip of her coffee and continued. "And obviously since I'm still alive, I can assume your mom doesn't suspect a thing. But I guess she must think I'm insane."

"Yeah," I added, "she fussed at the both of us. It was like we were back in high school all over again."

We started giggling, and I realized I was feeling much better. Until, of course, I saw Mary Lou reach into her purse and pull out a box. "Look," she said, "just take the test. Then you'll finally know for sure."

I pushed my plate away, no longer hungry, and then I lowered my head down into my hands. "I can't, Mary Lou. I just can't."

"Steph, you have to. You can't keep going on like this. Are you _really_ happy living in denial?"

"I was until you showed up," I pouted.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I just can't stand by and not do something. Stephanie, I know you're scared. Having a baby is a pretty scary thing. But you have to start accepting that, most likely, what's done is done. There's nothing you can do now but go forward. Take the test." She pushed the box toward me, but I didn't move. "Take it, Steph."

I let out a huge sigh and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Fine!" I said, exasperated. "You win." I started to open the box, but my fingers were trembling so much that I couldn't do it. Mary Lou got it open and handed me the stick. "You're not a pregnancy test virgin. You know what to do." Then she pointed toward the downstairs bathroom. "I'll be waiting right here."

I closed the bathroom door and sat down on the toilet. My hands were still shaking, and I couldn't hold the stick. It fell right into the toilet. "Crap!" I yelled. I stood up from the toilet, pulled up my underwear and shorts, then reached in as quickly as I could and grabbed the stick out.

"Sorry," I said, opening the door. "I guess it'll just have to wait until we can get ..." All of a sudden Mary Lou shoved another stick in my hand. "I heard, and I know how you are Steph. I had another one ready and waiting."

"Damn you!" I yelled, only slightly joking. I went back into the bathroom and sat on the toilet again. No matter how hard I tried, though, I couldn't pee. "Turn on the water!" Mary Lou yelled after a few minutes. I did as she said, and after a bit, a decent enough amount of urine trickled down onto the tip.

"There!" I said, grabbing a paper towel and placing the stick on top of it on the table. I quietly washed my hands and then turned around to face Mary Lou. "So now we wait."

We both sat there in silence, and a few times I caught myself holding my breath. "I think it's been long enough, Steph. Why don't you look?"

I closed my eyes, breathed in and out deeply a few times, and picked up the stick.

Lo and behold there was a tiny pink plus sign right in the middle. And just like that, my honorary citizenship to Denialville was revoked. After all, pregnancy tests were against the law there.

Mary Lou never even had to look. She just wrapped her arm around my shoulder and gave me a gentle squeeze. "Congratulations, mom."


	26. Chapter 26

I sat there for a few minutes, not saying a word. The shock was overwhelming, and my mind was numb. Mary Lou sat at the table with me, and for quite some time, neither one of us spoke.

Finally she asked, "When are you going to tell Morelli?"

"I don't know," I let out with a sigh. "I'd like to hurry and get it over with, but thanks to you, I have to go to that stupid party tonight." I shot her a dirty look and shook my head in disgust. "I'd like to take my time and not feel rushed. I want it to be special."

"Yeah, I really am sorry about that," Mary Lou said sheepishly. "Listen, you don't really have to come. I'll just tell your mother ..."

"No, I have to be there. She let me know in no uncertain terms that she expects to see Joe and me."

I sat there twirling a curl around my finger, feeling totally lost and vulnerable. For the past six weeks I had been wrapped up in this safe little cocoon, where reality never seeped in. As I sat there, lost in my thoughts, I started realizing that I was really and truly going to have a baby. No maybe's, no what if's, just a cold hard definite fact. One thought kept playing over and over in my mind and that was, "It's definitely in there, and one way or another, it's gotta come out." No amount of pretending or denying was going to change that.

I let out another sigh, and Mary Lou asked, "What're you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that I don't have any business with a baby. They're small and fragile, and I'll probably break it. They can't use the bathroom on their own, and when they're born, they don't know how to walk or talk or do anything but cry. And I do happen to know they cry a lot. And they're really loud." I was frowning down at my pancake plate, and I looked up to see Mary Lou smiling.

"Yeah, all that's true. But you know what, Steph? Even though they are small and fragile, they _don't_ break. Sure they mess in their diapers, but when you get them all cleaned up, they smell really good. They don't know how to walk or talk, but that just means you get to hold them and cuddle them close without fear of them running off to play with someone else. They can't scoot out of your lap and say they're too busy for a hug. They do cry a lot, but one day they're going to give you their very first smile, and I guarantee it will absolutely melt your heart. They coo, and they gurgle, and they absolutely adore you. And for no other reason than because you're mommy."

Mary Lou's eyes were glimmering with tears, and I looked down trying to hide mine. "Steph, all I can say is enjoy this time. Enjoy every single minute of babyhood, because they grow up way too fast."

I wiped my tears and tried to smile. "Okay, enough of the mushy stuff. I'm hungry, and I think the least you can do is treat me to lunch. Then maybe I can figure out how I want to break the news to Joe."

"Sounds like a plan! Anything you want, mommy-to-be!" Mary Lou teased.

"Mmm, I'm thinking Chinese! I've been dreaming of an egg roll and fried rice since last night."

"Chinese it is, then. Go get ready, and we'll head out."

I picked up the water sogged test stick and put it down inside the empty pregnancy test box along with all the wrappings. I took the other box, folded it up, and then threw all of it inside Mary Lou's purse. "You get rid of this. I don't want to chance anything spoiling the surprise."

I then took a sandwich bag and zipped the positive test up inside. When I went upstairs to change, I hide it in my lingerie drawer. "On second thought, that might not be the best place," I said to myself. "Morelli's more likely to find it mixed up with my panties than he is if I were to stick it down here with my socks and shorts."

Twenty minutes later, Mary Lou and I were standing in line, waiting to be seated at the Chinese buffet. "Man this smells good," Mary Lou said with a big sniff.

"Yeah, it does," I said, not entirely convinced. "But you know what? I'm starting to think that I actually want Mexican now. I could really go for some chips and salsa with quacamole."

Mary Lou just stood there shaking her head and laughing. "Poor unsuspecting Morelli. He has no idea what's about to hit him."

* * *

After a bit of thinking and revising, I finally figured out how I wanted to surprise Joe with the big announcement. Mary Lou helped a little, but I thought of the important parts.

I needed a baby toy, but I refused to go to the specialty baby shop. I did manage to agree to the toy store in the mall, though. One time I had made a mental note to myself when I saw some 20-something year old guys in there buying video games. Seeing them standing in line kind of took the ickiness factor away from the whole place. Granted the store mostly sells toys, but they were obviously trying to appeal to a broader market, too. I was comforted knowing that even tall people were welcome to shop there.

I spied the stuffed animals, and we spent about twenty minutes going back and forth on which one I thought was best. I finally settled on a soft and fluffy white lamb. It had a pastel pink ribbon tied around its neck, and it was decorated with little pink and blue baby footprints. I really liked that the ribbon had a pink background, because I had managed to decide, from the time we left the Mexican restaurant to the time we were standing in front of the stuffed animals, that I really wanted the baby to be a girl.

But back to the lamb - it stood up on all fours, and there was a wind-up knob on the side. When you turned it, it played music and moved its head. Mary Lou said it was "Brahms' Lullaby." I had no idea if she was telling the truth or not, but I took her word for it. And I really didn't care. It was cute, and that was all that mattered.

Next we decided that I was going to make Joe a "home-cooked" meal. I started to panic, but Mary Lou assured me there was nothing to worry about. We ran through ShopRite, and everything she grabbed for the main dishes was pre-cooked and completely microwaveable. Then we got a bag of pre-washed lettuce and some dinner rolls from the bakery. Mary Lou said it was okay to have wine, but I wasn't convinced. I thought I'd better wait until I'd seen the doctor and heard what he had to say, so I picked out a bottle of sparkling red grape juice. That would be close enough.

We finally made it home a little after four, and thankfully, there was no sign of Morelli. Sometimes he comes home early for no reason, and today was one of those days I didn't want that to happen. We brought in the bags, and Mary Lou carefully went over each item I was to make for supper. She showed me what to do and even wrote it down in case I panicked.

We agreed that Mary Lou would speak to my mom about Joe and me not being there at the party that night, and I agreed to just ignore the phone if it was someone calling to potentially bitch me out. That being settled, Mary Lou headed out, and I sat down at the table, a bag of cheezy doodles in front of me.

I had butterflies in my stomach, and I kept staring at the clock. Joe had said the day before that he probably wouldn't be home until six, so all I had to do was find a way to pass the time until I could start preparing.

"Please God," I prayed, "no matter what happens, don't let me screw this up."

* * *


	27. Chapter 27

Around five o'clock I ran upstairs to get ready. Dinner wasn't going to take long, thanks to the microwave, so I decided to spend some time on myself. I brushed my hair and touched up my makeup. I dabbed a bit of perfume on my wrists, the sides of my neck, and in between my breasts. The scent was Joe's favorite, and wearing it always made me feel incredibly sexy.

I walked over to the closet and stared inside. The outfit I chose had to be perfect. I cursed myself for not buying something new at the mall, than I got down to business. I went through each piece of clothing, hanger by hanger. I grabbed a top with a matching skirt, but it just didn't seem right. It didn't say "_Joe, I'm having our baby_." Instead it said, "Joe, do you wanna hold hands and skip through the park?"

The next outfit I tried was _close_, but it still didn't have the "Ummph" factor I was going for. I guess I was asking a lot from a few pieces of cloth. But I wanted so much for that night to be perfect, and the wrong attire, in my opinion, could make it or break it.

"Damn!" I said to Bob, staring at the clock. "How on earth did it get to be 5:30?!"

I decided to take a break from planning my outfit and get the lamb ready. I ran downstairs, pulled off the price tag, and discreetly placed it in the seat of one of the dining room chairs. I slid the chair in very snug and made a mental note to remember to sit next to it. I ran back upstairs and continued searching the closet.

I pulled out a low cut silk blouse with a matching skirt. I had that on and was almost going to go with it, but then a horrible thought flashed through my mind. I looked like a brown-headed, curly-haired Terry Gilman. "Oh hell no!" I shrieked, stripping the shirt off and tossing it into the trash. My stomach turned, and I breathed in and out deeply. Why the hell had I thought of her?

I shook my head to clear out the evil, and then I ran back downstairs. Okay, 5:39 p.m. I was still doing okay. I ran from the kitchen, practically slinging the plates onto the dining room table. I threw out silverware, two napkins, and wine glasses. I set out two candles and hurried back into the kitchen. I threw the rolls on a plate and grabbed the butter. I snatched the pre-cooked roasted chicken from the fridge, tore off the cardboard wrapper, and pulled the pouch to vent it. In the microwave for ten minutes, and I was good to go. Wow, why on earth had I ever been so scared of cooking? This was a cinch! I made a mental note to go grocery shopping with Mary Lou more often.

I ran back upstairs and stared into the closet. "Okay, Stephanie," I said. "This is ridiculous. Joe's going to be home any minute, and you're practically naked." I stood there, contemplating that, and wondered if maybe that might be a better way to tell him. No, defintely not. This occasion called for clothing. At least at first.

I continued searching, until my eyes landed on _the dress_. Of course! Why hadn't I thought of it before? Probably because it was buried all the way in the back of the closet. I did a forehead slap and pulled it out, praying that it wasn't too wrinkled.

I tossed the hanger and slipped the dress over my head. I ran my hands down both my sides, smoothing out the fabric. Perfect! I stared at myself in the mirror, my thoughts totally absorbed in a night that seemed like a lifetime ago.

It had been around the time I started thinking I was attracted to Ranger, and I had found myself longing for companionship. Well, not exactly "companionship" per se. I basically wanted sex. I remember that I wrote out both Joe's and Ranger's names on slips of paper and then drew one to make my decision. Yes, I had peeked that night and ended up calling Joe (obviously my head was in a much better place than I ever gave myself credit for). When he answered the phone, I told him I needed his opinion on a dress. This dress was meant for that night, and now, after all that time, it was meant for this one as well.

I smiled to myself, remembering how nervous I had been when I heard him knock on the door. But in true Joe form, he hadn't disappointed. I didn't wear the dress long, but I wasn't going for that. I got what I wanted, and it was absolutely incredible.

Now, standing in front of the mirror, I realized that the situation was reversed. I was still nervous to see Joe; that was the same. But what was different was that it was now_ my turn_ to give Joe what_ he_ wanted. The impact of that hit me pretty hard, and I just stood there staring down at my stomach. For the very first time, I slowly moved my hand over it, and a single tear fell down each cheek. I felt ashamed for the way I'd been behaving, and I knew with everything inside of me that I wanted this baby. _Our baby_.

The sound of the microwave repeatedly dinging brought me back from my thoughts, and I cursed again seeing that it was now 5:52. How long had that thing been going off? I made it downstairs in record time, pulled out the chicken, and threw it onto the plate. I grabbed a carving knife and threw salad in two bowls. Thankfully I had set out the measuring cups earlier, so everything I needed was right there. I grabbed the box of instant potatoes and went to work. I measured out potato flakes, water, milk, and butter, tossing them all into a bowl. I stuck it in the microwave, and if all went well, I would have mashed potatoes in two and a half minutes.

I took the lid off the cheesecake, moved it over to one of our plates, and tossed the plastic container in the recycle bin. I opened a can of green beans, dumped them in a bowl, sprinkled in some pepper, and waited for the potatoes to finish. I poured the sparkling red grape juice into our glasses and returned to the microwave to cook the beans. They only required two minutes, so I still had plenty of time. I stirred the potatoes around with a fork like Mary Lou had said, and by damn, they actually looked like real mashed potatoes. The microwave dinged again, and the green beans soon found themselves on the table along with the rest of the food. I heated the dinner rolls for a minute and moved them to the dining room, too. Next came the jar of gravy, and after heating that, I poured it into the gravy boat. I had no clue we even owned one of those, but Mary Lou found it and said I should use it.

Finally the table was set, the stuffed lamb was in place, and I was all primped and polished and ready to go. Now all I needed was Joe!


	28. Chapter 28

Twenty-five minutes later, I was still pacing in front of the living room window. "Where is he?!" I demanded of Bob. "He's almost never late!" Bob just sort of whimpered and laid his head down. Another five minutes passed, and then the phone rang.

"Hey Stephanie, I'm on my way now. Damn it's been a shitty day. I'll tell you about it when I get there."

"Okay, I have ..." I was about to say "dinner ready and waiting," but he'd already hung up.

I ran into the dining room and started moving dishes back to the kitchen. I'd called Mary Lou, and she'd told me just to reheat everything when I knew Joe was close to being home. I started with the chicken and worked my way back down to the gravy. I moved it all back to the dining room and then stopped to catch my breath. To think I was so exhausted, and I hadn't really cooked. I had no clue how my mother did it.

Finally I heard Joe's key in the door, and I rushed to greet him. "Hey Cupcake," he said, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek before walking right past me. "Sorry I'm late." He tossed his keys onto the table and started up the stairs.

"That's okay," I called out to him. I went back to the dining room and checked again on the food. Finally I heard footsteps on the stairs, and I waited for Joe to come and join me. Instead, I heard the sound of the television.

I clenched my fists, fighting back anger. "No, Stephanie," I told myself. "You are not going to get mad." This was a special night, dammit, and I was determined to keep it that way.

"Hey, Joe?" I called out. "You hungry?"

"Hunh?" I heard him ask. "Are you hungry?" I repeated. No answer.

I walked out to him, and he was sitting on the couch, the phone up to his ear. I waited patiently for him to finish, but the conversation just seemed to drag on and on. Whoever it was had him really ticked off, and I was starting to get ticked off at them, too. They were ruining my perfect evening!

Finally Joe snapped the phone shut and threw it on the coffee table. "What a bunch of dumb asses. I swear I don't know how we manage to get_ anything_ done right!"

I was standing there, waiting for him to finish, when he suddenly stopped. "Are you going somewhere?"

I started shaking my head "no," when Joe blurted out, rather rudely, "Then why are you so dressed up?"

I closed my eyes and counted silently to ten. I smiled sweetly and took his hand. "I have supper ready. I thought we'd eat in the dining room."

"Why didn't you tell me you planned something special?" Joe asked in a irritated voice. He pointed down to what he was wearing. He'd changed into a t-shirt and shorts. "I think I'm a little underdressed."

"It's okay, really! Let's just go sit down." I was beyond exasperated at that point and couldn't have cared less if he was dressed like Santa Claus.

"Woah, Cupcake, this looks nice," he said with a smile. It was the first sign I'd seen of _normal Joe_ since he'd been home.

"Thank you," I smiled. I lit the candles on the table and dimmed the lights. "I thought it would be nice to eat by candlelight."

Joe sat down and carved the chicken. We both filled our plates, and I could tell he was starting to relax.

"So do you want to talk about your day?" I asked sweetly. I really didn't want to hear, but I thought that was something a good wife would do, and I figured tonight was a trial run for the future.

I was really happy when he said that he didn't. "No, it's just a bunch of crap between departments. No one can get their shit together." He picked up his wine glass and took a swallow. I heard him gulp hard and cough. "What is this?!" he asked with a disgusted tone.

"Sparkling grape juice," I answered. "Isn't it good?"

"No, not really." Joe said dully. He hesitated for a second and then asked, "And why are we drinking this?"

"I saw it at the grocery store and thought we'd give it a try. I don't know. It smells good." My voice sounded deflated, and I stared down at my plate.

The evening wasn't at all working out the way I had planned. I was pushing the food around on my plate, too disheartened to eat. I think Joe started sensing the change in my attitude, because when he spoke again, his voice was much softer, and his words were kind.

"Well, I think you're absolutely right, Cupcake. It does smell good. And this meal is delicious. Did you do this all by yourself?" He flashed me his patented sexy smile, and I felt a warm sensation spread throughout my entire body.

"I had a bit of help from the microwave. But I did all the preparation part and set the table." I have to admit I _was_ very proud of myself. I never imagined I could pull together a meal like this.

"Well, I am truly impressed." He leaned in for a kiss and whispered, "How about we take our bottle of grape juice and head upstairs so I can show you how appreciative I really am?" His wavy dark hair was falling across his forehead, and he brushed it back out of his eyes. "I think you could definitely take my mind off of everything that happened today."

We started kissing, but I remembered the cheesecake, so I pulled away. "Wait! Dessert! We have cheesecake." I walked over and turned on the light, then went to the kitchen for clean plates.

When I walked back in the room, Joe was staring at me intently. "I remember that dress," he said with a smile. "I haven't seen you wear it since that night." Knowing that he had remembered made every lousy thing that had happened since he got home completely disappear. "I was hoping you'd recognize it," I said with a genuine smile. "I thought it would be perfect for tonight."

Joe stood up and took the plates out of my hand. He placed them down on the table and pulled me close to him. His lips briefly touched mine, and then his phone rang. "Dammit!" he mumbled, obviously frustrated. "I'm sorry, Steph. I have to take this. I promise to be quick."

While he was talking, I set out the plates and placed a slice of cheesecake on each one. I topped off our grape juice and sat back down. I left the light on, because I was planning to give Joe the lamb, and I wanted to make sure he could see it clearly.

Finally, I heard silence, and moments later Joe rejoined me. I could tell by the look on his face that he was past furious. "Stupid son of a bitch. I can't trust him to do shit. They've got this so screwed up, I don't think there's a way to even go forward now." He yanked his chair out and sat down. He took a deep breath and picked up his fork.

I sat there quietly, chewing on my lip, trying to wait patiently for him to calm down. I knew he was frustrated and would work it out of his system, but I wanted him to hurry up. Those butterflies were still there, and I was having a hard time keeping them under control.

After a few minutes, I reached down into the seat next to me and grabbed hold of the lamb. I held it in my lap, debating whether it was the right time or not. Joe seemed a bit calmer, although he still hadn't spoken since his outburst. Why, of all evenings, did he have to be so upset and distracted?

Finally, I broke the silence and said, "I got something today I want to show you."

"Alright," Joe replied, leaning back in his seat. He was still eating the cheesecake, but his eyes were on me, obviously curious to see what I had.

I leaned over and placed the lamb down on the table. He stared at it a minute, then picked up his glass to take a drink. "O-kay," he said slowly. He took a swallow and put his glass down. I was biting my bottom lip, waiting for his reaction. "I don't know, Steph, it looks kind of lame."

I swallowed hard and wondered if I'd heard him right. "Lame?" I managed to repeat.

He stared at the lamb again then picked it up and lobbed it to Bob like it was a football. "I mean, no offense, Cupcake, but come on. Wasn't there something a little less, I don't know, girly you could've gotten him?"

As soon as the lamb hit the air, my mouth had hit the floor. This was all wrong! He wasn't supposed to think it was a toy for Bob! Couldn't he tell it was for a baby?! I watched as Bob picked it up and shook it wildly from side to side. He ran off into the living room, wagging his tail, and I knew that little lamb was history.

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Joe raised his eyebrows at me and said, "What? You're not really going to get upset at me for not liking that thing, are you?"

Joe had barely gotten the words out of his mouth when I began sobbing uncontrollably. Joe let out a sigh, then stood up from his chair. "Stephanie, I'm sorry. Really. It was just kind of goofy looking." He kneeled down at my chair and tried to take my hand, but I pulled it away.

"Th- th-that wasn't for Bob!" I managed to get out, crying even harder.

"What? What did you say?" he was asking. "I can't understand what you're saying, Steph."

"That wasn't Bob's. Th- th-that was for the baby!" I cried, burying my face in my napkin.

Obviously what I said hadn't sunk in, because Joe just started saying, "We can get another one, Steph. I promise. Where'd you get it? I'll go first thing in the ..."

Then suddenly he stopped. "Did you just say ... baby?" he asked slowly, almost as if he were afraid to say the words.

I nodded my head and kept right on crying.

"As in a baby that you already know or as in a baby that you're going to have?" I could feel his gaze on me, and when I didn't respond, he said, "Answer me, Stephanie. Are you saying you're ..." His voice trailed off, and I looked up at him and nodded my head, tears rolling down my cheeks.

He was still bent down beside me, but as soon as he saw the nod, he jumped up and practically ripped my chair out from the table. In an instant he was pulling me to my feet and closing the distance between our bodies. "You're saying you're going to have a baby?" He was practically breathless, and I seemed to be gasping for air at the same time. "Yes," I finally managed to get out. "Yes."

The smile on his face said it all. His lips met mine, and the kiss started out gentle. Within seconds, his mouth was demanding more, and I was more than willing to oblige. We stayed that way for some time, and when we finally broke the kiss, Joe immediately leaned over and blew out the candles. He took me by the hand and led me up the stairs.

When we got to the doorway of our room, he stopped, reached down, and picked me up in his arms. He carried me over to the bed and gently laid me down. He slowly removed my shoes and then helped me sit up so he could pull the dress over my head. He gently laid it on top of the dresser, and then he slowly unhooked my bra. My breathing was rapid, and I was repeatedly licking my lips. My mouth was dry, and I was aching to feel Joe's lips against mine. Actually, I wanted his lips everywhere. I wanted his hands everywhere. It was all I could do to remain patient while he slowly undressed me.

He pulled his t-shirt over his head and then leaned over and gently slid my panties down over my hips. He carefully tossed them onto the floor, never once taking his eyes off of me. He laid his hand gently on top of my stomach and began moving it around in a very slight circular motion. "I want to spend the rest of the night loving you, Stephanie. I want to show you how much you mean to me ... how happy I am that there's a life _we _created together growing inside of you ..."

And then there were no more words. Joe gave me everything I had been wanting and more. We may have hit some rough spots along the way that evening, but looking back, it truly was the magical night that I had so desperately longed for.


	29. Chapter 29

When we had finally satisfied ourselves with one another, Joe took me in his arms and hugged me close to him. His fingers were interlaced with mine, and although I could see how tired he was, I knew he wasn't ready to sleep.

"Stephanie, I am so sorry about the lamb. I was such an idiot not to see what it was. I just thought it was something you'd picked up for Bob."

"It's okay," I reassured him. "Really, we can get another one for the baby." I hugged him tightly, wanting to make certain he knew I wasn't upset.

"The baby," Joe repeated. "I like the sound of that." I could hear the genuine happiness in his voice, and it gave me goosebumps. "And we _will_ get another one," he assured me. "We'll go first thing tomorrow."

Morelli stayed quiet for a few minutes, gently rubbing my back. "I just feel awful that I ruined everything you planned. I need to learn to leave work at the station ..." He was about to continue, but I stopped him.

"Shh, it's okay," I said, pressing a finger to his lip. "None of that matters now. The only thing that was ruined was the lamb, and that's because Bob can't control himself. I hate to see what it looks like in the morning." I was laughing, trying to lighten the mood.

"Seriously, Joe, no regrets about this evening. Our happiness matters more to me than perfection. And believe me, I am _beyond_ happy right now." I leaned over and gave him a kiss. "I'd rather talk about our baby instead."

Joe smiled wide and began moving his hand over my stomach. "So how far along are you?" he asked, gently placing kisses all over my belly.

"I think maybe six weeks. I'm calling the doctor Monday to get an appointment."

"I want to go with you," Joe said, smiling proudly.

"That'd be nice." I paused for a minute and asked, "When do you want to tell everyone else?"

"Hmm, I don't know," he sighed. "What do you think?" He was running his fingers through my hair, softly untangling some of the curls.

"I think I'd like to keep it _our_ little secret for a while. There's still time before we _have _to tell."

"I like that idea," Joe said, kissing my neck. "Keeping secrets with you always sounds so naughty."

I giggled and moved my neck a little, enjoying the way his stubble was tickling me. I started rubbing my hand over his chest, enjoying the feel of his warm body, when I suddenly blurted out, "I decided earlier that I want it to be a girl."

"Oh, did you, now?" he teased. "A little girl would be nice. As long as she looks just like her mother."

We started kissing again, and I had the pleasure of ending yet another night wrapped up in the arms of the man I unconditionally loved.

* * *

I'd like to say I woke up the next morning snuggled up peacefully in Joe's arms, but I found myself yet again up close and personal with the toilet. This was really starting to suck, and I wondered how many more days of this I had to put up with.

"You okay in there, Cupcake?" Joe asked, peeking in to check on me. "More food poisoning?" He had a really big grin on his face, so I stuck my tongue out at him. "Really funny. Now go away."

Joe walked away laughing, but I heard him call out, "Let me know if you need me."

When I finally felt I could leave my new best friend, I made my way back to the bedroom. "Feeling better?" Joe asked hopefully.

"I think so. I'm starting to feel really hungry now, and I think that might be a good sign that it's over for a while."

Morelli gave me a big bear hug and said, "Then let's get you fed. I can't have either of my babies starving."

I could tell Joe was really going to enjoy the next seven or eight months. But I didn't mind. I had the best baby-daddy in the world taking care of me, and the extra attention was going to be nice.

After breakfast, we decided to shower and then head straight to the mall. Joe was still feeling terrible about the lamb, and I knew it meant a lot for him to at least _try_ to make it better.

Morelli parked as close to the front as he could, and we worked our way down to the toy store. Joe stopped off at the front to check out the video games, while I quickly hurried over to the stuffed animals. I really didn't mind not having another one, but for Joe's sake, I prayed one would be there.

I went through every single puppy, kitten, tiger, and bear, but there wasn't another lamb to be found.

"Man!" I said with a frown. "This sucks!"

There was a young girl standing there, watching me quietly. "What're you looking for?" she asked.

"A little lamb that winds-up and plays music. Have you seen one of those?"

"Nope," she said, "but this puppy's really cute. Lambs are kinda lame."

"Uh, what is with all the lamb hate? I happen to think they're adorable!" I narrowed my eyes at her and asked, "One of your parents doesn't happen to have the last name 'Morelli' do they?" Joe had cousins everywhere; maybe this kid was related. I mean, look at the ones I did know. There was certainly no doubt in my mind there was some crazy genetics going on there.

Just then Morelli came walking down the aisle toward me, and my heart skipped a beat. "To hell with craziness," I thought. At least our baby's practically guaranteed to be gorgeous.

I looked around for the girl so I could ask Joe if he recognized her, but she was already long gone. And she'd taken the puppy. Damn her!

"There's not another lamb," I said with an exaggerated pout.

"That's okay! I found something way better."

I looked down to see him holding a child's size glove and a Mets baseball.

"This'll be perfect for the baby." He was positively beaming, and I couldn't help but smile at the goofy grin on his face.

"Yeah, what baby doesn't need a ball and glove?" I asked with a teasing smile. "It wouldn't happen to be musical, would it?"

Joe laughed and said, "Look, why don't we go to one of those baby stores and see if we can find it there? I'm willing to bet if we can't find the exact one, we'll at least find something close."

I stood there contemplating that for a moment and realized he was probably right. He usually was, so why should now be any different?

"Alright, you win. Go pay for your little toys and then meet me at the food court. I'm starving."

"We just ate, Steph." Now it was Joe's turn to play with fire.

"Did you just say something, because I don't think I heard you? In fact, I _know_ I didn't. I'm thinking you probably don't want to repeat it either."

Joe just smiled and said, "The food court it is." I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and mumbled, "Smart man."


	30. Chapter 30

I couldn't believe I was actually going inside The Baby Barn. I'd successfully managed to avoid that place when Valerie was pregnant with Lisa, but there was no way I was getting out of it now. The store was huge, and from what I'd heard from various family members, it had absolutely everything you could ever need for your baby. Except, I was willing to bet, a wind-up musical lamb.

Joe and I walked through the sliding doors, and he turned to me and asked, "Do you want to get a basket and pick out a few things or do you just want to browse?"

I was looking around, scanning the layout before me, and I realized that I was actually pretty excited to see what they had. I'd never really paid much attention to baby things before, so I imagined there were a lot of new discoveries awaiting me. The store was so bright and colorful, and it just kind of sucked you in, making you want to spend lots of money.

I spied a section in the middle filled with clothes. "Get a wheeled one!" I said, nearly in a trance. "And we can push it together again. Wasn't that fun last time?"

Joe just gave me a half-smile and said, "Oh yeah. Loads of fun."

We made our way down the first aisle, which was filled with bottles and pacifiers. Across from that were all sorts of baby bibs, and Joe worked his way over to those. He came back a few minutes later with a couple of them in his hand and found me busy tossing pacifiers into the cart. "I remember how much that Abby baby liked hers. We need _lots_ of these," I said.

Joe stared down into the basket and then started pulling some of them back out. "That's fine, Cupcake. But I think for today we could just get one or two of them."

"Okay, but let _me_ pick which ones!" I grabbed a pink one with tiny flowers on it and a white one with little pink rocking horses. "Okay, you can put the rest back."

"You're not going to get one pink one and one blue?" he asked.

"No. Why would I?"

"Never mind, Cupcake. Just as long as you get what makes you happy."

"You're so sweet to me," I said with a smile. I put my arms around him and gave him a big hug. "Thank you!"

It was right at that moment I noticed an attractive leggy brunette walking down the aisle towards us. She was staring intently at Joe's ass, and I felt my blood pressure slightly rising.

"Joe? Joe Morelli?" she asked hesitantly. I was trying to keep Joe from turning around, but I wasn't strong enough. Finally I let him go, and he turned to see who it was.

"I knew it was you! I'd know that backside anywhere," she said with a big flirtatious grin.

I raised my eyebrows at her, but she just ignored me, like I wasn't even there.

"I'm sorry," Joe was saying. "Have we met?"

"Gina, Gina Friolli. We went out a few times about, maybe what, six or seven years ago."

Morelli nodded his head and simply said, "Wow, it's been ages. So … how've you been?"

I could tell he didn't remember her, but he was making polite conversation. I had to fight back the urge to laugh in her face. Take that you stupid size 2, perfect-teeth, big-boobed bimbo!

"Been good. How about you? From the looks of things, I'd say _just fine_." Again with the flirty grin. "I'm still single," she said, slightly licking her lips.

She was so obviously pathetic that I truly wanted to laugh. I couldn't believe that there were women out there that really acted this way. Aside from Joyce and Terry Gilman, of course. I was about to call her a stupid slut when Joe spoke first. "Let me introduce you. This is Stephanie Plum, my …"

"This must be your sister! The one with all the kids!" She flashed me a fake smile and raised her eyebrow at me, as if waiting to see what _my_ next move was.

"No, I'm his …" I managed to get out before she cut me off. "God, are you pregnant again? Wow, you are so brave. I'm just here to get a baby gift; _no way_ I'm pregnant!" She stared me up and down and continued, "I could just never let myself go like that. I mean, soon you'll be as big as a house. But I guess you're already used to that."

I opened my purse and started searching for my gun. Joe gently took the purse from me and then cleared his throat. He was going to take the high road, of course, and ignore what she'd just said. "No, Stephanie isn't my sister. She's my fiancée."

"Oh, how sweet," she said in a fake voice, but she was shaking her head at the same time. "Such a shame, though. Whoever thought the day would come that Joe Morelli would settle down." Then she leaned in close to Joe, lightly touching her huge breasts against his arm. "The condom break?"

That did it! I was going to kill her! Joe grabbed onto my elbow and gave me a look that said, "Don't!"

"Look Gina," Joe hesitated, and I rolled my eyes, scanning for a place to vomit. I just knew Morelli was going to kill her with kindness and that listening to it was going to make me sick.

"I have to tell you, I don't even remember you, and it's obvious now why. _I_ could really care less what you say and think, but _no one_ is going to disrespect Stephanie this way. I strongly suggest you apologize."

"Well, _excuse me_," Gina said in a nasty tone. "_I'm sorry_. If I'd realized you were whipped now, I'd have never come over."

"Go," Morelli told her. "Just go." Joe was practicing some serious restraint there, and I found myself extremely turned on. Why on earth had I ever doubted that he'd put her in her place?

"Another minute and it wasn't going to matter that she's a woman." Joe shook his head in disgust, watching her walk away. "Why are you smiling like that?" he asked.

"Because you stuck up for me. And because I'd really like to have my way with you right now."

Morelli grinned devilishly, pulling me close to him. "All in a day's work, Cupcake. And of course I'm going to stick up for you. No one's talking to _my_ girl that way. I don't care who they are. Now what was that about having your way with me?"

Next thing I knew, we were locked in a quite passionate embrace, forgetting temporarily where we were. "Excuse me," some woman said, trying to push her cart by us.

"Oops," I giggled, pulling my lips away from Joe's. "Sorry." The woman just smiled and kept walking.

"Okay, so do you want to keep shopping or go home for some incredibly hot, orgasm-guaranteed, mind-blowing sex?" Joe asked, pulling at my top playfully, trying to see my breasts.

"Hmm," I teased, "decisions, decisions." I sighed and said, "I want both."

"Then both it is. Come on, Cupcake, let's push together so we can hurry and get out of here."

* * *

An hour later a few more items had made their way into our cart, and I could tell Morelli was way past ready to go. I hadn't found another musical lamb, but there was a cute bunny that played the same tune, so I settled for that. I made Joe promise he wouldn't let Bob anywhere near it, so all was good.

"Okay, I'm almost ready. Just let me check out the baby clothes." There were just so many cute little girl dresses and bonnets and baby shoes and teeny tiny baby socks. I was having a fit; there's no denying it. "Oh, I want it all."

Joe was standing there, waiting patiently, his elbow resting on one of the clothes displays, his palm supporting his head. I thought he was trying to fall asleep, so I walked over to him and gave his rear end a little squeeze. "Don't you want to look, too?"

He let out a little yawn and said, "I'm sorry, Cupcake. It's just we don't even know what we're having, and you're looking at all these pink and frilly things. It's kind of pointless to do that right now."

I gave him a little pout and said, "Fine. You want to go look at the boy's stuff and see if they have anything with the Mets on it?"

Joe perked up then. "I forgot about that," he said, scanning the racks of clothes.

"You big phony!" I said with a slap on his arm. "If we don't know what we're having yet, isn't it pointless to look at boy clothes, too?"

Joe let out a laugh and said, "Okay, you caught me. No offense, Cupcake, but looking at all these dresses is so boring. They all look the same."

Just as I was about to respond, my cell phone rang. "It's my mother. I bet she wants to invite us for supper."

"Well answer it then," Joe advised. "I'm sure you'll be hungry soon, and this way we save a little money on groceries."

"Very funny," I replied, making a face at him. "Hi mom."

"Stephanie, it's your mother. Where are you right now?"

"Joe and I are out shopping. Why? You want us to come for supper?"

"Well, of course you can come for supper. But that's not why I'm calling you."

"Oh? Well what's up?" I was praying it didn't involve any Grandma Mazur drama, but with my family, you had to learn to always expect the unexpected.

"Loretta just called your grandmother. Apparently Loretta's daughter saw you and Joe in a baby store making out. Those were her words, not mine. Stephanie, that's not appropriate."

"Omigod," I thought. I had to find out what this woman looked like so I could take necessary precautions next time.

"Mom, Joe and I weren't making out in a baby store. The woman is obviously mistaken."

"No, she said it was definitely you and Joe. She also said you were picking out pacifiers and bibs."

"Yeah, well that part's right." I paused for a second and then asked, "Isn't Lisa's birthday coming up? I thought I'd go ahead and shop early."

My mother sounded skeptical, and I knew we weren't going to keep our secret for long. "Not for a while yet," she said, "and she's a little too old for those things. Besides you know your sister wouldn't ever let her take a pacifier."

"Yeah, I know. And mark my words - that girl's gonna have some serious oral issues when she grows up."

Joe started laughing, shaking his head at me, and then I realized how that sounded.

"Uh, I didn't mean it _that_ way, mom. You know that, right?"

"Stephanie, dinner's at six. Try to be on time." My mother was good at ignoring what she needed to.

"We'll be there." I snapped the phone shut and smacked Joe playfully. "You are such a pervert. I never even thought of it like that."

"How else is someone going to think of it? And I'm only laughing because you said that to your mother."

We started walking to the checkout counter when I warned him. "I guess we should go ahead and tell my family. The Burg gossip patrol is in full force, and I think my mom suspects something. Between what happened yesterday and now this, she's bound to put two and two together and figure it out. That is, if she hasn't already."

"Why? What happened yesterday?"

"Don't ask," I said. "Do you mind if we make the announcement tonight?"

"Of course not," Joe said with a grin. "I've been waiting a _long_ time for this day to come."

"Yes, I know. Now call your mother and see if she wants to join us. We might as well have her there, too." Joe started to dial when I covered his phone with my hand. "Make sure it's _just_ your mother. No Grandma Bella. I can't deal with that tonight."

And just like the day before, I found myself praying to God to let the evening go well.


	31. Chapter 31

We pulled up in my parents' driveway at two minutes past six. We had offered to give Joe's mother a ride, but thankfully she had declined. Of course she was already there, and I just knew both mother's were going to give us grief.

"Sorry we're late, mom!" I exclaimed, rushing into the kitchen.

"That's okay, Stephanie," my mother said sweetly. "I'm just glad you and Joe are here now. And it's such a treat that you've invited Angie to join us."

I discreetly looked around, hoping to find no sign of Grandma Bella. Joe was already sitting in the living room watching television with my father, so I ran out there and whispered, "Go make sure your Grandma Bella isn't here, hiding somewhere."

"Stephanie, I told my mother not to invite her. She wouldn't go against what we asked her." I had to stop and think about that for a moment. My family didn't roll that way. This was going to take some getting used to.

I headed back into the kitchen and stood quietly, listening to my mother and Mrs. Morelli make small talk. It was really boring, and I caught myself stifling a yawn. Who really cared what the best way to braise a pot roast was?

After a few minutes I heard Grandma Mazur coming down the stairs. The attire for this evening was Rodeo Grandma Gone Wild. She was wearing a pair of suede Cowboy boots with pink tassles, a pink cowboy hat, blue jean capri pants, and a pink t-shirt with a woman on a bull that read "Buck Off."

"That's a cute outfit grandma. Are you going somewhere special after supper?"

"No, nowhere special. But Stan Singleman has invited me to a rodeo. I gotta eat fast, because we're leaving here at seven."

"That sounds like fun," I said with a yawn.

"Yeah, they're supposed to have all sorts of contests you can play and win money at. I'm going to try my hand at roping a calf. And if that don't work, I'll try catching a greased pig. That oughta be good for a few laughs."

Joe had walked up beside me, placing his arm around my waist. "You want to go to the rodeo, too, Cupcake? I'd love to watch you wrestle a greased pig."

"Come on, everyone," called my mother. "Why don't you all join us in the dining room?"

We all made our way to the table and sat down to pray.

As soon as the prayer was finished, Grandma Mazur yelled out, "I have to say I like Joe's idea. A double date sounds like a hoot!" Grandma Mazur was getting a little too excited. "And then afterwards we could switch. Stephanie, I think you'd get a kick out of Stan. I already know I'd like a shot at Joe."

I felt my cheeks turn red, and I glanced over at Mrs. Morelli. She was quietly chewing her food, but the look on her face said, "Good Lord, what kind of family is my son marrying into?"

"Uh, no, that's okay grandma. I'm sure Stan's a great guy, but I'm just really tired tonight." Before I could stop myself I let out a long and very loud yawn. "Oops," I giggled. "Excuse me." It was all I could do to keep from laying my head down on the table and sleeping right there.

My mother and Mrs. Morelli stared at me in shock, and my mother said, "Stephanie, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I just feel so sleepy all of a sud ..." Then came another loud yawn. "sudden."

"Well, it obviously isn't because you stayed out too late at Lenny's parents' anniversary party," my mother said.

And there it was. I just knew it was going to be impossible for her to stay quiet about that.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that mom. Joe had to work really late, and he had an awful day."

"Stephanie, we discussed this yesterday. Those aren't acceptable reasons for missing a friend's party. Especially knowing how upset Mary Lou had been yesterday morning."

"I agree," Mrs. Morelli added. "Joseph, it doesn't matter how late you were or what type of day that you had. If you made a commitment, you should have honored it."

Poor Joe. I stared down at my lap, not wanting to look over at him for fear of laughing. He had no idea about the anniversary party in the first place, and now he was getting in trouble with his mother.

I could feel Joe's gaze on me, so I looked over at him and shrugged. He raised his eyebrows and then turned to face his mother. "I have no idea what any of you are talking about."

My mother looked at me, disbelief in her face. "Stephanie! You lied to me about that, too? What has gotten into you, young lady? My mother and Mrs. Morelli were staring at me, shaking their heads, but all I could do was yawn.

"I'm sorry, mom. But the truth is Joe and I were never even invited to that party." I now had my elbow up on the table, supporting my head. "Mary Lou just told you that so you would stop by the house."

"Why on earth would she do that? And what is with all of this lying?!"

And that was when I cracked. I couldn't take it any more - I just wanted everybody to shut up so that I could eat and then go home and sleep. "Mary Lou wanted you to come over and see for yourself what she saw the day before."

"And that would be what, Stephanie?"

I let out another yawn and said, in an exasperated tone, "That I was pretending to have a stomach virus instead of morning sickness. That my boobs are way bigger now, I suddenly cry at the drop of a hat, and apparently I now have the urge to lay down and take a nap no matter where I am or what I'm doing."

My mother and Mrs. Morelli sat there in stunned silence. Joe was staring at me like I had finally lost my mind, and my father and Grandma Mazur just kept right on eating.

"So just in case I still have to spell it out for you ..."

Joe kicked me under the table and shook his head "no." I raised my eyebrows at him in a gesture that asked, "What?" so Joe broke the news instead. "What Stephanie is trying to say is we're having a baby."

There was complete silence from everyone at the table. The mother's were still trying to process the news, and for once, neither one had anything to say. My father continued eating, but I thought I detected a bit of a smile on his lips. Grandma Mazur, however, was definitely excited. "Well that's good to know!" she shouted. "You had us worried there for a while!"

"What do you mean grandma?" I asked innocently. "Because you didn't think I'd ever settle down and have a family?"

"No, not you, Stephanie. I'm talking about Joe. Me and Loretta've been wondering for a while now if maybe there was something wrong."

Joe and I stared at each other, and all I could do was pray for the best. And avoid looking over at Mrs. Morelli.

"You know, all these years you two have been together. We started to think maybe his gun wasn't firing properly. You know, maybe he was shooting blanks. You know maybe he ..."

"Yes, we get it grandma. All of Joe's parts work perfectly, so no issues there." I saw the color rise up in Mrs. Morelli's cheeks, and my mother shot me a look that said, "Why do I have to have a family that talks this way?" Joe was just smiling, enjoying the fact that he had finally provided the proof Grandma Mazur and Loretta needed.

"But you're right about your boobs, Stephanie. I'd say they are bigger. You and Joe are really going to enjoy that part of being pregnant. I know your grandpa and I did."

Apparently wanting to move on and pull the conversation back into a respectable direction, the mother's ignored Grandma Mazur and came over to give me a hug. "Congratulations!" they exclaimed.

"I'm so happy for you both," my mother said with a genuine smile and an overstated sigh of relief. Knowing that a baby was on the way must have reassured her I wouldn't back out of the wedding. She knew good and well I had no desire to raise a child on my own.

After returning to their seats, Mrs. Morelli asked, "When is the baby due?"

"Well, I don't have an official date, but I'm guessing the end of February."

"The end of February," Mrs. Morelli pondered. "That's near Joseph's birthday. What a perfect present you'll be giving him." Joe's mother smiled sweetly before she went in for the kill. "So when exactly will the wedding be?"

I looked at Joe, and Joe looked at me. He just shrugged and said, "Don't look at me. This one's all yours."

I cleared my throat, yawned again, and said, "The date's still September 17th. Why would it change?"

There was a collective gasp between the mothers. "Why would it change?!" they asked in unison. "Stephanie," my mother continued. "How can you even ask that question? Pregnancy doesn't prevent you from thinking clearly."

"Mom, I don't see a reason to move up the date. We settled on September 17th, and September 17th it is."

There was silence around the table. Mrs. Morelli looked at my mother, my mother looked at her. There seemed to be an unspoken agreement between them, and I knew it wasn't looking good for Joe and me.

"Stephanie, Joseph, this is completely inappropriate. I believe I can safely say that Helen and I feel the same on this matter. Helen, feel free to correct me at any point if you disagree. That being said, you two need to understand something. In this day and age it is obviously acceptable to have premarital sex. It is obviously acceptable to conceive a child out of wedlock. But what is not acceptable to our families is for the two of you to do it."

"It's too late to warn us about that, Ma. Stephanie's already pregnant."

"I understand that Joseph. Thank you, though, for pointing that out again. Now if I may continue, what I'm trying to say is that the obvious and acceptable solution is for the two of you to be married immediately. We can have a nice quiet and discreet wedding, and after a respectable amount of time, you can announce the impending birth." My mother was nodding in agreement, and I was seeing red.

"No! That is _not_ the obvious solution!" I yelled.

"Stephanie, watch your tone," my mother warned.

"Perhaps if Joseph could have practiced some self control we wouldn't be in this situation," Mrs. Morelli lamented.

"And perhaps if Stephanie could have been more cautious ..." my mother started to chime in.

"Now hold on a minute," Grandma Mazur interrupted. "Helen, Angie, I've sat here quietly and listened to all that you two have to say, and truth be told, what you're spouting is a load of crap."

"Mother!" my mom gasped. But Grandma Mazur just held up her hand to silence her.

"These two crazy kids have every right to make up their own minds and do as they see fit. Now I'm not going to sit here and tell you that they have self control, because it's obvious they don't. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that they use good judgment. Lord knows we've all been witness to the fact over the past years that they sure lack in that department. And I'm not going to sit here and tell you ..."

"Grandma, aren't you supposed to be on our side?" I interrupted.

"Well of course I am Stephanie. The point I'm trying to make is you two ladies have to accept the fact that Joseph and Stephanie are not children any more, and you can't keep trying to tell them what to do. What they have done is nothing new. Back in our day, we all had heard of a girl or two that found herself knocked up before she was married. The only difference now is there ain't no shame in it, and the fact that you two are trying to make it such is downright crappy. These two are obviously in love. She's got a ring on her finger, and they're telling you on September 17th they'll give you what you want. So you both need to just shut up and butt out."

You could have cut the tension with a knife. Then, out of the blue, my father spoke. "I have to say that I find myself in agreement with Edna."

"Why thank you Frank. I appreciate that." Grandma Mazur was obviously very proud of herself.

"You're welcome, Edna. Don't mention it." My father paused for a second and added, "Really, I mean it. Don't mention it."

Then he turned to address my mother and Mrs. Morelli. "You two really do need to butt out. Perhaps if Stephanie weren't always pressured to do what she thought others wanted her to do, she would've never married that horse's ass, Dickie Orr. And perhaps if Joe weren't ..."

Again my father paused. "And perhaps if Joe weren't ..." My father sat there silently for a second and then looked over at Joe, shaking his head. "Sorry Morelli, I got nothing. I don't know what your issues were."

Joe just shrugged and said, "That's okay."

"Anyway, perhaps if Joe hadn't felt whatever it was he felt, maybe he wouldn't have gone off and done whatever it was that he did or didn't do, and perhaps these two would've been married a long time ago. But it didn't work out that way, and you can't change that. But the two of them look mighty happy now, and for me, that's all that matters. Stephanie never had that with Dickie. She's never had that with anybody other than Joe, and my guess is that it goes the same for you, Morelli."

Joe nodded at my father, and I was fighting back tears.

"Stephanie, if you want to get married tomorrow, I'll be there to walk you down the aisle. If you want to get married in September, I'll still be there. If you want to wait and have the baby and let it grow up and be in the wedding, you won't hear a damned complaint from me. It's not my place to say what and when the two of you do whatever it is you want to do. Last I checked, neither one of you lived under my roof. Or Angie's. You can choose to live as you please, and it's about time every single one of us start respecting that. Stephanie, you're going to be a fine mother. Joe, I couldn't have asked for a better father for my grandchildren. Now I've said my peace, and I'm going to finish eating."

We were all silent, no one knowing what to say. Finally my mother spoke. "Stephanie, I can see that you're tired, but you still need to eat." She smiled warmly at me and then turned to Joe's mother. "At least the two of us can make sure our grandbaby is properly fed." Mrs. Morelli definitely related to that concept, so much of the remaining dinner conversation was about stuffing me with really healthy food.

When Joe and I finally made it home that evening, I went straight to the couch and collapsed. "I'm exhausted," I said with a yawn. Joe sat down on the edge beside me and tugged on a curl. "Then why don't we get you upstairs and into bed?"

"I will in a second. I wanted to talk to you about something first," I said, a sheepish grin on my face.

Joe let out a small sigh and asked, "Do I need a beer for this? I just never know with you." He was trying to play serious, but I could see the smile around his eyes.

"No," I said, propping myself up on my elbow. "I wanted us to pick a new date for the wedding. I was planning to tell you earlier that I thought we should move it up, but I never had the chance."

"You want us to what?! You put our mother's through all of that, knowing the whole time you didn't want to wait until September?" Joe was laughing, and then he bent over and started tickling my sides. "You're a bad girl, Stephanie Plum." I was squirming and giggling and managed to spit out, "I know, I know. But you know how I am when people tell me what to do."

"Oh yes, that I know," Joe teased, leaning in for a kiss. "Boy do I ever know."

Even though I was incredibly tired, I managed to stay awake long enough for a little Joe-lovin', and we also managed to pick a new date for the wedding. I fell asleep that night thinking that we sure had a lot to accomplish in the next two weeks!


	32. Chapter 32

The next day was a Sunday, and I woke up in an extremely grumpy mood. I was sick of throwing up, and I was mad at Joe because of it. How that makes any sense, don't ask me. But at the time I didn't care, and I was determined to make him as miserable as I was.

"Cupcake, you okay in there?" Joe asked, lightly rapping on the bathroom door. But since I was mad at him, I refused to answer.

"Cupcake?" Morelli pushed the door slightly and peeked in. "Can I do anything for you?" Again, I didn't respond.

"Stephanie, are you not speaking to me this morning?"

I shook my head back and forth, and Joe came into the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. "Is there a particular reason I'm getting the silent treatment today?"

I nodded my head up and down. "Well can you at least give me a hint so I can figure out what I've done?" Joe was smiling, and that made me even madder.

"Just go away!" I fussed at him. He was now attempting to hide his grin, but I could tell I was still amusing him.

"You're mad at me because of this, aren't you?" He pointed to the toilet and then scooted down onto the floor so that he was sitting beside me. "You know if I could share in any of the bad stuff, I would."

"Well of course you're going to say that because you know it's impossible!" I reached over and tried to push him away from me, but he just started laughing.

"You're cute when you get angry over stupid things." He was nuzzling my neck and kissing my shoulder. "Stop," I said, trying to squirm away.

"Stephanie, you know you're being silly." He started poking my sides, trying to get me to laugh, but I wasn't biting.

"I am not being silly. This is all your fault, you know?" I crossed my arms over my chest and slid over in the other direction.

"My fault, huh?" Joe raised an eyebrow and then put a finger on his chin, as if he were thinking hard about it. "Let's see. I'd say I'm more than willing to take fifty percent of the blame for it. Wouldn't you think that's fair?" Again, he acted as if he were deep in thought. "Hmm, I wonder who should take the other fifty?"

I started to argue back, but before I could, I had to make a fast move for the toilet bowl and carry on with my new favorite pastime. "You see!" I said, wiping my mouth once I'd finished. "This is what you've done to me." And then I started to cry.

Joe pulled me to him and hugged me tight. "Cupcake, don't cry. It's going to be okay. This'll pass." He just sat there on the floor with me, hugging and caressing me, and I buried my head in his warm chest.

"I'm just tired of this," I said between sniffles. "I don't want to do this part any more. I'm ready to move on to something else." I started to cry again. "I only want the good parts of having a baby. You know, feeling it kick and getting to eat whatever I want. I don't want all the rest of it."

Joe just sat there holding me and running his hand through my hair. Every now and then he'd plant kisses on the top of my head and rub my back. Finally when I seemed to have cried it all out, I pulled back and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. Joe handed me a washcloth, and I dried my face. "Feel better now, Cupcake?"

"Maybe," I said with a sniffle. But I still wasn't ready to apologize to him, even if he was Mr. Wonderful.

* * *

A few hours later we were sitting at the dining room table, and we were attempting to write out a guest list for the wedding. I was still feeling irritable, but I had managed to get it under control thanks to breakfast, lunch, and then dessert. Unfortunately, though, I was coming down off of my chocolate high, and it was starting to look bad.

"Who is that you just wrote?" I asked Joe in an irritated tone.

"Who? Here?" he pointed to the last name he'd written. It was one of the dispatcher's and her husband. "That's Mandy, you know her. She's worked at the station forever."

"Yeah, I know Mandy, and I don't want her to come."

"What?" Joe asked, putting down his pen. "And what possible reason do you have for not wanting Mandy to be there?"

I really didn't have one, but that didn't matter at that point. "Because I think she secretly likes you. So I don't want her at our wedding."

"Stephanie! That has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard you say. And believe me, you've said some pretty crazy things."

"Oh, so now I'm crazy, huh?" I threw my pen down on the table and flounced off toward the stairs. "You are such a jerk."

I could see Joe shaking his head, and I heard him let out a long sigh. "Stephanie, I'm not chasing after you. If you want to come back and discuss this like a mature adult, you know where to find me."

Once he said that, I felt I was justified in having a reason to be mad. "Oh, I'm not capable of being a mature adult, huh? Damn, Joe, how else are you going to insult me today?"

"Steph, you're obviously having a hard time right now, and you're trying your best to pick a fight with me. I understand your hormones are all ..."

"Don't talk about my hormones! You don't know anything about my hormones!"

Joe put his hand to his forehead and rubbed it back and forth. "What do you want from me, Steph? Just tell me, because I don't know right now."

"I want you to scratch Mandy's name off of your list. That's all I want."

"Stephanie, Mandy does not secretly like me. I've met her husband several times, and he's a nice guy. She's been with him forever. Where on earth are you getting this from?"

"That doesn't mean she isn't attracted to you. Come on, Joe, you know that. Women want you, which is why you were able to screw half the female population of New Jersey."

"Okay, Stephanie, that's enough." Joe stood up from the chair and walked into the kitchen. "I'm not going to do this with you. Go take a nap, and we'll work on this later."

I followed him into the kitchen, just so I could continue egging him on. "Well, is it not true? I mean, let's go over the list and see how many women you've fu ..."

Joe cut me off before I could even say the word. "You really wanna go there, Steph? Huh?" His anger startled me, and I found myself at a loss for words.

"I don't think you do, Stephanie. Because I think we both know if you had to do the same, there's a certain name we'd find on your list, isn't there? Hmm? What about that, Stephanie?"

I stood perfectly still, and at one point, I wasn't even sure if I was breathing. I started to open my mouth, but nothing came out. I always suspected Joe knew about Ranger, but he never said anything. After all this time together since then, he never once even hinted at the possibility of knowing it.

We stood there a few minutes, neither of us quite knowing what to say. Finally Joe spoke, and his words were gentle yet straight to the point. "The past is the past, Steph. I'm not proud of who I was or what I chose to do at times. And I would like to think that you feel the same way about _some_ of your actions." He paused for a moment, and I nodded my head in agreement, staring down at the floor.

"You're the woman I want to be with, and I have no doubt that I'm the man you want." Joe reached out and raised my chin, forcing me to look at him. "No one else matters any more. Not the lady at the deli counter, not the woman that lives three doors down, not anyone that I work with who may or may not secretly like me. You're the only woman for me. Do you understand that?" I was nodding my head, and there was no way I was stopping the tears from falling.

"I'm so sorry, Joe. Please forgive me," I hugged him as tight as I could and continued crying into his shoulder. "I love you so much. I do. You know I trust you, and _I_ would never do anything to hurt you. _Never_." Our lips touched gently, and immediately the kiss grew more demanding. "Make love to me, Joe," I whispered, pulling my shirt over my head. "I need you."

* * *

Later that afternoon, I was in a much better mood, feeling as if the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders. It felt wonderful to have everything out in the open with Joe, and the past firmly behind us. Even though we hadn't discussed it to death, we'd said what we needed to say, and I knew that everything was going to be alright. I also knew that the morning sickness would eventually pass (at least I hoped and prayed it would), and that no matter what, I could get through anything as long as I had Joe beside me, every step of the way.

We had managed to finalize the guest list, and I behaved myself and didn't pick any more fights. I had already called Mary Lou to use her connections so I could get the invitations printed and ready for pick-up by Tuesday afternoon. We also made plans to go shopping for my wedding gown and her bridesmaid dress on Tuesday. Joe was taking Wednesday off so he and the guys could get fitted for their tuxes and have all of that squared away. Then Wednesday afternoon Joe and I were planning to take care of my favorite part of the entire wedding process - sample wedding cakes and plan the menu.

My main concerns this week were finding the perfect dress and ensuring we were served the best food. I wasn't going to be one of those brides who didn't have time to sit down and eat. Forget everything else; food was definitely my second priority for the actual wedding day. The first one was making sure that Joe actually said "I do." After those two things, not much else mattered. Oh, except for the presents. I was looking forward to that part, too. The honeymoon, of course, was a whole different matter.

I was daydreaming about presents and sex when the phone rang. "Cupcake, will you get that?" Joe was busy cooking something in the kitchen, so I figured the least I could do was pry myself off of the couch and grab the phone. "Sure," I called out. I checked the number and saw that it was Mary Lou again.

"Hey stranger. Haven't talked to you in ages."

"Stephanie, stop having sex. You should be a proper young lady and wait for your wedding night." Mary Lou was laughing, her voice obviously trying to imitate my mother's.

"I'll have you know I haven't had any sex in approximately three and a half hours."

"God, you're such a whore." We were both laughing, and it felt good just to be silly for a while. I hadn't realized how much the wedding was stressing me out.

"Yeah, well you're just jealous because you can't even remember the last time you saw Lenny's weenie."

I looked over and saw Joe standing there shaking his head and laughing. "Women are way worse than men. I don't care what any of you try to say."

I blushed and motioned for him to go back to the kitchen. "So what's up?"

"I was calling to give you a heads-up for Friday night. Don't make plans." That got my attention.

"Friday, huh? I don't know. I was thinking about taking a _shower_ that night!"

"Steph, can't you let anything be a surprise?"

I started giggling. "That's why, isn't it? Huh? Huh? I want to play games. I like games. And food ... let me know what kind of food you're thinking about serving. Oh, and the cake ... I want chocolate on the inside and butter cream frosting ..."

"Okay, and how would you like that decorated? What wrapping paper should I put on the presents? In fact, why don't I give you the guest list, and you write down what each person should buy you."

"I'm not that bad!" I said, trying to sound innocent.

"Whatever, Steph. Just remember that this Friday night is taken. I'll come by and pick you up. I'll let you know a time later."

"Sounds good!" I hung up the phone, excited for the week ahead of me. I didn't exactly want to go to the doctor, but I was willing to do it if I could maybe hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. I was going to find the perfect dress, pick out the perfect food, and then end the work week with a bridal shower. I'd always imagined having one of those, and I couldn't wait for Friday night to arrive.


	33. Chapter 33

The next morning I slept in, and by the time I woke up, Joe was already gone. I spent some time in the bathroom, partaking in my regular morning ritual over the toilet bowl, than I decided I'd better get dressed and actually go to work. I was stressing about the wedding and how much it was going to cost, and I knew I needed to start contributing.

"Morning ladies!" I said to Connie and Lula. I had an oversized bag of greasy delight in my hand, and I plopped down on the couch and started rifling through it.

"Bout time you show up and actually do some work, Blondie," Lula exclaimed, sniffing around the bag. "But I guess we can forgive you since you brought us breakfast."

I was biting into a sausage biscuit and trying to speak with my mouth full. "Sorwy Wula, I di'ent get anyfing for you," I said apologetically, swallowing the food down.

"Girl, you mean that whole bag there is all yours? Damn!"

I was eating egg with my fingers and looking for the hashbrowns. "Man, they always forget the plastic forks. How hard is it to throw one in the freakin' bag?"

Connie and Lula were just staring at me, their mouths open in shock. "Blondie, you're like a trainwreck. You know you don't wanna look, but you just can't stop. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm jus' weally hungwy," I explained. I stopped to swallow and then yelled out, "How am I supposed to spread this jelly on the biscuit without a knife?! Connie, would you look up the number to this place so I can call and yell at them?"

I was holding up the bag so she could see the name, and just then Ranger walked in.

"Yo," he said to everyone. Then he stared at me, slightly shaking his head, a small grin on his lips. "Babe, I think you missed your mouth." I had pieces of egg all over my shirt, biscuit crumbs everywhere, and jelly smudged on the side of my face.

"Anyone have a napkin?" I asked sheepishly.

"_Now_ you want a napkin?! Girl, you a pig! Tell me again how you got a hottie like Morelli to say he'd marry you?"

I felt the color rise up in my cheeks, and I refused to look over at Ranger. Didn't matter, though, because he was already making his way inside Vinnie's office.

I started wiping off my shirt, and Connie was staring at me, a look of disgust on her face. "You're vacuuming that up, y'know? I have enough to do besides clean up after you."

"No sweat," I said standing and stretching. More food and crumbs fell, and I looked down at the floor in disbelief. I realized that Bob was actually less messy than me, and I was starting to worry what the pregnancy was doing to me. Surely I couldn't have always been a slob like this.

"Blondie? Earth to Blondie? Where the hell you at this morning?"

"What? Oh, sorry, Lula. I was just thinking about the wedding. We moved it up to a week from Saturday, so I've got a lot on my mind right now."

Connie and Lula were staring me up and down, and then they looked at each other and nodded. "Now it makes sense," Connie said.

"Girl, you coulda just told us you was knocked up and then we coulda looked away while you was eating. Now I got that whole scene burned in my head, and thanks to you, I don't know when I'll ever get my appetite back."

Ranger was walking out of Vinnie's office right then, and I knew there was no way he hadn't heard Lula's big mouth.

"Congratulations!" Connie was saying, giving me a hug. Lula was just standing there shaking her head. "God help that poor baby is all I gotta say." Then she grinned and gave me a hug, too.

"You sure don't listen, though, do ya? 'Member I told you to make sure you and Morelli was practicing safe sex."

"Shut up, Lula" I said under my breath.

Ranger was walking towards the door, and he turned and said, "Babe with a babe, huh? That ought to be interesting." Then he smiled and added, "Congratulations."

"Thanks," I called out after him, but he was already gone. I let out a big sigh of relief, glad that was over with, even though I hated Lula for embarrassing me. In my mind, I hadn't done anything to embarrass myself, which thinking back on it, is actually kind of pathetic. But I'll save those thoughts for another day.

Lula and Connie were chattering away about the wedding and babies while I was thumbing through the FTA files.

"Girl, you ain't going after no FTA's in your condition. Officer Hottie'll kick my ass anything happen to you or that baby. He may be all lovey-dovey and shit to you, but the rest of us don't get the pleasure of seeing that side."

"Yeah," Connie sighed. "Care to share any details of Morelli's lovey-dovey side?" Then she laughed. "I need some. And bad!"

"I'd love to stand around and give you a play-by-play of Morelli's bedroom talk, but I have to earn a paycheck. And yes, Lula, I'm still going after FTA's. That hasn't changed. And there's no reason for Joe to kick your ass, because we won't take any of the dangerous ones. Okay?"

Lula was just staring at me, shaking her head. "Hmmph. All I gotta say is somebody better be protecting me from your man if anything goes wrong."

"Look, I've got three files right here. Not a single one of these are bad or dangerous. This one here is a 42 year old woman who was picked up for assault on her husband. Since we're not men, she's most likely not going to have a grudge against us."

I picked up another file. "This one is an 18 year old girl who stole a car to go joyriding. No big deal there. And this one is a 22 year old guy who shoplifted something from the Quickie Mart. Shoplifting is not that big of a crime. These are three easy skips, and I need my share of the money. I'm going dress shopping on Wednesday."

I motioned toward the door. "Come on, if we leave now, we'll have time to get the first skip and then stop somewhere for lunch."

"Good lawd, girl. You already thinking about lunch? There ain't gonna be enough fabric in all of Trenton to cover you on your wedding day."

I stopped and considered that for a moment. I stared down at my stomach and saw that it was still flat. I _had_ been eating an awful lot lately, but my jeans still buttoned and zipped without any problem. I let out a sigh of relief and chose to ignore Lula. What did she know anyway?


	34. Chapter 34

Lula and I were on a roll. We found the forty-two year old lady at the beauty parlor, and while we waited for her perm to set, Lula and I got manicures. Her hair still wasn't ready, so we decided to splurge and go for a pedicure, too. Once that was finished, we made our way over to Patricia, our skip, and watched as the stylist brushed out her hair.

"This looks really nice," the stylist was saying, but Patricia wasn't pleased. "No, it's not curly enough. I want hair like hers." Then she pointed to me. I smiled, enjoying the compliment, but the stylist was frowning. "No, no one wants curls like that. What I've given you is perfect."

"Hey!" I said. "That's rude." But the stylist shook her head and gave me a look that said, "Please shut up."

"It's true, Patricia. She's absolutely right. What you have is way better." I managed to say that with a serious face, but then I turned around and rolled my eyes at Lula. She burst out laughing, and before we knew it, Patricia was crying.

"She's laughing at my hair!" The stylist looked desperate, and since I felt bad for her, I decided to actually care and try to help.

I reached over and slapped Lula upside the head. "Ignore her, Patricia. She's stupid. No one cares what she thinks." Patricia was looking at us like we were crazy, and I have to say, I agreed with her. I was feeling a little loopy - it must've been breathing in all of that nail polish.

"Okay, pay the lady so we can go now," Lula told her. "We gotta get you to the police station so Miss Piggy over here can go eat lunch."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Lula and I were finished at the station, and she was asking me if I wanted to look for Joe.

"No, I'll see him later. I can actually make it through an afternoon without checking in with him, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. I was just hoping he'd join us for lunch. I still don't plan on eating, thanks to that show you put on this morning, so I thought I'd watch Morelli instead and see how he acts when you're stuffing your face like that."

"Real funny, Lula." I made a face at her and stuck out my tongue.

"Girl, I still say you ain't got no business with a baby."

* * *

After lunch we set out to find our eighteen year old skip, and happily there were no problems with her either. Turned out she worked at the mall, so Lula and I did a little shopping while we waited for her to take her lunch break.

I found a pair of shoes on sale, a new bathing suit for me to take on our honeymoon, and the cutest pink dress for the baby. It had smocking on the top, and the design was three white lambs surrounded by green grass and little pink and white flowers.

"Lambs, huh?" Lula started to ask. "Shut up!" I yelled. "Don't you say a single bad word about these lambs."

"Nah, I wasn't gonna say anything about that. I was just wondering what you was gonna do with that dress if the baby comes out a boy."

I stared at Lula like she was insane, and then I laughed. "A boy? Lula, you're so funny. It's a girl. Trust me. Mom's intuition and all that."

"Mmm-hmm. Yeah, we all know about you and your intuition."

"Stop it! You're going to jinx me." Now Lula was staring at me like I was insane. "Blondie, I hate to break it to you, but there ain't no jinxing involved here. It already is what it is."

I let out a big sigh and narrowed my eyes at Lula. "I think I know that, Lula. But it's all about having the right mindset and thinking positive."

"So you're saying if you think it's a boy, you ain't in your right mind?"

"Shut up!" I yelled. "I'm not talking to you about this anymore. Let's go see if Jessica's ready to take her break."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, we were ready to once again leave the station, and we still hadn't run into Joe. I could only take that as a good sign our luck was changing. Two apprehended FTA's in one day, no drama whatsoever, and no Morelli-rescue. Just one more skip to go, and we could call it a perfect day. And everyone knows that all good things happen in three's.

At least I'd always thought it did.


	35. Chapter 35

After riding around for what seemed like hours, we finally found out from a friend of a friend that Mitchell, our FTA, was probably hanging out at the pawn shop over on South Street. Lula and I weren't exactly thrilled to head over that way, but I was determined to finish off our "perfect" day.

"Blondie, I got a bad feeling about this one. Like I said earlier, I don't wanna be the one answering to Morelli if something goes wrong."

"Lula, just stop worrying. The worst that happens is Joe shows up, sighs really loud, rolls his eyes, and bitches a little. It's nothing new for me. I can handle him," I said with a careless wave of my hand.

"Yeah, but I don't think none of that's happened since he found out you got his baby in there," she explained, pointing to my stomach. "I'm willing to bet he gonna do way more than bitch."

"Look, there's the pawn shop they told us about," I pointed out, ignoring her. "Park around back." Lula just shook her head and did as I suggested.

"Okay, just in case," I started to ask, "you do have cuffs, spray, stun gun, loaded gun ... all that stuff? Right?"

"Of course, girl," she said, holding up her purse. "Got it all right here."

"Okay, well give me something just so I'll be protected." I'd been foolish that day and had left the house without any of my own things. "I'll let you take the lead on this one since you're so worried about my safety _and_ Morelli."

Lula handed me the cuffs. "You hold these. I ain't trusting you with nothing else."

We walked into the pawn shop and saw two guys leaning on the counter, talking to the man standing behind it. We looked closely at the picture in the file and confirmed that the shorter one on the right was, in fact, Mitchell.

"You ladies looking for something in particular today?" the man who worked there asked.

"Nah, just browsing," Lula told him. "Okay. Let me know if you wanna make a deal on something."

We walked around the store, pretending to browse, waiting to see if Mitchell would leave. After about fifteen minutes, we heard him tell the guy behind the counter, "I gotta go, dude. See ya tomorrow." He and the guy that was with him turned to walk out the store, and Lula grabbed my arm so we could follow.

We followed them around back to where we had parked, and that was when the guy with Mitchell turned around and asked, "You bitches following us?"

"Who the hell you calling bitches? Ain't your momma taught you better than that?"

I gave Lula a look, trying to encourage her to calm down and not get anything started. Looking back, I realize now we should've left when we saw Mitchell wasn't alone, but Lula and I aren't exactly known for always doing the right thing.

"My momma ain't got nothing to do with this, bitch. What the hell you want?"

"Boy, you got some mouth on you. And I don't want shit to do with you anyway mother fucker. We're here to talk to Mitchell."

Mitchell turned to look at us, and his face said it all ... he was scared shitless. "Whaddya want with me?" he asked defensively.

"I think you missed a court date, you dumb ass. We gotta take you back in and get you rebonded." Then she looked over at his buddy. "See, we're still gonna play nice and all, even though your friend here is a dickhead." That was when Dickhead got in Lula's face.

"Well I say Mitchell ain't goin' nowhere with you. How about that bitch?" And before he ever knew what hit him, Lula sprayed him with her pepper spray.

"Augh! My eyes! My eyes!" Dickhead was rolling around on the ground, crying about his eyes, and Lula was laughing. "Who's the bitch now, huh?" Then she kicked him.

"Hey, you can't do that!" Mitchell said. Then he looked over at me. "What're you even here for? Aren't you gonna do something?" That was when I reached out and cuffed one of his wrists. "Yeah, I'm gonna do that."

All of a sudden, Mitchell didn't look scared shitless any more. He looked pissed. "You bitch! Fuckin' take that off me right now!"

"No! Give me your other wrist, so we can take you in and get this over with." Lula was trying to grab his other arm, and I was being careful to stay a safe distance away. Mitchell's arms were flying out in every direction, and I just knew something bad was about to happen. And, of course, it did.

As Lula was struggling to get his other wrist cuffed, Mitchell sucker punched her right in the nose. Almost immediately there was blood everywhere. I heard myself say, "Lula?! Oh My God! Are you alright?" and the next thing I knew, I was vomiting all over Mitchell. Unfortunately for him I'd eaten a lot that day, and he was covered from head to toe.

I tried to check on Lula, but there was still so much blood spurting out of her nose that I couldn't take it. I covered my mouth and stumbled over to a nearby trash can, where I proceeded to vomit even more.

By this point, Dickhead was off the ground, and he was making his way over to me. "Lula!" I screamed. "Where's your purse?" I was trying to breathe and was looking around like crazy for it, but I couldn't focus. Dickhead grabbed me by the wrist and shoved me over to Mitchell. "Take the cuff off bitch!"

I was still trying to catch my breath, and I was panicked. "I don't have the keys. I swear. They're in her purse." Shit. I knew as soon as I said it that it was a big mistake. Dickhead was going to find her gun and shoot us both with it.

"Well where the fuck is it?" And the next thing I knew, he was pointing a switchblade at me. That was when I heard Lula yell out, "You better stay away from her mother fucker! She's practically married to a cop, and I guarantee you he gonna beat the shit outta your ass."

I couldn't believe Lula had just said that! What on earth was she thinking? I mean, I knew she was bleeding bad, but come on. You don't tell a thug like this that you've got any personal connections to a cop.

"A cop, huh?" He pulled my arm and twisted my wrist. "Let go of me!" I yelled, trying to free myself from his grip. "He's not a cop. He's a bounty hunter just like me." I was panting at that point, trying my hardest not to pass out. Why was there nobody around to help?

"I think you're lying. I think he is a cop, and you know exactly what's gonna happen to you, dontcha?" He was standing behind me, but I knew he still had the switchblade in his hand. He started running it lightly up and down the arm that he was holding onto, and I saw a tiny bit of blood trickle out near my wrist. I immediately felt the pain and let out a loud gasp.

"Let me go!" I yelled. "I'm warning you - you better let me go!" I was practically hyperventilating now, and Dickhead was laughing. Lula was trying to get to me, but she was still struggling with Mitchell. Amazing that he'd looked so scrawny before, but suddenly he was now a force to be reckoned with. There was no way Lula could help me.

"Yeah, I'll let you go, bitch. But how about a little fun first, huh? Bet I can show you a few things your cop don't know shit about!" Finally he pulled me around so that I was standing directly in front of him. He reached out to pull me toward him by my hair, and as soon as he did, I took my chance and kneed him as hard as I could in the balls.

Dickhead started to grab himself, but before he did, he managed to plunge his switchblade into me.

"Oh God," I cried out, doubling over in pain. I was grabbing my side, and I could feel the blade sticking out of me. I was pulling at it, trying to get it out, and Lula was yelling, "Stephanie! No! No!"

I could hear sirens, but I didn't think I could wait for help. I had to get that blade out. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion now, and I was trying my best to stay alert and in focus. I held my hand out in front of me, and I saw that it was covered in blood. Stars danced in front of my eyes, and then the world went black.


	36. Chapter 36

I woke up to find myself lying on a gurney in the back of an ambulance. I had an oxygen mask over my face and an IV in my arm. I was frantically trying to remember where I was and what had happened. I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my side, and it all came back to me. I started struggling to get up. Dickhead had Lula's gun, and he was going to shoot us. Or maybe he already had. Maybe Lula was dead, and it was all my fault.

I felt someone guiding me back down onto the gurney, and I stayed still for a moment. I was thinking about the blade, so I started moving my IV-free arm down the side of my body. One of the paramedics gently pushed my hand back, and then someone else took hold of it and placed it on my stomach. I let out a soft moan and tried again, but they did the same thing.

I laid there with my hand on my stomach, and I just knew there was something I was missing. Then it hit me - I'd lost the baby! Dickhead had killed my baby! I started twisting and turning, and I heard the paramedics call out for someone to help them.

Someone I knew was talking to me, but I didn't want to listen. I wanted to go home. I wanted to sit in the bathroom and throw up for hours. If I could only do that, then I'd be pregnant again. I remembered just the other morning how I had prayed for my period. I'd lost my baby because I did that.

I pulled the mask off my face and started screaming. Why wouldn't they let me leave? I had to get home. Joe would be home from work soon, and then we were going to walk Bob. Maybe we'd buy a stroller this weekend. Names! We had to pick out baby names. If they'd just let me go home, everything would be okay again. I'd have my baby back.

"Her partner told us that she's pregnant, so we want to give her as little medication as possible," I heard someone saying. "We've got to try to keep her calm, though." I felt someone brushing my hair from my eyes, and I heard that voice again.

"Stephanie, you need to lie still," it was saying. I started shaking my head no and tried again to get up. "Steph, the wound isn't that deep, okay? But you gotta stay still so they can help you. You're okay."

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe in and out slowly. The mask was back on my face, and it was starting to help. I'd heard someone say I was pregnant. I _hadn't_ lost my baby. I let out a sigh, and I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

After a while, I opened my eyes and Eddie Gazarra came into focus. It was his voice that I'd heard. "The baby?" I asked underneath the mask. I had to make sure. Eddie nodded his head and squeezed my hand. "The baby's fine, Steph. But you need to relax so they can clean out the wound and then stitch it up."

I tried to do what Eddie had said, but I was struggling to get my breathing under control. "Joe," I whispered. "I need Joe." I was trying to sit up so I could look for him, but Eddie wouldn't let me.

"Joe's on the way, Stephanie. But you've got to let the paramedics do their job right now."

I nodded and then turned my head to look out the ambulance door. I could see someone attending to Lula's nose, which meant she wasn't dead. Dickhead hadn't shot her. I saw Carl Costanza and Big Dog with Dickhead's friend. I couldn't remember what his name was, and I didn't care. I couldn't see Dickhead, and I caught myself hoping Lula had shot him.

"Owwww," I moaned, pulling off the mask and trying to push the paramedic's hands away from me. "It hurts. Stop."

Eddie was rubbing my head and trying his best to help when I caught sight of a huge syringe. I panicked and started crying. "No, please no," I begged. I started hyperventilating again, and then someone put the mask back over my face. I felt the needle going in, and I started to whimper.

"Stephanie, we're going to get the area numb, okay. We have to do that first before we can stitch it up." I pulled the mask off and leaned over to the side and vomited into the little pan that was beside me. I guess it wasn't the first time I'd done it, because the pan wasn't empty. It scared me that I had no recollection of doing that.

I laid back down and closed my eyes, trying to concentrate on breathing without the mask. I was okay. The baby was okay. Lula was okay. I was never going to do anything like this ever again. I had someone else to think about now besides myself. I didn't just risk my life today. I placed my hand back down on my stomach and said a silent prayer of "thanks" and promised to start being more responsible and to take better care of the baby.

Moments later I heard the sound of squealing tires, and I knew who it was. I wanted Joe there with me, but at the same time, I was scared to face him.

I watched as Morelli flung open his car door and was literally over by Big Dog and Costanza in a matter of seconds. He started for the other guy that wasn't Dickhead, but I saw Carl shake his head and point to the patrol car. Big Dog was attempting to block him, but Joe pushed him out of the way.

In an instant, Morelli had yanked open the door and was pulling Dickhead out of the car by his throat. Dickhead was struggling, but his hands were cuffed, so there wasn't much he could do. I knew, without a doubt, that even if his hands had been free, he wouldn't have been able to pry himself from Joe's grip.

Morelli slammed him hard against the side of the patrol car, his hand still firmly around his throat. I could see that Big Dog was yelling for him to stop, and he was unsuccessfully trying to pull Joe away from him.

After a few moments, Joe released his hand, but his other one kept Dickhead's body pinned against the car. He was in his face, and though I don't know for certain what exactly Joe said to him, I had a pretty good idea what the gist of it was. He definitely got his point across, because I saw that Dickhead had wet himself.

Finally Joe stepped back, and he lifted Dickhead up and then slammed him down onto the ground. Big Dog jerked him up and shoved him back into the patrol car. He shut the door, than he pointed Morelli toward the ambulance. Almost immediately, Joe was at my side.

The blood drained from his face when he saw me, and all I could think was what a horrible person I was to have put him through this. The physical pain I was feeling was nothing compared to the fear and pain I was causing Joe. I was crying softly, and I wanted so much to tell him how sorry I was, but I couldn't seem to get the words out.

He leaned down beside me and gently put my head on his shoulder. Then he wrapped his arm around the front of me, as if he were shielding me from what they were doing. "Shh, Cupcake, just relax. I'm here now. Shh, everything's gonna be alright."

As it turned out, the paramedic that was doing the stitching was actually an attending physician over at University Hospital. Lucky for me he was doing his ride-along that day, and he was trying to reassure Joe that he'd seen and dealt with far worse. He said the wound wasn't deep, which was why he was taking care of it now instead of sending me to the emergency room. He said one of the best things that happened was me not pulling the blade out myself. Obviously it could've been far worse if I had, so I guess me passing out had been a blessing in disguise.

Joe asked if he knew I was pregnant, and he said "yes," and he assured him that the baby hadn't been harmed. He did advise that I see my obstetrician as soon as possible just to be on the safe side, and if I had any bleeding or spotting I should go to the hospital immediately.

He said the pawn shop owner had confirmed that he'd just sold Dickhead the blade, brand new, so the chance of me catching anything from it was highly unlikely. I didn't even want to think about that one, but I guess it was important to know because it meant I might need a tetanus shot. The doctor asked if we knew when my last shot was, and Joe told him I'd had one two years ago. I'm glad Joe knew that. He saved me from another needle.

I was trying to follow the conversation, but my mind kept drifting away. All I wanted was to go home. I wanted to see Rex and hug Bob. I wanted to think about the baby and talk about the baby. I felt so guilty for spending all that time not wanting it. I wanted to spend every waking moment possible with Joe and never, ever hurt him like this again.

I started crying, and Joe squeezed my hand and gave me a slight smile. "It's okay, Cupcake. It's almost over." His voice was calm, but I could see the worry in his eyes.

Finally the doctor said he was finished, and I was shocked to know he'd been stitching me that entire time. I guess the shot had been worth it. He asked Joe if he was familiar with stitches and how to care for them, and he said I couldn't take anything stronger than acetaminophen for the pain because of the pregnancy. He put me on bed rest for the next few days and said absolutely no heavy lifting or bounty hunting for a while. He wrote out a prescription for Amoxicillin and assured Joe it was an antibiotic that was safe for me to take.

"You did great, Stephanie," the doctor said with a smile, as he carefully went about the process of removing the IV from my vein. When he was done, he gently bandaged the spot, and that was when I noticed my wrist was bandaged, too. I'd forgotten Dickhead had cut my wrist.

The doctor handed Joe a clean bedpan and said, "She might need this for the ride home. Make certain she gets plenty of fluids, and be sure to watch for any signs of dehydration, especially in her condition."

"Oh, paperwork? Anything I need to take care of, sign ..." Joe was asking. "No, Officer Gazarra gave me all the information we need for now. You just worry about taking care of your wife." I smiled at his mistake, liking the sound of it. "If you'll give me a second, I'll help you get her to your car."

"No, I've got her," Joe said. "But thanks. Thank you for everything," and he shook his hand.

"Be sure to make that appointment with your doctor," he reminded us. "Oh, we will. I'll be calling first thing in the morning," Joe assured him.

Even with Joe's help, it took me a few minutes to get on my feet, and when I did finally stand, I felt too wobbly to move. Joe helped me lie back down on the gurney, and he went and drove his SUV closer. Then he picked me up and carried me to the passenger seat. He buckled me in, gently shut my door, and walked around to the driver's side. He placed the bedpan in the middle, got in his seat, buckled up, and then he just sat there. He didn't move, didn't speak, didn't start the car. Nothing.

"Joe, I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I know what we did today was foolish ..."

Joe held up his hand to stop me. "Not today, Cupcake. We're not going to talk about that today." He looked over at me, and I could see his face was clouded with all sorts of emotions. He took my hand and gently brought it up to his lips. "I'm just glad that you're okay. It could've been much worse, Stephanie ..." His voice trailed off, and he shook his head. "I don't even want to imagine all the what if's."

He stared at me a moment, then leaned over and kissed me softly on the lips. "I love you, Cupcake." He kissed me again and cradled my cheek. Then he leaned in and whispered in my ear, "I don't want to live without you. You're my world, Steph."

I started crying again, and Joe hugged me to him. We sat there like that for what seemed like hours, but it was probably no more than five minutes. Finally Joe leaned over and started the car, but for the entire ride home, he kept his hand in mine.

I stared down at his warm hand, and I thought of how, just an hour before, that same hand could've easily have strangled the life out of a man. And yet now, it was gently joined with mine. I told myself I was never going to put Joe in that position again. I loved him way too much to foolishly risk our future together.


	37. Chapter 37

We got home, and Joe carried me inside and placed me gently down on the couch. We were both exhausted, mentally and physically, but we needed to be together. He poured me a glass of juice and brought me that, along with some Tylenol. He carefully lifted my upper body off of the couch and sat down at the end. Then he moved my head into his lap.

Neither one of us spoke for a while; there was no need for words. Joe just kept running his fingers through my hair, and I was continually rubbing his chest. The silence was soon interrupted by the sound of the phone ringing, and Joe said it was my mother. He gave her as little information as possible but made certain to reassure her that the baby and I were fine. After he spoke with her, he called his mother and said basically the same thing. Then he went around and unplugged the phones. He turned off both of our cell phones and then rejoined me on the couch. He stayed there with me until I fell asleep, and at some point he moved me upstairs to bed.

* * *

I woke up a few hours later and called out for Joe. I heard him turn off the television, and he was immediately on the stairs. He crawled into bed next to me, and I fell asleep in his arms. I don't think I moved a muscle the entire night.

The next morning I woke up nauseous, but I wasn't upset. Joe helped me to the bathroom, and I stayed there until I was finished. I can't lie and say it was fun and that I enjoyed it, but I was determined not to complain again. The morning sickness was a sign that our baby was safely inside of me and that everything was the way it should be.

I was extremely sore on my right side, but I was trying my best not to take any more Tylenol. I knew the doctor said it was safe, but I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I could tough out some of the pain and make it through. I felt it was the least I could do for the baby, because I hadn't exactly started out being the type of mother that he or she deserved.

During one of my quiet moments in the bathroom, Joe took advantage to peek in and check on me, as well as get the name of my doctor. He came back about five minutes later and told me I had an appointment time of 10:30 that morning.

"I don't know if I should go today," I explained. "They probably don't want to examine me with this here the way it is." I pointed to my side and tried looking pitiful. It wasn't as if I didn't want to find out that the baby was okay; I just really hated going to the doctor. Especially a doctor that wanted to examine my female parts.

"I explained all that to them, but they said it would be fine." Joe smiled at me and said, "It shouldn't be so bad." Yeah, that was his opinion, and it was wrong. But it wasn't his fault. Obviously he'd never had the pleasure of being examined by a gynecologist, so he didn't know any better.

I gave him a slight smile, but inside I was starting to stress. I was way overdue for my annual checkup, and I wasn't at all looking forward to what was in store for me. I wondered if I could talk my way out of the pelvic exam seeing as I had gone through so much pain and torture the day before.

Joe had breakfast waiting for me in the bedroom so I wouldn't have to go up and down the stairs again. He helped me back into bed and sat the tray on my lap. Then he went to shower. I felt bad that he had to miss work, but he said it didn't matter. He had rarely taken time off over the years, so he was due. And truth be told, I liked him there with me. I felt safe and loved when he was looking after me.

I actually wasn't that hungry, so I just picked at my breakfast. Joe came back in and stared down at my tray, frowning. "Aren't you hungry, Cupcake? You need to eat something."

"I am," I sighed. "I was just busy thinking about the doctor and wondering how I'm going to get ready. I can't get the stitches wet." I picked up the fork and pretended to take a bite, and when Joe wasn't looking, I snuck food to Bob. I didn't want to be dishonest, but Joe was so on edge about every little thing happening to me, and I didn't want to cause him any further stress. There was nothing wrong; I was just too nervous to eat.

Joe disappeared for a while, and then he came back and took me by the hand. He helped me down the stairs and led me into the kitchen. He had a chair set up in front of the sink, along with a towel and shampoo and conditioner. I sat down and leaned back, and Joe proceeded to wash my hair for me. It was, without a doubt, one of the most luxurious and sensual feelings I'd ever experienced. He sprayed the water and then began to gently massage the shampoo into my hair. His fingers felt terrific, and I caught myself nearly falling asleep. He repeated the process for the conditioner, and once my hair was completely rinsed, he wrapped the towel around my head and led me over to the couch. He sat me down on his lap and towel dried my hair and then fully combed it out.

I turned around to say "thank you," and I was just overwhelmed with how absolutely gorgeous he looked. I completely forgot about being tired and sore; I had to show him how grateful I was. I kissed him eagerly, and I whispered, "I have to remember to ask the doctor when we can make love again."

After a while Joe helped me back up the stairs, and I made my way into the bathroom. I usually took two showers before going to the gynecologist, but this morning, I wasn't even going to make one. Thanks to Joe, my hair was now clean, so I proceeded to do 

the best I could cleaning my body. If we'd had time, I would've requested a sponge bath, but I knew if Joe did that, there was no way I could resist trying to get him inside of me. And I absolutely did not want to chance tearing open the stitches.

I managed to get my makeup on, style my hair so it was somewhat respectable, and change into clean underwear and fresh clothes. I was moving slow, but I did okay as long as I didn't move too many muscles on my right side.

We were out the door at 10:15, and I started feeling sick again. I really and truly hated going to the doctor. I let out a small sigh and stared down at my stomach. Guess I was going to have to get used to it. At least in the end, I'd have my very own baby to show for it, so it would all be worth it.


	38. Chapter 38

We were almost to the doctor's office, and I had been quiet for most of the drive. Joe looked over at me and smiled. "Nervous?" he asked.

I nodded, and he said, "It'll be fine, Cupcake. But I have to say _I'll_ feel much better as soon as I find out the baby's definitely okay."

I debated whether or not to tell him I was more anxious about having to undress and wear one of those yucky gowns, not to mention having to put my feet in stirrups and be poked and prodded, but I decided that was just too much information to share.

Joe stopped off at the curb and helped me out. He held the door for me and then he left to park. I signed in and turned around to see a waiting room full of pregnant women. I was always in the office on Dr. Williams' gyn days, not the ob ones. This was kind of weird. I slowly made my way to a chair and sat down across from a woman who was _huge_. The way I was walking people probably thought I had hemorrhoids or something. That was gross. I didn't want people thinking things like that about me.

I tried to get comfortable in my chair, and I accidentally hit the woman's arm next to me. "Oops, I'm sorry," I said. I thought about getting a magazine, but I was fascinated with the lady's belly across from me. I just couldn't take my eyes off of it. I looked at hers, then down at mine, and then back at hers again. How in the hell was my body going to stretch to that size?

I just couldn't wrap my mind around that, so I slowly leaned across and asked, "Excuse me, can I ask you a question?" She smiled politely and nodded, "Sure."

"When is your baby due?"

"Two weeks," she said with a big smile, rubbing her belly. "But we're going to talk about maybe inducing me this Friday. Dr. Williams is worried about the baby getting too big if it stays in there much longer."

I nodded my head in understanding, "Yeah, I bet." I stared at her again, and before I could stop myself I asked, "Do you have two in there?" I honestly wasn't trying to be rude, but her stomach had me really freaked out.

Her smile quickly vanished, and she narrowed her eyes at me. "No. Just one." She paused and asked, "When is _your _baby due?"

"I'm not exactly sure, but I think the end of February." She nodded her head and then said, "Good. Let's try to stay in touch. I can't wait to come back and see how big _you_ are then. Of course, my tummy will be nice and flat again by that time."

I cleared my throat and smiled, turning to see Joe walking through the door. "You mean you _hope_ it will be," I said to her. I knew that wasn't a nice thing to say, but she'd been mean to me first. Besides, could her stomach ever possibly be nice and flat again?

"Well, nice talking to you," I said. "Good luck with your babies, I mean baby. Really. I didn't mean to say it plural." And I honestly didn't, but I could tell no matter what I said, it was going to be wrong, so who cared?

I reached out for Joe's hand, and he helped me up. "Let's go sit back there in the corner." Big Mommy was still giving me the evil eye, so I turned my head and focused my attention on Joe. "Wow, there's like _a lot_ of pregnant people here," I said nervously. Joe just smiled and took my hand. "Yeah, but the prettiest one is with me."

I smiled and placed my head sideways against his arm. "Um, Joe, I was ..." I hesitated. "I was hoping that maybe you wouldn't mind, uh, waiting out here while I go back there." I guess it seemed stupid to feel that way, after all, I think Morelli knew every part of my body better than I did, but it just seemed awkward thinking of him being there, watching me get examined.

I was too embarrassed to look at him, so I just kept my head where it was. "Sure Cupcake," he said. I couldn't tell from the sound of his voice if he was disappointed or not, so I forced myself to look at him.

"It's just that, you know, they have to do all that stuff to me, and ..." I stared down at the floor. "I don't know, it's just embarrassing." I still hadn't reconciled in my mind how I was going to handle Joe watching me give birth. Maybe I'd just get a c-section, and we could skip all the stuff that happens between your legs. I didn't know much about the whole process either way, but a c-section sounded like a really good plan.

Joe let out a small laugh and said, "It's okay, Steph. Just as long as I leave here knowing you and the baby are okay." I smiled at him and was about to say "thanks" when the nurse called my name. Joe grabbed a Parents magazine, and as I stood to walk toward the nurse, I noticed many of the women turning their heads quickly. Of course they'd been oogling Joe. Hell, if he weren't mine, I'd be drooling over him, too. What was I saying? He _is_ mine, and I still drool over him.

I walked slowly to the nurse, careful to avoid the evil stares I knew I was getting from Big Mommy.

"Hi Stephanie, my name's Sarah. It's always nice to bring another patient over to our side. And I think you're going to enjoy it, too. We're much more competent than the gyn staff." Then she smiled and laughed, "I'm kidding. We like to joke around with each other." I laughed nervously, biting my bottom lip, and followed her into a small room up front that I'd never been in before.

"Okay, so let's see." She opened my chart and started writing. "This is your first ob appointment, correct?" "Mmm-hmm" I said, looking around at all the pieces of equipment in there. I was seriously hoping she wasn't going to use all of them on me.

"Have you actually taken a pregnancy test?" I nodded, and she said, "Good, that's good." She wrote again and then asked, "When was your last period? I need to know the day that it started, but if you don't know for sure, just an approximation is fine. The blood test will tell us exactly how far along you are."

"Blood test?" I asked with a frown. "Yes," she said with a big smile. Sarah was way too perky. I think I wanted my gyn nurse back. I don't think she ever smiled. Gynecology wasn't a smiling matter.

"Um, I wanna say it was May 22nd or 23rd." I was probably a little bit off, but those were the dates that were stuck in my head, so I went with it.

"And do you have a regular 28 day cycle?"

"Uh, I guess so. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I do."

Sarah just smiled again and said, "Okay, let's see then." She pulled out some little cardboard wheel and started spinning it around. "That would put your due date at around February 26th ... but again, that's just an approximation. We'll probably revise that after we get your test results back."

I smiled a fake smile at her. I was happy _until_ she had said "test results." I really didn't like Sarah.

"Okay, let's step up on the scale and get your weight. Then we'll take your blood pressure."

"Oh, I'm almost always 125 pounds," I said with a smile. "That sounds like a nice weight," Sarah said, but unfortunately she meant business. "If you'd like, you can take your shoes off." I did as she said and stepped up on the scale. "Well, you were close. 123." She wrote it down. "Hmmm," she said. "I think for your height and bone structure, you might be a bit underweight." At that I smiled really big. Maybe perky nurses _were_ nice to have.

"Okay, let's go ahead and take your blood pressure." She proceeded to take all the vital statistics and then she drew my blood. I managed to get through it without fainting, but I wasn't happy. "Next time, we'll start doing finger pricks, so it won't be so bad."

"Oh goody!" I said sarcastically. Then I realized I hadn't meant to say that out loud. She handed me a urine cup and explained where to put it when I was finished. "And then if you will, go ahead and go in that first room there on the left and get completely undressed. I say it like that because at some of your appointments, you'll only have to undress from the waist down, but today you need a full exam." She smiled sweetly, and I wanted to slap her. "I'll have a gown waiting for you in the changing area." Oh joy.

I walked down the hall toward the bathroom, and I spotted Big Mommy walking into an exam room. I ducked in as quickly as I could before she spotted me. I didn't want her sending any more bad vibes my way.

I did my thing, put the sample where she had said, and made my way into the exam room. I pulled the curtain closed in the little changing area, and I stood there thinking how much I hated that they had this. It reminded me too much of a dressing room where you tried on clothes. That was one of my favorite places to be, but this place here was ruining that for me. I was slow to undress as it was, but I took even extra time, trying to prolong the inevitable. Finally I tied the gown in the front and made my way to the examining table.

I sat there a while, staring around the room. As if all the equipment wasn't bad enough, there had to be posters on the wall, too. Ugh! I didn't want to see a drawing of a uterus. And the way that baby was crammed inside of there. No, I didn't need to see that at all. I started to feel sick, and my side was hurting again. I checked my bandage, convinced that it was going to be covered in blood. Maybe if it was, the doctor wouldn't be able to touch me. That would be great.

I was sitting there, biting my fingernails, when I heard a light knock on the door. Fortunately it was just Sarah, not Dr. Williams, which meant I still had time to make a run for it. And believe me, I was seriously considering it.

She had my chart in her hand, and she pulled up a chair so she could ask me some more questions. "There's a note in here about something that happened yesterday." We went through all of that, and she asked about the amount of pain I was in. She asked if she could examine the wound, and although I really didn't want to undo the gown, I did. I crossed my arms over my chest while she looked at it. "Oh, that's not bad at all. Of course it's a shame it's there in the first place, but you'll be recovered from that in no time." Then she laughed. "Once you have this baby, yesterday will have seemed like a walk in the park." Sarah really needed to be fired.

"I'll put a fresh bandage on that once Dr. Williams has finished. He should be in here any minute." She turned around and continued writing in my chart, and finally I heard Dr. Williams knock on the door.

"Hi Stephanie. How're you?" He sat down in the rolling chair and moved toward me. "I never thought I'd be seeing you as an ob patient." I'd been going to Dr. Williams for years, so he already knew I was a nut case. It still didn't make the exams any better.

He asked me about what had happened the day before, and he, too, examined the stitches. Since I'd had to undo the gown again for him to see, he went ahead and did the breast exam after that. That was always such a _pleasant_ thing to have done, but at least that part was over with. I quickly covered myself and retied the gown. I thought again about making a run for it, but I knew with the stitches I wouldn't be able to move fast enough.

The sound of Dr. Williams' voice brought me back to reality. "After we're finished with your exam, I think we'll go ahead and do a sonogram. I don't normally do that for patients this early, but after what you've been through, it might not be a bad idea." I was excited about a sonogram. I'd remembered Valerie talking about hers and how they'd squeezed squishy stuff all over her stomach and then she got to see her insides. Well mostly just the baby, but it sounded cool.

Dr. Williams made quick work of the exam process, thankfully, and he was careful not to cause any additional pain to my side.

"Would you like for your husband to come back so he can see the sonogram, too?" Sarah asked. I nodded my head, debating whether or not I should correct her. "Well, he's not my husband yet, but he will be."

"That's okay," she said with another big smile. "What's his name, and I'll call him back."

Dr. Williams was turned around, I assumed getting the sonogram equipment set up, so I asked him if we'd be able to hear the heartbeat.

"No that won't be until your appointment next month. There's no sound on this one," he said pointing to the sonogram machine, "but you'll be able to actually see the heartbeat." I smiled, excited about that, but then I frowned when I realized what he'd said. I had to come back again next month.

Joe and Sarah came in the room, and she pulled a chair over next to me so Joe could sit down. We smiled at each other, and Joe took my hand.

"Okay, Stephanie, I'm going to have you lie back down and put your feet back in the stirrups," Dr. Williams was saying, and Sarah was draping a large white towel over my waist. This didn't seem like any kind of sonogram Valerie had. I started to panic when I saw the doctor holding some kind of probe thing in his hand. It didn't look good for me.

"Don't worry, this isn't painful at all." Maybe not painful, but embarrassing as hell. Why hadn't they warned me about this?

I closed my eyes and tried to pretend none of that was happening, especially with Joe sitting beside me, when Dr. Williams interrupted my thoughts. "Right there," he was saying and pointing at the screen. "You can't see it very well, but this here is your baby." Joe and I both stared at the screen, too amazed for words. He took some time taking a few measurements, and then after a while he said, "And if you look closely, you can see the heartbeat."

When he was finished, he said, "Everything looks great. I don't see why we can't deliver a healthy baby sometime around the end of February." He looked down at the chart and then said, "Looking at the size of your uterus and the size of the fetus, February 26th is, in fact, your official due date." Joe and I smiled at each other, and I was really impressed with how accurate I had been guessing it was the end of February. I usually wasn't good at remembering the dates of my periods. They just sort of came and went, and I managed to put up with them.

"Stephanie, you can go ahead and get dressed, and then Sarah will put a new bandage on your side there. After that, you and Joe can join me in my office so we can go over a few things."

* * *

Turned out my iron level was too low, and I was told to start prenatal vitamins immediately. We talked about the morning sickness, and Dr. Williams gave some suggestions of ways to help ease it. I didn't think they'd work, but I pretended to listen anyway.

He gave us a ton of pamphlets about pregnancy, labor, and delivery, but I wasn't interested in looking at those. Joe was, though, and I think he'd read through all of them by the end of that day. Dr. Williams explained how I'd see him every month until it got near the end, and then I'd go twice a month, then every week, and more than that if needed.

Then he told me at some point I'd have to see his partner, Dr. Parker, for one of my visits. That definitely got my attention. I didn't want to see another doctor. Seeing this one was bad enough. "Why?" I asked, trying to keep the panic out of my voice. "Just so you'll be familiar with him, in case he ends up being there with you for the delivery."

"What?!" I asked, now definitely panicked. I was shaking my head and saying "No. I don't know him. Nuh-uh." Joe had a small grin on his lips, and I narrowed my eyes at him and gave him the "look." This wasn't funny. "I mean, you _have_ to be there. _You're_ my doctor."

"Most likely I will be, Stephanie, but it's always good to be prepared, just in case." He went on to discuss breastfeeding and my birth plan, but I wasn't listening to him anymore. Not only had he made me mad, he was also talking about things I didn't want to think about. I let my mind wander instead to my bridal shower on Friday. Those thoughts were way more fun.

Thankfully Joe was listening, so I figured if there was anything important I needed to know, he'd tell me. I had a feeling that was the way the pregnancy was going to work for us, but I didn't think Joe was going to mind. He seemed really into all this stuff, and I decided that could be his way of contributing since he couldn't really do much else. In my mind, it was a win-win situation.

* * *

After we finished there, Joe drove us home and informed me I had to get back in bed. I wasn't about to argue, because, truth be told, just going to the doctor had worn me out. Joe kissed me softly on the forehead and said he was going downstairs to make me lunch. But before he left the room, he said the words that I had been dreading.

"Cupcake, we're going to enjoy lunch together, here in bed, and then I want you to take a nap." He tilted my chin upward and stared at me intently. "And then when you wake up, I believe there's a conversation we still need to have."

I nodded my head and stared down at the blanket. "I'm not going to go all Italian on you, like you say I always do," and I could hear the smile in his voice, "but Stephanie, what happened yesterday _will never_ happen again." He said that last part slowly, emphasizing each word.

I glanced up at him and shook my head in agreement. His face softened, and he sat down on the bed beside me. "But we'll talk about that later. For now, my little Cupcake needs something with iron in it, so I'm going to see what we have." He took my face in his hands and kissed me. Then he put some of the pamphlets on the bed beside me. "And you can read through these while you're waiting. I know good and well, that aside from finding out you have to see another doctor, you didn't listen to a single thing Dr. Williams was telling us."

My mouth opened, and I started to deny it, but then I stopped. Joe just laughed and playfully tugged on one of my curls. "Don't even try it," he said teasingly. "There isn't much you can hide from me, Stephanie Plum."


	39. Chapter 39

I woke up from my nap, and sure enough, Joe was lying on the bed beside me, waiting for me to open my eyes. I yawned and stretched and gave him my most sweet and innocent smile.

"It's not gonna work, Cupcake," he said. "Don't you know me better than this by now?" He laughed and hugged me to him, and I did a fake pout. "It was worth a try," I said with a nervous giggle.

"Alright, now make yourself comfortable," he said, fluffing up the pillow for me. "This isn't going to be fun." Immediately the cop face was in place, and I instinctively crossed my arms over my chest. I was ready.

"Okay, Stephanie. As a bounty hunter with your skills, what would you say was your first mistake yesterday?"

I let out a sigh and realized there was no way out of this. "I know, I know. Basically everything we did was a mistake."

Joe nodded his head. "Good answer." I rolled my eyes and tapped my nails on the bed.

"And?" Joe said, waiting.

"And what?" I asked.

"I want to hear what you have to say about everything. Tell me _your_ version of what happened."

I chewed on my bottom lip and just sat there. "Fine!" I finally said. "We were stupid to park in the back. We were stupid to approach the guy when he had someone with him we didn't have information on. Lula egged his buddy on by cursing and getting in his face. I forgot everything at home, so I had no gun, no spray, nothing. I told the guy the keys to the cuffs were in Lula's purse, which was also where her gun was." Joe raised his eyebrow, waiting for me to continue.

"Lula was an idiot and told him I was involved with a cop. I kneed him in the balls, never even thinking I should've tried to knock the blade out of his hand first." I sighed again.

Joe stared at me for a second and then asked, "And why did you feel you could apprehend that particular skip right then instead of waiting for a better opportunity?"

"Umm, strong sense of bravery." I said doubtfully.

"Nope. Try again." I could see the smile around Joe's eyes, but he was still playing serious.

"Uh, foolish confidence." I said, biting my nail.

"Warmer."

"Okay, fine. How about lack of good judgment and no common sense?"

"Bingo! Now you've got it," he said, finally smiling. "Cupcake, you've got the knowledge to do your job and do it well. You just don't always use it." He took my hand in his and said, "Look at me Stephanie."

I didn't want to, but I did. "I told you when we got back together that we weren't going to have the type of relationship where I tell you what to do and you bow down and do it. On the other hand, I'm not going to sit back and wait for the next call to come in and have someone tell me you've been stabbed again or shot or raped or whatever the case may be."

I just sat there quietly, and finally I said, "I know I screwed up. Having a perfect day meant more to me than being cautious or doing what was best for me and our baby." I started pulling at a loose thread on the comforter. "And the situation that I put all of us in was wrong and selfish, and I just didn't think until it was too late."

"So what do you want to do Steph?" I didn't answer, and finally Joe said, "You have to talk to me Stephanie." I let out a big sigh and said, "I don't know right now, but I have to find a way to bring in money, too."

Joe was propped up on one elbow, and when I said that, he sat up on the bed and pulled me over to him. "Don't make it about money. Money's not the issue here."

"Of course it's the issue," I said as if he were stupid.

"Stephanie, I know we've never talked finances before, but I can promise you that money is not a problem. This house is paid for, remember? Yes, I pay taxes and insurance on it, but we're not talking a lot of money there. My car is paid for, so that leaves car insurance and utilities. I buy groceries, which is a little higher now that _you're_ here," he paused to wink at me and grin, "but I think I can afford it."

I started toward him, and he rolled over to the other side of the bed. "Don't hit me - I'm teasing!" he said with a laugh. "But seriously, I've got a good deal of money in savings. I'm not rich, but we can get by if you just want to do something part-time. Or if you don't want to do anything at all for a while ... you can start that now or after the baby is born. It's totally up to you." He held his hands up in a "don't shoot" gesture. "I'm not trying to make you a housewife. I'm just throwing it out there as a potential option."

"I guess that _is_ good to know," I pondered. I sat there quietly for a while and then said, "I enjoy what I do, as long as I do it the right way." I was twirling a strand of my hair out of nervousness, and finally I said, "If I promise to be extremely careful and only take on the cases I absolutely feel are not going to be dangerous, will you trust me to keep doing this part-time for a while longer?"

Joe sat there, thinking. "I can trust you, if and only if, we set down some ground rules." I nodded my head and said, "Go on."

"Your work hours need to coincide with mine. I'm asking for that only because yesterday I was already home and out walking Bob, which is why it took me longer to get the message. I had no idea you were even out with Lula. Speaking of which, we both agree to keep our cell phones charged and with us at all times." I was nodding my head in agreement.

"You never leave this house and go to work without taking your gun and all the other things you're supposed to have with you. And most importantly, Steph, stop trying to prove to me that you can be perfect. It's _never_ going to happen. Hell, I screw up on the job all the time. Life goes on. Point is, you don't have to prove anything to me. I know you're capable. Just use that brain in there," he said tapping on my head, "and you'll do just fine."

"Anything else?" I asked.

"Just that we can add more rules as we go along," he said. "And remember, no matter what, safety first, Stephanie." He put his hand on my stomach and smiled. "Seeing that heartbeat this morning makes it more real, doesn't it?"

I nodded my head and looked over at him. "I'm not going to do anything to risk our baby's life, Joe. I promise." I paused for a minute and then said, "Maybe taking some time off after she's born _might_ be a good idea."

Joe shook his head. "Again with the 'she,' huh?" Then he laughed. "Lula stopped by while you were asleep and dropped off your bag from the mall. You left it in her car yesterday. I like the bathing suit," he said with a wink. "But that dress?" He shook his head playfully. "Even if it is a girl, she's gonna have a hard time wearing that dress and playing baseball, Steph. You gotta think about those things when you go shopping for clothes."

I rolled my eyes at him and punched him playfully in the arm. Then I leaned in for a kiss. "I love you Joseph Morelli. Even if you are completely deluded about the baby."

* * *

Mary Lou stopped by that evening to get the guest list for the wedding. She'd gone by and picked up the invitations for me, and thankfully, they were perfect. She had talked her mom into meeting her that night so they could address the envelopes and get them out in the mail for me the next day. I definitely appreciated that; it was one less thing I had to worry about.

We made plans to go dress shopping on Monday, and the mother's had agreed to help with any alterations that were necessary so we'd have them ready in time. I still had to set up a time to go with Valerie, plus we needed to find Lisa a flower girl dress. I didn't really want her to be the flower girl, but my mother assured me she could walk and everything. She was way past two now, so I trusted that my mother knew what she was talking about. I never paid attention to her when I did see her, so I didn't have definite proof she could use her legs, but I figured if my mother was wrong, maybe she could just crawl down the aisle or something.

Joe was still going to do the tux thing the next day, which was Wednesday, but we moved the cake sampling to Saturday. Everything else would have to wait until the following week. Joe insisted that I rest up so I could enjoy my bridal shower on Friday. I had no problem agreeing with that ... I was excited beyond words.

Celebrating birthdays kind of sucked now, but bridal showers and baby showers were events that you still got to be the center of attention at, and you didn't have to stress about being another year older. What could be more perfect? I let out a sigh and hoped more than anything that I wouldn't be disappointed.


	40. Chapter 40

It was finally Friday, and I spent all day eagerly watching the clock. Joe would just look at me and laugh. "You're like a little kid waiting for Christmas morning."

"I can't help it!" I exclaimed. "I've been looking forward to this all week."

"Didn't you have a bridal shower when you married Dickie?" It wasn't often, but at times, Morelli could really be an idiot.

"Joe, don't you know by now that anything that happened to me prior to divorcing Dickie doesn't really count?"

He pulled me to him and said, "You and I happened pre-Dickie. You're saying that first time didn't count?" Then he grinned and kissed me.

"What I should be saying is you shouldn't have been such a dumb ass, and you should've married me when I turned eighteen." Then I smiled. "Think of all those years of great sex we wasted, and just think how many babies I could've already popped out by now."

"What? And deprive you of your sexless memories of life with Dickie?"

"We had sex. It just wasn't ever any good."

"Okay, too much information, Cupcake." Joe said, holding up his hand to stop me.

"What? It's a compliment! You ruined me for all other men. There was no way Dickie was living up to your standard."

Joe came toward me and gently pushed me backwards until I was against the wall. "How much pain is your side in?" he asked, nibbling on my neck. "Maybe you don't want to go to Mary Lou's after all. Maybe you want to stay here and have some fun with me."

"Maybe I will. After I get home from Mary Lou's." I grinned teasingly at him.

"It's the cake, isn't it?" Joe shook his head knowingly. "No matter how many orgasms I give you, I'll never be able to compete with cake."

Joe drove me over to Mary Lou's house early so I wouldn't be late for my own shower. I leaned over and gave him a kiss, and he grinned and winked at me. "Behave yourself, Cupcake. There's no telling what Mary Lou's up to."

"I told her the kind of shower I wanted, so it should be sweet and innocent. Just like me." I surprised myself that I managed to say that with a straight face.

Joe really laughed out loud at that one. "Ha! That's funny!" I made a face at him and closed the door. "Have fun playing pool with the guys. And no flirting with slutty women."

"What? Come on Stephanie," Joe said shaking his head, "you know you're the only slutty woman I flirt with." Then he laughed and drove off.

I saw Mary Lou opening the front door, so I gave her a little wave. I had a smile on my face until I saw the look on hers. "Uh, Stephanie, we have a little problem."

"No, please don't say that." I poked out my bottom lip. "Just for one night, I don't wanna have to deal with a problem."

"Okay, fine." Mary Lou patted my shoulder. "We don't have a problem."

I let out a sigh of relief. "Are you serious? You mean it?"

"God, Steph, really?" She asked, holding out her hands in a "come on" gesture. "I know you're not this stupid. Of course we still have a problem," she said, rolling her eyes at me.

"What is it?" I whined.

"Uh, remember how I said my mom was going to help me with the invitations the other night?"

"Yeah?" I asked hesitantly.

"Well, she kind of found out about the party tonight."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "Please no. Don't say it." I knew what was coming.

"She just told me she invited your mother and Joe's mother and your grandma." Mary Lou said it really fast and then ducked.

"No! No! It's not fair! No!" I stood there, practically in tears. "No!!" I said again, stamping my foot.

"Um, that's not exactly the worst part." Then Mary Lou started laughing nervously. She hesitated, "Okay, so here's the deal. I know you're pregnant, and you can't drink. And I'm really sorry about that. _I am_. But ... God, Steph, don't look at me like that."

Mary Lou let out a big sigh and said in very fast yell/talk, "But none of the rest of us are, and we wanna have fun. So I planned a really naughty party, Steph." She made an "I'm sorry" face and added, "I mean, _really naughty_."

"How naughty?" I wasn't going to panic. It couldn't be that bad.

"Let's just say perfect for us, but heart attack inducing for the real grown-ups, like your mom. And your future mother-in-law." Then she smiled slightly. "But look on the bright side ... your grandma's gonna love it."

"It's not that late is it? I mean, can't we just change plans?" I was trying to look on _any_ bright side, grasping at straws.

"No," Mary Lou said shaking her head, then she pointed to her driveway. "I don't think it matters much now."

I turned to see my mother and Joe's mom getting out of my mother's car. "Nooo," I cried. Then I took a deep breath, tucked my hair behind my ear, and gave Mary Lou a dirty look. "Your mother is dead to me now." I slowly walked to the car to greet them. "Might as well get this over with," I mumbled, letting out a long sigh.

After being hugged and having to show the mothers where my stitches were, we started making our way to Mary Lou's front porch. I smiled politely while I endured a lecture from both of them, which made me all the more appreciative that I was gaining another mother. Oh boy. Just what I needed.

We stepped up on the front porch, and I asked my mother where Grandma Mazur was. "Stan is dropping her by in a while. They're out playing bingo right now."

"Oh," I said, with a sigh of relief. At least that meant she was probably dressed somewhat appropriate for tonight.

"Have a seat," Mary Lou said, pointing to her front porch rockers. "I don't think we want to go in right now and ruin the surprise. We can wait for some more guests to arrive."

"So where's Grandma Bella?" I said sweetly to Mrs. Morelli. "I'm surprised she's not here, too." On my face was a smile, but in my mind I was thinking, "Why the hell not? It'd just be another thing to screw up my night."

"She's visiting with Joseph's aunt and uncle in New York," she said. "But that's so sweet of you to think of her, Stephanie." Obviously Mrs. Morelli didn't know me all that well.

My mother smiled proudly, and I at least took comfort knowing I'd made her look like she'd raised a respectful daughter. Even if it was a lie.

Mary Lou's cell phone rang, and she excused herself and went around the side of the house. The mothers and I made small talk, but all I could think about was wishing I could have a drink. A big tall one. With lots of alcohol in it.

Mary Lou came back, and she had a very worried look on her face. "Uh, Steph, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure." I said in a sickingly sweet voice. "I'll be right back," I said to my mother and Mrs. Morelli, forcing a fake smile.

"What?" I asked through gritted teeth. "Um, another itty bitty problem," Mary Lou said with a laugh. I curled my lip up at her and caught myself almost growling.

"No! No more problems!"

"Okay, fine. There are no more problems."

"I'm not falling for that again! What is it?" I yelled.

"Um, remember a little while ago I said I planned a naughty party?"

"Yes?" I asked, not really wanting to hear what she was about to say.

"Well what's the most naughty thing you can think of doing at a party with a bunch of women?" I stood there, thinking. "Give me sex toys as a present?"

"Noooo ... think naughtier."

I narrowed my eyes at her and said, "You didn't." Mary Lou grinned sheepishly.

"Mary Lou! This is supposed to be a shower not a bachelorette party!"

"Surprise!" she yelled. "I never exactly said it was a shower. You just assumed ..."

"Oh, God, please tell me you're not saying what I think you're saying."

"Come on Steph. It's not that bad. I mean, how many kids does Joe's mom have? She's had sex. She had sons. It's nothing she hasn't seen before. And your mom. Yeah, she had girls, but she's seen your dad naked. I'm sure plenty of times."

I was rubbing my forehead back and forth, shock and disbelief still trying to settle in. "So this is a bachelorette party not a nice, sweet, innocent bridal shower? Why Mary Lou? Why?!"

"It was gonna be a bridal shower, and then you guessed it. So I decided to mix it up a little to surprise you." She smiled cautiously. "It worked, didn't it?"

"Okay, so just cancel the stripper and go inside and take down any bad decorations you might have. I'll stall the mothers."

"Um, Steph, it would take me hours to clear out all the bad stuff that's in there."

"Mary Lou!"

"And I can't cancel the stripper. The agency that he works for claims they can't reach him. That was them on the phone."

I let out a sigh. "Fine, we just won't open the door when he gets here."

"We can't do that, Steph. He has my address. He'll keep coming back 'til we pay him."

"I'll have Joe arrest him for trespassing then." Mary Lou gave me a look.

"Fine, we'll open the door, tell him 'no thanks' and throw some money at him."

"Come on Steph. We gotta let him in. He's a stripper!"

"No, Mary Lou! Omigod! Tell Lenny to strip for you later if you're that desperate."

"Ewww," she said.

"Don't ewww me," I told her. "You picked him. You knew what you were getting before you married him."

"Steph, please!"

"Fine, but let's just go confess everything to my mother and Mrs. Morelli so they'll leave."

We walked around the front and noticed more guests had arrived.

"Why?!" I thought. All I wanted was to play some silly games, eat cake, and open presents. I shook my head and wondered why events in my life never played out like I imagined they would.

We opened the door and walked in. There were condoms blown up and tied everywhere. There was a "Pin the Penis on the Naked Man" poster hanging on the wall, and a sign that said "Come Get Lei'd" sitting beside a bunch of leis made up of condoms, lubricants, and other sex-themed items. There were penis-shaped straws, paper plates and cups that featured a naked man on them, as well as penis-shaped cookies on a plate. The cake, of course, was a huge penis decorated with chocolate sprinkles as the pubic hair. There were melon balls arranged with bananas - that one's self-explanatory - and there was a huge penis ice sculpture right in the middle of a champagne fountain.

"Penis ice, Mary Lou?" I asked, pointing to the fountain."Did you have to go that far?"

"I didn't buy the fountain. I just rented it from the party store. The ice was free with a rental. You can pick the theme, so I decided to stay with dicks."

"Oh boy," I said. "You'll have to be sure and let me know which store that is. Joe and I just have to have that at our wedding reception." I rolled my eyes and then we both laughed.

"What're the mothers doing right now?" I asked, too afraid to look. "Um," Mary Lou said, "I think they're still in shock. Ask me again in a little while."

Just then Grandma Mazur burst through the door. We all turned to look, and there just aren't words to describe the way I was feeling at that point. Grandma was dressed just like Jeannie, you know, from _I Dream of Jeannie_. She had what looked like a magic lamp in her hand, and she was raring to go. "Stephanie! There's the birthday girl!"

"Grandma, it's not my birthday." She stared at me and said, "Oops, did I say birthday?" Then she laughed. "I think I might've already had too much to drink." Then she looked at Mary Lou and hiccupped. "You serving the hard stuff tonight? I sure hope so or else this birthday party's gonna be a bust."

I was trying to make my way over to my mother, and Grandma Mazur was following me. "Hang on, Stephanie, you gotta rub the lamp. You never know what might pop out of it." Then she laughed."But I guess you already got your hottie, huh? You rubbing again would be kinda selfish."

"That's cute Grandma," I said. "Go find Connie. I'm sure she wants to rub it."

I approached the mothers, smiling nervously. "Uh, mom, Mrs. Morelli, um, I don't quite think ..." I stopped, searching for the right words. "I don't think this is the sort of party that you two are going to enjoy." I was scrunching up my face apologetically. "And if you think this is bad now, trust me. It's going to get worse before it's over."

"Stephanie, this is not appropriate for a bridal shower." I scratched my head and smiled again. "I know that mom. I didn't plan it, though. Remember? I showed up not knowing, just like you did. And it's not exactly a shower. It's a bachelorette party."

My mother knitted her brows together, and I smiled nervously at Mrs. Morelli, biting my bottom lip. "It's going to be more for everyone else than me. I mean, I'm not drinking or anything. I mean the cake looks good, so I'll eat some of that. Um, not that it looks good like how it's decorated or the shape of it, just that it looks good because it's cake." I was rambling uncontrollably by that point, trying to explain but getting all twisted up in my words. "You know what I mean, right mom? I mean I'll eat _any_ cake. Even if it does look like a man's ... "

"Stephanie! Yes, we understand. You love cake!" My mother let out a sigh and turned to Joe's mom. "Angie, would you care to join me for a cup of coffee and some spice cake? I baked it fresh today."

"That sounds wonderful," she said. She grabbed her purse and put her hand to my cheek. "Stephanie ..." Then she paused and sighed. "Dear, I ..." She shook her head, obviously not knowing what to say. "Tell Joseph I said 'hello,' and I'll look for you both at church on Sunday."

I let out a sigh of relief and shut the door behind them. I shook my head and went off in search of Mary Lou. I was certain I would be in jail before the night was over. It seemed to be the way my luck was going lately.


	41. Chapter 41

The music was blaring, alcohol was flowing, and everyone was drunk. Except me, of course. I was in the midst of opening presents. Thankfully I was set for quite some time with edible undies, vibrators of all shapes, sizes, and colors, body oils, and a crazy variety of edible body paints. Oh, and let's not forget crotchless panties and a cupless bra. Someone gave me a box of flavored condoms with a note attached saying to try to remember where I put them so I could use them in nine months. That was thoughtful. Oh, and let's not forget the package of oral sex mints from Grandma Mazur. She was sweet enough to explain to everyone that those should help keep me from gagging when I gave Joe blow jobs, just in case I had that problem. Thankfully the mothers were already long gone by then.

The incredible fun I was having was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing. I think Connie knew what was coming, because she was at the door in a flash.

And lo and behold, _I_ should've seen this one coming. It appeared _one of us_ was under arrest.

"A cop?" I said to Mary Lou, shaking my head in disbelief. "Really?"

"I know, I know, but it was either that or a doctor. And I know how much you hate those. At least the cop can remind you of someone else."

"Ugh! Trust me, the cop I have at home puts this one to shame." But even still, I caught myself checking out his bulge. Yeah, Joe definitely had him beat in that department.

"I've received a complaint of loud music and too much fun coming from this house," Stripper Cop said in a gruff tone. I stared at Mary Lou, and we both burst out laughing.

Stripper Cop looked over at me and pointed. "I take it this is the troublemaker?" I started shaking my head no, but he was already making his way over to me.

"Mary Lou," I mumbled. "Stop him. Tell him it's Connie," I said between clinched teeth. But Mary Lou was laughing too hard, and there was too much noise for her to hear me.

Stripper Cop stood in front of me, his package purposely shoved in my face. I smiled and gave him a finger wave. "It's okay, really. I don't wanna play."

"Don't wanna play? Who said anything about playing, young lady? You're in deep trouble." Then he reached out and slapped a cuff on my wrist. Thankfully it was the boo-boo free one.

"Uh, I don't think so ..." I said, giving him the evil eye. "Then I held up my other bandaged wrist to show him there was no way in hell he was cuffing that one.

"Don't worry about that pretty lady," he said. Then he cuffed the other side to my chair. Everybody was whooping and hollering, and I was trying to scoot my chair out of there. Unfortunately there were too many damned presents in the way.

Next thing I knew, Stripper Cop was trying to grind on me. "What the hell?" I thought. Then all of a sudden he ripped off his pants, tore off his shirt, and he was left standing there in front of me in a g-string thong. I was _really_ trying to get away from him at that point, but there was just too much confusion. My friends had all of a sudden turned into a bunch of horny teenagers, and they were all crowded around Stripper Cop. There was nowhere for me to scoot the chair to.

Before I knew what was happening, Stripper Cop had sat down on my lap and was nipping at my right breast. I tried to push him off of me, but my free hand was too weak, so I sat there praying for a case of projectile vomiting to suddenly hit me. Of course nothing like that ever happens when you want it to. Stripper Cop then leaned in and started pulling my bra strap up with his teeth. That was when I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "You're going to get off of me right now. Do you understand? The man I'm marrying is a _real_ cop, and he'll be here any minute. And trust me. You don't wanna make him angry."

Stripper Cop jumped up immediately and turned away without looking at me. "Alrightie, I'd say this little lassie's been punished enough. Who's next?" He started grinding up against Lula, and he swiftly leaned over and passed me the key. I really didn't want to take it, because I had no idea where he had been hiding it, but I wanted to get free, so I did what I had to do. Thankfully my one hand was cuff-free, but using that wrist was still a bit painful, so it took me some time to uncuff myself. Fortunately I was finally able to get it - I don't think anyone there was paying attention and would've stopped to help me. They were all too busy stuffing dollar bills in Stripper Cop's g-string. I quickly made my way to the bathroom and scrubbed all the places he had touched me.

I went outside with my cell phone and called Joe. "Can you come get me?" I asked. I was trying not to sound sad, but I couldn't help it. "You okay, Steph?" Joe asked, the worry in his voice obvious. "Yeah, I'm just ready to come home. I'd rather spend the evening with you." I could hear the car door open and slam, and Joe said, "I'll be there in five minutes, Cupcake."

I went back inside to tell Mary Lou I was leaving, but it was hard to talk over the noise. I pulled her toward the door, and we walked outside. "Hey, Joe's coming to get me. I hate to bail early, but I'm pretty tired." I was trying to smile, but Mary Lou knew me too well. Even though she was pretty drunk, she still caught on. "Steph, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to get out of hand. God, I'm such a shit."

"It's okay, really. You go back in there and have fun. It's not often you get a night away from Lenny and the kids."

"Yeah, but tonight wasn't supposed to be about me. Or any of the rest of us," she said, pointing to the house. "Man, I fucked up big time, Steph. Can you ever forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive, Mary Lou," and I meant it. "Go have fun and have one of those fancy drinks with an umbrella in it for me." Just then Joe drove up, and Mary Lou gave me a hug. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"That's not necessary," I called out, but she'd already gone into the house. Joe was slowly walking toward me, obviously trying to size up the situation.

"The party's still going, and you want to come home?" he asked softly. Joe knew how excited I had been for this, and I could tell it was killing him that I wasn't happy. I didn't want that, so I put a smile on my face and pretended. "The party was fun, but I'm just really tired. You know, pregnancy and all that. It's been a long week."

He nodded his head, but I knew he didn't believe me. He put an arm around my shoulder, and we walked slowly to the car. He helped me into my seat and then leaned in for a kiss. "I never did get a chance to go flirt with those slutty women you warned me about," he teased.

"Why not? I thought you were looking forward to a night out with the guys," I asked surprised.

"Yeah, I decided to go shopping instead." He pointed to the back of the SUV, and that was when I noticed a big box back there.

"What's that?" I asked with a smile.

"I got us a rocking chair. I thought it would look nice in the living room. It's the kind that glides. I sat in a lot of different styles before I decided on this one." Then he leaned in closer to me, and I could feel his breath on my skin. "I can already picture you, sitting in that chair, holding our baby in your arms." He kissed me gently on the lips and hugged me close to him. "That's what I wanted to spend my evening thinking about." Then he smiled and stared in my eyes. "See, no matter how hard I try, my thoughts always come back to you."

I hugged him close, squeezing him tight, and whispered "thank you, Joe," softly in his ear. No matter what went wrong, I could always depend on him to lift my spirits and make me realize what was really important in my life.

Just as we were about to back out, Mary Lou came running out with something in her hand. "Steph, Joe, wait up." She passed the cake through the window and smiled. "You never had a chance to eat a piece. Why don't you just take the whole thing?" Mary Lou smiled, and I knew she was still feeling bad. "I'll drop the presents off tomorrow."

"Thanks, Mary Lou, for the cake and the party." I waved goodbye, and Joe backed out of the driveway. Just as he was turning right, he got a good look at the cake in my lap. "Is that supposed to be what I think it is?"

I started giggling, and Joe just shook his head. "What'd I tell you? Put the two of you together, and you never know what you're going to end up with."

"Yeah, at least our mothers left before everything got out of hand." Joe slammed on the brakes. "My mother? Saw that cake?" Then he shook his head. "Let me guess, she expects to see us at church on Sunday."

I just had to laugh. There wasn't anything that got past Joe.


	42. Chapter 42

The next day Joe and I sampled wedding cakes and planned the menu for the reception. All the cakes were delicious, and it was hard to choose. I tried to get Joe to let me pick the groom's cake, too, but he said, "No way. Stop being so greedy." Then he smiled teasingly. "Other people like cake, too, Stephanie. Geez." I gave him a pretend pout, but he just laughed.

After that we went back home, and Joe put the rocking chair together. I was sitting in it, rocking and daydreaming, when I heard the doorbell. Joe said, "Looks like Mary Lou. I'll get it," and he walked off. He stayed gone for a while, and I kept expecting both of them to come into the room. Finally Joe walked in with the box of sex goodies.

He was laughing and saying, "I think I'm going to have a lot of fun going through this box." I rolled my eyes and watched as Joe pulled out a CD. "Mary Lou said I should watch this. Guess you forgot to tell me a stripper showed up last night?" Joe was grinning, and I could feel my face turning red.

"Omigod! Somebody taped that?" I smiled sweetly and said, "Please don't watch that. Please!"

Joe laughed and tossed it back into the box. "There's no video on there. It's the music CD of the songs Mary Lou played last night."

"I'm going to get you for that!" I started toward him, and Joe pulled me the rest of the way over. "Promise?" Then he kissed me. "Show me what you do to boys that are bad." He was moving his hand up under my shirt, and then his cell phone rang.

"Always something whenever I get to the good part," he said, checking the number on his phone. "It's my mother." He hit the button and said, "Hi ma." Then he smiled at me. "Yes, Stephanie and I will try to make it to church tomorrow." He was trying hard not to laugh and was shaking his head "no way" at the same time. I burst out laughing, but then I heard him say, "Okay, I'll bring her over. Half an hour." Then he disconnected.

"Who is the 'her' that you're bringing over?" I was shaking my head no and saying, "It better not be me. I'm not going over to your mother's house!"

Joe just smiled and said, "You have about twenty minutes to get ready."

"What?! Why?! No! I don't wanna go over to your mom's house. No!" I furrowed my brow and said, "Explain!"

"She needs your measurements so she'll be able to start right away on the alterations."

"Damn! This just sucks," I pouted. Joe was still in a teasing mood. "God, Steph, should I be insulted here? That _is_ my mother, you know? Without her, I wouldn't be here. There'd be no Joe. No incredibly hot sex. No baby girl in there." He was trying not to laugh, and I rolled my eyes at him. "Shut up," I said, laughing.

"Go get ready," he said, swatting my butt. "And on the way over, I wanna hear all about this stripper."

"I really do hate Mary Lou," I mumbled, flouncing off toward the stairs so I could change my clothes.

* * *

We pulled up in the driveway, and Joe hopped out and opened the door for me. "Have fun," he said, kissing me on the nose.

"What does that mean? You're not coming inside?" I was panicked.

"Nope. I gotta stop by the station. I'll be back by the time you're finished. It's just some measurements." Then he started getting back into the car.

I stood there, stunned. "I can't believe you're doing this to me!" I whined.

"Steph, you're a big girl. You can handle it. I have total confidence in you." I stuck my tongue out at him, and he drove off laughing.

I took a deep breath and walked to the front door. I tried to smooth the wrinkles out of my shirt - this was Angie Morelli, after all - and then I rang the bell.

I heard footsteps, and I felt a wave of nausea pass through me. Mrs. Morelli opened the door with a smile. "Stephanie! I know you're probably busy today, but this won't take long. Come in."

She stood back to let me pass through, and all of a sudden I heard "Surprise!!"

I looked around to see her living room filled with all my friends that were at the party the night before, as well as real balloons, streamers, and innocent bridal-themed party decorations. My mother was there, as well as Grandma Mazur, and she was actually dressed normal (well, normal by Grandma Mazur's standards, not everybody else's).

I stood there, absolutely stunned, not knowing what to say. Mary Lou stepped toward me, smiling sheepishly. "I'm sorry, Steph! This is what I should've done for you last night. Forgive me?"

I was overcome with emotions, and I started to cry. I nodded my head, and Mary Lou hugged me. "I know, you're tough. It's the baby making you cry." Then we laughed, and everyone else came over for a hug.

We proceeded to play a bunch of goofy games, which were actually all stupid as hell, but I loved every single minute of it. I opened presents, none of which had anything to do with sex, and then we ate cake. One by one, the party guests trickled out until I was left sitting in the living room alone with Mrs. Morelli.

"Stephanie," she started. "I know you're not very comfortable around me ..." I started to protest, but she stopped me. "It's okay. I understand mother-in-laws." Then she smiled and raised her eyebrow. "You've met mine." I couldn't help it; I had to laugh out loud over that one. Yeah, Mrs. Morelli sure hit the jackpot with Grandma Bella.

"But seriously, I do hope over time you'll feel more comfortable here in my home and with all of Joseph's family." She smiled again and said, "I'm going to tell you something that I'm sure Joseph has not shared with you." I nodded my head excitedly - I loved secrets.

"Do you remember the first time you came for dinner here? We were celebrating Mary Elizabeth's birthday?" I nodded my head, vividly recalling that night.

"The next day, I spoke with Joseph and told him that I liked you and approved. And he said almost immediately, without any hesitation ..." She stopped for a moment, and I caught myself holding my breath.

"He said, 'That's a good thing, because one day I'm going to marry her. I'm not ready _yet_, but one day I will be.' And now that day is almost here." Mrs. Morelli leaned over and took my hand. "I couldn't be any happier for my son, Stephanie, and for you. You'll be a fine wife and a wonderful mother."

Just then we heard Joe drive up, and Mrs. Morelli smiled. "Let me pack up some leftovers for you to take home. And I have lasagna in the oven for you two to have for supper tonight."

Joe walked in and grinned at me. "I see you survived." I smiled and stood up so I was directly in front of him. I took his hands in mine, leaned close to him, and whispered. "I like your mom. I'm glad that she had you. I'm glad that I get to have incredibly hot sex with you. And I'm glad that because of you, there's a little baby inside of me." Then I kissed him gently, slipping in a little tongue since I knew his mom was still in the kitchen.

Mrs. Morelli came back with the food, and we started loading up the car with all the shower gifts. "Thank you so much," I said to her. "I appreciate you having this here at your home. It was everything I dreamed it would be and more."

Mrs. Morelli smiled and patted my cheek. "No need to say thank you, but it is nice to hear. You're family now, Stephanie, and I do anything and everything for my children."

She turned to Joe and said, "Please drive carefully. I've driven behind you before, Joseph, and you worry me. I don't care if you are a policeman, you shouldn't be driving that fast."

"Yes, ma," Joe said, kissing her cheek. "I'll be careful." Then he looked at me and rolled his eyes. I was stifling a laugh. I always enjoyed seeing Joe get in trouble.

"You think that's funny, huh?" Joe asked, looking in his rear view mirror so he could reverse. "Your time will come, Stephanie. _You're family now_," Joe said, imitating his mother. "All that means is she now has a legitimate right to bitch at you, too."

Oh boy. Something else to look forward to.


	43. Chapter 43

Mary Lou and I started out bright and early Monday morning. I didn't have to spend much time in the bathroom before we left, so I took that as a good sign. It was the first day in ages that I had woken up feeling semi-human, so I had high hopes the morning sickness was easing up some.

I didn't want to spend an entire day looking for a dress. I wanted to set aside some time in the afternoon for a nice long nap before Joe got home. I never knew when the sleepiness was going to hit me, so I decided to be proactive and schedule in my naps. Thinking of it like that made me feel smart instead of lazy. I knew I wasn't technically lazy because the pregnancy was causing it, but I do have to confess I was taking advantage and sleeping a bit more than I probably needed to.

I already had in mind what style dress I wanted, and I was determined to find it right away. We decided to try Blushing Brides first because they had the largest selection. The moment we opened the door, though, some perky blonde Barbie-type descended upon us.

"Can I help you?" she asked with a huge smile and shining pearly whites. "Who's the lucky bride to be?" Mary Lou immediately pointed to me. And then it began.

"Your hair is beautiful! Oh my word, I _love_ these curls." She reached out and bounced them in her hand. I gave Mary Lou a look that said, "_Get her away from me_!" Lucky for me she was still feeling guilty about Friday, so she was doing everything I wanted her to do and not complaining.

"Is that orange juice over there?" Mary Lou asked, distracting Barbie. "We'd love some."

"Of course," she exclaimed. "I'm so sorry I didn't offer it right away." Then she bounced off.

"Ugh, I can't stand when strangers think they can touch you."

Mary Lou laughed and said, "Get used to it. Soon you'll have people coming up to you, patting your stomach, asking you all sorts of personal questions. And let's not forget when you have the baby. You're going to have so many different doctors and nurses checking you, putting their fingers up inside ..."

"Stop it, Mary Lou! I'm trying to have fun today." I gave her the evil eye. "Just keep her away from me as much as possible and don't remind me that one day I'll have to spread my legs and give whoever wants a free look." I shuddered and shook my head, trying to clear out the bad thoughts.

"Steph, one day we're really going to have to talk about this so you can be better prepared."

"That's fine. As long as that one day is a _long_ time from now."

Barbie came back and handed us the glasses, and I quickly walked off. Unfortunately I wasn't fast enough, because she was right on my heels. "Do you have something in mind? I know the perfect ..."

"Actually I do," I interrupted. "I'll just look around a little bit and see what I can find on my own."

"Sure," Barbie said with a huge smile. But she continued to follow me.

"Um, my friend over there needs a bridesmaid gown. Maybe you could help her."

"Oh? What color are you thinking about?"

"Pink," I said suddenly. I hadn't actually picked a color yet, but since I had baby girls on the brain, I went with it.

"Pink is beautiful! It's my most favorite color!" Of course it was. She was a Barbie. "Really good choice. Let me go find her!" she exclaimed, rushing off.

I ditched the orange juice glass on top of some display and got down to business. After about thirty minutes of searching, I had pulled out four or five gowns. I hadn't seen Mary Lou in quite some time, so I figured Barbie was all over her, being _oh so_ _extremely helpful_. I smiled to myself, actually feeling a little bad for her. She'd been my best friend forever, and I loved her to death, but still ... better Mary Lou than me.

Sadly my happiness was short-lived. I turned the corner, and _she_ spotted me. I told myself I was going to look at her name tag and be respectful enough to learn her real name, but who was I kidding? I really didn't care, so it wasn't worth the effort.

Anyway, I tried to turn around quickly, but she was beside me in a flash. "Oh my word, those are gorgeous!" Ugh, she was so phony. She had no clue what I was even holding.

"Come on. Let's get you in a dressing room." I followed her to the back, and she unlocked the door to the nicest dressing room I had ever been in. There were mirrors everywhere, and I caught myself thinking how fun it would be to have sex with Joe in there. At least while I was still skinny.

I dwelled on that for a moment longer, wondering how I could imagine watching us have sex together in the mirrors, but I couldn't imagine Joe in the delivery room with me. I realized it didn't make a lot of sense, but then that wasn't something exactly new for me.

I noticed Barbie had hung up the dresses, and she had turned around and shut the door. The only problem was, she was still there. I stood there a minute, smiling, and she smiled back. "Which one first?" she asked. I stared at her a second and then kind of laughed. "I'm okay in here. I've been trying on clothes by myself for ages."

Barbie laughed. "You're so funny." Then she turned around and grabbed the dress that was up front. "This is my job. It's what I do." Lucky me. I couldn't have gotten a salesgirl who hated her job and didn't give a shit.

We both just stood there another moment or two, and I realized she really wasn't leaving, so what the hell. I pulled the shirt over my head and tossed my shorts. Thankfully I'd put on matching bra and panties that day. Barbie probably would've fainted otherwise. I'm sure her undergarments were always color coordinated with what she was wearing.

"Oh my word, you are so skinny. I wish my tummy were as flat as yours." I stared at Barbie and wanted to strangle her. She was a good fifteen pounds lighter than me. Was she really that desperate for a sale?

I caught her staring at my bandage, and I smiled and explained, "This guy stabbed me the other day. It gets tough out there on the streets sometimes." Barbie gasped, and I felt kind of guilty for messing with her like that. But she shouldn't have been in there with me in the first place.

I made quick work of trying on the gowns, but I didn't like any of them. I was getting frustrated, and I don't think Barbie knew how to deal with me. I wasn't smiling, so I guessed that was a foreign concept to her.

I rubbed my eyes and said, "Let me go look one more time." I threw my top and shorts back on, and Barbie started to follow me. "Let me go alone!" I snapped. She simply nodded, a smile still on her face, and hurried off. I hated her for making me feel like a bitch, because I really wasn't one. I just didn't have the patience for certain types of people. Mostly people like her.

Finally I met up with Mary Lou, and she showed me her two favorite dresses. One of them I absolutely hated, but the other one I had no problem with. Mrs. Morelli had given me the dress sizes for both Joe's sisters, so I asked Mary Lou if she could find two more for them. Mrs. Morelli could worry about making them fit; I didn't really care. There was no way Valerie was giving out her size, so she was going to have to come back with me later. Yay for me! I was going to get another chance to visit with Barbie.

I decided to take a break from the wedding gowns, so Mary Lou and I went to look at flower girl dresses. It didn't take long for me to find one I thought was adorable, and I stood there imagining a little girl of my own wearing it.

"Steph, there's nothing saying you have to get a gown here. We can go to some other places."

I let out a big sigh. "No, I can find one." And all of a sudden, I just felt really tired. My emotions had been up and down and all around lately, and suddenly everything came crashing down around me. Right there in Blushing Brides. Right there in front of Barbie.

I burst into tears, and I couldn't stop crying.

"Oh my word," Barbie said. "Did I do something wrong?"

Mary Lou tried to reassure that she hadn't and that I would be fine if she would just give me some space. "Maybe you could go find this dress in two more sizes for me?" Mary Lou asked her. She gave her the information, and Barbie bounced off, smiling again. I got the impression that she _never_ cried. She must not have been programmed with that function.

"Stephanie," Mary Lou said, giving me a hug. "I know it's tough. I've been there. You're going through so many physical changes right now, and you've been through so much emotionally." She handed me a tissue and patted my head. "Steph, I say this because I love you like a sister and I'd never purposely hurt you, but you gotta stop this drive for perfection that you have. Ever since I've known you, you've always set yourself up for disappointment."

I was nodding my head, because I knew she was right. "I just want the perfect dress. I want to be beautiful for Joe on our wedding day."

"And you will be Stephanie. You do realize how lucky you are, right?" She was trying to cheer me up and make me smile, and it was working. "Steph, he'd marry you even if you looked like you did the day you married Dickie." Then she started laughing. I tried to give her a dirty look, but I couldn't. I started laughing, too. "That _was_ a hideous dress, wasn't it?"

"Uh, it was for Dickie. Hideousness was what he deserved." We giggled again, and then Mary Lou started pushing me forward. "Let's give it one more look, and then we'll split if you can't find anything."

Fifteen minutes later, I'd found _the_ dress. It was a satin A-line gown, and it had a beaded lace corset bodice. It had a side draped skirt with a beaded lace inset and a split back. Barbie said it had a "chapel train," and she brought me a chapel veil to match it. Thankfully Barbie didn't know I was pregnant or she probably would've refused to sell it to me in white.

It fit everywhere except in my boobs, but I just smiled at Mary Lou and asked, "Think I can get away with it?" We both grinned, and Mary Lou nodded her head. "I can't wait to see Joe's face when he gets a look at those puppies."

Barbie looked horrified that we were saying such things, but I didn't care. I had my dress, and I was going home for a nap. Life was starting to look up again.


	44. Chapter 44

After waking up from my nap, I dragged myself out of bed, splashed water on my face, and pulled a comb through my hair. That was the best effort Mrs. Morelli and my mother were going to get. I was extremely tired and not in the mood for any of this.

I slowly made my way downstairs and grabbed the dresses for Joe's sisters, along with my wedding gown. I thought for a minute, put them back down on the couch, and went into the kitchen. I had an apple in my hand and contemplated taking a bite. "Yeah, right," I said to Rex. I reached into the pantry and pulled out the Oreo cookies.

"Much better," I said, munching down on one. I stared down at Bob, and he had those sad puppy dog eyes going. "You can't have chocolate, Bob," I explained. But Bob didn't care. "Fine," I said. I opened the refrigerator and found the remaining half of Joe's sub. I didn't think he really wanted it, and even if he did, he couldn't make as pitiful a face as Bob could. I tossed it to him, threw a few grapes into Rex's cage, and grabbed a few more cookies for myself. "Better go get this over with," I told the furry ones.

* * *

I drove up in the driveway and sat there a minute. I realized that out of my relationship with Joe had emerged yet another coupling that wasn't at all to my advantage. My mother and Mrs. Morelli were suddenly new best friends. When they were together, and one of them was speaking to me, it was hard for me to figure out who it was, unless I was actually watching their mouth move. And that really sucked. They were way too much alike, and I longed for the days when my mother wasn't on familiar terms with Joe's mom. I never even saw this coming, and I sat there wondering if there was some way I could break the two of them up.

Eventually my mother stepped out onto the porch and fussed at me. "Stephanie? Why are you just sitting there? People are going to think you're strange. Come into the house this instant." I let out a sigh and grabbed my purse. I reached into the back seat, pulled out the dresses, and trudged my way toward the front door.

Of course Joe's mom was there - it was her house after all - but I had still had naive thoughts that maybe she would've gone off somewhere for a while. Why wasn't there a good old fashioned Burg crisis when you needed one? There had to be some pathetic housewife who couldn't bake ziti just the right way. Or couldn't clean the dust off the light fixtures just so.

"Stephanie?" Mrs. Morelli was asking me. "Why are you just standing there? People are going to think you're strange if you behave this way. Come in here and show us your dress." I turned to look at my mother and then over at Joe's mom. I _thought_ that was Mrs. Morelli who had been speaking, but now I wasn't so sure.

The mothers looked over the bridesmaid dresses, and my mother asked, "Pink, Stephanie?"

"Mmm-hmm" I said, not really paying attention.

"I was thinking blue." I looked at both women and assumed my mother had said that. I didn't think Mrs. Morelli was comfortable being so forward with me like that yet, but I was sure it was coming.

"Blue is for boys mom. I want a girl, so I'm going with pink."

"Stephanie, what do baby colors have to do with your wedding?" I watched her shake her head. "I just don't understand your logic sometimes." Then she turned to Joe's mother and asked, "Were your girls this silly and stubborn?"

I tuned them out again and started thinking about what I wanted for supper. All of a sudden I felt really hungry. It must've been past five o'clock already. "Stephanie?" Mrs. Morelli was saying, "We want you to try on your wedding dress."

"Oh, I'm not going to try it on. I just brought it to show you." Both mothers were immediately shaking their head no at me. "Of course you're going to try it on, Stephanie. We need to make certain it fits."

"Mom, I think I know if it fits or not. It does, trust me." I let out a sigh and stared around the room, fidgeting.

"Honestly, you'd think she was still a child the way she behaves sometimes." Again she was shaking her head at Mrs. Morelli and lamenting the hardships of raising a daughter like me.

I rolled my eyes, not even bothering to hide it, and I got "the look" from my mother. "Stephanie, try on the dress this instant."

My mother picked up the bag and started removing the dress from it. "We'll help you get into it."

I stood there waiting, and my mother said, "Stephanie, it would help if you remove your shirt and shorts." Not again. It was bad enough with Barbie but not in front of Mrs. Morelli, too. "No, it's okay, I'll just slip it over my clothes." Plus if I kept my shirt on, they wouldn't see the way it fit around my boobs.

My mother let out a loud sigh and said, "Young lady, why are you being so difficult? There is no way for us to judge how it fits if you try it on over your clothes."

I could hear my mother still speaking, but her words seemed to be getting further and further away. All of a sudden I realized that I wasn't feeling very well, and I leaned over onto the back of one of the chairs, trying to get my eyes to focus.

"Stephanie?" I could hear one of them asking me, and then I felt myself falling.

* * *

I woke up lying on Mrs. Morelli's couch, a cold compress on my head. Both of the mothers were beside me.

Within minutes, Joe was rushing through the door. "What happened?" I heard him ask, the panic in his voice evident.

Joe knelt down on the floor in front of me and took my hand. "Steph?" Then he touched my forehead lightly.

"I don't know. I just felt really weak all of a sudden." I tried to sit up, but I still felt woozy. "I think I may just be hungry. I haven't eaten much today."

"Why not? What have you eaten?"

Oh shit, why had I said that? I laid there, contemplating being honest or telling a lie. "Umm ..." I paused, trying to make it seem like I was too out of it remember.

"Stephanie!" Joe said and he repeated it, this time obvious frustration in his voice. "What have you eaten today?"

"Uh, I drank some orange juice ..."

"And?" Joe raised an eyebrow at me and let out a sigh.

"And, um, four Oreo cookies." I caught myself wincing, anticipating what was coming next.

"Four Oreo cookies?! That's all you've had today is four Oreo cookies?! Stephanie!!" Joe was beyond pissed.

"I was busy!" I tried to explain. "And then I took a nap."

"No! Those are not good reasons." I saw the muscles in his jaw clench. "Were you still sick this morning when you woke up?" He paused for a moment and then shook his head. "I can already guess the answer to that. Did you at least take your vitamin?"

He watched me for a second, and then he leaned over and grabbed his keys from where he'd tossed them. "Okay, I'm going to start the car, and then I'll come back and get you. We're going to the doctor."

"No!" Joe knew how much I hated doctors, and he was doing this on purpose.

"Well what is it going to take to get through to you Steph? Huh?!" Joe's face was dark, and I knew he meant business.

"You are pregnant Stephanie! You have to eat. You have to eat healthy." Joe rubbed his forehead and took a deep breath. "If not, this is going to happen again, and I guarantee the next time, I take you straight to the hospital."

I wasn't sure where the mothers were, but I was certain they were within earshot. It was just a matter of time before they ganged up on me, too. I felt my bottom lip pulling downward into a huge frown, and Joe shook his head. "I'm sorry if I make you cry, Stephanie, but this is serious."

His face softened, and he sat down at the end of the couch. "Do I have to quit my job so I can babysit you 24/7?"

I stared down at the floor, shaking my head no. He reached over and raised my chin, "Then you can't let this happen again, Steph. I don't care what's going on and what all you have to get done, you _have_ to take time to eat. You have to start taking better care of yourself. There's only so much I can do," he said with a smile. "I'm not Superman."

I let out a small laugh, and he hugged me to him. "I think my mother is putting food on the table. You feel like you can sit in there and eat or do you want me to bring it in here?"

"I can get up. Just don't let them fuss at me. You more than make up for the two of them."

Joe laughed and assured me, "I'll go tell them to zip it. It's always fun when _I_ get to tell _them_ what to do."

I giggled at that, and Joe pointed to the bag draped over the chair. "Is that your dress?" Thankfully one of the mother's had rebagged it before Joe got there.

"Mmm-hmm," I said with a smile. "I think you're going to like it. _A lot_."

Joe grinned and raised his eyebrow. "It's not going to make we want to have my way with you right then and there, is it?" Then he ran his finger down the side of my cheek and leaned in for a kiss. "I can't even remember the last time we made ..."

"Joseph," Mrs. Morelli interrupted, clearing her throat. "I have supper on the table. Stephanie, do you think you can come join us or should I get you a tray?"

Joe helped me up, and we all ate together at the table. The mothers started to lecture, but Joe shook his head and raised his hand. "Just let her eat," he said firmly.

I left my car there and rode home with Joe. I felt foolish once again, but I was at least happy that I didn't have to model the dress for my mother and Mrs. Morelli. I'd take any victory I could get, no matter how small.


	45. Chapter 45

Mary Lou stopped by Wednesday morning, not long after Joe left for work. She said she just wanted to "visit," but of course she had an ulterior motive.

"I found something the other night while I was cleaning in the attic."

"Really?" I said with interest, hoping it was something either useful or funny from when we were kids.

"Yeah, when I was pregnant the first time, someone gave me a video that has footage of a woman actually having a baby. It's edited, of course, because you know it usually takes forever to go through labor and finally squeeze the baby out ..."

I gave Mary Lou a dirty look for saying that, so she quickly cut to the chase. "Anyway, I thought of you as soon as I found it, and I've got it out in the car for you."

"Aren't you just so thoughtful," I said sarcastically. "But as excited as I am about this, Joe and I don't own a VCR, so there's no way we can watch it." I smiled sweetly and added, "But you're such a great friend to always think of me."

Mary Lou laughed, knowing that no matter what, she was always one step ahead of me. "I knew you were going to say that, so I came up with a solution. I had Lenny burn it to a DVD for you." Then she grinned and added in her own sweet voice, "_Aren't I such a great friend to always think of you_?"

"Mary Lou, you know one of these days I'm really going to get you. And the fun part for me is, you'll never know when it's coming. Oh, and thanks but no thanks. There's no way in hell I'm watching anything like that."

I handed her a cup of coffee while I sipped on my cranberry juice. I wasn't normally a cranberry juice drinker, but I saw it in the grocery store the day before, and for some reason, I decided I wanted it.

"Hey, do you want to go to the baby store with me? I just feel like looking at baby things today. I need a break from all this wedding stuff, and I thought I could get some ideas of things I want to buy for her."

"Yeah, I'll go. It's either that or go home and scrub toilets, so the baby store definitely wins."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Mary Lou and I walked through the sliding doors of my new favorite place, The Baby Barn, and right inside, at the entrance, there was a woman in a chair behind a table. Sitting on top of the table was a humongous gift basket filled with all sorts of colorful baby items. That caught my attention so I had to stop and gawk. I _wanted_ that basket. I had no clue what all was inside it, but that didn't matter.

"How are you ladies doing today?" the woman asked. "Would you like to sign up to win the basket?"

Of course I did. Who wouldn't? I made Mary Lou sign up, too, and when the lady wasn't looking, I swiped a pad of entry forms. I figured they went through it and took out multiple entries, but I had a plan. I was going to enter the name of every woman I knew that wouldn't want to keep it for herself. If anybody I entered won, they could then give it to me as a baby gift. It was a win-win situation no matter how you looked at it.

"And here's a flyer for a course we're offering tomorrow evening." She passed me the paper, and I shoved it into my purse. "Thanks," I said, not giving it much thought.

Mary Lou was ready to shop, so she pulled me by the elbow. "Come on, Steph. I have to be home by 2:30."

We looked at strollers, high chairs, diapers, and of course baby outfits and shoes. "Steph, you aren't looking at any boy items," Mary Lou pointed out, as if I didn't know that already.

"That's because it's a girl. Don't you ever listen to me Mary Lou?"

"And if it's not, you're going to put your son in pink dresses? Morelli will really love that."

"No, of course not. If, for some crazy reason the baby comes out the wrong sex, I'll be sure to buy a few yellow and white things it can wear. See, I always have a back-up plan."

"The wrong sex?" Mary Lou was shaking her head. "Steph, how does Joe put up with you?" I made a face at her and walked to the next aisle.

"You're going to need one of these," Mary Lou said pointing to a breast pump. "They're a must-have in the early days when you want to get some sleep and let Joe take some of the late-night feedings."

I glanced over to what she was talking about and immediately said, "Nope. I don't need that. I've got something better."

Mary Lou looked puzzled, so I explained before she could ask. "I noticed in the grocery store yesterday that there's this wonderful invention called baby formula. Apparently it goes in a bottle and then you just put that in the baby's mouth. Doesn't that sound incredible?!"

"You're not going to breastfeed?" Mary Lou asked in shock. You would've thought that I'd said I was going to put the baby up for adoption or sell it to the highest bidder.

"Uh, no way. These," I said pointing at my breasts, "are only for sexual pleasure. Anything else is just gross."

"Steph, you _have_ to breastfeed. I can't believe you're not even going to consider it!"

"What do you care?"

"Breast milk is the absolute best thing for your baby." Then she proceeded to babble on about it for the next five minutes or so. To me it was just a bunch of hippie-sounding nonsense, but I pretended to listen.

"Oh my God, what's happened to my best friend? She's been brainwashed by some sort of Breastfeeding Cult."

"Funny, Steph. But seriously, you know I feel strongly about this. Don't you remember when I used to talk about the La Leche League?"

"The La Whoche what?" I'm sure she did talk about it, but I have no doubt I never listened.

"Okay, Steph, I'm going to use my knowledge of breastfeeding to bring you over to the dark side."

"Impossible," I said smugly. "There is nothing you can say that will make me even consider feeding anything from these."

"Wanna bet?"

"Of course. What do I win?"

"Okay, let's make this perfectly clear, because I know how you are. You like to try to change things after we've agreed on them."

"I do not!" _Okay, maybe every now and then_, I thought, but a true friend shouldn't point that out.

"You're saying that right now there is no way in hell that you will even consider breastfeeding?"

"Correct."

"And _I'm_ convinced that I can tell you something that will make you stop and say, _'Hmm, maybe I will._"

I shook my head no.

"And you're betting against that? Saying there is absolutely nothing I can say to change your mind?"

"Absolutely nothing," I said confidently.

"Okay, so if I tell you, and you show even the _tiniest bit_ of interest, I win. If you immediately say '_Doesn't matter one bit_,' then you win."

"Understood! Now tell me what my prize is."

"If you win, I will buy you one of everything that's inside that gift basket up front. And if I win, you have to watch that childbirth video. Tonight. With Joe."

I hesitated a moment, but then I realized that I wasn't going to do what she said anyway, so what did I have to lose? "Deal!" I said. "I can't wait to have a gift basket like that of my very own."

"Okay, here goes." Mary Lou stayed silent. "Clear your mind, because we have to judge your immediate reaction."

I stretched my neck from side to side, shrugged my shoulders up and down a few times to loosen myself up, took a deep breath, and said, "Okay, I'm ready."

"Did you know ..." Mary Lou hesitated, building the suspense. "That all you have to do ... is breastfeed your baby ... and by that I mean just sit in a chair and let the baby have at it ... and you will, and this is absolutely no lie, burn an extra 500 calories a day."

"Bullshit!" I exclaimed. Mary Lou stared me down. "Serious as a heart attack."

"No exercising involved?"

"Nope."

"No following some crazy diet?"

"Nope."

I hesitated and thought about it, and Mary Lou pointed her finger in my face. "Got you! You're considering it!"

"I am not!" I said half-heartedly. "Damn you," I yelled, quickly looking around to see if anyone heard me. Especially Loretta's daughter. "Doesn't matter, though, because there's no way that's true. That means I win by default."

Mary Lou grabbed my arm and dragged me back to the table up front. "Ma'am, do you know anything about breastfeeding?"

"Why of course. It's the best thing you can do for your baby."

"Thank you. And can you burn calories just by nursing?"

"Oh absolutely. I like to say it's God's thank you gift for going through the pain of childbirth. A very nice reward, if you will."

I stared down at my breasts and shook my head no. "I just don't think I can do it."

"You should come to our class tomorrow. Did you get a flyer?"

I nodded my head and started explaining, "No thanks, I've got such a busy day tomorrow ..." but she kept right on, talking over me.

"For just seventy-five dollars, we give actual demonstrations of ways to care for your baby. We'll discuss breastfeeding, colic and tips on how to handle it, diapering, bathing, and so much more. We use mechanical babies for you to practice on. It's great for first-time mothers and fathers. And of course there's a surprise gift at the end."

Nothing she had said meant anything to me until I heard "surprise gift." It was then that she had me. "Okay, I'm in. Sign me up."


	46. Chapter 46

Mary Lou dropped me off at the house, but instead of leaving, she put the car in park and got out. "What are you doing?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"'Giving this to Joe." She had the DVD in her hand, and she was grinning.

"No! You can't do that," I shrieked. I tried to grab it from her, but she made a run for the front door.

"Yes, I can! You lost the bet."

We burst through the front door and practically scared the shit out of Bob. Joe was in the kitchen fixing a sandwich, and he just kept on doing what he was doing.

He looked up and flashed me a smile. "So what've Laverne and Shirley been up to today?"

"Not much," Mary Lou said, smiling at me. "Just wanted to give you this so you and Steph can watch it tonight. All of it. Together. Stephanie said she wants to pop popcorn and snuggle."

Joe took it from her hand and looked over at me. "Porno flick?" he asked with a teasing grin. "Might as well be," I said disgustedly.

"See you guys later," Mary Lou said, quickly making her getaway. "Call me tomorrow, Steph, and let me know how you liked it." I was giving her the evil eye, but she never turned back to see it.

Joe pulled me toward him and gave me a kiss. "How's my favorite girl today?" Then he stared at me knowingly. "You haven't eaten lunch yet, have you?"

I grinned sheepishly. "That's what I came home to do." Joe handed me the sandwich he'd made for himself and shook his head. Then he grabbed two more slices of bread and started making another one.

* * *

Later that afternoon I remembered about the course I had signed up for. I went to my purse and grabbed the flyer and headed back to Joe. He was watching a ball game, so I thought asking him while he was distracted was the best way to go.

"Oh, I wanted to show you this flyer I picked up today." I handed it to him and asked, "Whaddya think?"

Joe took it, read it, and tossed it down on the coffee table. "I think it's a waste of money. We could take the seventy-five dollars and put it toward something useful." Then he patted the cushion next to him so I'd sit down. "A lot of this we can learn as we go."

I didn't want to tell Joe I'd already paid for it, so I tried another tactic. "Yeah, but it says you get a free gift."

"Cupcake, I could take ten dollars out of that seventy-five and give you a 'free' gift." Then he started teasing me. "But I know how you are. You put the words 'free' and 'gift' together, and you start drooling."

"That is so not true!" Okay, so it was. I'd always been a sucker for giveaways.

"Never mind. I knew it was silly, but I thought I'd ask you just in case. I'm getting a lot more confident about all this baby stuff anyway, so it's no big deal. I've been getting a lot of use out of one of those child care books Valerie gave me."

Joe raised his eyebrow at me. "Really?"

"Mmm-hmm," I said, trying to sound convincing. "Yeah, it's one of those _What to Expect _books, and I try to spend some time with it every afternoon."

I was choosing my words carefully and being completely honest. What I failed to mention, though, was that I never exactly opened the book and read it. On the days I remembered to eat lunch, I put it on the bed beside me and used it to hold my plate.

"You never cease to amaze me, Cupcake," Joe said. I have to confess that I felt a little pang of guilt, because I think he actually believed me. Of course, I didn't feel guilty enough not to use it to my advantage.

"Well, as a reward for my studiousness, I think it would be nice if we put that movie away for a while and save it for another night."

"Movie?" Joe asked.

"Uh, the one Mary Lou gave you a little while ago. It's about labor and delivery, and it shows a real baby being born."

I tried to keep myself from cringing. I wanted to appear the mature adult, so I offered a logical explanation. "We have wedding plans to go over tonight, so I figured we should hold off on watching that until we're back from our honeymoon."

"Works for me, Cupcake. It's not like you're having the baby any time soon." I smiled to myself and mentally stuck my tongue out at Mary Lou.

* * *

The next afternoon I started calling every potential male that I knew who might be able to go with me to the baby course. I didn't want to go alone, and I thought it would look better if a man went with me. I'm not really sure why, but at the time, I was convinced that was the way to go.

Eddie said he couldn't go. Sally couldn't go. Neither could Dillon. I continued through my list until I was finally left with just one person.

I hit automatic dial and took a deep breath.

"Babe," I heard on the other end.

"Ranger, it's me Steph."

"Yeah, I knew that. It's why I said _Babe_."

"Right. So listen, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor?"

"You can ask. Not sure I can say yes 'til I hear what it is."

"Do you think you could help me with an apprehension this evening?" Silence. "It won't take long. Maybe an hour and a half. Say from 7 o'clock to 8:30?"

"No can do tonight, Babe."

"Please?"

"If you can wait until tomorrow, then the answer's yes."

"No, it has to be tonight. I have other plans tomorrow. Please?" I took a deep breath and decided to use my entire arsenal of feminine tricks. It'd been my experience that men had a hard time saying no to that.

"I really need your help Ranger. I haven't made an apprehension in a while, and I need the money. The wedding's this weekend, you know." I started to sniffle so he'd think I was crying. "My feet are too swollen to fit in my FMP's, and I just don't feel sexy anymore, so my slut routine isn't going to work. That means I need muscle to pull this one off, and I'm not exactly in the condition to rely on that." I sniffled again.

"Why can't Morelli help you?"

"He's working late."

"He's gonna be okay with this?"

"Yes, as long as _I_ drive."

"Let me get this straight. You're pregnant with his baby, you were recently stabbed during a botched apprehension, you're heading out late in the evening, with me of all people, and all Morelli cares about is that _you're_ the one that drives?"

"Yeah, I know. Kind of weird, right? I thought so, too, but who am I to say anything?"

"His soon-to-be wife."

"Never mind that! He's okay with it, and that's all that matters. Can I pick you up at 6:30? Please?!"

"6:35. No earlier than that."

"Thank you, Ranger. See you then."

I smiled to myself, feeling a bit guilty for what I was about to put him through. But I was doing what I had to do.


	47. Chapter 47

Before I'd called Ranger and suckered him into going with me, I'd gone to the clinic and gotten my stitches out. Joe was supposed to go with me, but he was called into work early. He tried to get me to reschedule so he could go with me the next day, but I knew Friday was going to be extremely busy. I decided I could try to tough it out and go it alone. Alone meaning that Mary Lou had to go with me.

It wasn't all that bad, and I was relieved to have it over with. I confided in Mary Lou and told her what I had planned for that evening. I needed her to be my cover, but I had to promise her first that Joe and I would _really_ watch the horror flick she gave us when we got back from our honeymoon.

Later that evening I slipped out of the living room and went upstairs to get ready. I came back down and took a deep breath. I hated being such a liar, but there were just times when you had to do what you had to do.

"Joe?" I called out. "I'm going over to Mary Lou's for a while to work on some last minute wedding stuff. I should be home by nine." I gave him a quick kiss on the lips and added, "If you need me, just call my cell."

"Okay," he said. I could tell he was tired. Not only had he gone into work early, he'd had to stay late. He yawned and added, "Call me when you're on the way home, so I'll know to be awake and waiting for you."

I gave him a quick nod and said, "Oh, I'm taking your car. _If_ you don't mind."

"No problem. Keys are on the table by the door."

* * *

Twenty minutes later Ranger was in the car with me, and we were on our way. "So let me see the file," he was saying.

"Uh, I forgot it."

Ranger shook his head and grinned. "Babe."

"I know, I know, but I've had a lot on my mind lately."

"So where are we headed?" Ranger was adjusting the seat, trying to give himself some more leg room.

"Just remember to put that back the way it was," I told him.

"Why?"

"Why? So Morelli won't know ..." I stopped myself. "Never mind. I was confused about something."

"Babe, are you sure Morelli's okay with this?"

"Of course he is! Why do you even ask that?"

"Mind if I call him and verify?"

"Uh, he's busy at work. Whoever it is who's in charge down there might get mad if we bother him." I was trying to stay nonchalant about the whole thing, but I was starting to sweat.

"I've called him at work before. He doesn't get in trouble."

"Fine!" I yelled out. "He doesn't know I'm with you."

"Yeah, that's what I figured."

"But it's not a big deal, okay. Even if we _were_ going after a skip, you'd make sure I was safe." Oops. I had to fix that one and fast. "I mean _since _we are going after a skip."

"Babe, I'm not sure what you're up to ..."

"Just do this for me, okay?!"

"Do what?" Ranger asked hesitantly.

"You'll see. I promise it's nothing bad."

* * *

Ranger stepped out of the car and stared up at the store sign. "Babe." He was shaking his head no and opening the car door to get back inside.

"Ranger! I'm begging you. _Please_! This won't take long. It's just a little how-to course about babies. I need someone to go with me, and you were the only one who said yes."

"Correction. I didn't say yes to this. Besides, shouldn't you be here with Morelli?"

I scratched my head. "Yeah, you would think so. But he thought the course was a waste of money, and I kind of let him think I knew a lot about babies now."

At that Ranger laughed. "Wait a minute," he said, holding up a hand. "How _long_ have the two of you known each other again?" He laughed some more and said, "Even _I_ don't believe that one."

I narrowed my eyes at him and said, "Shut up. I'm not in the mood to joke. I already paid seventy-five dollars for this, and I want my free gift."

"Alright Babe, but I don't ever wanna hear you say I owe you for anything. This completely wipes the slate clean."

"Deal," I said, shaking his hand.

We went inside, and I stopped off at the customer service desk to ask where we went for the class. The lady behind the counter pointed toward the back of the store. "Follow the trail of pink and blue balloons."

"How cute," I said. Then I turned to Ranger and smiled.

He had an odd look on his face, and I realized he was actually uncomfortable. It was at that moment I knew I'd picked the perfect partner. Ranger was actually someone, other than me, who was totally clueless about babies. He might even make _me_ look competent. Perhaps the seventy-five dollars was going to be well-spent after all.

We followed the balloons until we made our way to a door with a sign that read "Employees Only." It was actually a large-sized break room that appeared to be temporarily converted to a baby training station. Ranger and I walked in, and the lady from the table the day before recognized me.

"Oh, I see you made it. You and your husband can take this changing table here."

"Uh, this isn't my husband. Or the father. We're just friends. The real father couldn't make it. Well, he doesn't know that I'm here. He doesn't even need to be here anyway. He knows way more about babies than we do. He thought this was a waste of money, even though we get a free gift. We still get the free gift, right?"

The lady was just smiling, and I got the impression she was making a mental note to stay away from me as much as possible.

"Okay, this is our last couple _or non-couple_," she added, giving me a slight smile, "so we can get started now. My name is Anne, and I'll be your instructor for the evening."

I looked around the room and noticed there were just two other couples there. Both of the women were already pretty big, and I grinned to myself, knowing I was the smallest one. I caught both of them smiling at Ranger, and I did a mental eye roll.

"Okay, as you can see in front of you, everyone has their own baby. These are anatomically correct, so you can feel free to refer to it by the name you chose for that sex."

I looked at Ranger, and he looked at me. We looked around and noticed the other couples were peeking inside the diapers to see what they had. I shrugged my shoulders and took a look. Then I raised my hand.

"Excuse me?" I said. "This one here is a boy. That's wrong. I should have a girl."

Anne looked at me like I was insane. "This isn't real life, dear. It's just for you to train on."

"Yeah, I know that. But I'm afraid if I use a boy doll it might jinx me or something."

Anne closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Is there anyone here who would be willing to trade a girl baby for a boy?"

Both of the men in the class raised their hands, and their wives didn't look very happy with them.

Ranger switched with the guy next to him, and that made _me_ happy.

"Okay, now if everyone is settled," she said, looking directly at me, "we can continue. If you would, please turn your baby over and move the switch to the 'on' position."

I picked the baby up and flipped it over, and it fell on the floor. "Oops," I giggled. "Glad this thing's not real."

Anne shot me a dirty look and said, "Once you turn the switch on, this becomes your real baby. You should handle it very carefully as if you could really hurt it."

Ranger was shaking his head like I was pathetic, and I felt myself blush. This sucked. I paid seventy-five dollars to embarrass myself? I tossed the baby to Ranger and said, "Here, you do it." Of course Ranger didn't catch it, and the doll fell on the floor again.

"I might also add these are _very_ expensive. That's why we only have three. Believe me, if you break it, you buy it."

Ranger cleared his throat and bent down and picked it up. He reached behind the baby and turned it on. Immediately the eyes opened, and I jumped back about a foot. "Man, that is one freaky looking doll!" I yelled. Ranger gave me a look that said, "Cool it" and whispered, "You're _this close_ to getting kicked out."

I smiled a nervous smile and said to the class, "Sorry. It just startled me."

"Okay, now that your baby is turned on, I'd like to ask you to lay it down on the changing table and remove its diaper." Ranger tried to hand me the baby, but I wouldn't take it. I had decided I didn't want to do this anymore. "Take it," he said under his breath.

"No, I don't want that thing. It scares me."

We both stood there, neither one of us wanting to move. Finally Anne came over and said, "Your name's Stephanie, correct?"

"Yes," I said wearily. "And this is?" she asked, turning toward Ranger. "You can call him Ranger."

"Very well. Stephanie, tell me. When is your baby due?"

"The end of February."

"Good. You still have _a lot_ of time left to practice before you have to do this for real."

Ranger started laughing, and I kicked him in the shin. Anne looked at me, obviously appalled, and I was sure she was regretting having told me about the class in the first place.

"Mr. Ranger, if you would, please remove the diaper, so you two can catch up with the rest of the class." Ranger did as she said, so she walked away.

We watched as the guy next to us, who traded for our boy baby, removed the diaper and proceeded to get squirted in the face. I burst out laughing and grinned at Ranger. "Hah! That would've been you if I hadn't wanted to switch."

"We will now practice diapering. If you haven't already noticed, your baby will start to suddenly move, as well as make noises. It may cry or coo or make other motions that I will let surprise you. Just be aware of what it is doing at all times, so you can start testing your skills."

Our baby just laid there, and that was fine with me. Ranger pointed to a diaper, but I shook my head no. "Babe, I'm not the one who's going to have to do this for real. I thought you wanted to learn. Isn't that why we're here?"

"I might drop it again," I explained.

"It's not a real baby! Who cares?" Ranger whispered. "Wouldn't you rather drop this one than the one you're having? You paid to practice. Do it!"

Ranger had a point, so I took a deep breath and said, "Fine! Scoot over."

After about five or six tries, I actually got the diaper on the doll. I was quite proud of myself, because it looked halfway decent.

As she had us do things with the baby, Anne talked about breastfeeding and colic, car seat safety, and SIDS. Ranger looked bored to tears, and like me, he wasn't listening. Our baby was making a lot of noises, and I assumed they were supposed to be happy sounds. I heard the boy baby next to us crying, and I was glad I had traded. I knew a girl baby was better.

Things were rolling along, when all of a sudden, our baby started to scream bloody murder. Ranger jumped back, and I started to laugh. Anne walked over, which was good, because I was just about to raise my hand.

"Not too long ago, I got stuck having to watch this woman's baby, and it did exactly this." I pointed to the doll, which was still yelling and was now moving its little robotic arms and legs. "Anyway, I found this pacifier on the floor, and that was what made her shut up. Shouldn't we have one of those now? You said this would be like a real baby."

Anne rubbed her forehead and smiled a tired smile. "Stephanie has _actually_ asked a very good question." I grinned wide at that, proud of myself again.

"I would like for all of you to learn, though, how to deal with an unhappy baby without having to rely on pacifiers or bottles." I frowned at that. In real life, I was definitely going to rely on _whatever_ it took to make my baby be quiet.

"Now this lesson is for the father's. Or whoever the non-pregnant partner is." I glanced over at Ranger and caught him looking at his watch.

"Pretend you're holding your baby for the very first time. Please demonstrate how you would do so, knowing that you have to be careful to support its head and neck since it cannot yet do that on its own."

Ranger started to pick up the baby and almost immediately white stuff started spewing out of its mouth. Ranger's shirt was covered, and I was laughing hysterically.

"Stephanie," Anne said working her way over to me. "If this were real life, you wouldn't want to laugh at something like this. You would want to attend to your baby immediately and then assist your partner in any way possible. Laughing at him is not going to build up his confidence."

_Blah, blah, blah_, I thought. This was no longer a learning experience for me. I had given up and was ready to go home. But I knew I had to keep playing along. "You're right," I said. "I'm sorry."

"So what would you do in this situation if it were real life?"

"I'd have him take off his shirt immediately." The other ladies nodded their heads vigorously. They obviously wanted Ranger to do that right then and there.

Anne shook her head, disgusted. "No, Stephanie. What would you do for the _baby_?"

"Oh. Put it in a baby swing?"

"No," Anne said through clenched teeth. "I wouldn't advise a baby swing. The motion from that might cause it to spit up even more. Any other thoughts?"

"Um, lay it down in a crib?"

"On its tummy or its back?" I chewed my fingernail. What difference did it make? "It's back."

"No!" Anne said, once again with disgust. _Damn_, I thought. I had a 50/50 shot, and of course I missed.

"Then your baby may choke on its own vomit. Besides, placing the baby in the crib is not the correct answer anyway."

Poor Anne. I actually felt bad for her, but I had no clue what she wanted me to say.

"Sometimes excessive spitting up is a sign of overfeeding or an upset stomach. Or perhaps the baby is ingesting the breast milk or formula too quickly." Anne went on and on and on, and I yawned and yawned and yawned.

Finally she said, "Okay, class, now let's try bathing. As you have discovered, your baby is capable of releasing imitation urine and vomit, however, it cannot be immersed into water. You will find another baby on one of the changing table shelves, along with a plastic bathtub filled with just the right amount of water. Please make note of that amount and keep in mind you do not want more than that. Babies can drown easily in what appears to be a very small amount of water."

She started to turn around, but then she stopped and stared at me. "And these babies are not anatomically correct, so they can be whatever sex you so choose."

I curled my upper lip in disgust and fought back the urge to make a face at her. I pulled the tub out and half of the water sloshed out onto the floor. Ranger grinned and told Anne, "That's just her way of being extra careful. She told me earlier that drowning was a big fear of hers. Now there's less water which means less worry."

I grinned and raised my eyebrows. "I try my best whenever I can."

Anne rubbed her hand over her eyes and then her mouth. "Okay. Let's continue."

"Decide amongst yourselves who's going to do the bathing, then proceed. I'll come around and offer tips and helpful suggestions."

I looked at Ranger and smiled. He shook his head no. "Yes you are," I said. "Remember? Clean slate?"

He grabbed the baby wash and proceeded to dump a huge amount into the tub. Then he swirled his hand around in the water until there were bubbles everywhere. Then he tossed the baby in, but it was still wearing its diaper.

"Mr. Ranger, I believe you forgot to do something. Like remove the baby's diaper. Of course I don't think it matters now, because most likely you've already drowned the baby. Either that or snapped its neck. You can't toss it in the water like that, and the amount of bubbles in there is just ridiculous. Newborn babies do not need bubbles."

Anne was way past done with us. She inhaled and exhaled slowly a few times and then apologized. "I'm sorry. I realize neither one of you have no idea what you're doing, and it is _my_ job to teach you." Then she turned to me. "But please assure me that you were being honest when you said the baby's father does, in fact, know more than the two of you. It will help me sleep much better tonight."


	48. Chapter 48

I dropped Ranger off and thanked him. "Babe," was all he said, then he walked away, shaking his head.

I stared back at the little plastic bathtub that was filled with a package of diapers and some baby wash. It was a pretty crappy free gift. I was ticked I had wasted my time and money and that was all I had to show for it.

The smell of popcorn hit me as I walked through the door. "Joe?" I called out, putting his keys back down on the table.

Joe came out of the kitchen, walking toward me. "Forget to do something?" Then he held his hand up to his ear in a "call me" gesture.

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I completely forgot."

"That's okay, Cupcake. I can forgive _honest_ mistakes."

I raised an eyebrow and said, "Do I smell popcorn?"

"Mmm-hmm," he said with a smile. "So how was everything at Mary Lou's?"

"Fine."

"Did you get everything taken care of?"

"Yep."

"That's good." We both just stood there for a second, and then Joe grabbed my hand. "Lets go sit on the couch."

I followed behind him, and we sat down. "Oh, I wanted to ask you." He leaned over and grabbed a book from the table beside him. "Is this the one you're reading?" He held up the _What To Expect the First Year_ book.

"Yeah, that's the one I was talking about." I swallowed hard and started to get up. Joe gently pulled me back down.

"Where're you going?" He started flipping through the pages. "I was wondering how far you'd gotten in it?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "I was thinking it might be fun to quiz you to see what you've learned." He grabbed a handful of popcorn and tossed it into his mouth. He was chewing, but there was a small smile on his lips.

"You trying out a new fragrance?" He leaned over and sniffed around me. "That scents a little _manly_. What, was Lenny helping out, too?"

I was shaking my knee out of nervousness, and then I yawned and stretched. "I'm so tired." I started to stand, but Joe once again gently pulled me back down. "You can't go to bed _now_." He picked up the DVD remote. "I was thinking we'd go ahead and watch the movie Mary Lou gave us."

"Fine! You win!" I couldn't take it anymore. "I didn't go to Mary Lou's. I didn't work on wedding stuff. I haven't even opened that book, and I took that stupid course at the baby store." I stared down at the floor. "With Ranger. That's who you're smelling. And I don't want to watch that stupid movie because I know if I do, I'll have horrible nightmares. You happy now?!"

"Hmm, let me think about it for a moment or two." Joe sat there, as if he were really thinking. "The woman that will be my wife in less than 48 hours is sneaking around, lying to me, and obviously not a bit sorry for what she's done. Only sorry that she's been caught. _Should_ I be happy now?"

"That's not true!" I argued. "I felt sorry for what I'd done as soon as you picked up the DVD remote."

"Stephanie," Joe was shaking his head, "sometimes there are just no words." He stood up and stared down at me. "If you really wanted to take the class, why didn't you just say so?"

"Because you said it was a waste of money. And besides, you would've been embarrassed tonight having to learn that I'm totally clueless about babies."

"Steph," Joe said, taking my hands in his and pulling me up. "I _already know_ you're totally clueless about babies."

"You're not supposed to say that to me," I frowned.

"Just being honest. You should try it sometime."

"That one hurt, Joe. I _try_ not to lie."

"You don't try very hard." Joe shook his head and just stared at me.

"How'd you figure all of this out anyway?" I asked. I wanted to make sure it wasn't Mary Lou.

"I'm just _that good_, Cupcake. And it'd serve you well in the future to remember that." Then he grinned. "Okay, okay. Eddie called after you left to say if you hadn't found anyone to go with you, he was available. Then he wanted to know why _I _wouldn't go."

Errgh! I'd forgotten to tell Eddie it was a secret. I was better than that. I shook my head at my own stupidity and then gave Joe a real apology. "I'm sorry, Joe. Really, I am. Sometimes it's just hard for me to tell you the truth."

"It shouldn't be that way, Steph." He put his arms around me and gave me a kiss. "We should be able to trust each other with _everything_."

"I know," I said, nodding in agreement. "And I promise to work on being better. Honest."

Joe gave me a tender kiss and whispered in my ear. "Good thing for you I'm madly in love with you, Cupcake. Sometimes I let you off way too easy."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered, "I agree. I don't like it at all when you _get me off_ too easy. I like it when you're a _little_ rough." I slid my hand suggestively down the length of his body until I reached my destination. Then I abruptly stopped.

"Oops," I said, backing away.

"What oops?" Joe asked, his breathing ragged and his eyes melted chocolate.

"I didn't mean to do that." I smiled and walked over to the couch. "There's something I wanted to talk to you about."

Due to the stitches, Joe and I hadn't made love since that afternoon I picked a fight with him over Mandy. Obviously we'd both been without sex longer than that during our "off-again" phases, but that was always easy. When you're apart, there's no temptation constantly in your face. When you're together, there's only so much that hugging and cuddling will do for you. I probably could've had sex while the stitches were in, but I was terrified that they'd rip, and there was no way I was getting another shot near there and enduring any of that all over again.

So, long story short, after I had the stitches out that morning, I came up with the crazy idea that it would be fun to wait until we were married. I was convinced it would make the wedding night more exciting and special. After all, it was only two nights we had to suffer through.

"I thought we'd wait," I smiled innocently.

"Wait for what?" Joe was beside me in a flash, and he was trying to pull my shirt over my head. "No time better than right now."

He got the shirt off and was pulling my hair back to gain better access to my neck. His other hand was unbuttoning my shorts, and he moved his mouth downward, tugging on my bra with his teeth. "It's been ages, Steph. I _don't_ wanna wait."

I pushed him back playfully and gave him one of Bob's sad puppy dog faces. "Are you serious?" Joe asked, sitting up, disbelief dripping off of each syllable.

"Steph, what's the point?" He started sliding my shorts down past my hips and hooked his finger underneath my panties. "I know you want it, too." He grinned at me, his lips twitching, and I felt myself starting to crack.

"No!" I hopped up off the couch, grabbing at my clothes. "I mean, yes, I do, but no. I want to wait. _Please_? I _promise_ I'll make it up to you."

Joe let out a sigh and said, "I hope you mean that. Look what you've done to me." He pointed down to his erection, and I caught myself licking my bottom lip. I had to tear my eyes away or else I was done for.

"Of course I mean that. No more lies," and I grinned at him and raised my fingers. "Scouts honor."

"You were never a Girl Scout. You were too busy playing naughty games in little boys' garages to do something that decent and wholesome."

I slapped at him playfully, and he pulled me down onto the couch. "Fine. I can only think of one good erection killer, and that's to watch this video Mary Lou brought us."

"No!" I shouted, struggling to get free. But Joe had a firm grip around my waist. "You owe me, Cupcake. Quit being a baby and just watch it." He raised an eyebrow at me. "You scared? Scared like some little girl?"

I grabbed the remote and hit "play." I scrolled through the menu option and clicked on a chapter, not even caring which one it was. The next thing I knew, there was this huge baby's head coming out of ... I don't even want to go there again, so I'll just skip the description.

"Ugh! No! God no!" I screamed. I closed my eyes, covered my mouth, and went running for the bathroom. A few minutes later I heard Joe click off the television and knock lightly on the door. "Come on Cupcake. Let's go to bed. We'll save that for another time." He wasn't even trying to hide his laughter.

_"Yeah, that's what you think_," I thought. I wiped my mouth again and decided first thing in the morning I was definitely going to research c-sections.


	49. Chapter 49

As much as I complain about my mother and Mrs. Morelli, they had truly been lifesavers for me over the past two weeks. Not only did they do the alterations on the bridesmaid's dresses, they helped with the wedding favors, getting the flowers that I wanted, booking a photographer, and on and on. I think they were just so desperate to actually see us married that they were willing to do whatever it took to make that finally happen.

One of Joe's brothers knew a friend who knew a friend that was a DJ, so we had music for the reception squared away. Mary Lou found out Barbie's real name, and Valerie had taken Lisa and met with her Tuesday evening to try on their dresses. Thankfully I didn't have to go.

Joe and the other men had been fitted for their tuxedos the week before, but Joe had frowned at the thought of a pink bow tie to match what my attendant's were wearing. I understood, so I didn't argue. Joe's brothers don't have the same hotness or sex appeal that he does, but they still have the Morelli good looks going for them, and just seeing men like that in pink ... well, it didn't work for me. Therefore I had no problem agreeing with black. Joe was going to be sexy as hell no matter what he was in, and I had to wipe a little bit of drool from my mouth just imagining what he was going to look like.

Joe and I had gone Tuesday for the marriage license, so that was taken care of. After that we had met with the priest, which was something we had both been dreading. Thankfully Mrs. Morelli's influence came in handy, so there were no serious issues there. Having to confess that I was pregnant wasn't a lot of fun, but in an odd sort of way, it kind of worked for us. It was proof we hadn't used contraception, that we could actually have a baby together, and that by getting us married, the chances were good that we'd stay together and pop out a few more potential Catholics.

The wedding wasn't until Saturday evening at seven o'clock, so although I knew I had a busy Friday, I was looking forward to a relaxing Saturday morning. The major stuff would either be done by that time or someone else was going to handle it. My hairdresser was meeting all the women at my mother's house Saturday afternoon, and all of us girls were spending the morning being pampered at a day spa.

Even though I'd been less stressed than the typical bride, I still went to bed Thursday night restless. I was feeling bad for having lied to Joe, and I kept going over in my mind everything I still needed to do on Friday.

I woke up that morning around 8:30 and leaned over to snuggle into Morelli. He wasn't in bed with me, though, and I stopped to listen for the sound of the shower. I didn't hear the water running, so I figured he was downstairs making breakfast. I fluffed my pillow and settled myself back in to wait. Before I knew it, I was drifting off into a sound sleep.

I dreamt that it was a rainy day, and I was in the kitchen making lunch. Rex and Bob were both there but not Joe. I saw myself walking over to the kitchen table with a plate in my hand, calling for someone. Moments later I heard the sound of a child laughing, and before I knew it, a little boy was running into the kitchen. He was smiling and holding his arms up at me, so I picked him up, and he gave me a soft kiss on my cheek. I kissed him back, and then I tickled his nose with mine. The sound of his giggles made me laugh, and I gave him a big hug. I sat him down gently, and he ran to the table. He had little tiny teeth, and he was using them to eat macaroni and cheese, which I guess was what I had made for him.

In my dream, I just sat there at the table, watching him eat. His hair was the same color as Joe's, and it curled up slightly at the back of his neck. His eyes were blue, just like mine, and he was obviously old enough to talk because he was telling me a silly story. I was laughing and smiling, when all of a sudden a baby started crying. I heard myself telling the little boy, 'I think someone else wants to join in the fun,' and I started off toward the stairs.

Moments later, I was back at the table, and I was now holding a tiny baby. It was wrapped in a pink blanket, and I sat back down in the chair across from the little boy. He was talking again, and I was listening, but I had covered my chest with the blanket and was nursing the baby.

I felt myself start to stir, but I didn't want to wake up. I felt at such peace in our kitchen, and the little baby in my arms was so warm and cozy. I wanted to stay there with the two of them, because I had told the little boy that daddy was on the way home.

I felt myself move again, and then the little boy and the baby were gone. I turned over onto my other side and put a pillow over my head, trying desperately to get back into the dream.

I finally gave up and began to rub my eyes and yawn and stretch. I started to lift myself up from the bed when I turned and saw, what I thought was, an actual baby lying beside me. I gasped, and I had to hold onto the side of the bed to keep from falling off. I leaned over for a closer look and realized it was just a doll. It was kind of like the one from the night before, but not nearly as ugly.

I heard Joe walk into the room, and I turned to look at him. I pointed to the doll and said, "What're you up to?"

He grinned wide and sat down on the bed beside me. "I'm not sure if this is what you got to practice on last night, but this should be pretty similar."

I looked at the doll again and shook my head. "No, the baby we had last night was hideous. This one ..." I stopped, leaned over, and stabbed at it lightly with my finger, "this one actually looks real." The baby was wearing pink pajamas, and it had a knitted pink cap on its head.

Joe had two wristbands in his hand, and he explained, "These are IDs that you have to wear to make it work. Yours is the main one, mine's just a babysitter." Then he grinned big. "But I don't plan on wearing mine." He wrapped one of them around my wrist before I could stop him.

"As you can see, I was sweet enough to get you a girl, and she's yours for the entire day. You get to be her mommy," he said teasingly. "Ready to turn her on?"

"Joe! I have way too much to do today to take care of this doll! Have you forgotten we're getting married tomorrow?"

But he just smiled and said, "Well I guess the baby gets to run errands with you. That should be fun." Then he added, "Just be glad I didn't bring you the thirty pound pregnant belly they also had."

"Are you out of your mind?! Joe, we have the rehearsal tonight. We can't take that thing with us. I have to go shopping. I have to take a nap when I get home. That thing may not let me."

He was still smiling, and I contemplated ripping the wristband off of me and hitting him in the head with it. "What time do you have to start getting ready for tonight?" he asked.

"At least by four o'clock."

"Okay, she's yours until four."

"Joe!" I started to bitch some more, and then I stopped. I began thinking of ways around it and decided I'd just throw it in the closet and pull it back out when Joe got home later that day.

Joe was shaking his head at me and smiling. "I can see the wheels turning, Cupcake, and you can forget what you're thinking. This baby is yours today, and you're going to take care of it." He raised his eyebrow at me and grinned. "You didn't think I was going to work today, did you?" Then he leaned over and kissed me. "I'm spending the entire day with my beautiful bride-to-be and our slightly scary-looking electronic daughter." He picked the doll up and handed her to me.

"What should we name her?" He stared down at the baby and then at me. "I'd say she definitely takes after her mother. Wanna call her Stephie?" I narrowed my eyes at him, but he just laughed.

"Where did you get this thing from anyway?" I wanted it gone, and maybe if he told me, I could take it back while I was out running errands.

"I have connections _all over_ this city, Cupcake. I can get _whatever_ I want." And I knew he was right. Very few people said no to Joe Morelli.

"Joe, seriously, this is really cute and all, but I don't wanna do this."

But he just kept grinning. "The way I see it, Steph, you wasted seventy-five dollars last night. Not to mention, you denied me the pleasure of watching you embarrass yourself." I could tell he was teasing me, so I refrained from sticking my tongue out at him. "And let's not forget you're still in trouble for your lying."

I put the baby back down and shifted around in the bed, avoiding Joe's eyes. His voice grew serious, and he continued.

"Stephanie, you know I love you. I can't wait to get that ring on your finger and know that you are finally my wife. But sweetheart, what you did yesterday was wrong. I don't want you calling Eddie or Ranger when you need a man. _You've got one_, and I think I have a pretty good track record of always being there for you when you need me."

I wanted to turn away, but I realized that this was a time that called for maturity. So instead I stared directly into Joe's eyes and nodded in agreement. "Steph, this isn't about me being jealous of Ranger. I have no doubt in my mind that I can give you everything you want and need _and more_."

His voice softened, and he was almost whispering. "Financially, emotionally, sexually ..." He was running his fingertips lightly down the length of my arm, and it sent shivers up and down my spine. His voice was as smooth as silk, and he laughed slightly when he added, "Don't get me wrong, though. That doesn't mean to say I still won't kill him if he ever tries to touch you again."

I couldn't help but feel extremely turned on when I heard him say that. "But Stephanie ..." Joe hesitated for a moment before he continued. "You taking Ranger last night instead of me ... how do you think that made me feel?" He stared into my eyes, and he was completely serious. No smiling, no teasing, just raw honest emotion.

"What if I had done something like that and taken Terry?" I nodded my head, and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Joe was absolutely right.

"You know I don't want her. Just like I know you don't want Ranger. But Steph, _you and I_ are the ones having a baby together. Moments like last night are meant _for me_."

I reached out and hugged him tight. "I am so sorry Joe." My head was buried in his shoulder, and I was crying. "It seems like I do everything wrong, and I spend all my time saying _'I'm sorry'_ to you." I took a breath and asked, "Why on earth do you even want to marry me?"

Joe pulled back from me and stared deeply into my eyes. "Steph, I think you're misunderstanding me. I don't expect you to be perfect and never make a mistake. I _love_ when you do goofy, stupid things. Seeing you covered in baby food that day was hilarious. Hearing the stories Lula and Mary Lou share about you - that's priceless." He leaned over and pulled me to him and hugged me tight.

"Cupcake, you are so different from any other woman I've ever known. One minute you're responsible and determined and you go after exactly whatever it is that you want. The next minute you're playful and vulnerable and completely naive. You get embarrassed when the conversation turns sexual in front of your mother or when your Grandma Mazur says something totally inappropriate, but yet I get you alone in the bedroom, and you're this incredibly hot sex kitten that I can't get enough of."

He was caressing my back and whispering in my ear. "You're a total contradiction, and that's what I love about you. You're everything I could _ever_ ask for in a woman. You always keep me guessing, always on my toes. No one else has ever done that for me. With all the others, it was just about one thing, and they were nothing more than boring play toys. _But not you. _You _**never**_ bore me, and you're way more to me than just a play toy."

Joe's mouth was on mine, and he was slowly easing me back down onto the bed. "That's why I've always wanted you Cupcake. You're _my image_ of the perfect woman."

His mouth was working his way down to my breast, and he was gently rubbing me through my panties. "You still want to wait?" he was asking, practically breathless.

I let out a soft sigh and struggled with my answer. He felt so good, and he was so damned sexy, but I caught myself mumbling, "Mmm-hmm." For a brief second, though, I have to admit I actually hated myself for saying that. "I know it's crazy, but I do."

He pulled back slightly, and I lifted myself up on my elbows. "I know it might not make much sense, Joe, but I just feel like it'll make everything seem so much more magical and special."

Joe took my hand and kissed it. "Well I definitely want tomorrow night to be everything you're dreaming of, so I'll leave you alone and stop with all the temptation."

So instead of making mad passionate love to me, he leaned over and turned the doll on. Of course it immediately started crying. He explained that it had to be fed, rocked, burped, and diapered. He reached down into a diaper bag that was sitting on the floor and pulled out a booklet and a bottle. "Why don't you give this a try?" he suggested, holding the bottle out for me to take.

I kept my hands to myself and shook my head no. "I'm not sitting in bed and feeding a doll Joe."

"Yes you are, Steph. I'll bring you breakfast." He was still holding the bottle out in front of me, so I snatched it out of his hand. "Fine! But I'm not going to pretend I'm having fun with this thing."

Joe just grinned and tossed the doll's instruction manual down on the bed beside me. "Maybe you'll actually read _this_ _one_," then he laughed and walked out of the room.

I laid the doll on the bed beside me and stared at it. It was still crying. I let out a loud sigh and stuck the bottle in its mouth. It was going to be a long day.


	50. Chapter 50

I put the bottle in the doll's mouth, but it didn't fix anything. It just kept crying.

"Joe?" No answer. "Joe?!" I started to get up when I heard footsteps on the stairs. He came into the room carrying a tray and flashed me a teasing smile. "Are you going to ignore our real baby like this?"

"No!" I said frustrated. "This doll doesn't work right. I stuck the bottle in there, but it won't stop." I started to pull the wristband off of me, but Joe gently stopped me.

"Geez, Stephanie, can you be patient for just a minute? You have to touch the ID on its back before you can do anything with it. Like this." Then he demonstrated what to do. "Sorry, I meant to show you that."

"Well that's stupid. Real babies don't require an ID."

"Wow, I'm impressed. Maybe you _did_ read some of that book Valerie gave you."

Joe sat down beside me and said, "Pick up the baby, Steph, and hold it." I rolled my eyes and said, "This is stupid."

"Look at it this way. If it helps in any way to make you less afraid, it's worth it."

I sighed and picked it up. I guess I wasn't gentle enough, because it let out a different kind of cry. I looked over at Joe and said, "That changed, didn't it?"

"Yeah, I'd say that's its _'I'm in a helluva lotta pain right now'_ cry. Try it a little more gently next time."

Joe left to take a shower, and I stared down at the doll. I tagged its back and then gently picked it up. I rocked it in my arms slowly, and the crying stopped. I gently put it back down, and then it beeped. Immediately I got the hunger cry again. I picked the doll back up, repeated the tagging process, and cradled it in my left arm.

I put the bottle in its mouth, and it started making sucking sounds. I sat there for a moment, staring at the doll, and then down at my food. I was _really_ hungry and didn't think it was fair to have to wait for something that was just pretending to eat.

I balanced the bottle against my body, and I forked some egg. I tried to get it in my mouth, but it fell all down my top. I mentally cursed the doll and tried again. This time I made it to my mouth, but the bottle fell out. The baby started to cry, of course, which really ticked me off. I should've been the one crying - I was a _real_ person who wanted to eat _real_ food. This was the doll from hell that deserved to be tossed out the window.

I put the bottle back into its mouth and gave up on the egg. I figured the toast would work better. I took a bite of that and grabbed my glass of orange juice. Just then the baby started cooing, and it scared the shit out of me. I spilled orange juice all in its face, down its shirt, and all over me. "Shit!" I yelled out, just as Joe came back into the room.

"Need some help, Cupcake?" He was fighting back a smile and trying to act like he was willing to help, but the big phony really wasn't. At least not with the doll.

"Yes, take this thing," I said exasperated.

"I'll help you clean up the orange juice and will be more than happy to feed you, but I'm not taking the baby." I narrowed my eyes at him, but he simply laughed. "You only have this until four. You need all the practice you can get."

Morelli cleaned up the juice and wiped down the doll. "I'll help you out of your pajama top," he grinned. "I'm good at that."

"Thanks, but no thanks."

All of a sudden the baby beeped, and then it started crying again. "God, what now?" It was a different cry from the other two we'd heard, so that signaled I hadn't almost killed it nor was it hungry. That left burping, rocking, or a new diaper.

I tagged it and flipped it over on its back to try to burp it. And of course I'd hurt it. "Arrgh!" I said. I tried again, gently rocking it in my arms until the hurt cry stopped. "This baby's too sensitive. They should make a tougher version."

It beeped again and then immediately it was burp crying. "It should've burped while it had its chance," I said with a look of disgust. "Stupid baby." I glanced over at Joe out of the corner of my eye, and he was just shaking his head and smiling.

I tagged the baby and decided to do everything softly and almost in slow motion. I gently picked it up and slowly flipped it over. Again with the hurt cry. "No! You saw me do that! I did not hurt that baby." I stared at Joe. "You saw that, right?"

"Stephanie, maybe it doesn't want to be flipped. Maybe it wants to be burped the way you normally burp a tiny baby."

I held out my arms in a "_What do you want from me_?" gesture, and Joe said, "Try on your shoulder."

"Oh." I tagged the baby, shut up the pain cry, and then waited for the burp cry. I retagged and gently put it on my shoulder. I hit it, but it was too hard, and we all know what happened then.

"No!! I don't wanna do this anymore, Joe." I was near tears, and I could see he was actually starting to feel bad for me.

"Try it one more time, Steph. If you just can't get it, I'll put on my wristband." He leaned over and kissed me. "Relax and think about what you're doing. It's not a real baby, Cupcake, so take your time. Be soft and gentle, and you might find you don't hear the hurt cry as much."

I went through the process as Joe suggested and finally the doll burped. "Now what?" I asked Joe. But before he could answer, I said, "I'll have sex with you if you get rid of that thing."

Joe grinned, and I saw him thinking it over. I started taking off my top when the baby beeped and started crying again. "Enough," I said through clenched teeth. "I'm dead serious, Joe. Make it stop or I'll shoot it."

"That's a different crying sound, Cupcake. Probably it wants to be rocked or get a clean diaper."

"Oh, I'll rock that thing all right. Just not the way that _it_ wants."

It was already crying anyway, so I took advantage of that and snatched it up. I flung it down hard on the bed, gave Joe the evil eye, then tagged it and resolved the hurt cry. I waited for the beep and the new cry, and then I took a deep breath.

I slowly pulled at its diaper. The crying stopped, which meant it was my lucky day. I got to do a diaper change. I looked over at Joe and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't have a diaper."

"Everything you need is in the diaper bag," he kindly informed me, pointing to where it was on the floor. I shot him a dirty look and slung my leg over the side of the bed. I reached out until I could just grab the bag, and then I dragged it all the way to me. Half of what was inside fell out, but at least one diaper was still left in there.

I pulled the diaper off of the doll and then picked up the new one. Joe spoke up and said, "The manual says the baby will coo if you do it right, but you don't have a lot of time ..."

"Shut up!" I told him. "You're pressuring me." I wiped the sweat from my brow and started again. Apparently I ran out of time, because it started to cry. And I started to crack.

"Give me a break! Is a real baby actually going to cry if it's diaper is off for too long? Babies don't care. They have no clue that they're freaking naked. Damn! I wanna know who invented this doll, because that's who I'm really going to shoot."

Joe reached over on the bedside table and grabbed his wristband. "Okay, Cupcake. I'll give you one break. I'm guessing you'd like to take that break right now?"

"Hell yes!" I exclaimed, hopping out of bed. "I'm going to take a shower." I looked back at him and smiled, "Why don't you put that thing on the floor and see what Bob does with it." Maybe he'd eat it and put me out of my misery.

Joe shook his head at me and slapped on the wristband. I was grabbing clean panties out of my underwear drawer, and I could see him putting the diaper on. As I was walking out of the room I heard him say, "Well, look at that. The baby's gone to sleep." Then he laughed. "Looks like you might've wasted your one break, Cupcake."

"I hate that baby! I swear I do!" Then I stomped off to the bathroom.


	51. Chapter 51

I stayed in the bathroom for a _very_ long time. If it was my one and only break, I was determined to make the most of it.

I stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel off the rack, and my eyes settled on the toilet bowl. It suddenly hit me that I hadn't felt sick that morning. Nothing. No nauseau, no vomiting, nothing. My first instinct was to panic. Fortunately, though, common sense soon prevailed, and I realized that the baby was most likely fine. I hadn't had any cramping or spotting or bleeding. For once something meant exactly what it was supposed to - the morning sickness was finally easing up.

"_Yes_!" I thought. Just in time for the honeymoon. I knew we were spending our wedding night in a honeymoon suite here in Trenton, but I had no idea where we were going after that. At least I could look forward to being vomit-free wherever we ended up.

I blow dried and styled my hair, put on my makeup, and pulled on my clothes. I came out of the bathroom smiling, until I remembered the doll. I made a quick turn toward the stairs, but Joe was right behind me, hooking his arm through mine.

"You wouldn't want me to tell Stephie that her mommy's trying to ditch her, would you?"

"Oh, I forgot." My back was still facing him, and I was trying to decide if I could outrun him. I was feeling pretty energetic, and he did have the dumb doll in his hands. I could probably take him.

"Mmm-hmm, I bet you did, and don't even think about running. Now turn around." Joe was holding the doll in one of those slings like Valerie had used with Lisa, and before I knew it, he had the sling on me and was adjusting it.

I just stood there, staring at him like he was insane. "You've got to be kidding me. I'm not wearing this to the mall."

"You're right," Joe said. "You're not." Then he took the sling off. "I'm just trying it on for size. The baby has to ride in a car seat. You'll be wearing that _at the mall_."

I closed my eyes and silently counted to five. "Joe, I don't ..."

"Cupcake," he interrupted. "_I_ don't care. Now let's get going."

* * *

Morelli parked at the curb and came around to my side of the car. He opened the door for me, and I started to walk off. "Not so fast Stephanie." He was right behind me, turning me around, and marching me back to the car. He handed me the diaper bag and then opened the back door. "You're forgetting someone."

I gritted my teeth and just stood there while he unbuckled the doll, put it in the sling, and wrapped it around me. Then he kissed my nose. "You have your cell phone, right?"

I rolled my eyes. "You're not coming in with me, are you?"

"Nope. I have something very important I have to do."

"Yeah, right." Joe just laughed and said, "Just have the cashiers hold your packages, and when I'm finished, I'll go around and pick everything up for you." He gave me a hug and said, "Am I a great guy or what?"

"Maybe," I said teasingly, but I still stuck my tongue out at him. I heard him laughing as I walked into the mall, but I never turned back to look.

I walked around trying to decide what I wanted to get as bridesmaid's gifts, but I was clueless. I normally loved shopping for other people, but the stupid baby doll had me so flustered I couldn't think. Fortunately the way it was positioned, people seemed to think it was real, so no one stopped and stared at me.

Finally after walking around aimlessly, I decided to give up and go somewhere else. I reached into my purse to grab my cell phone, and of course I dropped it. I leaned over to pick it up and forgot to keep one hand on the doll. Unfortunately I'd been picking at the sling earlier, and I guess I had loosened it too much. When I bent over, the doll slipped out and smacked it's head on the floor. It let out this loud shrilly cry, and I silently cursed myself.

There was a group of women around me, and I heard them all collectively gasp. One woman immediately rushed over to offer help. "It's okay," I was trying to say. "It's not a real baby, I swear." She reached down and picked it up, giving it the once over.

"Uh, if you hand it to me, I can try to make it stop." But she just kept staring at it. "This is the neatest thing. Can I try?"

"Sorry, only I can do it. You have to be wearing one of these ID tags." I showed her my wrist and then took the baby out of her hands. I touched the tag to the back of the doll and then immediately put it on my shoulder and began gently patting its back. "That was the pain cry. I've heard that one a lot today. It'll stop in just a minute."

"Can I ask you why you have that?" The woman wasn't being rude; she just seemed to be fascinated.

I felt myself blush and decided to be honest. "The truth is, I'm having a baby the early part of next year, and I have absolutely no clue what I'm going to do with it. Babies scare me. The father thought this might help, so I'm kind of stuck with this thing until four o'clock."

The woman nodded her head and said, "That's just amazing."

"No, really, it's not," I said glumly. "All I've learned is I'm going to suck at being a mother. You saw me drop this just now. I couldn't even remember I had to hold onto it when I bent over.

The woman smiled at me sweetly and said, "Trust me. Once you have your real baby, you won't forget to hold on." She picked up her packages and started to walk off, but then she turned back. "What you did just now ... the way you rocked it back and forth and quieted it down ... that was exactly what a mother would do. You should give yourself more credit. I wouldn't have the patience to do that with a doll."

I stood there a moment longer and thought about that. Maybe she was right. I put the baby back in the sling and headed off towards Macy's. If I was going to find a gift anywhere, it was going to be there.

I spent some time in the shoe department and then made my way over to the baby clothes. I'd picked out another dress and was trying to decide if I liked it or not, when I caught sight of a familiar face out of the corner of my eye. Terry Bitchface Gilman.

"Stephanie," she said, staring down at the fake baby, "long time no see."

"Mmm," I said with a fake smile, "yes it has been." I stared down at the doll and looked back at Terry. She was dressed impeccably, every hair in place, thin as a rail, with boobs bigger than mine. Of course, compliments of baby Morelli, mine were closely gaining on hers.

"Stephanie, I don't know quite how to ask you this, but you do realize you're walking around in public with a doll strapped to you, don't you?"

I forced a polite smile and said, "Yes, I do, Terry. But thank you so much for pointing that out to me." I purposely reached out with my left hand and grabbed onto the front of the sling, hoping my engagement ring would sparkle in the light.

It obviously did, because she went in for the kill. "Just thought I'd check." Then she let out a soft chuckle. "I've met your grandmother on several occasions, and well, let's just say I hope her problems aren't genetic. Hopefully Joe's thought of that."

I narrowed my eyes at her and fantasized I was smacking her in the head with the doll. Over and over again. I was determined, however, not to let her get to me.

"I can only hope I'm as lively and free-spirited when I'm my grandmother's age."

"Lively and free-spirited? Oh, Stephanie," Bitchface laughed. "You're just too cute for words. So where is Joe?"

"He's taking care of some last minute wedding details," I said with a slight smirk, and in my head I thought, _"Suck on that bitch."_

"Oh, yes, I heard. I guess I should say congratulations." Then she leaned in and asked quietly. "Of course there is something I'm wondering, and since we do go way back, I should feel comfortable enough to just go ahead and ask." She hesitated for a moment, and both of her eyes squinted down a bit. "Which came first? The engagement or the pregnancy?"

That did it! I was through with this charade. I fought the urge to pull her hair out, realizing that my mouth was a much better weapon.

"Well let's see Terry. If you must know, our baby did." I smiled sweetly and continued. "And you're right, you and I do go way back, so I don't have a problem confiding. Who better would I love to share secrets with than you? Especially when they concern Joe."

It was time to let loose like I'd been wanting to for all those years. "In our defense, all I can say is it's hard to keep your hands off each other when you're so madly in love. And silly us, we completely forgot about birth control."

I let out a small giggle and continued. "Maybe you can understand that? Certainly you've had a man so in love with you that his only thoughts are continuously pleasuring you. Over and over again. " I casually waved my hand and said, "Anyway, it was bound to happen." Then I gently rubbed my hand over my stomach.

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled innocently. "Joe proposed before we even found out about the baby, oh, but let me tell you. The moment he heard, he made sure to show me _exactly_ how happy he was. Several times, in fact."

I paused a second waiting for her to reply, but she didn't say a word. I took it to mean she wanted to hear more. "I know I don't have to tell you how incredible Joe is. Of course that was so long ago that you probably don't remember. And come to think of it, he distinctly told me he was _never_ in love with you, so he probably wasn't giving it his all back then like he does now."

I couldn't believe Terry stood there and listened to all of that. Her lips were pursed, and her eyes were cold. When I finally finished, she smiled her evil smile and simply said, "Stephanie, do you know you're a bitch?"

As soon as she said it, I burst out laughing. "Yeah, sometimes I can be." I laughed once more and then I immediately hardened my face. "But you know what Terry? _So are you_." Then I leaned in close and whispered, "The only difference is I'm a bitch that's marrying Joe. _And you're not_."

I put back the dress I'd been holding, tossed my curls, turned around, and slowly walked away. Thankfully battery baby stayed quiet so I was able to make my exit calm and collected.

I looked at my watch and saw it was already 1:30. Only two and a half hours left with Stephie. I decided to hurry up with the purchases I needed to make and get out of there. I wasn't sure how much longer my good luck was going to hold out.


	52. Chapter 52

As soon as I finished shopping, I called Joe to get me, and we started for home. "Did you run your _very important_ errand?" I asked.

"Yep, I sure did." He smiled and glanced over at me. "Did the baby behave?"

"Mostly," I said, deciding not to tell him I'd dropped her. "Some lady said I was doing a good job with it."

"That must've been a nice thing to hear. See, Cupcake, you're a lot more capable than you give yourself credit for."

"Maybe," I said biting on my bottom lip. Joe pulled into Pino's and said, "Sit tight. I'll grab lunch."

Just as he walked inside, the doll started to cry. "Great, you're hungry, too?" I unbuckled and moved to the back seat, praying no one that knew me would walk by.

I tagged the back of the doll and started feeding her the bottle. Joe walked up, pizza box in hand and a huge grin on his face. "What a good mommy," he teased.

"Funny," I said, grabbing at the pizza box with my free hand. Forget being modest, I was starving and wasn't in the mood for manners. Or plates. Or a napkin.

"Do we need two pizzas?" Joe asked, trying to be serious.

"Such the comedian today," I said, grabbing another slice. "Don't quit your day job." I had one hand on the bottle and was using the other to shove pizza in my face. I thought about Lula saying she wanted to observe Joe watching me eat, so I slowed my chewing some and took time to also breathe. The wedding band still wasn't on my finger yet, and I didn't want to give him any reason for second thoughts.

Of course I knew those worries were unfounded. Joe was mine; it was just a matter of getting the ceremony out of the way. I thought about that and stared down at the pizza in my hand. I wondered if it were possible, in just a few short days, for my wedding dress to now be too tight. I had been eating a tremendous amount of food all week. I stared down at my stomach and was relieved to not see a bump. In a way I was eager for it, but I wanted to hold off on that until after the wedding.

I started to go for a third slice when I realized the doll was crying.

"She needs to burp," I said. Joe smiled at me, obviously impressed, but he didn't say anything.

We pulled up in front of the house, and I carefully removed the doll from its car seat, tagged it, and began softly patting its back. I finally heard the burping sound, so I got out of the car, being careful not to drop it.

"Since you have the baby, I'll get the bags and the pizza box. That is, if there's any pizza left."

I made a face at him and walked into the house. Joe came in behind me and placed the car seat inside by the front door. He went back for the bags and the pizza then quietly shut the door behind us. He sat everything down and pulled me into his arms. I had the doll cradled in between us, and he stared down at it, smiling.

"I'm proud of you, Cupcake." Then he kissed me tenderly. "It probably wasn't nice of me to dump this on you, today of all days, but you handled it." He kissed me again. "I knew you would."

His eyes turned serious, and he took the doll from my hand. He flipped the switch on its back and pulled the wristband off of me. He laid the doll down in the car seat and pulled me in for a hug. "Is that offer for sex still ..."

I shook my head no, smiling wide.

"A guy's gotta try," he grinned, letting out a playful sigh. "Guess that means I'll have to eat lunch instead."

He walked forward, and I kept my hand on his arm, following behind. I was fighting the urge to strip right there when I heard Joe say, "At least come cuddle with me."

He sat down and pulled me down next to him. "Want another slice?" he asked. I thought about it for a moment, knowing full well that I did, but I was too embarrassed to say it.

Joe just grinned and reached into the box for one. He held it up to my mouth, and I took a bite. He watched me chew and a slight smile formed on his lips. He leaned over and kissed me, then pulled back and offered me another bite. Again he watched and again he kissed me. Finally after the fifth time, he put the slice down and eased me onto my back.

"We don't have to go all the way," he said with a teasing smile, "but we can play for a little while." He raised my shirt over my head and slowly pulled off my shorts.

He was kissing his way down my body, and I was trying my best not to moan, but a few escaped every now and then. "Is playing okay?" he whispered.

He left my bra on but removed my panties. I nodded, but it didn't matter. His tongue was already busy at work, and I was quickly on the edge. I could feel myself so close, and of course the doorbell rang.

Joe lifted his head, and I silently cursed whoever was at the door. He pulled himself up and handed me my panties and shorts. "I didn't get to finish," he said with a wink. "We'll continue this later."

I laid there a minute, catching my breath, listening to familiar voices. It was my mother and Mrs. Morelli. I was dressed in record-setting time and had just settled back down on the couch when they walked into the room. Joe was looking around them, worry on his face, but then he smiled when his eyes met mine. "Later," he mouthed. "I promise."

Unfortunately later didn't happen, because the mothers stayed until it was time for me to get ready. I hadn't realized there was so much left they still had to go over, but I smiled and tried my best not to think of Joe. Naked. On top of me. Between my legs. Believe me, it wasn't easy.

After they left, I hurried off to shower and make myself presentable. Two hours later I was back downstairs and found Joe on the couch watching the news. He was dressed in a suit and tie, and I felt my heart flutter. He clicked the remote and stood to walk toward me.

Watching him move, I have to confess that some extremely naughty thoughts came to mind, and I debated how late we could be if I gave in to desire. I stared at him again and smiled. "Nice, _very_ nice." The fit was perfect, but it was such a waste to cover up what I was wanting at that particular moment.

I realized he had the same expression on his face that I did, and within seconds, our lips were locked. "How important is a rehearsal?" he was asking. "Can someone just take notes and tell us tomorrow." I smiled into his mouth and shook my head no. "Sorry, I wish it did work that way."

"I'm just getting shot down no matter what lately."

"Aww, poor baby," I said teasingly. "But remember, I'm making it up to you tomorrow."

"Mmm-hmm, I remember. And I'm holding you to that." His hand brushed back my hair, and he asked, "How long do these things last?" He kissed my neck and mumbled, "I still have a promise that I have to make good on."

"The rehearsal part shouldn't be too long, and then we're eating afterwards. We could be home by 9:30 if we don't dawdle."

"_Dawdle_? I _never_ dawdle." He winked down at me and said, "Especially when I know there's a chance of getting you naked later."

* * *

The rehearsal went off without a hitch, thank goodness, and then we all headed over to Marsilio's for the rehearsal dinner.

I'd escaped the morning sickness that day, but I hadn't found myself so lucky with the tiredness. I kept yawning and fighting hard to keep my eyes open.

"You gonna make it, Cupcake?" Joe asked. "You're practically falling asleep at the table." I tried to stifle a yawn, but it didn't do any good.

I managed to eat without propping both elbows up on the table, but I knew I didn't have much more in me. Joe's sisters were talking to me, and I was smiling, but I really had no clue what they were saying. I tried to feign interest, but my thoughts kept coming back to our warm bed and my pillow.

I let out a sigh and took comfort in the fact that everyone there was having a great time. The food was delicious, apparently the wine was good, and no fights had broken out. I called that a success.

Finally Joe came by and leaned into my ear. "Come on, Cupcake. Let me get you home." He started to pull out my chair and help me up when Grandma Bella suddenly appeared. "Joseph," she said, pushing her cheek out for a kiss. "I don't think you've even spoken to me yet." Joe leaned over and kissed her then smiled at me. "Nothing personal Grandma Bella. It's just been a crazy evening."

Grandma Bella stared at me and said, "Crazy indeed."

Joe ignored her and said to me, "I'll go say our goodbye's and then drive the car up."

"Just a minute," Grandma Bella interrupted, "I have something to say to the two of you."

I caught myself taking a deep breath and then I prepared myself for the worst.

"I realize I've given you somewhat of a hard time over the years, Stephanie ..."

I fought back a major eye roll on that one and just smiled politely instead.

"But I am very happy you and Joseph have found one another." Then she pointed to my belly. "Mostly because of that. It's about time he settles down, and if you're what it takes, so be it."

I smiled again and simply said, "Thank you, Grandma Bella. That means a lot coming from you." I turned to Joe and finally got the eye roll out that I'd been holding inside. He just grinned and took one last sip of his wine.

"Yes, we both appreciate the kindness, Grandma Bella. I'm sure that wasn't easy for you." Then he kissed her again on the cheek.

Morelli placed his hand on my back and started guiding me through the crowd. Suddenly, Joe's brother, Tony, came up behind us and said, "Not so fast Joey! Where do you think you're going?" His other brother, Paul, was there, too, and they both just stood there grinning.

Joe started to explain that I was tired, but Tony just shook his head. "Sorry, Stephanie, but we're gonna borrow our baby brother for a while." Joe rolled his eyes, and Paul held up his hand. "This is your last night of freedom. We gotta do something to celebrate before you gotta put on the old ball and chain. Trust us, we've been there. We know."

Then Tony looked at me and smiled. "We'll make sure he behaves and bring him back in one piece."

Joe started to protest, but I stopped him. "They're right, Joe. Go have a night out with the guys. You definitely deserve it."

"I appreciate the thought," Joe was saying, "but we've gotta get up early tomorrow ..."

"Look," Tony argued, "it's just some of the guys that are here and a few of your buddies from the station. We're meeting at my house to play some poker and have a couple of beers. No big deal. You'll be home by midnight." Then Tony looked at me. "We've got a designated driver that can drive him and his car home if necessary."

"Go," I urged. "My parents will give me a ride home." Joe still wasn't convinced, but I smiled at him and nodded my head. "Please go. I'll feel terrible having to live with myself, knowing I deprived you of a bachelor party."

Joe laughed and gave me a soft kiss. "Okay, but I'm waking you up when I get home," he whispered. "I still have to make good on my promise."

I grinned big and said, "I'll be waiting."

I watched him walk off with his brothers, and I tried not to be sad. "_Damn Grandma Bella_," I thought to myself. I'd almost had him out of there until she interrupted with her crappy goodwill gesture. I let out a big sigh and wandered off to find my parents.


	53. Chapter 53

I was in bed by 9:45 that night, and not only was it too early, it just felt wrong. I missed Joe beside me, and I couldn't fall asleep. I decided to go downstairs and wait for him. That beat lying there tossing and turning.

Bob followed behind me, and we went into the living room. I sat down in the rocking chair, and Bob curled up at my feet. I started to rock, and suddenly a feeling of calm washed over me. I put my hand on my stomach and imagined what it would be like to actually feel the baby move. I realized how eager I was for that to happen.

I sat there for a moment, and I quietly began to talk. "What're you doing in there little baby?" I felt a bit foolish, but I took comfort knowing Bob wasn't going to tell anyone. "I sure can't wait to meet you." I rocked a little bit more. "Do you know you're the luckiest baby ever? Just wait until you meet your daddy. He's going to take such good care of you." I paused for a second and added, "I will, too."

I rocked some more and then said, "Maybe you are a little boy, and one day I'll get to watch you and daddy play baseball together. He already has a ball and glove for you."

I thought about it and then said in a reassuring tone, "But if you are a little girl, daddy'll teach you how to play ball, too." I smiled and said, "You'll definitely be a daddy's girl."

I kept my hand where it was and continued rocking. I sat there a minute, and then I stood up and walked over to little Stephie. She was still in the car seat, sitting by the front door. I gently picked her up and took her back to the rocking chair with me.

I cradled the doll in my arms, closed my eyes, and rocked. After a while, I moved her up on my shoulder and sat there, gently patting her on the back.

I was almost asleep, still rocking the doll, when I suddenly heard a loud knock at the door. It startled me, and I accidentally flung Stephie across the room. Bob looked up and stared at me. "What?" I asked him. He gave me a disapproving look and laid his head back down. "It's a good thing you can't talk. I have no doubt I'd get into more trouble than I already do."

I walked to the front door and peeked out. _Mary Lou._

"What are you doing here? It's almost 10:30."

"I know," she said with a giggle. "But I think the question should be, what are _you_ doing here?" She stepped inside the doorway, and I saw she was head to toe black.

"No, Mary Lou. Go back home. I'm not spying tonight."

"Are you _insane_?! This is probably our last chance ever to spy on Morelli. Come on, Steph. Old time's sake?" Then she poked out her bottom lip in a pleading gesture. "Please?"

"All they're doing is playing poker. Since when do you want to go spying so bad?"

"Since they invited Lenny." I rolled my eyes. "Oh my gosh, Mary Lou. What on earth do you think Lenny's gonna do?"

Mary Lou fidgeted, and I shook my head. "You don't care what Lenny's doing! You just want to spy on all the guys."

"Steph, you do know who all is over there, right? All that hotness under one roof! You are passing up an incredible opportunity."

I rolled my eyes, and Mary Lou continued her effort. "Come on, Stephanie. My mom's with the boys, so I can go out for a while. And aren't you curious if they've got a stripper? _You_ had a stripper."

"I didn't want a stripper."

"Minor point. Anyway, I bet they got Joe a stripper because you had one."

"I bet they didn't."

"I bet they did. In fact, remember who you told me you saw at the mall today? Remember how mean you were to her?" She raised her eyebrows at me knowingly. "I bet Terry Gilman's popping out of a cake right now. I bet she may not even have a top on."

"Give me two minutes," I said, running up the stairs.

* * *

I locked the front door behind me and followed Mary Lou to her minivan. "So where does Tony live?" she asked, pulling her keys out of her pocket.

"How should I know?" I said. "I don't know anything about Tony."

"Stephanie! He's family. Shame on you."

"He's not family yet, and I don't care where any of them live."

"You're gonna be a bad sister-in-law. _I'd_ care where Tony lives."

"Have you been drinking?"

Mary Lou giggled. "Not until I got here. I sat in the van and drank a beer before I knocked on the door."

"Give me the keys." I snatched them out of her hand and shook my head. Then I let out a sigh. "How are we going to find out where Tony lives this time of night?"

We both stood there pondering that, and then I did a forehead slap. "Duh. I'll be right back." I ran inside and was back out in a matter of minutes with a slip of paper in my hand.

"Wow, you got that fast!" Mary Lou said, obviously impressed. "You should give up bounty hunting and be a detective."

"Yeah, me and Mr. Google would be great at solving crimes." We both laughed and got into the car.

I buckled up and said, "Okay, I think I pretty much know where this is." I paused for a second, staring down at the paper. "I had no idea Tony lived over there. That area's kind of nice."

"Tony's kind of nice." Mary Lou sighed. "_Nice to look at_."

I shook my head, and Mary Lou said, "What? Like you've never looked?"

"Not really. Why have the imitation when you can have the real thing?" We both giggled, and Mary Lou asked, "I get to walk back down the aisle with him, right?"

"Uh, Mary Lou, you were just at the rehearsal. Remember you were with Paul."

"Oh," she said disappointed. "I was hoping since it was just practice we were using whoever tonight."

"Nope, Tony's best man, so he's with Valerie."

"Damn! I hate Valerie!"

I started laughing, "Yeah, I know the feeling. Besides, what's with the hots for Tony all of a sudden? I thought last week you were drooling over Sammy at the butcher shop?"

"That was _last week_, Stephanie. Gosh, try to keep up if you want to retain _best friend_ status."

"Sorry, it's hard to know with you sometimes." I giggled and shook my head. "Poor Lenny."

"Poor Lenny nothing. I keep Lenny very happy thanks to guys like Sammy, Robert at the deli, Jack at the bowling alley ..."

I held up my hand for her to stop. "I get it, I get it."

Mary Lou started laughing. "You know it's just in good fun, right? I love Lenny to death, but come on. Hot guys are like pieces of art. It's kind of rude if you keep walking and don't stop to admire."

* * *

After a while, I made a right turn onto Tony's street and dimmed the lights. "So which house do you think it is?" Mary Lou asked.

I pointed to one about six houses down. "I'd say that one."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, I'd say the ten or twelve cars in front is a dead giveaway."

"Man, you're good at this stuff. You and I should go into the detective business together. We could call ourselves _Two Girls and a Detective Kit_."

"How about _Two Girls and One Brain_?" I said, pointing at myself.

Mary Lou shot me a dirty look and said, "Very funny." Then we giggled.

"Okay, I'm gonna park here in this driveway," I said, pulling up to the left of an extremely old Lincoln Continental so that Mary Lou's minivan couldn't be seen from Tony's house.

"No, Steph. Don't park in someone's driveway. What if they come out to go somewhere and see my van?

"Mary Lou, look at the house. It's completely dark. And the car - it's practically screaming '_Old people drive me.'_ They're in bed, asleep until tomorrow."

Mary Lou paused for a second and then nodded her head in agreement. "Yeah, that's true. See, you _are_ good."

"Come on. And be quiet, Miss Budweiser. We don't wanna get caught." We slowly made our way down the sidewalk, and I was looking around at all the houses.

"Man, I didn't know Tony lived anywhere like this. It's pretty nice."

"Yeah, I bet this is one of those neighborhoods that have a watch program thing." Then Mary Lou stopped. "What if someone's watching us right now and calling the police?"

"I think we'll know pretty quickly, considering most of the cops are three houses down at a bachelor party." Then I thumped her in the head.

We heard what sounded like a back door open and shut at Tony's house, so we ducked behind a shrub. "Tony and his family have a dog?" Mary Lou asked in a semi-panic.

"I don't know. Probably not. A dog might cramp his style. You know, make the little wifey more aware of his comings and goings."

"You think Tony's a womanizer?!" Mary Lou asked, shocked.

"Are you sure you drank just one beer? Of course he is. He's a Morelli. He has a penis. I think that's all that's required."

"You better make sure you raise that baby right if it's a boy."

"Joe managed to get the monogamy gene, so hopefully we're in the clear." I thought about having a son that could possibly grow up to be a hottie bad boy, and I shuddered. "I don't wanna think that far in the future. I'll worry about that another day."

We tiptoed closer, and Mary Lou practically shouted out, "Man! Look at this house!"

"Shh!" I fussed. "Be quiet." Then I whispered, "Yeah, this is a pretty nice place."

"Maybe he deals drugs. You should tell Joe to investigate him."

"That's his brother! I'm not gonna say something like that."

"Dealing drugs is a serious crime. Nepotism should not be tolerated in any circumstance."

I slapped her in the head. "He's not a drug dealer." Then I thought about it for a second. "I least I hope he's not."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Then she paused for a second. "Maybe he's a male prostitute. Maybe you can hire him for hours at a time."

We both giggled at that. "Yeah, imagine the conversations we could have at Mama Morelli's dinner table." I was trying hard to say it quietly, but I was fighting off a severe attack of the giggles.

"_So how was work today Anthony_?" I said, mimicking Mrs. Morelli. I could barely speak or even breathe because I was laughing so hard, but I managed to say, "She's always fussing at Joe for driving too fast. She could fuss at Tony for doing something else too fast."

Tears were now rolling down my cheeks, and I was holding my stomach. "_The faster you are, Anthony, the less satisfied your clients will be. You boys just never listen._"

We both laughed some more, and then I took a deep breath and thumped Mary Lou in the head again. "Thanks a lot. Now whenever I see him I'm gonna think of this and laugh. They already think I'm crazy as it is."

Mary Lou was still giggling, but she was ready to get down to business. "Let's go peek in the front window," she whispered.

We carefully pushed our way through the flower bed and ducked down. We peeked inside, but we couldn't get a good view of anyone. "I think that's Lenny," I said pointing. "But I don't see Joe anywhere."

I narrowed my eyes at Mary Lou. "And I don't see a big cake. In fact, I don't see _any_ cake. Guys are dumb. They don't know how to throw a good party."

Mary Lou pulled my arm and was dragging me over to the side of the house. "Let's try the windows over here."

We stood there staring, realizing the windows were too high for us to see in. "Look," Mary Lou said, pointing to the side of the house. "How cliché is this? He's got a trellis." Then we both giggled. "Hard to be macho when your house has one of these."

It took me a while, but I managed to get myself up enough to see through one of the windows. "I still don't see anybody, Mary Lou." No answer. "Mary Lou?" I whispered. Then I heard the sound of a man's voice.

"Stephanie? Is that you?"

I looked down to see Paul staring up at me. I did a little finger wave and smiled. "Uh, hi Paul." Then I giggled.

"What are you doing up there?" he asked, looking at me as if I'd just escaped from a mental hospital. I chewed on my fingernail and gave him a half-smile. "Um, practicing my bounty hunter skills. I've been getting a little rusty, so I thought ... "

"Joe's not in there," he interrupted, and he just kept staring at me like I was a total loon.

"Oh, we weren't looking for Joe. We were actually checking up on Lenny. Mary Lou's here somewhere." I hesitated, waiting for her to say something. "I _know_ she's still here because I have her keys, and if she wants to go home tonight, she'll show herself."

I started jingling them, and Mary Lou suddenly popped out. She smiled and waved to Paul. "Yeah, I have serious trust issues. I follow Lenny around _a lot_. Sometimes Stephanie helps."

Paul shook his head and laughed. "When we were kids, I used to warn Joe that the two of you were strange. He never did listen very well."

Paul helped me down, and I tried to keep my face turned so he wouldn't see how red it was. "Joe and Mooch went on a beer run," he explained. Then he looked at Mary Lou. "You wanna come talk to Lenny? Or do you normally not do it that way? I'm not quite sure how something like this works."

Just then I heard Joe's voice. "Well, well, well, if it isn't Lucy and Ethel. I was wondering how long it was gonna take for the two of you to show up."

I stared over at Joe, my face feeling even hotter, and smiled. "This was all Mary Lou's idea. I swear."

Joe just grinned and raised an eyebrow. "I bet she didn't have to work too hard to get you to come along."

"A minute or two," Mary Lou said, and I slapped her arm. "Shut up and go find Lenny."

Mary Lou and Paul walked off to the front of the house, and Joe wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "I'm glad you're here." Then he leaned in for a kiss. "You're the one I wanted to spend my evening with."

"You haven't been drinking?" I asked. I noticed I didn't smell alcohol, not to mention Paul had said Joe was the one on the beer run.

"Are you kidding? I'm not fighting a hangover tomorrow. I have _big plans_ for tomorrow night." He paused for a second and gave me a wink. "I have to be at my absolute best."

He smiled seductively at me, and before I could stop myself, I was pulling him down to my mouth and kissing him. Lots of tongue action. My hands were quite busy, too.

We reluctantly pulled away from each other and continued walking slowly to the house. "So have you enjoyed _any_ of your last night out as a free man?"

"I won forty bucks at poker. I know this cute girl I'm gonna spend it on."

"You do, huh?" I smiled into his shoulder and stopped. "I missed you at home. I'm so pathetic that I can't even fall asleep without you."

Joe smiled and hugged me tight. "Now that's exactly what I needed to hear Cupcake. I like my women cute and pathetic."

He stared into my eyes and grew serious. "Except you're nowhere near pathetic." He gently brushed his hand across my cheek and his lips briefly skimmed mine. "I'd say you're pretty damn amazing."

He kissed me tenderly and then took my hand. "Let's go home. We have a very busy day ahead of us tomorrow. And I think you need you're rest. In fact, _I can guarantee that you do_."

I felt a rush of warmth spread throughout me, and I smiled in anticipation. In less than twenty-four hours, I would finally be Mrs. Joseph Anthony Morelli.


	54. Chapter 54

We got home that night, and I dragged myself upstairs. I made a quick pit stop in the bathroom, used the potty, and ran a toothbrush over my teeth. I sank down into the bed, enjoying the way the cold sheet felt on my legs. I could hear Joe in the bathroom brushing his teeth, and I felt comforted knowing he'd be in the bed next to me in a matter of minutes.

I had already begun to drift off when I felt him nudging me awake. "You asleep?" he whispered. "Mmm," I mumbled. "Sorta."

His lips gently passed over my mouth, and I heard him ask, "Too tired for me to finish what I started earlier?"

I felt myself smile and shake my head no. I was still in the process of shaking it when I realized my panties were already sliding off. I spread my legs and began running my fingers through his hair. It didn't take long for Joe to get the job done, and I laid there gasping for air, trying to will myself to return the favor.

Joe cuddled me up in his arms and kissed the top of my head. I really and truly wanted to satisfy him, too, but he was playing with my hair, and it was sending these incredible tingling sensations up and down my spine. It felt so good that I honestly couldn't move. And the next thing I knew, I was sound asleep.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of Joe's razor and the sight of Bob's face in mine. "Let me guess. You're hungry?" Bob wagged his tail, and I yelled out for Joe, but he couldn't hear me. "Damn. That means I have to do it."

I was slow moving, but I finally got downstairs and poured the veterinarian-approved stuff into Bob's bowl. But he didn't want that.

"What? Something from the refrigerator?" Bob wagged his tail again. I opened the door and peered in. We didn't have much in there because we knew we were leaving for a week, but I spied some leftover pizza.

I took the foil off the plate and stared down at the pizza. Then I stared at Bob.

"Sorry," I said, but I didn't really mean it. That cold pizza had my name written all over it. I took a bite and then examined the refrigerator contents one more time.

"How 'bout an apple?" I asked him, swallowing pizza and gulping down orange juice from the carton. I heard Joe on the stairs so I quickly shoved what was left of the slice into Bob's mouth and wiped my face with the back of my hand. Then I tossed the pizza plate in the fridge, grabbed the apple, and took a big bite.

"You're so healthy," Joe said, leaning in for a kiss. Then he pulled back and smiled. "Hmm, apples that taste like pizza. Now that might catch on."

"No teasing today," I told him. "You have to be super sweet to me all day long, because it's our wedding day."

Joe wrapped his arms around me and brought me closer. "Aren't I _always_ super sweet to you? I thought I was _exceptionally_ sweet to you last night."

I snuggled into his chest and said, "Okay, you got me there." He felt so incredibly warm that I didn't want to move. I could've stayed like that for the rest of the day. Or at least until my stomach growled again.

Joe lifted my chin and kissed me softly on the lips. "Happy Wedding Day, Cupcake," he said with a smile. "It's taken us a long time to get here, huh?"

"Too long," I said sincerely. "If I hadn't been so stubborn and foolish ..."

But Joe stopped me. "Today's not about regrets, Steph. It's about new beginnings. You and me." He placed his hand on my stomach and added, "And before we know it, someone else."

We spent some time letting each other know exactly how we felt about that, and eventually Joe whispered into my ear, "You wanna take a shower with me and have a little bit of fun before we start the day?"

I really and truly wanted to say yes, but I was shaking my head no. "Better not," I sighed, "though it is _extremely_ tempting."

I kissed him on the lips and said, "I've got to get moving or I'm gonna be late. And I know for a fact that there's no such thing as a _little bit of fun_ with you."

Joe smiled proudly and said, "I aim to please."

* * *

I really did have serious intentions of getting ready, but the bed looked so soft and inviting that I crawled back into it. I was lying there, about to drift off, when I heard Joe come into the room.

"Oh, I meant to tell you," he was saying, but my attention was focused on his rock-hard abs and the fact that he was covering them at that particular moment with a shirt. My eyes moved downward to the towel wrapped around his waist. I knew it was just a matter of time until he dropped it, and I wasn't about to miss that show.

"You listening, Steph?"

"Hmm?" I said, not at all listening as I watched him zip and button his jeans.

"I was telling you that Tony said he'd take Bob for us." He was taking his wallet off the dresser and stuffing it in his back pocket.

"Yeah, okay." I started to smile but then said, "What? No!" I sat up quickly and started shaking my head. "I thought your mom was going to watch him. Remember? My mom's taking Rex, and your mother gets Bob."

"Does it matter?" Joe asked with a puzzled look on his face. He had just gotten his shoes on and was adjusting his watch on his wrist.

"Just that Bob might see something over there that maybe he shouldn't be seeing."

Joe stood there a minute, obviously not understanding me, and asked, "What are you talking about Stephanie?"

"Uh, I don't know." I hesitated and finally asked, "So what does Tony do for a living again?"

Joe sat down on the side of the bed. "He's a contractor. What? You think he makes his money killing unsuspecting animals or something?"

"No, it was nothing. Just forget it." I made a mental note to tell Mary Lou that Tony wasn't a gigolo or a pusher. That made me feel better for Bob's sake. And I guess the fact that he wasn't an animal murderer, either, was good, too.

Joe leaned in and kissed me. "I wonder about you sometimes Cupcake." Then he let out a slight laugh. "I thought you had to get going? You don't wanna be late for all that primping and pampering and hours of non-stop x-rated conversation."

I feigned innocence and pretended to be insulted. "Joe! We _never_ talk about sex. Why do you think those things about us?"

"Mmm-hmm," he said with a knowing grin. "For one thing, I've heard you and Mary Lou firsthand. And there's no doubt in my mind that Connie and Lula can give you both a run for your money."

He grabbed his cell phone and added, "Just remember my sisters are gonna be there, too."

I made a face at him and said, "Whatever. Think what you want," I started to get up and remembered to ask, "Oh, are we still on for lunch?"

"Yep. One o'clock. I'll pick you up at your mother's house." He gave me another kiss and started out the door. "Oh, and Cupcake, if you start feeling hungry before then, be sure and eat a snack."

I smiled at his thoughtfulness until he added, "I want lunch to be romantic. I'm still having a hard time getting the way you ate that pizza in the car yesterday outta my head."

"Jerk!" I said playfully, leaning over the top of the stairs to throw a pillow at him. Of course I missed, and I heard him still laughing as he shut the front door.


	55. Chapter 55

Lula hadn't wanted to be in the wedding party on account of her nerves, but I invited her to go along with us to the spa since she was one of my best friends. Connie was the guest book attendant, so she was going, and of course so was Valerie, Mary Lou, and Joe's sisters, Cathy and Mary.

It was decided beforehand that due to time constraints we would be split into two groups. Thankfully Cathy and Mary went off with Valerie while I kept the sex-obsessed ones with me. Mary Lou's bad enough, but Connie and Lula have no shame. Put all of us in a room together, and it was a flurry of sex-crazed women mixed with raging hormones, and sadly, no dicks.

I knew going into this that I couldn't have a body massage during my first trimester nor could I do anything with heat. I was doing this more for my friends anyway, so I didn't mind. I was still able to get a manicure and pedicure, a standard facial without any Retin-A, and a foot massage. Everyone else got the works.

Thankfully they all opted to wear their bathing suits under their robes in my honor. Nudity is something I don't handle very well, unless it's me getting naked and sexual with Joe in the privacy of our own home. Public places work sometimes, as long as I know for a fact no one can see us.

Valerie, Cathy, and Mary headed off for their body massages, and my group started out with the mani's and pedi's. Immediately the conversation turned raunchy.

"Okay, Steph, time for the _real_ games. You forced us to play all those stupid innocent ones at your bridal shower, now we want naughty."

Lula spoke up. "Me first. What's your favorite position?"

"How is this a game?" I asked.

"Just answer!" they all said.

"I don't know. With Morelli, they're all my favorites." I got the evil eye and said, "Okay, okay. Can I say I like the bottom and top equally, depending on my mood?"

"Fine," they all agreed. "Oral sex - give or receive?" Connie asked.

I felt the color rise up in my cheeks, but I still answered. "Oh, this one's easy. Definitely receive!"

I felt myself blush again, but not because I was that embarrassed, but because I thought I sounded selfish. I quickly added, "But I try to give back as much as I can." I smiled thinking of last night and what I knew was in store for me later on.

"Girl, you 'bout to drool on yourself over there," Lula added.

"I can't help it," I blurted out. "You made me remember what happened last night."

My cheeks were really on fire at that point, and I told myself I'd better calm down and try to be more modest. I didn't think of myself as the "kiss and tell" type.

"Whoo-hoo," they all said. Everyone was laughing, and the girls doing our nails had smiles on their faces, too.

"Okay, here's a multiple choice question," said Mary Lou. "And you _have_ to pick one of them." She was smiling, and I was shaking my head, afraid of what she was about to say.

"Morelli's scheduled to go out of town for a while, and you know you need some before he leaves. But you have to choose how you get it and what the consequences are." I rolled my eyes, and Mary Lou continued.

"Choice A. You do it in his office at the station, but it's a guarantee that one of the other cops will catch you in the act and see you completely naked.

"Choice B. You do it in your parents' bedroom, on their bed. And your mother knows exactly what you've done, because she comes home to find Morelli naked in the hallway.

"Or choice C. You don't have sex at all and wait until he comes home two weeks later so you can do it in total privacy at your own house."

"How much does the other cop see of me?" I asked, pondering the question like it could really happen.

"Everything," they answered in agreement.

"And why does it have to be on my parents' bed? Joe and I wouldn't do that. And why would he be in the hall naked? He would at least wrap a towel around himself."

"Just pick one!" Mary Lou demanded.

I thought again and asked, "My mother doesn't see me at all, right? She only sees Joe?" They nodded their heads.

"Full frontal or backside?" I asked. They giggled like a bunch of school girls and said, "Both!"

"Well this is a no-brainer then. It's gotta be B. Joe has nothing to be ashamed of, so it's definitely him being caught by my mother." They all started to laugh.

"That's pathetic Stephanie," Connie said. "You can't wait two weeks and save Joe some embarrassment?"

Then Lula laughed. "You know Miss Goody-Goody over there ain't gonna pick for somebody to see _her_ naked. I just wanna know how she's gonna pop that baby out with all those people watchin'."

They all started laughing at my expense, and I decided to ignore them.

"Believe me," Mary Lou said, "by the time she's ready to start pushing, she won't care who all's watching. She'll be yellling at strangers passing by the room to come in and get it out of her."

Everyone really enjoyed that, even the ladies who worked there. "All of you suck!" I said, pretending to be madder than I actually was. "And besides, you're not supposed to be making fun of me. It's my wedding day."

"That's true," Connie said.

"Yeah, she's got a point," Lula agreed.

"Fine," Mary Lou added. "Guess it's more sex talk then."

* * *

It continued through the rest of the manicures, their body massages, and the facials. I was so sexed out by the time it was over, I felt like I needed to wash my entire brain out with soap, along with all of their mouths.

Finally we met up with the rest of the bridal party, and Valerie pulled me to the side. "Stephanie, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but we heard every word you guys were saying while you were getting your nails done." She was trying not to laugh, and I was trying not to faint.

"No!" I exclaimed. "What did you hear?"

"You really want to go through it again?" Valerie asked.

"Shit! Tell me you're lying just because you're trying to mess with me!"

But Valerie was shaking her head no and laughing. "Nope. We know you were on the receiving end of some pretty hot oral sex last night, and we know you'd pick Joe to be seen naked by mom."

I felt the color rising in my cheeks. "Oh my God! How am I going to face them?" I slapped Valerie in the head. "Couldn't you have warned me somehow? You know, yelled out my name or coughed really loud?"

But Valerie just laughed. "I probably could've, but I wanted to hear what all you were going to say."

"I'm gonna get you back for this!" I said, trying to punch her arm before she moved out of the way.

"Well, what did they do? Call me a whore? Call Mrs. Morelli and tell on me?"

"No, they just looked at each other every now and then and laughed."

I bit my bottom lip and asked, "Did the _three of you_ talk about anything? You know, sex stuff maybe?" I was praying she'd say yes so I could feel better about myself.

"Yeah, we talked. About our kids. And church." Valerie got a nice chuckle out of that one. "What are you freaking out about? They know how you are."

"They know how I am?! What is that supposed to mean? _I'm a good girl_. They're not supposed to think I have sex with Joe. Well, you know, except for just the one time when I got pregnant."

Valerie looked at me like I'd been smoking something highly illegal and said, "I hate to break it to you Steph, but you're not exactly seen as a _'good girl.'_ That ship sailed a long time ago. And besides, Joe _is_ their brother. They know he's not exactly a _good boy_."

"Great, now I'm Stephanie the Slut."

Valerie just smiled and said, "Pretend I never said anything if it's that bad."

I shot her a dirty look and asked, "Why _did_ you have to say anything? Ignorance is bliss, y'know?"

"I don't know. It's funny?" Then she added with a big grin, "Better you than me."

I let out a sigh and thought about Joe and I running off to elope. I breathed in and out a few times and closed my eyes. I thought about it a bit more and decided to just not care. If I was going to be a slut, at least I'd be a slut who got to have lots and lots of sex with Joe. There were way worse things than that in life. Believe me, I'd previously been married to one of them.

I made my way to the changing area so I could rejoin the group. Instead of thinking about Joe's sisters, I decided to think about my lunch date with him at one. Then because of all the dirty talk, I thought ahead to that night and imagined him naked.

"Much better," I said out loud. Then I walked off to get dressed and get on with my day.


	56. Chapter 56

Since Valerie had given me a ride to the spa, I rode over to our parents' house with her. I practically begged her not to say a word to Joe about anything that had been said. Fortunately his sisters hadn't acted any differently, and truth be told, I really didn't expect that they would. That didn't make it any less embarrassing, though.

I'd brought along a dress to change into, as well as my makeup bag, so I went upstairs to freshen up. Joe had referred to it as a "romantic" lunch, and I wanted to look my best. I also took a granola bar and a cup of yogurt with me to help get my appetite under control. I wasn't taking any chances.

I was downstairs within twenty minutes, watching out the window for Joe, when my mother came in and threw a fit.

"What is this Valerie's telling me? You're meeting Joe for lunch? Stephanie, Mr. Alexander is going to be here in thirty minutes. He has to do everyone's hair and makeup, and you need to be here."

"I _will_ be here mom. After Joe and I have lunch together."

"And why are you going out with Joe? The bride isn't supposed to see the groom before the wedding. You know that."

"Traditionally, yes, but Joe and I have our own way of doing things."

My mother just smiled and shook her head. I think she finally realized arguing with me was pointless. "Yes, I know. You don't have to remind me."

Just as I was about to explain further, the hottest guy in all of Trenton, hell the hottest guy ever, pulled up in the driveway.

"Gotta go, mom. I promise I won't be long. I'm getting my hair done last anyway, so just let Mr. Alexander do his thing with everyone else as they get here."

I rushed out to the car and jumped in before my mother could say another word.

Joe stared at me, a slight grin on his face. "Do we need to hurry?"

"What?" I asked nearly breathless, looking down to buckle myself in.

"You don't normally run that fast unless there's a dessert waiting for you."

I leaned over and kissed him. "No teasing. Remember? And yes, I hope there's dessert waiting for me. Something chocolatey would be nice. With lots of syrup. Ice cream's always good, and you can never go wrong with something that has meringue on top. Or marshmallows. Caramel works, too. Or hot fudge."

"Let me guess, you're starving?" he teased. He pulled to a stop at the intersection and asked, "Did you snack like I suggested?"

"Yes, I did," I replied, "and I'm even prepared to use silverware. _And_ put a napkin in my lap."

"Wow, it's like I woke up this morning and found out I won the lottery. Now if you'll only let me get that dress off of you after we're finished, I can call this lunch date a success."

"I have to be naked afterwards for a date to be a success?"

Joe just grinned and said, "You're seriously asking _me_ that?"

I laughed at his response and said, "No, not really. I know how you are." Then I added, "If you turn on the famous Morelli charm, you might just succeed. Sex seems to be the only thing I've had on my mind since I woke up today."

Joe grinned and said, "Now that's what I _really_ like to hear. But you know, you shouldn't tell me something like that, Cupcake. I use _every_ weakness to my advantage."

I tried to ignored the tingly sensation between my legs and changed the subject. "So where are we going? I'm _really_ hungry."

"Giordano's," he said. "And I've already placed our order, so my darling little Cupcake can have instant gratification. I know how much you like it that way."

"Okay, no more sex talk!" I exclaimed. I was starting to sweat in all the uncomfortable places, and I was seriously contemplating having my way with him in the back of his SUV.

"Between all the dirty joking around this morning and my own perverted thoughts, I don't think I can take much more. It was a really dumb idea I had for us to wait," I said with a sigh.

Joe pulled up into a parking space, cut the engine, and within seconds was inches away from me. His mouth was lingering right above mine, and his hand was working its way up my thigh. "Say the word, Steph. That's all you have to do, and those perverted thoughts become a reality."

I closed my eyes and leaned into him. "I have more control than this," I whispered, not so much to him but myself. "At least I used to think I did." I sighed again and caressed his cheek with my hand.

Joe's eyes were smiling, and he reached over and helped me adjust the top of my dress. "Let's go eat, Cupcake. I think you'll feel a lot better once you get some food in you." Then he added seductively, "And later on I'll be sure to get something else in you."

I bit into my bottom lip, nearly drawing blood, and wiped the sweat from my forehead. I had a lot to get through before I could lock myself inside that hotel room with him.

* * *

We were seated immediately, and appetizers arrived at our table minutes later. We were in a private room in the back, and the restaurant was dark and cozy. There were two candles on the table, and Joe and I were sharing one side of a booth, sitting as close to one another as we could possibly get.

"Funny you said you were going to use silverware today," he said with a smile, dropping the napkin into my lap. "Because as it turns out, you're not going to need it."

I raised an eyebrow, and Joe said, "Nothing goes into your mouth unless I've fed it to you." A sweat droplet rolled down my leg, and I knew there was going to be a huge puddle beneath me by the time we were finished.

He reached down and picked up a slice of bruschetta and held it up to my mouth. "Garlic free," he said with a wink.

I took a bite, enjoying the flavor and fighting the urge to snatch the rest of it out of his hand. Instead I said, "You realize the next meal we have together, we'll be married?" I could barely contain my excitement.

"Yes, I do. That's why we're doing this. There were way too many people around us last night to make our last meal as a single couple memorable. Not to mention you were minutes away from kicking off your heels and making yourself right at home on top of the table."

He fed me another bite and then he took one for himself. "This lunch is for us to savor some quiet time together before the madness begins."

"You do mean the wedding, right?" I asked, shooting him a look that said "_choose your words carefully_."

Joe chuckled at that one and played innocent. "What else would it possibly mean, Cupcake? You're not trying to warn me that life with you might be madness, are you?"

He kissed me softly and smiled that fabulous Joe-smile. "Wouldn't matter, though. I'll take life with you any way I can get it."

We ate slowly and enjoyed every single minute we had together. Before I knew it, the waiter was bringing dessert. He had two bowls of chocolate gelato topped with caramel sauce and sprinkled with pieces of dark chocolate.

I was trying my best not to jerk it out of his hands when I noticed he was turning around to take a wrapped package from another waiter. I watched as he gently placed it in front of me, and both waiters quietly turned and walked away. I normally love to tear into presents, but the butterflies were back in my stomach, and my hands were shaking.

I took a deep breath, and Joe's eyes were on me as I carefully removed the card from the present and slowly opened the envelope. The front of it had two entwined wedding bands embossed on it and written inside was simply, "I can't wait. Love, Joe."

He took my hand in his and lightly kissed it. He leaned in so that his lips just barely grazed my temple, and his voice was so low and sensual that the sound of my breathing almost drowned it out.

"_I can't wait_ to say 'I do' and know that it's forever." He smiled at me, and it took everything I had to remain composed. "_I can't wait_ to make love to you tonight and know that I am the only man who will ever experience that with you." He softly kissed my lips and continued.

"_I can't wait_ to wake up with you in my arms tomorrow morning and know that I have that to look forward to every day for the rest of my life." The tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I wasn't even trying to stop them.

"_I can't wait_ to be by your side while our baby is being born and then one day tell all of our children how much their mother means to me._ I can't wait_ to grow old with you, Stephanie, and know that I was lucky enough to live all the rest of my days with you in them."

Joe picked up my napkin and gently wiped the tears from my eyes. I was sniffling and trying to stop crying, but I was so overcome with emotion that I felt as if I would burst. I hugged him tight and whispered, "I love you so much Joe." I stared into his eyes and knew there was so much I wanted to say, needed to say, but I struggled for the words.

"I know today isn't a day for regrets, and I don't want to ruin this moment by bringing up the past. Today is about moving forward, not looking back."

I hesitated, trying to find a way to express what I was feeling. "What you've done here today, what you do for me always ..." my voice trailed off, and I watched as the tears fell down onto my dress.

"Joe, this sounds crazy, but I've been in love with you since I was six years old. That night, after you came into the Tasty Pastry, I went home and dreamed of this day. Years ago when I showed up at your house and you dared me to drink that horrible stuff your Uncle Mo makes, I knew then that I wanted you. Not just for that night but for always. Sitting here now, I can't even begin to understand why I wasted so much time being scared of what I knew deep down was perfect for me.

I stared at him, smiling, and said, "You were right about me wanting to redesign your kitchen. And it's always been _your _curtains I wanted to pick out. No one else's. I love that you always know what I'm thinking or what I'm going to do before I actually do it. And I know I've never loved anyone else the way that I love you."

I kissed him softly on the lips and said, "Thank you for showing me what's important. Thank you for giving me the greatest gift that anyone could ever give." I paused for a moment and said, "And I don't just mean our baby."

I gently placed my hand over his heart and softly said, "I'm talking about this." I smiled into his eyes and said, "I promise to take very good care of it and never take your love for granted again."

That kiss was one of the most breathtaking, incredibly romantic, borderline heart-stopping ones we'd ever shared. I wanted to stay there with him and not let the moment end. Finally Joe whispered, "You still have to open your present."

I slowly ripped the wrapping paper off of the box and was delighted to see it was a beautiful mahogany jewelry box. I carefully pulled out the tabs and gently slid it out of the box. Attached on the top was a silver plate, and engraved on there were the words "For My Cupcake." Below that was our wedding date, July 16th, and the year.

I was positively speechless and searching for words, when I heard Joe saying, "Look inside." I slowly lifted the lid and discovered a small earring box tucked in the corner.

My hands were trembling so much that I couldn't open it, so Joe placed his hand over mine, trying to steady it. Together we opened the box, and I gasped when I saw what was inside. He had given me a pair of one carat three-stone graduated diamond earrings. They were about half an inch long and gave me the perfect amount of dangle I like my earrings to have.

"I'm not sure if you have the '_something new'_ for today, but I thought just in case, these might work. They match your ring." He was looking down, gently moving his thumb across my engagement ring. He slowly continued, caressing from my finger all the way up my arm.

He picked up my right hand and smiled at the sapphire ring I was wearing. It had been a Christmas present from him a few years before and probably one of the most cherished gifts I had ever received. "I see you have your _'something blue_."

I hugged him close to me and whispered "thank you" as many times as I repeatedly said "I love you."

Finally I remembered that I had gifts for him, too. I was glad I had taken the time to wrap them. I'm usually a major procrastinator when it comes to doing what I know needs to get done.

I reached inside my purse and grabbed the two boxes I'd been carrying around for the past few days. I hadn't been certain when we were going to exchange our presents to each other, and I was so happy Joe had arranged to do it this way. Even if it did mean breaking tradition and seeing each other before the wedding ceremony.

Inside one of the boxes was a pair of 18 carat gold cufflinks for him to wear that evening. I'd had his initials engraved on them, and I was hoping he wouldn't think it was a lame gift. The other box held a Tag Heuer Aquaracer Quartz watch. I'd gone online right after we moved up our wedding date and searced forever until I settled on this one.

I was hesitant to buy it just going by the picture, but it was such an incredible deal, and it was described as being the perfect watch for the man who enjoys all sorts of water adventures. There was also a bunch of stuff about how it could be used to time dives, but I didn't read all of that. I just saw it could be worn over a diving suit, and knowing how much Joe loves the water, I knew right away that this was the one.

It set me back quite a bit, but the money I'd saved on rent allowed me to splurge on him. Joe was worth every penny, and I knew it was going to look sexy as hell on him. That alone was a good enough reason for me.

I loved being able to surprise him, and I made a mental note to do it more often. I knew it wasn't just about giving him expensive gifts, but rather it was more about remembering the small gestures he would appreciate. Like his favorite M&Ms are the blue ones, so I always set those aside just for him. Or if I ever pour him a bowl of cereal, I need to try to remember not to add the milk directly. He likes to have a glass beside him and add the milk while he eats. He can't stand soggy cereal. Or I know he likes to wear his lucky socks and jersey when he's watching a play-off game. I could make certain to have them ready and waiting before the game even starts.

Joe loved his watch and put it on immediately. We celebrated a bit after that, utilizing our lips and tongues rather sufficiently, until we both agreed it was time to go. I hadn't wanted that lunch date to end, but I knew if I ever wanted to get to the wedding night, there was one rather important event that had to take place first.

Keeping that in mind helped me to pull myself out of Joe's car and walk back into my parents' house. I realized it was the last time I'd ever do that as a free and single woman, but that thought didn't bother me as much as I always thought it would. I was ready to say goodbye to that person and start a new chapter in my life. Knowing that the rest of the pages would have Joe's name on them somewhere was, without a doubt, a guarantee for _my _happy ending.


	57. Chapter 57

I casually strolled through the front door and was immediately descended upon by the mothers.

"Stephanie! Where on earth have you been?! Look at the time!"

I rolled my eyes thinking what major drama queens they were. "Relax, I have plenty of time. It's only 3:55," I said lazily. Then it hit me. "3:55?!" I yelled. "Shit!"

"Stephanie!" my mother exclaimed, horrified. Then she turned to Joe's mother and apologized.

"I'm sorry mom, but I don't have time for this. I have to get in the shower."

I flew up the stairs and was stripping off my clothes before I realized I was still in the hallway. I quickly shut myself up in the bathroom, turned on the shower, and hopped in. I was out in record-setting time. I threw on my mother's robe and headed back down the stairs.

"Mom!" I yelled, running into the living room. "I don't have my stuff! My bra and panties! I have new ones I wanna wear! I have absolutely no clean underwear to put on."

I was beyond panicked and couldn't care less that I was yelling all of that in front of Mrs. Morelli, Mr. Alexander, Joe's sisters, and anyone else within ear shot. Mary Lou and Connie didn't matter. They'd said and done worse.

My mother smiled an embarrassed smile at everyone. "Stephanie!" she said calmly. "You need to lower your voice."

"Lower my voice?! Mom! Are you listening to me? I forgot to bring everything over. I'm naked under here!" I said, pulling at the robe.

My mother's face turned three different shades of red. "I think someone has a case of the pre-wedding jitters." Then she laughed nervously and pulled me by my arm into the kitchen.

I was trying to breathe in deeply, but I realized I wasn't feeling well. My mother started making me a glass of water, and I started throwing up on her floor.

"Oh goodness," she said, and I saw her glance over at the cupboard. I thought about asking her to pour me one, too, when I remembered I couldn't drink.

"I'm sorry, mom," I started to say, but then some more of my lunch made its way out onto the floor.

Mrs. Morelli came into the kitchen to offer her help, and between the two of them, they began cleaning up and attempting the unfortunate task of trying to settle me down. Sadly for them, I was just getting started. I'd been so calm and collected while I had been with Joe, but now, for some reason, I was in total meltdown.

I was sitting in a kitchen chair, my head between my knees, and I started to cry. "Look at me!" I said between tears. "I'm a mess. All other brides are perfect on their wedding days."

Snot was running out of my nose, and I could feel my hair sticking out in several different directions. "But not me! I forget my underwear, I throw up in my mom's kitchen. I'll probably trip over my feet walking down the aisle. Who'd want to marry something like this?!" I said, pointing down at myself.

I sat there sniffling and crying when I heard Mrs. Morelli say firmly, "My Joseph would. That's who."

I wiped my eyes and started to smile, feeling somewhat comforted, when she added, "I'm sure he's seen far worse, Stephanie. In fact, I _know_ he has. Remember when he worked homicide for a while?"

I tried to stop myself, but I burst into tears again. That hadn't made me feel better at all.

"Oh dear," Mrs. Morelli said, obviously now at a loss for words. I was sure her daughters had never behaved this way, and I caught her giving my mother an "_I'm sorry, I tried_" look.

My mother was about to speak when Mr. Alexander suddenly floated into the room. "Now, now. What's going on in here?" he asked, clucking his tongue. "This won't do Stephanie."

He was frowning at me, and I was trying to dry my eyes. "It's my job to make you beautiful, and I have to tell you that there's only so much _I_ can do. You simply have to stop all of this crying."

I started to say something, but he shushed me. "Are you finished with all of this?" he asked, pointing to the floor where my mother was now mopping.

"Mmm-hmm," I said.

"Are you sure?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Very well then. Helen, would you please give me one of your largest pots, just in case?"

Mr. Alexander took the pot and then grabbed my hand, leading me into the makeshift salon he had set up in my parents' living room. "Now just sit your pretty little self right here in this chair and let Mr. Alexander work his magic."

I sat down and sniffled some more, wiping my nose with the sleeve of my mother's robe. "Alright," I said. "I'm okay now."

"Good, good," he replied with a sigh of relief. "Now, I have a plan Stephanie. We're going to start on your hair, but there's something I would like for you to do for me first."

I stared at him curiously, waiting for him to continue.

"While I am styling this gorgeous hair of yours, I want you to sit right there in that chair and cry."

I looked up at him like he was crazy and repeated what he had said. "_You want me to cry_?"

He nodded, waving the brush back and forth in his hand. "Yes. I didn't stutter."

"But you just got me to stop crying."

"I know that sugar pie, but I want you to get it all out of your system before I do your makeup. So cry," he ordered.

I thought about it for a second, shrugged my shoulders in an "_okay_" gesture, and tried my best to shed a tear. No matter what, though, nothing came out.

"I can't," I whined. "I think I'm all cried out."

Mr. Alexander patted my shoulder and said, "Wonderful! I knew you could pull yourself together."

He started brushing out my hair, and the mothers came in to check on me.

"Where is everyone?" I asked.

"Mary Lou and Connie took your house key and went to pick up your bag," Mrs. Morelli explained. "Catherine and Mary have already left for the church. And I believe your sister took your niece home for a quick nap."

"Oh, okay." I was feeling much better, and my nerves were settling down. I smiled at my mother and Mrs. Morelli and complimented their hair and makeup.

"Why thank you, dear," Mr. Alexander smiled proudly. "I've always compared my hands to those of true great talent. Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Vidal Sassoon."

We sat in silence for a while, and finally Mr. Alexander asked, "So tell me again which one it is you're marrying. The bounty hunter or the policeman?"

"The policeman," I said with a proud smile.

"Oh, yes," he said, shaking his head knowingly. "Now he's the one that always looks like he needs a haircut?"

I started to laugh and smiled, "Yep. That's the one."

"I remember him now. He's the one with the big gun." We both started to giggle, and my mother looked as if she were about to faint.

"It's okay mom. Mr. Alexander _really_ saw Joe's _gun_. Not his penis."

My mother let out a loud sigh and smiled embarrassingly at Mrs. Morelli. "Yes, Stephanie, I understand innuendo. But thank you for clarifying that for me."

Mr. Alexander and I giggled some more and then he said, "You certainly are a forgiving person. Marrying him after what he did to your hair?"

"What do you mean?" I asked puzzled.

"Isn't he the one who poured all that grease on your head?"

I started to laugh, and my mother just shook her head in disgust.

"Oh, no, Joe didn't do that to me. That happened when Cluck-in-a-Bucket burned down. Which wasn't my fault, by the way."

"Never mind," Mr. Alexander said. "I'm sorry I mentioned it." He squeezed out a bit of gel and ran it through my hair. "Just remember, I've called dibs on your baby's first haircut. And if it's anything like its father, I'm sure I'll be seeing him or her a lot."

"Her," I said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, you already know it's a girl? Isn't it too early? You're not even showing."

"Well, I don't know _for sure_ that it's a girl. I just have this incredibly strong feeling that it is."

"Never doubt a mother's intuition, I always say," Mr. Alexander reassured me, patting my shoulder.

"Thank you," I said with a huge grin. "That's exactly what I keep trying to tell everyone."

He continued working with my hair, sweeping it up, and allowing a few tendrils of curls to cascade down on the sides in the front. I was borrowing the diamond encrusted comb my mother had worn when she married my father, and he gently pushed that into place at the back. He discreetly tucked in a few more bobby pins and said, "Voila!" He stood back, smiling approvingly, and I stared at myself in the mirror.

"Stephanie!" my mother exclaimed, wrapping her arms around my neck from behind. "You're absolutely breathtaking!"

I smiled at the compliment just as Mary Lou and Connie bounded back into the house. "Omigod!" they exclaimed as soon as they saw me. "Just wait 'til Morelli gets a look at you. He'll want to jump you right then and there."

The mothers cleared their throats, and Mary Lou smiled nervously. "Uh, I mean ..."

"It's okay, Mary Lou," my mother interrupted. "After all these years, do you think I am honestly surprised at anything that comes out of yours or Stephanie's mouth?" Then she turned to Mrs. Morelli and explained. "They've been best friends since they were tiny things. They've been wreaking havoc in the Burg for years."

Mrs. Morelli smiled. "Yes, I remember both of them as children. They were always up to something."

Mary Lou and I blushed, and thankfully Mary Lou changed the subject. "Here you go," she said, dropping my bag onto the couch. "I'm guessing this is what you need. I called Joe, and he said he'd seen a bag hanging on the back of the doorknob in your bedroom." She then carefully draped a bagged dress over the back of the couch and said, "This was hanging over the door. I wasn't sure if you needed it or not."

I nodded my head and said, "Thanks. I forgot about that. That's the dress I'm changing into after the reception."

We continued our small talk for a while, and then Mr. Alexander started on my makeup.

"Now Stephanie, I'm thinking we need to go for a more natural look. There's nothing I hate more than seeing all these beautiful brides with a painted on face. It makes me want to shake them and say, _'You've already caught your man. You don't have to continue looking like a clown. Tone it down chickie."_

We all laughed, and Mr. Alexander continued. "I'll be sure to emphasize your eyes so you'll look gorgeous in your wedding photos, but I think your lashes are dark enough and thick enough that we can go with clear mascara." He smiled at me and added, "Just in case you start crying again."

"I already told you I was finished with all of that."

"Mmm-hmm," he said doubtfully. He started out covering the _very few_ blemishes I had and moved onto applying foundation. He was outlining my lips with a pencil when I felt myself starting to frown.

"What?" he asked hesitantly.

"Nothing," I said. Then I sniffled.

He started applying the lipstick when I burst into tears again.

Mr. Alexander stopped and stood motionless, the tube of lipstick held out in his hands. He shook his head at my mother and said, "It's a good thing I'm coming to the church with you. I think it's going to be a very long evening."


	58. Chapter 58

I finally managed to keep it together long enough for Mr. Alexander to finish my makeup. As soon as he was done, we began gathering everything so we could head over to the church.

Suddenly it dawned on me that someone was missing. "Mom, where is Grandma?"

"Oh, she's spending the day with Loretta. I think they were going to that huge flea market, and I don't know what after that. She said she'll be at the church by six-thirty."

"Flea market?" I asked hesitantly. "Is it really a good idea to let Grandma go somewhere like that?"

My mother stopped for a moment to consider that, and I assumed she was daydreaming about the kitchen cupboard again. "Well what was I to do Stephanie? She's _my_ mother, I'm not hers."

I smiled at that and then gave her a hug. "You know I love you, mom, but you're never living with Joe and me." I wanted to say the same thing to Mrs. Morelli, but I figured I'd let Joe break that news to her.

"Come on Stephanie," my mother ordered. "Enough foolishness. We need to get you to the church."

I grabbed the bag Mary Lou and Connie had retrieved for me and started toward the door.

"Stephanie," my mother called out after me, "you're not riding over to the church like that are you?" She was pointing to the robe and frowning. "Didn't you announce to everyone that you're missing some important articles of clothing beneath there?"

"So?" I asked. I knew nakedness was a subject my family and I didn't deal with very well, but I wasn't in the mood for this. I had a robe on for goodness sakes.

"Mom, I'll put everything on when we get to the church. It's burning hot as it is. Being naked under the robe at least helps."

"Stephanie, what if, Heaven forbid, we get in a car accident on the way over?"

"I don't care anymore mom!" I yelled. "Then people will just have to see me naked, okay? There are worse things for me to worry about right now. Like whether my dress is still going to fit or if the cake is going to make it there without being ruined."

My mother just shook her head, and we all walked out to the cars. I decided to ride with Mary Lou so I wouldn't be thrown in jail for murder, and Connie hitched a ride with us, too.

"Please drive carefully Mary Lou," my mother cautioned. "Stephanie's modesty is in your hands."

We shut the van doors and burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh, I don't know how much more of this I can take," I said. "Just get me to the church so I can get this over with."

"You need to relax Steph," Mary Lou was saying. "This is your special day. You're supposed to be enjoying it."

I let out a loud sigh and said, "I just want that ring on my finger, that cake in my mouth, and Joe's naked body next to mine. Everything that happens in between all of that is pretty much insignificant."

We all laughed together, and I realized I was feeling much better.

* * *

We arrived at the church in one piece, and no one any the wiser that I was naked as a jaybird underneath the robe. We made our way to one of the rooms set aside for the bride and her attendants, and I plopped down on the couch.

"Stephanie, be careful with the way you're sitting," my mother advised. "That is, unless you'd like to go ahead and put your undergarments on right now."

"Fine," I said with a flounce, "if it'll make you happy." My mother rifled through the bag and handed me the matching bra and panties. "Oh, I don't need that until later tonight," I said, tossing the bra back down. "Just the underwear for now."

"Why don't you need your bra now?" my mother was asking, but I just ignored her. I turned around and stepped into the panties, carefully sliding them up so that no one could see anything. "There. Now if everyone's okay with it, I'm going to veg for a few minutes."

Suddenly Valerie burst through the door with Lisa, and it didn't look good.

Lisa was the spitting image of Valerie, looks-wise at least, but she seemed to have inherited Albert's personality. I sat there taking pity on her, like I always did with Albert, and I wondered why on earth I had let my mother talk me into using her as the flower girl.

Some kid on Joe's side of the family was ring bearer, and I was confident there had to have been somebody way better than Lisa to choose from. She was my blood relative, though, so my mother used that to guilt me into it. I figured it was better her than Mary Alice, who probably would've galloped down the aisle. Of course maybe she'd moved on from horses, but I had no idea. I tried not to pay too much attention to what went on in my family.

"No-no Lisa," Valerie was saying. "You have to wear the pretty dress _not_ your SpongeBob t-shirt."

"What the hell is a SpongeBob?" I asked.

"Steph, watch your mouth," Valerie warned, with a look that reminded me of our mother.

"She wants to wear that?" I asked, pointing to the dirty top Lisa had on. "Is she even wearing pants under that thing?"

"Yes, she's wearing shorts. You just can't see them because the t-shirt's so long. Albert bought it for her, and well, he's an idiot. He got the wrong size, but she doesn't care. She's been wearing it for days, and I can't get her to take it off."

"She was wearing that thing last night? How did I not notice?" I stared closely at the shirt and continued. "Eww, look at all the dried food on there. And all those stains." My face was scrunched up in an expression of disgust, and I was staring at Lisa like she'd just rolled out of a garbage dumpster. That was a pretty disgusting thing to do. Thanks to Joe, I knew that firsthand, and I have to say Lisa kinda looked and smelled the way I had that day.

"She's gross Valerie. Maybe we need someone else to do this." I paused for a second and then asked, "Does the other one still like horses?"

"Stephanie! The dress is fitted to her, so she _has_ to do it. She'll be fine; I'll work with her. She just didn't get her widdle nappy, so she's a widdle bit tired."

"What the hell is a widdle?" I asked.

"Stephanie! Language please!" Valerie was not in the mood for me.

I rolled my eyes at her and stuck out my tongue. Lisa giggled, and Valerie shot fatal death rays at me with her eyes.

Valerie started to remove the t-shirt, and Lisa began screaming. She threw herself down on the floor and proceeded to have a tantrum.

I raised my eyebrow at Mary Lou and then started laughing. "This is funny," I said. "Look how she kicks her little legs and thrashes around on the floor."

"Your time will come Steph!" Valerie yelled, and she just kept struggling with Lisa. About five minutes later the shirt was off, and Valerie was out of breath. "I can't do this," she said. "Will someone get Albert?"

"I don't want Albert in here!" I yelled out. "I'm practically naked under this," I said, flapping the robe about.

"You want a flower girl at your wedding?!" Valerie screamed.

I thought about that for a moment. "Who's walking down first? Cathy?" I peered into the adjoining room and called out, "Hey Cathy! You wanna throw out petals while you're walking down the aisle? I've seen it done before at other people's weddings, and it doesn't look so hard." Then I turned back to everyone else. "Or maybe the ring bearer kid can do it. I don't really care."

Valerie stormed out of the room, leaving Lisa in there with us. She walked over to me and stared. I stared back. Then she stuck her tongue out at me. "Hey!" I said. "Mom, did you see that? If she does that during the ceremony, I'm totally blaming you for making me pick her."

"Stephanie, don't worry about Lisa. Albert and Valerie will handle her. We need to get you into your dress."

I let out a sigh and prepared myself for what was coming. Mrs. Morelli had started taking it out of the bag, and my mother was waiting to help. They both stared at me, and I just smiled. "This is awkward," I said.

My mother reached into my bag and pulled out the bra. "Mom, haven't you noticed it's a strapless gown? That's not a strapless bra."

"Well where is the one you need?" she asked, looking through the bag.

I smiled again. "I don't need one mom. The dress supports me just fine."

My mother was already shaking her head no as soon as I'd said I didn't need one. "Stephanie! You aren't getting married in a church without wearing a bra."

I looked at Mary Lou pleading for help, but she just smiled and said, "I gotta go check on Lenny. I'll be right back."

I took a deep breath and prepared for battle. "Mom, trust me. I don't need one. The dress has built-in support. Just turn around, and I can get myself into it. Then you'll see."

The mothers turned around, and I slipped into the dress. I pulled it up as far as I could get it, prayed for mercy, and said, "Okay, see for yourself."

"Stephanie Plum!" My mother's face was turning beet red, and Mrs. Morelli was immediately shaking her head no. She was obviously at a loss for words, because that's all she kept doing.

"That's why you didn't try on the dress the other day, isn't it?! You should be ashamed of yourself young lady!" She turned to Joe's mother and asked, "Angie, is there anything at all that we can do?"

Mrs. Morelli just shook her head no again, still not speaking. Finally she said, "I don't believe so Helen. There isn't enough material up top to do anything with it at all."

"You're being ridiculous," I told my mother. "It's just a little bit of cleavage."

"_A little bit,_ Stephanie? You're practically bursting out of there!"

"Really?" I said with a smile. I'd never burst out of anything before. At least not in a good way.

My mother sighed, and we all turned when we heard a knock at the door.

Connie called out, "Everyone decent in there?"

"Not at all!" my mother told her, but Connie opened the door and walked in anyway.

"Yowza!" she said as soon as she saw me. "Now that's a dress!" She was smiling and giving me the thumbs up, and my mother just stood there shaking her head at me. "I'm going to have your father go home and get you one of my wraps."

Then she turned to Connie. "Would you mind finding Frank for me?" Connie looked at me, her eyes wide, and then she turned back to my mother. "Sure," she said, hurrying out.

I stood there in a staring showdown with my mother, when finally my dad appeared.

"Frank," my mother said, pulling him inside the room. "Just look at your daughter! Tell her she cannot get married in a church, of all places, looking like this."

My father stared at my mother, then he stared at me. "Your car over at Joe's house?" he asked.

"Yeah."

"I'll go over and start it every other day until you get back."

"Okay," I said.

"What about Joe's car? Where will it be?"

"I'm not sure," I told him.

"Okay, I'll ask him about it before you two leave."

My mother was just standing there, hands on hips, mouth wide open. My father started to leave, but then he turned back and told me, "Just let me know when you're ready to take the walk."

"Thanks dad," I said.

"I give up!" my mother exclaimed, walking out of the room. Thankfully she took Lisa with her. As far as I was concerned, her services were no longer needed.

Mrs. Morelli stood there for a moment and then said, "Let me find Mr. Alexander so he can touch up your hair and makeup."

* * *

I was standing there alone, enjoying the peace and quiet, when Mary Lou popped back in. "Uh, where's Mrs. Morelli?" she asked, trying to hide the panic in her voice, as she began lacing up the back of my dress.

"She just went to find Mr. Alexander. _Why_?" The panic in her voice was causing panic in mine.

"No reason in particular. We just kinda need her for something. Nothing important or anything." She tied off the ribbon and began fidgeting. I knew she was lying.

"What's going on Mary Lou?" I demanded, my voice growing louder.

"I'm not sure exactly, but Lenny said there's a small problem with Joe."

"What?!" I yelled. "What kind of small problem?!"

"I don't know," Mary Lou said frantically. "Just that someone told Lenny that they heard that someone else said that Joe said that he was refusing to walk down the aisle." Mary Lou winced, waiting for me to yell. "And that they needed for someone to find his mom."

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. Finally I managed to say, "That's what you call a _small problem_? That is not a _small problem_!! What the _fuck_ is going on?" I yelled ... right into Valerie and Lisa's faces.

"_Fuck_," Lisa sang. "_Fuck, fuck, fuck_."

She just kept singing it over and over again, and Valerie looked as if she might pass out. But that didn't matter to me at that point. I was pretty certain I was going to beat her to it.


	59. Chapter 59

I was trying my best not to hyperventilate, Mary Lou was telling me not to panic, Lisa was singing "_Fuck_" over and over again, and Valerie was yelling at me for teaching her kid filthy words. But all I could think was that Joe had changed his mind.

I started pushing my way past all of them when Grandma Mazur suddenly appeared in the doorway. "Woo-hoo look at you!" she yelled. "Now those are some titties!"

"_Titties_," Lisa sang. "_Titties, titties, titties_."

"I'm sorry Grandma, but I don't have time for this right now. I have to find Joe."

"Now wait a minute Stephanie. You can't go find Joe. You're about to see him in just a little bit. Besides, if he gets one look at your boobies in that dress ..."

"Grandma," Valerie interrupted. Then she pointed to Lisa. "You two have already done enough damage. Will you please stop?"

I stood there, not able to speak or move. I opened my mouth. I shut my mouth. Grandma just stared at me, waiting.

Finally Mary Lou spoke up. "There seems to be some kind of issue with Joe. He may not want to get married right now."

Hearing Mary Lou say it like that was probably one of the most heartbreaking things I had ever heard. I reached out to Grandma Mazur, and she took me in her arms and gave me a big hug. I stood there, crying on her shoulder, and she was patting my back.

"There, there now Stephanie. This just doesn't sound right. That man is crazy in love with you. There ain't no doubt about that. You leave it up to your grandma. I'll get to the bottom of this."

She turned me over to Mary Lou, who helped me walk over to the couch. Grandma Mazur was out of the room in a flash, and I was left sitting there, not knowing what to think or how to feel.

We heard the sound of someone's heels clicking, and Mrs. Morelli appeared in the doorway with Mr. Alexander. "What in the world?" she asked. "Ten minutes ago you were fine. Why are you crying dear?"

"J-J-Joe doesn't want to marry me!" I said between sobs.

"Well, of course he does, sugar pie," Mr. Alexander said. "We just saw him minutes ago, and he was ready and waiting. Looking mighty fine in that tuxedo if I might add. Offered him a haircut, but he said no."

I stared over at Mrs. Morelli and saw that she was nodding in agreement. "I don't know what someone's told you, but it's not true."

I narrowed my eyes at Mary Lou, and she said, "Don't shoot the messenger! I was just repeating what Lenny said."

"What did Lenny say?" Mrs. Morelli asked.

"That someone told him that they had heard from someone else that Joe had said ..."

"Oh for goodness sakes!" Mrs. Morelli exclaimed. "That should've been your first clue that the story was most likely false."

Mary Lou looked at me sheepishly and said, "How was I supposed to know?"

"Well what was it that was supposedly said?" Mrs. Morelli asked impatiently.

"That Joe was refusing to walk down the aisle, and he wanted his mom."

"Dear Lord! When on earth has Joseph ever wanted to see me about anything? Even as a child that boy never did mind what I said. Nor did he ever care what I thought. Why on earth would today be any different?"

Just then Grandma Mazur came barreling back into the room. She had Lenny on one side and Albert on the other. "This here's your two troublemakers. Got nothing better to do than make up stories and upset my granddaughter on her most special day."

She had each of them by their ear and from what I could tell, she was pinching hard. They were both saying, "Ow, ow, ow," and finally Grandma let go. She gave them each a swift kick in the rear and said, "You apologize to Stephanie right now."

"Sorry," they each said, but I just stared at them. "You did this on purpose?" I asked tearfully, wiping my eyes.

Mr. Alexander was buzzing all around me, trying to fix my hair and waiting for me to stop crying, and I was trying to get past him so I could strangle the both of them.

"Of course not Stephanie," Lenny said. "I swear it's what we heard."

"Honest," Albert added.

Mrs. Morelli gave us all a stern look and said, "I'll just go find out for myself." She turned on her heels and marched out of the room.

Albert and Lenny were just standing there, staring at me with big goofy grins on their faces, and I noticed both Valerie and Mary Lou giving them the evil eye. Then I remembered the dress, and I followed the direction of their gazes. That cheered me up a little, thinking of how Joe was going to react, but then I thought about what Mary Lou had said, and I was sad again.

Grandma Mazur interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to reality. "Stephanie, come sit down on the sofa while we wait for Joe's momma to get to the bottom of this." She led me over to the couch and said, "I did a little shopping today, and I found a few things for you."

"You did?" I asked, trying to be polite. But my mind was on Joe, so I wasn't really paying attention.

"I sure did. I was thinking you might need the _something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue_." She grabbed her purse and sat it down on the couch between us.

"This here is the _something borrowed_." She pulled out a cheap pearl necklace and placed it on the couch. "It's more like stolen, but I figure it'll work."

"You stole that Grandma?!" I asked, only somewhat in shock.

"Well, I didn't want to, but how else was I going to borrow something?"

She reached into her purse and pulled out a hideous blue garter belt that had a condom stapled to the middle of it. "And here's your _something blue_. Look, it's even got a practical use to it, too."

"That's nice Grandma, but wouldn't the staple put a hole in the condom and make it not really effective any more?"

Grandma thought about that for a second and said, "I guess you're right. But that doesn't matter to you, does it? You're already knocked up."

"That's true," I said.

"Here's your _something new_," she continued, reaching into her purse and pulling out a pair of chunky white hoop earrings.

I'm ashamed to admit that my mind was still focused on Joe, and I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't take Grandma Mazur's feelings into consideration and just blurted out, without even thinking, that I didn't need any of it.

"Grandma, all of these things are wonderful, but I already have everything I need. Joe gave me these diamond earrings for my _something new_. And the sapphire ring he gave me a few years ago is my _something blue_. And the comb here in my hair is my _something borrowed_."

I watched as Grandma Mazur's face dropped, and at that moment I felt like a total shit. No matter what anyone else thought of my grandmother, I loved her with all my heart. She could be as crazy as she wanted as far as I was concerned, and I didn't love her any less.

I was definitely glad I didn't have to live with her and sometimes wished I could reign her in a bit, but at that moment, I realized that it was wrong of me to want to change her. You had to love her for her, no matter what, and accept her just the way that she was. And seeing the hurt on her face, knowing I was responsible for it, was killing me.

I bit down on my bottom lip and said, "But those things are really great Grandma. Can I still have them?"

"Well of course you can Stephanie," she said with a smile. Then she hesitated and asked, "What about your _something old_? You didn't say anything about that."

"Oh," I said. "I just figured I'd count my shoes as that. I bought them a couple of years ago for some reason, and I found them last week when I was going through all my shoe boxes. I thought they'd go perfect with the dress."

"Oh," Grandma Mazur said. "Well, you probably don't need _my_ something old then."

I hated to admit it, but I sat there thinking she was probably right. I mean what _wasn't _old at a flea market? There was no telling what Grandma Mazur had come up with. But I was still feeling bad, so I smiled and said, "Can I see it anyway?"

Grandma nodded her head and reached into her purse. I watched as she pulled out her wallet and opened it up to where her pictures were. She carefully turned each one until she finally stopped at the very last picture. I couldn't see what it was, but she was reaching inside the clear plastic sleeve and pulling it out. She reached over and placed it in the palm of my hand.

I stared down to see a very young Grandma and Grandpa Mazur. It was a black and white photo of them on their wedding day. Grandpa wore a serious expression, but Grandma Mazur was all smiles.

"That was the only picture we had taken that day. We didn't have a lot of money, so we didn't have a fancy church wedding. That's why our clothes don't look so great. Anyway, I figure you can't get much older than that, and I thought maybe it might bring you some good luck today. Your grandpa got called home way too soon, but I tell you, Stephanie, we had a lot of good years together while he was here."

I wiped the tears from my eyes, and Grandma patted my hand.

"Now you stop that crying before you ruin your makeup. As pretty as you are in that dress, you deserve to have the perfect wedding. Especially since today you won't be saying _'I do'_ to that cow's tail Dickie."

I leaned over and gave Grandma Mazur a big hug and whispered, "Thank you Grandma. I'm going to carry this with me in my bouquet." I squeezed her tight and said, "I love you."

"Well I love you, too, Stephanie. You know you're my favorite granddaughter," she whispered. "But don't go telling Valerie that or she may get upset and overeat again."

I started laughing, and we both looked up to see Mrs. Morelli walking into the room.

"Of all the silliness. It wasn't Joseph that didn't want to walk down the aisle. It was John, the ring bearer. He was crying for Mary, his mother. He's only four years old for goodness sakes. How on earth does anyone mistake the name Joe for the name John?"

She let out a disgusted sigh and said, "I think if we can keep the drama to a minimum for the next thirty minutes, we might be able to get a wedding started. And Stephanie, Joseph says to tell you wild horses couldn't keep him from walking down that aisle."

Mrs. Morelli turned and left the room. I let out a huge sigh of relief and reached over and gave Grandma Mazur another hug.

"Big boobies are the best thing about being pregnant," she said, and I just had to laugh.

"_Boobies_," Lisa sang. "_Boobies, boobies, boobies_."

Valerie had managed to get her in her dress and was pulling up her tights. I had to admit that she was definitely a cutie.

I smiled to myself knowing that all was right in the world again. Then I looked over at Lisa and wondered which one of her newly learned words was she going to say while she was throwing out those petals.


	60. Chapter 60

Mr. Alexander put the finishing touches on my hair and makeup, and my mother and Valerie helped me get the veil on. I had the bouquet in my hand, Grandma and Grandpa Mazur's picture safely tucked inside, and I was ready. Guests were still being ushered in, so we were standing in a little room off from the sanctuary trying to pass the time.

"Mom," Valerie said, "isn't there something you're supposed to say to Stephanie?"

My mother looked puzzled, and Valerie started to giggle. I realized what she was talking about, and I started laughing, too.

"Girls, please behave yourselves. We _are_ in a church."

"Sorry, mom. Not that it means much now anyway. You should've given Stephanie that lecture all those years ago before she let Joe take her virginity."

Mrs. Morelli was adjusting my train, and I felt her hands suddenly go still. Not that it really mattered after all this time, but I still wanted to smack Valerie and her big mouth. "Too much information," I said to her between clenched teeth.

My mother and Mrs. Morelli smiled uncomfortably, and my mother said to me, "We're leaving you in Valerie's _somewhat_ capable hands now. We're going to be seated."

I stood there a few minutes, chattering away with the girls, and I suddenly realized I was hungry. It was the kind of hunger pang that makes you think you're going to vomit if you don't get food immediately.

"I need food," I blurted out. They all looked at me like "_where did that come from_?" and Cathy tried reassuring me. "It won't be long, and you can eat at the reception."

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I need food _now_." We took turns staring from one to the other, and finally Mary said, "I have some Tic Tacs in my bag."

I frowned and shook my head. "Nuh-uh. I need _real_ food. Or I'm gonna be sick."

Everyone had an "_Oh shit_!" look on their face, and I turned to ask Valerie, "How about Lisa? She had all that dried food on her clothes earlier. Does she happen to have anything stashed on her?"

Valerie just shook her head no, and Mary Lou said, "Okay, no one panic. I'll take care of this."

We watched her disappear into the sanctuary, and Valerie followed out behind her. She came back a few minutes later smiling. "She's asking everyone out there if they have any food in their purses or pockets."

Seconds later my mother was back in the room with us. "What are you girls doing?"

"I'm hungry mom. _Really_ hungry. Think we have time to order a pizza?"

"Well let's see, Stephanie. You could marry Joseph or wait for delivery."

Mary Lou came back with her hands overflowing. "Someone had a package of pop tarts?!" I asked. "What flavor?"

I grabbed it from her hand and ripped the wrapper off. "Chocolate fudge! Yum!" I started to take a bite when I heard my mother say, "No, I don't think so." She took it out of my hands and replaced it with a banana and a package of Saltine crackers.

Everyone else was going through the food like a bunch of little kids rifling through their Halloween buckets.

Valerie was scarfing down a Snickers bar, and I heard Cathy say, "I'll take the Milky Way if no one else wants it."

I stood there eating my stupid banana while everyone else enjoyed their chocolate. Sometimes life wasn't fair. I thought about that for a moment and realized I was being pretty stupid. I was about to marry Joe Morelli. I'd say I'd gotten way more than my fair share of sweet rewards.

Finally my father came and joined us, and he linked his arm through mine. "You ready?" he asked.

"I was ready hours ago. I just want to get this over with."

"Well you look pretty. Not sure I approve of how low your dress is, but you still look beautiful." My father hesitated and then said, "Morelli better take good care of you. If he ever doesn't, you let me know."

"He will dad. You know that." I smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder.

"Yeah, I know. But a father still has to say it. There goes Lisa," he pointed. "You wanna move up closer so we can watch?"

We stepped forward some, and I saw Lisa going down the aisle. I heard a lot of _ooh's_ and _aah's_ from our guests, but thankfully no _fuck's_ or _titties_ from Lisa. I took that to be a good sign.

She was walking really slow, and she was pulling out one petal at a time. She'd drop one down, and then the next one she would bend over and gently place it on the ground. She did that for a while until she finally just started throwing petals at the people sitting in the pews.

My father and I were laughing, and Valerie was blushing. Albert was trying to get Lisa's attention, but it wasn't working. She was in her own little flower petal world, and the rest of us ceased to exist.

I'd been trying my hardest not to glance down at Joe, but once Lisa had made her way down there, I couldn't help myself. From the position we were standing in, he couldn't see us, but I got a terrific shot at him.

I heard myself gasp, and my father asked, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said with a sigh, not really aware of what he had asked me.

Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined that Joe could look like that. I stood there admiring him and trying to think of the words to describe how he looked. I always called him sexy, which was definitely true, but this evening, standing there in that tuxedo, smiling as Lisa made her way toward him, sexy just didn't seem adequate. Phenomenal came to mind, as well as delectable, unbelievable, utterly magnificent, and incredibly amazing. And let's not forget sinfully hot and totally fuckable.

I let out a big sigh and started squirming. My father just smiled, and I thought for a moment he might have figured out what my problem was. I chose to believe, however, that he hadn't. Otherwise, it was too embarrassing.

I was glad Joe and I had decided on a short, simple ceremony without a mass. Father Carlucci had been willing to work with us on how we wanted the ceremony, as long as we observed the proper prayers. And after seeing Joe, I was now very eager to get down that aisle and move things along.

Finally Cathy started her walk, followed by Mary, Mary Lou, and Valerie. I never saw John, the ring bearer, walk down the aisle, but I wasn't upset. I didn't much care for him after what his little tantrum had put me through.

The wedding march began, and my father and I walked forward. He patted my arm with his free hand and simply said, "Let's do this." I smiled excitedly and nodded my head.

We started off walking slowly down the aisle, and I immediately locked eyes with Joe. I have to say that I was shocked that it took quite some time for him to notice my breasts.

His eyes never left mine until we were almost to him. It was then I finally saw his gaze drop lower. The look on his face was exactly what I had wanted to see, and I caught myself walking faster. I slowed my steps, and Joe's eyes met mine again. He mouthed "_I love you_," and I smiled and mouthed "_I love you, too_."

My father handed me over to Joe and then joined my mother in the front pew. As Joe and I turned to face the priest, he leaned in close to me and whispered, "You weren't lying about that dress." My head dropped downward slightly, and I tried to hide a huge grin.

We stood silently while Father Carlucci opened with a prayer and asked God to bless our wedding day.

I fidgeted while he read several passages from the Bible. Most couples have several family members come up and do this, but Joe and I opted to just let the priest do it. We really weren't interested in prolonging the ceremony any more than necessary, for obvious reasons.

Father Carlucci then gave a short sermon on the meaning of marriage, but I wasn't really listening. I already knew what marriage meant to me, and in my mind, that was all that mattered. I chose to stare at Joe instead.

He wasn't listening either, and we began to discreetly send signals to one another. I casually ran my tongue over my lips, acting as if I were merely trying to moisten them, and Joe raised an eyebrow at me. Then he gave me a wink and mouthed "_I want you_."

I stared up at Father Carlucci and smiled, trying to make it appear I was following every word. Then I casually glanced back at Joe and gave him a slight nod. Then I mouthed, "_All night long_."

Fortunately we were being married by one of those priests who enjoyed speaking to a congregation. He kept his eyes on them as much as he did Joe and me, so we were able to get away with all of that. At least I was hoping we did. Truth be told, though, if I'd actually taken the time to think about it at that moment, I would've come to the conclusion that I really didn't care.

Finally it was time to recite our vows, so everyone in the church stood. I turned and passed my bouquet to Valerie, and that was when the emotions finally hit me. I felt the tears starting to well up in my eyes, and I did a quiet sniffle. We took turns repeating after Father Carlucci, starting with Joe.

"I, Joseph, take you Stephanie, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

Joe gave me a smile, and the tears that I had been holding back were now freely falling. I took a deep breath and softly cleared my throat, praying to God that I wouldn't mess up any of the words. Or throw up.

"I, Stephanie, take you Joseph, to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times, in sickness and in health. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

Father Carlucci then blessed us and joined our hands together.

"Do you, Joseph, take Stephanie as your lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?"

"I do." Joe's voice was strong and confident, and I fought off the urge to grab him and kiss him passionately. I didn't much care what all of our guests thought, but I figured the priest wouldn't approve. And probably God wouldn't have either.

"Do you, Stephanie, take Joseph as your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?"

I took a deep breath and smiled at Joe, nodding my head. "I most definitely do." I heard a few laughs, and Joe gave me a wink.

It was time for us to exchange the rings, so Tony handed my ring to Father Carlucci. He blessed it and then handed it to Joe. Then Valerie handed Joe's ring over, and the priest blessed that one, too, and handed it to me. My hands were trembling so much that I nearly dropped it. Thankfully I didn't, and I let out a quiet sigh of relief. So far so good.

This was the part we had to memorize, and I started to panic, because I had no clue what I was suppose to say. Fortunately Joe was going first, and I tried to concentrate and listen to what he was saying so that I wouldn't screw up.

"I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit." Joe gently slid my wedding band on, and all of the words he had just said floated right out of my brain. Instead, it was all I could do not to jump up and down and dance back down the aisle. After everything we'd been through, I finally had that ring on my finger!

Father Carlucci cleared his throat, and I realized that it was my turn to give Joe his ring. The only problem was I had no clue what the words were.

I smiled at Joe, and he smiled at me. I raised my eyebrows in a "_Help_" gesture, and he mouthed "_I give you this ring_," so I repeated that. I thought I had the rest so I continued, "as a sign of my love and fulfillment."

Joe grinned and tried to keep from laughing. He mouthed "_faithfulness_," so I quickly corrected myself. "As a sign of my love and faithfulness." Then I blurted out as fast as I could, "in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."

I tried to steady my hands so I could get the ring on Joe's finger, but they were shaking like crazy.

"It's okay, Stephanie," Father Carlucci said, "Take your time." There were a few more laughs, and I finally managed to slide the ring into place.

I stood there staring down at Joe's hand, and I realized I had spent so much time daydreaming about what my finger would look like that I never once thought about seeing a ring on him.

I felt a rush of warmth and realized that _that_ was sexiness. I fidgeted again, and Joe smiled at me. "_Soon_," he mouthed, and I tried to maintain my composure.

Father Carlucci then offered another prayer and concluded by telling our guests "Go in peace with Christ." Everyone who knew to do so responded with "Thanks be to God."

Then came the second moment I had been dreaming of for so long. "Ladies and Gentleman, I now introduce to you, for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Joseph and Stephanie Morelli." I smiled in anticipation, knowing what was coming next. "Joseph, you may kiss your bride."

He slowly lifted my veil, and we stood there for a brief second, each of us completely breathless. He leaned down, and our lips softly touched. We could both feel the energy between us, and I think we were each afraid of starting something we knew we couldn't finish.

At that moment, though, I decided I really didn't care, and I pressed my mouth firmly against Joe's. He sensed the change, and I guess he decided not to care either. I placed my hand on the back of his neck, and he pulled me close to him. My breasts were pushed up against his chest, and we proceeded to share one of the most incredible French kisses ever. Maybe not ever, but at least one of the most incredible kisses we'd ever shared in public - in front of our friends, our parents, a priest, and in a church.

We heard the sound of applause, and we gently pulled away from one another. Joe entwined our arms, and Valerie handed me my bouquet. We started off down the aisle, and I glanced over at my mother and noted that her face looked like it was starting to get some color back in it.

I just smiled to myself and stared longingly over at Joe. I didn't care a single bit what anyone thought. The man of my dreams was finally my husband, and it was now time to celebrate.


	61. Chapter 61

We made our way out of the sanctuary, and Joe pulled me inside the room I had waited in before I walked down the aisle. His mouth was instantly on mine, and he was hugging me close to him. "Did you honestly think I wasn't going to walk down that aisle?" he asked once we came up for air.

"I didn't know what to think," I confessed. "I knew it didn't make sense, but I was just so scared of something going wrong that it had me worried."

"Don't ever doubt me Cupcake," he said, crushing his mouth against mine again. His hand was resting on the side of my breast, and _my_ hand was making its way down his back to my _second_ favorite part of his body.

"How upset would you be if we skipped the reception?" he whispered in my ear.

"Very," I said breathlessly. "But only because I'm hungry. You want me in perfect condition for tonight, don't you?"

Joe brushed one of my curls away from my cheek, his eyes completely focused on my breasts, and said, "Oh, yeah, you're gonna need your strength. No doubt about that." He was kissing the side of my neck, and both of his hands were now cupping my ass.

"Uh-hmm," we heard. "Joseph, Stephanie, you'll have plenty of time for that later. Right now the photographer needs some pictures of the two of you together and with the rest of the wedding party."

Joe grinned down at me and whispered, "How upset would you be if we didn't have any pictures?"

"Very," I said, kissing his mouth. "But only because you're so damn sexy in this tux." I pulled at his lapel and whispered in his ear, "Do you know how turned-on I am right now, knowing that I'm the only one who gets to enjoy what's underneath it?"

"Joseph! Stephanie!" we heard again. We rolled our eyes together and made our way back to the sanctuary.

* * *

It turned out we had the photographer from hell. It was a good thing he finished at the church when he did, because I was seriously starting to think that Joe was one step away from beating the shit out of him. Every pose had to be _just so_, and if we all weren't smiling, we had to do it over again. And again. And again.

That's one of the downsides of a digital camera. In the old days you just clicked like crazy and prayed for the best. Now, of course, you have the luxury of thoroughly examining the shot immediately after you take it. That's all fine and dandy unless you're in a hurry to get naked with your new husband. And let's get real. Am I really going to care a few years from now that dumbass Albert, in the back row nonetheless, had his eyes partially closed?

I did enjoy the shots he took of Joe with his groomsmen, though. There was Joe, Tony, Paul, Mooch, and Eddie. I'd asked specifically for Eddie to be a part of the wedding since he was one of my best friends from childhood, and Joe didn't have a problem with that. I didn't think of Eddie as sexy, but he was still a cutie. All of the Morelli men, however, were looking rather drool-worthy. None of them could top Joe, of course, but I had to say that between the men and women, we had a very nice looking wedding party.

I stood off to the side, watching the photographer click away, when Mary Lou came up and whispered, "I want copies of these pics, okay?" I started to say something but was interrupted by a loud piercing scream.

Lisa was back on the floor, kicking and screaming, and Albert was trying to pick her up. "Come on, Princess," he was saying, and I started to laugh. "Princess? Her?" I shook my head and stared at Mary Lou. "Maybe I don't want a girl after all." Mary Lou nodded in agreement. "Boys are so much easier."

Watching Lisa, I started having serious doubts about kids. Were all of them bad or just the ones in our families? I tried to convince myself that I'd been a good, normal kid, but I knew that wasn't exactly true. I remembered how I'd always wanted to fly, how I didn't play with my Barbies the way other little girls did, and how I'd been so easily lured into Joe's garage to learn a new game. I tried to reason that that one wasn't my fault, but the truth was, I'd spent a lot of time after that wanting to play it again.

And then of course there was Joe. He had run wild all over the neighborhood, doing whatever he wanted to do with whoever he wanted to do it with.

I thought about it some more and realized that those things were probably what were going to make us _good_ parents. I knew all too well that little girl's _weren't_ always perfect angels and little princesses. I knew for a fact that _some_ boys grew up to be nothing more than horn dogs, so you had to be sure and keep them in check.

Thankfully Joe was nothing like his father, and we easily had an advantage over our parents. Neither one of us were going to tolerate the bullshit that they had. Joe and I together were a force to be reckoned with, and I had no doubt in my mind that we'd be a pretty solid team. Not to mention we both carried a gun, which would come in handy when our kids started dating.

But as far as that evening went, I wasn't at all interested in tolerating bullshit from other people's kids. And Lisa and John weren't at all interested in posing for the camera. No doubt about it, Rex has a longer attention span than the two of them combined. John kept crying for his mommy, and he didn't want to come anywhere near Joe and me.

As for Lisa, I just stood there, shaking my head, and thinking what a hard time Valerie and Albert were going to have with her when she got older. The photographer was trying his best to get a picture of her alone, but as soon as he would press the button, she'd pull up her dress and laugh.

"Hey Valerie?" I called out. "You still have that filthy Spongieguy shirt with her little short-shorts? I bet she'd behave if you put that back on her."

Valerie shot me an "_eat shit and die_" look, and I asked, "What? Just trying to help."

"Well don't!"

Finally the photographer somehow managed to get a shot or two he was happy with, and he then decided _I _needed to pose with Lisa by myself. I tried to tell him it wasn't necessary, and that as long as I had at least one picture of her, I was good to go. But according to my mother, I was hurting Valerie's feelings so I had to do it. Of course that picture took forever to get, because apparently Lisa had decided that whenever she saw me, she had to stick out her tongue.

And let's not forget, that every time the photographer would click the camera, she would yell out "_fuck_." The first time she said it, everyone's mouth dropped, and they stared disbelievingly at Valerie, who immediately turned and pointed at me.

"She's not saying what you think she's saying," I said with a little laugh. "She's trying to say _duck_. We had a bonding moment earlier, and I sang some song to her that was about ducks."

Of course my mother wasn't going to let it go at that. "Lisa knows how to say duck. I've heard her say it before. Say 'duck' Lisa."

But Lisa just stood there, trying to pull down her tights, singing, "_Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck_."

Joe was trying his best not to laugh, and I was moments away from a tantrum of my own. "Thanks a lot," I said, staring down at Lisa. "Why couldn't you have at least picked '_boobies'_ to say instead?"

"Stephanie!" my mother exclaimed. "That's not appropriate either." I rolled my eyes at my mother and then began spewing venom at the photographer. "Why aren't you taking the picture?! I don't care if she turns around and moons the camera in five seconds! Just get the shot so I can go eat!"


	62. Chapter 62

After what seemed like an eternity, we finally made our way to Angio's for the reception. Julie Morelli had held hers there a few years before, and I remembered how nice it had been.

"I can still order a pizza, and we can take it to our hotel room," Joe was saying between kisses.

"Mmm, pizza," I said with a sigh. I was actually considering it, but then Lula interrupted.

"Congratulations Blondie," she said, giving me a hug. Tank shook Joe's hand, and Lula said, "Make sure you throw that bouquet my way, 'kay?" Tank started looking a little queasy, and Joe started to laugh. Then Lula turned to Joe and said, "Or if that don't work, you can throw the garter his way."

I started laughing and said, "Oh, and I have the perfect one for Tank to catch. It comes with a free condom, so you'll be all set for later." It'd serve Lula right if she got pregnant, too. Then I could tell her that _she_ didn't have any business with a baby.

Lula and Tank walked off to find their table, and Joe grabbed me by the hand. "Come on. Let's get this show on the road. We're wasting valuable time here."

We were making our way to the table when I got sidetracked by some relatives I didn't really remember. I stood there wondering how on earth they knew to come. Right in the middle of the conversation, it suddenly dawned on me that my mother had most likely given Mary Lou and her mom her own secret guest list. Now it made sense why she had fussed so much about ordering extra food and saying that her and my father would pay for it. My mother sure was a sneak. I made a mental note to harass her about that later.

I excused myself and went looking for Joe. I found him leaning against the wall talking to his brothers. I felt my heart skip a beat, and I just stood there, admiring every single inch of him. Finally our eyes made contact, and his entire face lit up. I gave him my best seductive smile and mouthed "_You're hot_." Joe patted his brother on the back and began walking toward me.

Within a matter of seconds he had swept me into his arms, and his mouth was immediately covering mine. "You're beautiful Stephanie," he was saying. "I think my heart actually stopped beating when I saw you walking down the aisle with your father." He kissed me again and let out a sigh. "I seriously want to get this moving along. Let's get you fed."

We made our way to the table, and not long after that, Tony made a toast. Everyone clinked their champagne glasses and began chanting "Kiss, kiss, kiss!"

Somebody yelled out, "Just like the one at the church!" Joe just smiled and said, "We better give them what they want."

Our mouths met, and though I was going to attempt a modest kiss, Joe had other intentions. Our tongues touched, and that was all it took to get me into it. Everybody was clapping and cheering, and I could hear my mother saying quietly, "Stephanie! Stephanie!" But I kept right on kissing Joe.

Finally we slowly broke apart, and someone else yelled out, "That's the way to do it!" I felt myself blush, and I picked up my glass, hoping to hide behind the rim for a minute or two.

I was having non-alcoholic punch, which my mother had made pink just for me. I noticed that Joe had been served the same thing.

"Why don't you have champagne?" I asked him, "It doesn't bother me if you're drinking it, and I'm not."

Joe took a swallow and set his glass down. "No," he said shaking his head. "I told you that day in the bathroom that I'd share in whatever I could with you," he said with a smile. "If you can't drink, then I won't either."

I leaned over and kissed him. "How is it possible that you're so perfect?"

Just then the plates of food began arriving, and it was all I could do to stop myself from stuffing my face right away. Unfortunately, though, there were a few more toasts to be made, and the food had to be blessed first.

Once that was finally over, I placed my napkin in my lap and started for my fork. "Want me to feed you again?" Joe asked teasingly.

I remembered how much I'd enjoyed it at lunch, so I asked jokingly, "If I said yes, would you do it?"

Joe raised an eyebrow at me and picked up my fork. He brought it gently to my mouth, careful not to spill anything from it. I slowly took the food from the fork, staring directly into his eyes the entire time. He watched as I ate and then he leaned in close, speaking in his most sensual voice, "The question now is, what else I can get you to say 'yes' to?"

I surprised myself by not choking, but I quickly swallowed the food. I was nearly panting at that point, and I could feel that delicious sensation I always get between my legs when Joe turns me on. For that brief moment, I completely forgot we weren't in private like we had been at lunch, and I reached out and pulled him to me. I took total charge of that kiss, and it wasn't until I heard the whistles and someone shout "Go for it Stephanie!" that I remembered where we were.

I think my face stayed red for the next five minutes or so, and I purposely avoided making eye contact with the mothers.

After we ate, it was time for our first dance together, and that was exactly what I was needing and wanting. I was able to get as close to Joe as I could possibly get without having to worry about being embarrassed.

Feeling his lean and hard-muscled body pressed against mine, however, wasn't exactly calming. It was actually very frustrating. I was trying to sway to the music, but I kept thinking about him naked, on top of me, inside of me, and I was growing even more restless. Joe just held me tight, and finally he whispered, "It won't be much longer Cupcake."

Before I knew it, it was time for me to dance with my father and for Joe to dance with his mother. I started to relax, because I was enjoying that time with my dad. There weren't a lot of tender moments between us, but I had never once doubted how much he loved me and that, no matter what, I could always count on him. A girl is never too old to need her daddy, and I smiled to myself, knowing the little baby inside of me would come to know that, too.

I watched as Joe danced with his mother, and I wondered what they were saying to each other. I thought of myself being in Mrs. Morelli's place one day. I wondered how much our baby, if it was a boy, would grow up to look like Joe. But then I realized I didn't want to think about being old and dancing with my son on his wedding day, and I had to fight back the tears.

Thankfully the song ended, and my father kissed me on the cheek. I smiled and gave him a big hug. "I love you, daddy," I said, kissing him on the cheek. "I love you, too, Stephanie," he whispered. Joe was walking toward us, and my father took my hand and placed it in Joe's. He smiled at both of us and then turned to find my mother.

"Another dance or will it put you over the edge?" he asked teasingly.

"Everything you do puts me over the edge, but I think I can manage another dance or two."

Joe was holding me tightly in his arms, and my head was resting on his shoulder. Swaying back and forth with him was almost lulling me to sleep. I opened my eyes to see my mother and father dancing together just as Joe and I were. The look of contentment on my mother's face said it all. I hoped and prayed that Joe and I would still have that together thirty years down the road.

Seeing my parents together reminded me of the fact that Joe's father wasn't there. Not that that bothered him, but it made me think of something else, which I suddenly blurted out. "Your mother needs a boyfriend."

Joe looked at me as if I'd said his mother needed a long vacation on the planet Mars. "No she doesn't," he said matter-of-factly.

"Sure she does. Everyone deserves a little romance now and then. No matter how old they are."

Joe thought about that for a moment and said, "No, not my mother. She's too serious for romance. She never had that with my dad, so I'm sure she's not missing anything."

"She _might_ have had that with your dad. You don't know that she didn't." I thought about it for a moment and then said, "I think we should set her up. I bet there's someone in my old apartment building for her."

"I bet there's not."

"I bet Grandma Mazur knows someone."

"I bet you're gonna drop this and start thinking about me instead."

"I can have two things on my mind at once."

Joe let out a sigh. "This is why I used to think weddings suck. There's something about a wedding that makes all women starry-eyed and feel as if they can find love and romance for everyone."

"There _is_ love and romance for everyone. Shouldn't your mom be happy?"

"Of course, and she is happy."

"Probably if she had a boyfriend her house wouldn't be so clean all the time."

"Probaby if we could hurry up and get naked you wouldn't be so obsessed with this."

I shook my head and gave up. I thought it was cute he didn't want his mommy to find a boyfriend. Joe caught the smile and said, "I know what you're thinking. _It's not that_."

"It is so that. You'd be jealous if another man got all your mother's attention."

"No, I was jealous when another man had _your_ attention." He pulled me closer to him and kissed me. "The cord was cut from me a long time ago. If you recall, I was never a momma's boy."

"Oh yes," I said, "I recall that vividly." I smiled into his arm and decided to drop the subject. If I was going to play matchmaker for Mrs. Morelli one day, I was most definitely not going to involve Joe. And at least maybe if she found a boyfriend, she'd spend less time with my mother.


	63. Chapter 63

A while later my mother came in search of me. "Stephanie, I think it's time for you and Joseph to cut the cake."

I was deep in conversation with Connie, Lula, and Mary Lou, but the moment I heard the word "cake," I started paying attention to my mother. "Don't have to tell me that twice!" I exclaimed.

"Girl, how you stay so skinny eatin' all those sweets that you eat?"

"It's all that sex her and Morelli have," Connie said, nodding her head knowingly. "I bet you guys do it every night."

My mother walked away quickly before it got any worse.

"Connie," I said, "you need a boyfriend." I scanned the room looking for someone. "There has to be someone Joe works with that'd be perfect for you."

Connie hesitated, "Hmm, I'm not big into cops unless I'm desperate. You know how it is with my family." We all looked at her like we couldn't believe she'd just said that, and I raised my eyebrow. "You mean you haven't reached desperate status yet? You must've swiped one of those vibrators I got when I wasn't looking."

"Stephanie, you're such a pervert!" Mary Lou shouted out, laughing at the same time.

"Now that's music to my ears," I heard Joe saying, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. He leaned in and nuzzled my neck and kissed me behind my ear. "I hear we're wanted at the cake table, my lovely wife."

I smiled at Mary Lou, knowing she would understand exactly how much hearing Joe say that would mean to me. I let out a sigh and said, "I've never left a cake waiting. Now's not the time to start."

Joe just laughed, and we walked off together, his arm around my waist and mine around his.

* * *

The cake was absolutely delicious, and I had a blast feeding some to Joe. He was a gentleman and didn't mush it up in my face, but he did make sure to lick all of the icing off of my fingers. Each finger. One by one. Very erotically.

Not long after we finished I felt myself starting to get really hot, but for the wrong reasons, and I could feel my stomach muscles contracting. Joe noticed right away, so he starting walking me back to our table. I was supposed to throw the bouquet right after we cut the cake, but Joe got Mooch to get the Hokey-Pokey started instead.

I sat down at the table, and Joe asked someone to bring me some water. "Just take it easy Cupcake," he was saying. "I know it's been a long day. You feeling tired?"

I nodded my head, and Joe hugged me to him. "Didn't you say something about having another dress to change into? You think it'd help if you got out of this one?" I nodded my head again, and he asked, "Where is it?"

I told him it was in Mary Lou's car, and he was gone in a flash. He was back in less than five minutes, and he took me by the hand. "There's another room in the back where you can change. I also brought your bag, so everything you need is already in there."

"Thank you," I said with a smile. "I need my mom, though, to undo the back of my dress." Joe smiled at me and took my hand. "No you don't." I started grinning and ignored the fact that I was feeling even hotter.

He shut the door behind us and locked it. "Turn around, and I'll undo that for you." I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, and his fingers began slowly untying the ribbon at the back. "Have I told you how much I really like this dress?"

"Mmm-hmm," I said smiling, enjoying the feel of him so close to me.

"There," he said, and he turned me around to face him. He tugged gently at the top of the gown. loosening it from around my breasts, and let it fall to the floor. "I didn't think there was room for a bra in there."

His mouth was on mine, and he was gently moving me back so I was pressed against the wall. "God, you have the most incredible body," he was saying. I smiled to myself, thinking the same thing about him.

Our eyes locked, and I could feel my panties sliding down my hips. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he pressed me closer against the wall. The only problem was, he was still dressed, and that wasn't doing much for me.

It didn't matter, though, because of course there was a knock on the door. We stood there quietly, and finally we heard footsteps walking away. Joe smiled and gently helped me get my legs back down on the floor. I could tell he hated saying the words, but he shook his head and said, "It won't be much longer Cupcake, and we'll be alone. Let me help you into your new dress."

I had debated for quite some time whether or not I wanted to change out of my wedding dress beforehand. In a way I wanted the vision of me in my gown, being carried over the threshold, but on the other hand, I was realistic. It was scorching hot, and I knew that eventually the heat was going to get to me. I didn't want to run the risk of getting sick and ruining any aspect of our night together.

Fortunately I had been right on target about this, and just getting naked, even briefly, had already helped tremendously. The new dress was still gorgeous, and in all honesty, was way sexier. It hugged all my curves in just the right places, and it was just as revealing, if not moreso, up top. It was solid white, made of silk, and around the curve of my breasts were hand beaded Swarovski crystals. Half of the back was open, but the bottom half buttoned down to my waist. Those buttons were also covered with the same crystals as on the front, and truth be told, the dress was actually elegant enough to have been used as a wedding gown if needed.

I'd found it at Macy's right after I'd told off Bitchface Terry, and it had even been on sale. So even though I was no longer wearing my gown, I kind of liked the feeling of appearing in front of everyone wearing something new and different. It made me seem spontaneous and exciting, and I could tell by the look on Joe's face that he definitely approved.

I took off the garter belt I had worn down the aisle and replaced it with another one. Joe looked at me, and I could see the question in his face.

"I'm not letting you throw out the one I got married in. I'm keeping that one for me. Same goes for my bouquet. The flowers are artificial so I get to keep it. The one I'm throwing out matches what the bridesmaid's carried, and it has fresh flowers."

Joe just shook his head, obviously not getting it. "Whatever makes you happy Cupcake," he said with a smile.

He helped me button the back of the dress and then stared at me appreciatively. "Very pretty," he said. His mouth twitched, and he added, "The dress is nice, too." He took me in his arms and started to kiss me and then said, "We better get out there. I wanna hurry up so I can have you all to myself soon."

We made our way back out to our guests, and I heard a lot of whistles and some "whoo-hoo's." Joe raised an eyebrow at some of the single cops he'd invited and shook his head. "Eyes off," he warned them. "Go find your own girl to drool over." Then he turned to me and smiled. "_I'm_ the only one who gets to drool over you." He paused for a second and said, "Speaking of drooling men, I don't see Ranger anywhere."

"Maybe he's with Terry," I said teasingly, and Joe laughed. Then I smiled and said, "He told me the other night he was going to be in Miami and wouldn't be able to make it. But he sent his well wishes, and Tank brought his gift. I'm sure it's nice because Ella does all his shopping."

Joe didn't comment, and I figured it was because he really couldn't have cared less. The days of me at RangeMan with Ella were long gone, and though I truly liked Ella, I didn't really miss any of that. I liked what I had now way better.

Everyone was eating cake, so Joe and I sat back down at the table, and I got a chance to eat an entire piece. When I was finished, Connie announced that it was time for me to throw the bouquet, so all of the single ladies gathered in the middle of the dance floor. The men quickly scattered, obviously wanting to get as far away from the mayhem and madness as they could.

I stood there quietly scoping out where everyone was standing. It was _my_ wedding, and I wanted the bouquet to go to who _I_ wanted to get it. I freely admit I'm selfish sometimes.

I was confident I could aim where I needed to, so I turned around and smiled to myself. I can be pretty klutzy every now and then, so I decided to use it to my advantage. I lobbed it sideways and then turned around, covering my mouth, and saying "Oops." I watched as it soared in exactly the direction I had wanted, landing right in Mrs. Morelli's arms.

She hadn't even been part of the group, which made it all the more funny for everyone else. I just smiled sweetly and shrugged my shoulders like "_I'm just a girl who can't throw very well_."

I turned around to find Joe, and he was just standing there, shaking his head at me. He rolled his eyes and mouthed "_You're bad_." I nodded my head in agreement and grinned wickedly. Then I crooked my finger at him and gave him the "_come here_" gesture.

"You'll see exactly how bad I am in just a little while," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him tightly.

"Joe's turn!" Connie yelled out, and I grinned again. "Oh, it's Joe's turn," I giggled. "That sounds like a fun game. Is it Joe's turn to kiss me? Joe's turn to get naked?"

He was about to say something when Connie came over and said, "Come on you guys! Joe has to throw the garter belt."

Now it was time for the men to gather around, but only a few of them made their way out onto the dance floor. That made Connie yell at them. "If you're single, you better get your sorry asses out here!" Connie didn't play around when it came to unattached men.

Joe held the chair while I sat down, and I carefully smoothed out the wrinkles in my dress. He began sliding it up gently with one hand while using his other hand to softly caress his way up the garter-free leg. He continued until he reached the inside of my thigh, not far from the promised land.

There was a bit of whooping and hollering at that, and Joe just looked up at me and grinned. I was trying really hard to remain composed as I watched him slightly bend his head and proceed to gently bite down on the garter belt. He used his teeth to slide it all the way down my leg, never taking his left hand off the inside of my thigh. He gently lifted my foot with his free hand and tugged it off, still using his teeth.

All of the guys were going crazy, and Joe just kept staring at me, never once breaking eye contact. He casually threw it behind him, not caring at all where it landed. "Are you ready to go now?" he asked, obviously as worked up as I was.

He held out his hand for me to take, and I was immediately in his arms, my mouth consumed by his. There was a lot of clapping and cheering, and after we finally finished, I looked over to see that Grandma Mazur's boyfriend, Stan, had the garter belt and was now putting it on her leg.

I saw my mother gulping down champagne, and I had no clue where Mrs. Morelli was. Didn't matter, though, because it was finally time for Joe and me to get on with the best part.

He grabbed my hand, and we started making our way over to Connie to let her know to get the birdseed ready. We'd had a lot of fun with our friends and family, but it was now time to have a _whole lot of fun_ by ourselves.


	64. Chapter 64

I knew there was no way I could make it to the hotel without wetting myself, so I gave Joe a kiss on the cheek and assured him I'd be right back.

I made quick work in the bathroom, but it ended up taking me forever to return because I got trapped talking to some of my surprise guests, i.e. the relatives my mother had taken it upon herself to invite. They had her cornered, and if it weren't for the fact that I wanted to ask her to take my wedding gown home, I would've run by them as fast as I could.

As it was, I had to endure a fifteen minute interrogation session from the nosiest group of women I had ever met, and no matter how hard I tried to excuse myself, they just wouldn't stop tossing out questions. And my mother had locked her arm through mine so I couldn't escape. She felt just as trapped as I did, and there was no way she was letting me leave her alone with them. I wanted to remind her that it was her own fault, and because of that, there was to be no pity from me.

I let out a soft sigh and planted a smile on my face while the barrage continued. They wanted to know where we lived, when the baby was due, if I was going to have an epidural (duh!), if I was going to breastfeed, if I was going to give up bounty hunting. Who was my doctor? Was I having the baby at St. Francis? Did I know Kelly Whatshername who'd just had a baby girl? I kept expecting one of them to ask me the color underwear I was wearing and if Joe wore boxers or briefs. The questions just went on and on.

I eventually spotted Mary Lou and Lenny, and I tried to give her the "look," but she just smiled and waved. She definitely picked the oddest times to watch her manners and not interrupt. After putting up with another minute or two of questions, I finally decided the situation called for drastic action. The only way my mother would ever let me leave was if I embarrassed her, and if that was what it took, so be it.

"Let me ask _you_ something," I said, turning to one of the younger ladies, "what is your opinion on threesomes?" The woman stared at me like I'd lost my mind, and the color drained from my mother's face. I covered it up quickly to make it seem like _they_ were the perverts by adding, "You know, having three kids? I'm thinking just two, but Joe wants three."

My mother narrowed her eyes at me, but she maintained a firm grip on my arm. I leaned in and whispered very quietly, "Want me to say more?"

Suddenly my mother spoke up, in her sweetest voice, and said, "Stephanie, Joe's probably looking for you. You should go find him."

A small grin began to form on my lips as I savored her words of defeat, but the only problem was, she wasn't finished.

"But I'm sure we can continue this conversation at your baby shower. I've tried to tell them no, that it's just too much, but they're insisting on it. And the more I think about it, the more I see what a wonderful idea it is." The ladies all nodded excitedly at me. "And perhaps there will be even more questions for you to answer by then ... _while you're eating cake_."

There was a slight smile in my mother's eyes that didn't at all go unnoticed by me, and I raised my eyebrows at her. She merely let go of my arm and raised a single eyebrow back at me.

"_Woah_," I thought to myself, somewhat impressed. Perhaps I'd underestimated my mother all these years. Or maybe it was just all that champagne she'd been guzzling.

I decided to ponder that later. I had more pressing matters at the moment, such as screwing my husband. I said my goodbyes quickly and hurried off.

Mary Lou followed behind me, and after we turned the corner, she burst out laughing. "I can't believe you just 'threesomes' to those ladies!"

"It's called desperation," I explained. "I need sex, and they wouldn't leave me alone!"

Mary Lou and I hugged each other, and she said, "Have fun Mrs. Morelli." Then we giggled like we did when we were kids. "I always knew you two were meant for each other. Glad you both finally wised up!"

* * *

I made my way back to the reception hall and spied Joe talking to some of his cop buddies. He was still wearing his tux, but he'd removed the jacket and bow tie and had the top button undone. I imagined undoing each button, one by one, and then making my way down to his belt. I remembered how I had wanted to pleasure him the night before but fell asleep before I could, and I wondered if I'd thought to pack the mints Grandma Mazur had given me. I didn't have the gag problem, but I'd read on the box that the minty flavor would give your partner extra pleasure. And I was determined to give Joe as much pleasure as humanly possible.

I walked over to him, and he flashed me a sexy smile. He said goodbye to his buddies, and we walked over to where most of our family was gathering. We spent another five minutes enduring all the hugs and well wishes, and the mothers warned us to drive careful and be safe wherever it was we were going on our honeymoon. Joe got some knowing punches on the arm by some of the guys and was told to "have fun" and to not do anything they wouldn't do. Most likely they didn't do the things that Joe could. Or if they did, they couldn't do them as well.

Joe's SUV was decorated with tin cans, a "Just Married" sign, and hand-written messages in shaving cream. We finally made our way to the front seat of the car, having survived the bird seed pelting, and Joe helped me get buckled. He leaned in for an extremely hot and steamy kiss and whispered, "Just twenty minutes to the hotel. I brought the Kojak light, because I'm making it in ten."

I sat there, consciously aware of my breathing, which I was trying my best to keep under control. Joe made a quick call to the hotel to confirm that our bags were already in the honeymoon suite and that the room was just as he had requested. I wasn't exactly sure what he had asked for, but I was hoping it involved sweet treats for us to eat afterwards. Several hours of incredible sex was definitely going to work up my appetite.

* * *

We arrived at the hotel in record-setting time, and we both practically tripped over ourselves trying to get inside. Thankfully Joe had stopped by earlier in the day and taken care of the check-in, so we quickly made our way to the elevator. We rode up in absolute silence, neither one of us daring to move or speak. We both knew full well that if we shared just one single touch, we'd be naked in seconds, and we didn't exactly want that in an elevator. It was probably monitored with a camera.

Joe opened the door but stopped me before I could enter. He picked me up, stepped through the doorway, and then kicked backwards to shut the door behind us. He carried me straight to the bed and gently placed me down.

There were pink rose petals on the floor leading to the bed, and they were all over the comforter as well. The room was lit by dozens of candles, and there were several vases filled with roses scattered throughout the room. All of them were pink, except the two on each of the bedside tables were filled with my favorite - yellow roses. There was also a serving cart off to the side, and I hoped something good was hidden underneath.

"You arranged for all of this?" I asked, almost breathless. Not so much over what he had done but with anticipation of what he was about to do.

Joe nodded and pointed to all the flowers. "I wanted to make sure I surrounded you with pink. What is it you've been telling everyone? You have to keep yourself in the right mindset?" Joe grinned and kicked off his shoes. "I'd say this room screams _'It's a girl_.' I thought that would make you happy." He reached over and gently pulled off my heels, tossing them down onto the floor.

He laid down beside me, and his mouth was immediately on mine. Our tongues were joined together, and I began unbuttoning his shirt. I wanted to feel his naked chest. I wanted him completely naked and inside of me. No more waiting.

He gently pulled away from me and smiled. "Do you have something special you'd like to change into Mrs. Morelli?" he asked playfully.

I had forgotten all about putting on lingerie. As worked up as I was, I really didn't want to bother with it, but Joe seemed interested, and I wasn't about to disappoint him. "As a matter of fact, I do, Mr. Morelli."

He stood up from the bed and took my hands, pulling me to my feet. He pointed over to our bags and said, "You won't be wearing it for long, but I still want to see you in it."

I turned around and asked if he would unbutton my dress in the back. Instead he wrapped his arms around me from behind and began massaging my breasts. His breath was hot on my neck, and I could feel his erection in my back. I felt him reach back and gently pull my mother's comb out, allowing my hair to fall down around my shoulders. He lightly tossed the comb over onto the table and then turned me around to face him, staring down at my breasts. He kissed my mouth eagerly and whispered, "This is taking too long. I may just have to rip your clothes off instead."

I smiled teasingly and said, "That actually sounds _way_ more exciting."

Joe let out a small chuckle. "Ah, I've got naughty Stephanie here with me tonight. I like it when she comes out to play." He pulled me close to him and said, "To hell with lingerie. Let's get you out of this dress."

He stared at me, his eyes burning with desire, and he whispered in my ear, "How attached are you to this?" He was pulling at the strap of my dress and grinning devilishly.

"What?" I asked with a slightly breathless laugh.

His lips formed a small smile, and he raised his eyebrow at me. "Can it be replaced if it happens to get ruined?"

I felt a warm sensation between my legs, and I quickly nodded yes. In one swift movement, Joe had the dress off of me, and I heard buttons hitting the floor. My breath sounds were louder at that point, and I reached out and ripped his shirt the rest of the way open. Joe's buttons joined mine, and he immediately began pulling off his pants.

We fell together on the bed, and moments later, we were completely naked. Our hands and mouths were everywhere, exploring, groping, tasting. I finally worked my way on top of him and was going for his mouth when my eyes spotted the ice bucket beside the bed. All of a sudden I shook my head and started to laugh.

Joe looked at me like I was insane and said, "That's not the reaction I usually get from you Cupcake." I smiled and pointed to the bedside table.

"That is a perfect example of why I love you so much," I explained. "You hated that sparkling grape juice, but there it is."

Joe grinned and said, "It's all about the romance tonight, sweetheart. We've gotta have something." Then he pulled me back down to him. "Now, why don't you show me how much you love me."

My mouth was on his, and I was rubbing my hands down the entire length of his body. I stopped to grab onto my favorite part, enjoying the hardness of it and contemplating lowering my mouth down to it, but my eyes kept going back to the ice bucket on the table.

I let go of Joe and reached over and grabbed an ice cube. I moved closer to him and began running it over his bottom lip. He licked at the ice cube, and I bent down and ran the tip of my tongue along the length of his mouth, slowly licking off the water. I kissed him hungrily and began moving the ice down the side of his neck to his chest. I leaned back, watching water drip down onto him, and then I suggestively sucked the dripping drops off of the cube. Joe's breathing was shallow, and he was watching me intently, his eyes on fire.

I slid my body down his and began rubbing the ice cube around his nipple, stroking him with my other hand. I started to go lower with the ice, when Joe suddenly turned me over and onto my back.

He reached into the ice bucket and grabbed his own piece. He started at the tip of my toes and began slowly rubbing the ice cube up along my leg. The contrast of the cold ice mixed with Joe's hot body made me shiver. He stopped right when the ice reached the juncture between my legs and then a small smile tugged at his lips. He put the ice cube in his mouth and proceeded to part my legs with his head. I let out a soft moan, enjoying the pleasure of the cold ice mixed with the incredible sensations his tongue was providing. I soon felt the sweet release I had been longing for, and I dug my fingernails into his shoulders, saying his name over and over again between moans.

He gave me a few seconds to catch my breath, then he reached out and grabbed another ice cube. He continued his leisurely ascent up my body. He circled one nipple with the ice, and then the other. He sucked the water off of each one, and then he slid the ice between my breasts slowly, following behind it with his tongue. He put the ice cube between my lips, and I gently sucked off the dripping water. We were both breathing heavy, and all I could think of was having him inside of me. "Please, Joe," I whispered. "Please."

He began kissing and sucking on the side of my neck, and he slowly started to slide the ice cube back down my body. My legs were wrapped around his waist, and he pulled back slightly to give him better access. Never taking his eyes off of mine, he gently pushed the ice cube inside of me, and I heard myself gasp. I shivered again as he slowly entered me. It was the most amazing sensation, and I turned my head sideways and sunk my teeth into the pillow to keep from screaming out as loud as I really wanted to.

He was moving slow, but I wanted more. "Deeper," I whispered. "I need all of you inside of me." He slowly took my arms and lifted them above my head, thrusting inside of me as far as he could. He was gently holding onto my wrists, and I felt myself on the verge.

"Not yet," he whispered, and I let out a whimper. He smiled at me and stilled himself. He watched and waited until he was sure the feeling had passed, and then he plunged deep inside of me again. I moaned louder this time, and he continued his movements, still gently holding my arms.

He began whispering in my ear. "Do you like this Stephanie? Does it feel good?" I could only nod my head. I couldn't seem to voice any words. "Tell me what you want, Steph. Tell me, and I'll do it." His breath was hot in my ear, and I began thinking I was on the verge of hyperventilating. "I want ..." I panted, but I couldn't continue. "Tell me, Cupcake. _I'll do anything you say_," he said, and he began gently sucking on one of my nipples.

"I want you to make me come. I want us to come together," I finally managed to say between gasps.

Joe smiled and whispered again, "You want fast and hard?" he asked, kissing the top of my breasts, "Or slow and steady?"

I moaned softly, turned on even more by the sound of his voice. He knew exactly what I wanted, but he wanted to hear me say it.

"Fast," I gasped. "And hard," I moaned.

Joe's mouth was on mine in an instant, and he gently released my wrists. I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him tight, and before long, both of our bodies were throbbing together.

I snuggled up next to him and smiled into his chest, placing soft kisses wherever my mouth could reach. "Mmm, that was nice," I whispered.

"Nice?" Joe asked teasingly. "I'd say that was pretty damned spectacular." He kissed my earlobe. "Absolutely incredible." He kissed my temple. "Smokin' hot."

His fingers traced a light and sensual path down my body, and he spread my legs and stared into my eyes. "But I don't think I'm finished with you yet." He slowly moved his fingers back up my body and used them to lavish quite a bit of attention on my nipples. Finally, they began working their way back down and settled between my legs.

He whispered into my ear and asked, "How about another one? You think you can handle it?"

He was teasing me, but I was serious. "Oh, I can handle it," I said, practically panting.

He immediately found the spot and began moving his finger around. He smiled, staring into my eyes, and he began to whisper. "Show me how good it feels, Steph." He kissed my neck and said, "I want to see exactly what I do to you."

I could feel his gaze on me, and normally I would've been embarrased knowing that he was watching me, but I realized I wasn't. I guess naughty Stephanie had come out to play, and I was, without a doubt, having _a lot_ of fun. Thankfully I'd finally found my perfect playmate, and I couldn't think of too many games that I didn't want to play with him.


	65. Chapter 65

I woke up the next morning in Joe's arms, and I had just _one thing_ on my mind.

He started to stir next to me, so I began planting soft kisses all over his face. He moved to turn over onto his side, so I licked his cheek. He reached up and moved his arm above his head. He slightly shifted his shoulders, so I licked his nose. He let out a yawn, so I lifted myself up and licked his forehead.

Finally he opened his eyes, trying to focus, and when he saw me, he smiled. He stretched and yawned and then looked around, realizing we weren't at home. He stared over at me and asked, "Were you just licking me?"

"Mmm-hmm," I said with a big grin.

Joe stared at me for a second and then asked, "_Why_?"

I started to giggle. "I was pretending to be Bob. I wanted to see what it was like."

"And how was it?" he asked. "Do anything for you?"

I thought about it for a second. "No, not really. You taste kinda salty."

Joe just laughed and shook his head. "You're scientific proof that someone _can_ get their brains fucked out."

I slapped him playfully and said "Not funny!" But I was smiling, thinking to myself that if it were true, at least I could take comfort knowing I'd had my brains fucked out by the best.

I snuggled up to him and said, "You know what I'm thinking about?" I was running my hand over his chest, making my way down under the sheets.

"I have a pretty good idea," he said with a smirk. He flipped himself over and was on top of me, kissing my mouth, when I mumbled "Pancakes."

Joe paused for a second, so I continued. "And bacon and eggs and toast and grape jelly and Boston Cremes."

He grinned down at me and said, "You forgot something."

I thought for a minute. "Coffee?"

"Nope."

"Oatmeal?" I said with a disgusted face.

"When do I ever try to get you to eat oatmeal?"

"Oh," I said with a frown, "you mean fruit."

Joe rolled his eyes at me and shook his head. "No, not fruit. You were supposed to say _dick_. You forgot that you wanted that."

He started to laugh and began reaching for the phone.

"I don't know anybody named Dick. But if I meet him, I'll let you know if I want him or not."

I got up to use the bathroom, and Joe threw a pillow at me. As I was shutting the door I heard him say, "Yes, you heard me right. We want two orders of every breakfast item you have."

After breakfast and a good thirty minutes or so of my personalized Morelli workout, I finally decided to ask where we were going.

"What do you mean?" Joe teased. "Don't you like our room here? I splurged for the honeymoon suite even." He shook his head. "Man, you're hard to please."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Tell me!" I whined.

"Fine," he said. "Florida."

"_Florida_?" I asked, somewhat disappointed.

"Yep. What's wrong with Florida?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I've been to Florida."

"Have you been there with me?"

"Well no," I said.

"Florida has lots of beaches. You bought a new bathing suit."

"True," I said. Then I smiled. It didn't matter where we were, as long as I was with Joe. And Dick.

Joe was smiling his teasing-smile and saying, "Florida has _a lot_ of fun things to do. Kids _love_ Florida. Especially areas near Orlando."

I raised my eyebrow and started shaking my head. "No."

"What?" he asked innocently. "You're gonna look so cute in mouse ears."

"No," was all I could say.

"Yep!" Joe exclaimed. "We're going to Disney World!" He was trying hard to be serious, but he couldn't hold in the laughter.

"Real funny Morelli," I said with a soft punch. "You had me going there for a minute."

But he just kept smiling. "You want Mickey ears or Minnie ones? Or I could get you a Goofy hat. That kinda fits your personality."

"Omigod, you're serious, aren't you?"

Then he smiled a genuine smile. "Sort of. But don't worry about it. My one and only goal in life right now is to make you happy, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will be."

"You know I'm getting better around kids, right? So if you're thinking I need to be tormented some more …"

"It has nothing to do with short people. I promise." He was grinning big and pulling me up off of the bed. "Come on. You wanna shower or a bath?"

"Definitely a shower. It'll be easier for you to work your magic that way." I flashed him a look and said, "You owe me."

"I owe _you_?" Then he shook his head. "Oh, I see how it's gonna be. You've been stringing me along all these years, giving me blow jobs and back rubs and smiling nice and smelling so pretty. Now that I've put that ring on your finger, the days of pleasing me are all over with."

"That's right," I said playfully. "And you have to suffer double because I'm carrying your baby."

He just smiled and pulled me toward the bathroom. He turned on the water and adjusted the temperature. He turned to me, obviously fighting back a laugh, and asked, "Have I ever sung for you in the shower?"

"Noo …"

"I'm pretty good." He took my hand and said, "Come on. There's this one song I really want you to hear."

He proceeded to rinse and lather my hair and began singing, "It's a world of a laughter, a world of tears …"

Thankfully he couldn't finish because he was laughing too hard, and I was trying my best not to let him see that I was, too.


	66. Chapter 66

Later that afternoon Joe and I boarded our flight to Florida. He had actually made reservations at a luxury hotel in Daytona Beach, and our room overlooked the ocean. The view was breathtaking, and our week there was truly magical. We slept in every morning, enjoyed a daily buffet for breakfast and supper, and spent our days relaxing and playing in the water and the sun. I enjoyed having Joe all to myself without any interruptions or distractions, and I just smiled whenever I'd catch women staring at him.

We made love whenever the mood hit us, and we spent hours just talking and laughing and enjoying our time alone together. We bought some sand toys and built a huge sand castle with a really cool moat around it. Joe was going to let me bury him in the sand, but I decided to just bury him up to his knees. I couldn't bring myself to cover up anymore than that. His body was just way too gorgeous, and I wanted to enjoy every second possible admiring it.

One afternoon we went on a picnic, and every night we held hands and walked barefoot along the shore. We had fun collecting seashells, and we tried to go sailing, but that didn't quite work out the way Joe had planned. My stomach decided not to cooperate, so we quickly abandoned that idea and went shopping instead.

We were scheduled to fly home on Saturday, but Friday morning came, and I woke up to find our bags packed and ready.

"What's going on?" I asked Joe. I'd gotten used to waking up in his arms, and I didn't like that he had started the day without me.

"We're checking out today."

"But our flight's not until tomorrow," I said between yawns. "I wanna go back to sleep."

"You can sleep in the car, Cupcake," Joe assured me. "In the meantime, you have thirty minutes to get ready and get down downstairs to the buffet. I know you'll want to eat before we leave."

"You got that right," I said, dragging myself out of bed. "You joining me?" I asked hopefully, pointing to the bathroom.

Joe gave me a quick kiss and shook his head no. He saw the pout and started to laugh. "Don't tell me you can't bathe yourself anymore? Have I spoiled you that much this week?"

"Yes, you have. I have no idea how I'm going to survive when we get home." Joe just grinned and said, "Meet me in the lobby as soon as you're finished."

He'd rented a car, so after we ate, he loaded up our luggage, and we headed out.

"I think I know where we're going," I said with a smile. "I'd really thought that was a joke." I settled into my seat and buckled up. "How long until we get there?"

"It's supposed to be an hour and a half, but I'm guessing a bit more than that because of traffic. I have to obey the speed limit here," Joe said, fidgeting with the GPS. "Why don't you close your eyes and take a nap? I have a busy day planned for us."

I woke up about two hours later, and we were stalled in traffic outside of Orlando. "I'm hungry," I told Joe. "Have you seen my purse?"

"It's in the backseat, right behind you."

I reached back and grabbed the strap. It was pretty heavy so I had to use both arms to pull it over. I reached inside and took out a small bottle of juice and a package of doughnuts. I tore open the wrapper and started to eat one when Joe held out his hand.

"What?" I asked between bites.

He looked over at me and smiled. "Can I have one? Please?"

I stared down at the package. There had only been three inside, and I'd already eaten one. "Why didn't you bring a snack for yourself?"

"Because I didn't think about it."

"Oh," I said. "These aren't very good. Maybe I have something better for you." I started rummaging through my purse and came up with an apple. "Here, you can have this. I wasn't planning on eating it."

Joe stared at me and shook his head, laughing. "You're really not gonna give me a doughnut?"

"I'm just watching out for you that's all. I mean, look at how hot you are. If you eat one of these you might regret it later and blame me. The apple is way better."

"Why aren't _you_ eating the apple? Won't _you_ regret it later?"

"Nuh-uh," I said, finally giving up and passing him a doughnut. I'd like to say I did it out of guilt for being selfish, but I was really just hoping to shut him up. "I saw all those ginormous women at the doctor's office, so I know it's coming. A couple of doughnuts isn't going to matter."

"You do realize, Cupcake, that those women were ginormous because they had babies in there, right? It wasn't nine months worth of junk food in their stomachs."

"I think I know that. But I'm pretty sure foods that you crave don't count when you're pregnant." I ate the last doughnut and wiped the powder from my hands onto my shorts.

"Okay, you think that Cupcake." Then he smiled. "But you shouldn't have to worry about any of that too much since you'll be following your exercise program."

I didn't like the sound of this. "I don't think you're allowed to exercise when you're pregnant. I'm pretty sure I saw that in one of those pamphlets the doctor gave us. Probably you didn't read that one yet."

Finally the traffic opened up, and we were moving again. I didn't like the turn this conversation had taken, and I silently cursed myself for not giving him a stupid doughnut in the first place.

"Of course you can exercise. There are things you won't be able to do, but I figure we'll take walks together every evening. Bob could use the exercise, too."

I really wanted to move the conversation into a new direction, so I decided I couldn't go wrong talking about his favorite subject. "Will you still have sex with me when I'm huge?"

Joe looked at me like I was insane. "Cupcake, I'll have sex with you until the doctor says we can't. The baby being there isn't going to matter."

"Doesn't it seem like it'd be weird though?"

Joe was busy watching the lanes and trying to maneuver around the slow drivers. "Different, maybe. Why? You don't think you'll want to?"

"I don't know. I mean what if the baby moves around when we're doing it? It might bother her."

"It'll be like a prenatal bumper car ride," he said with a laugh. "Probably it'd be fun for the baby. Something different going on in there. I'm sure your parents had sex before you were born. Do you remember it?"

"Omigod," I said, covering my ears. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Why are we talking about sex anyway? I thought we were talking about your exercise program?"

"_Damn_," I thought. "Hey, is that Disney World up there?"

He shook his head and laughed. "We'll talk about it when we get home." He reached over and grabbed my hand. "This is our last full day of fun and adventure. I want it to be perfect."

Which, of course, it was.

* * *

As it turned out we spent the entire day just at Epcot. We survived the bag check process, the majorly long line, and the fingerprint scanning, and finally worked our way through the gate. Joe pulled me to the side once we got in and gave me a big hug. He smiled at me, and his face grew serious.

"I really wanted to take you somewhere exciting Cupcake, but for obvious reasons that just wasn't possible. I would've loved for us to have gone to Europe."

He hugged me close to him, whispering in my ear. "Making love to you in Paris, sightseeing in Rome, a gondola ride in Venice." He stared into my eyes and said, "And I promise you, that one of these days, we're going to do _all of that_."

I smiled at him, thinking what a fool I'd been not to have married this man years ago.

"In the meantime, I thought it might be fun to come here and imagine what it's going to be like." He pulled out the map and pointed, "First up is Mexico, and I see further down we'll get to visit Italy and France."

I leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. "I'll go anywhere in the world, just as long as I'm with you." I hugged myself to him, and he kissed me on top of my head. "I love you so much, Joe. Thank you for giving me the life that I've always wanted."

We went from country to country, and I loved every minute of it. We spent way too much money, ate way too much food, and I even got my mouse ears. I, of course, opted for pink ones, which forced Joe to have to buy a pair of what he called "normal ears." We stayed for the IllumiNations show that night, and I absolutely loved all of the fireworks and being able to share that with Joe. I didn't even mind all the kids that were crowded around me. I was just as amazed as they were.

We were staying in a resort in Downtown Disney, so after we left Epcot, we headed to Pleasure Island. The nightclub scene wasn't really doing anything for us, so we decided to find another way to pleasure ourselves back in our room. It was the perfect way to end our honeymoon, and I woke up the next day incredibly sad that we were heading home.

"Cheer up Cupcake," Joe said, leaning in for a kiss. "The best is yet to come."


	67. Chapter 67

My second doctor appointment was scheduled for the week after we returned home from our honeymoon. Dr. Williams had said there was a chance we could hear the baby's heartbeat, so I was excited.

I was now at the beginning of my tenth week of pregnancy, and although the doctor had said it was possible to hear it then, he also advised that I not get my hopes up. Sometimes he couldn't find it until around week twelve.

Either way, Joe had decided to leave work early so he could go with me. Thankfully the waiting room wasn't crowded, which meant I didn't have the opportunity to insult anyone again.

I sat there shaking my leg nervously, and Joe rested his hand on my thigh. "Just relax."

Finally the nurse called my name, and he reached for a magazine. "It's okay," I told him. "You can come back with me." Then I thought about it for a second. "Well, in just a few minutes you can. I'll come get you when I'm ready."

Joe just nodded and said, "Alright."

After everything we'd done together on our honeymoon, I decided there wasn't much I was embarrassed for him to see anymore. Except for that three digit number on the scale. A woman's weight was something that a husband and wife had no business sharing.

Sarah wasn't working that day, so I asked the new lady where she was. "She's on vacation this week, but I'll tell her you asked about her."

"No, that's okay," I said. "I just thought maybe she'd been fired."

I endured the finger pricking, the nurse took my blood pressure, and the entire time I kept my eyes on the scale, chewing on a fingernail.

"Um, I just got back from my honeymoon on Saturday," I started to say. "Well congratulations," she replied with a smile.

"Thanks," I told her, "but I was saying that because I think I ate way too much while we were away. Could I skip this until next time? I'll try to lose some weight before my next appointment."

The nurse looked at me like I was crazy. "You can't diet while you're pregnant."

"I wasn't gonna diet. I was just thinking of skipping a few meals here and there. That usually works for me when I need to drop some pounds fast. Either that or I skip desserts."

The nurse was still staring at me like I had definite mental problems. "Definitely skip the desserts. You _can't_ skip any meals."

I took off my shoes and got up on the scale. 129. Ouch. The nurse looked at my chart and frowned. "You were 123 last time. Six pounds is a bit too much."

"Actually I was lucky that day. I'm almost always 125, some days even 126, so it should really just be three or four pounds that I've gained. Plus I think you weigh more in the afternoon than in the morning."

The nurse didn't respond, so I asked, "Does any of that make it better?"

She frowned and shook her head no. I hated this nurse. I wanted Sarah back.

"You should only gain three to five pounds in your entire first trimester."

"Well if we do it my way, then it's all good. I still have another one or two pounds I can gain before we move into round two."

As far as I was concerned, I had resolved the weight issue in my mind, so I didn't listen to anything she said after that.

I gave the urine sample and then opened the door leading into the waiting room and motioned for Joe.

I was happy to find out I didn't have to undress and put on a gown that day. The doctor was just going to talk with me about any concerns I might have and listen for the heartbeat.

No sooner had he walked in and said his hello's, then I started getting lectured.

"Stephanie, what is this about you wanting to go on a diet?"

Joe shot me a look, and I started shaking my head no, laughing nervously. "No, I'm not going to diet. I know I can't do that." I let out another short laugh and felt my eye twitch.

Dr. Williams looked up from my chart and asked, "You aren't planning to skip any meals?"

"Uh, of course not. It's desserts I'm going to skip." Then I whispered, "Sarah's much better. I don't think I want this nurse anymore."

After that I had to endure a ten minute lecture about eating healthy and how the baby was going to take what it needed from me no matter what, so I had to be certain to eat enough for both of us, and on and on and on.

Joe kept giving me looks, but I just ignored him. I knew what was in store for me once we got out of there, and I wasn't looking forward to it. He wasn't the type who would demand I eat spinach and cut out all sweets, but at the same time, this baby was part his, and he'd already shifted into over-protective daddy mode. Keeping him happy with a lot of great sex could get me many things, but allowing me to be a total slack ass about the pregnancy wasn't one of them. And truth of the matter was, I knew I had to get serious and start behaving myself.

Combine all of that thinking with the fact that Dr. Williams hadn't been able to locate the heartbeat had put me in a really crappy mood. And as if my day couldn't get any worse, we ran right smack into Dickie and Joyce on our way out.

"You," she said with a look of disgust. "You're a patient here, too?"

I stared at her, giving her the most evil eye I could muster and said, "I've been coming here for years. I call dibs."

"You can't call dibs."

"_I just did_."

We stared each other down, and then I saw the huge gaudy rock on her finger. "You two are engaged?"

"No, we're married, as if it's any of your business. We just got back from Vegas on Sunday."

"Good thing I've been to Vegas before," I told Joe. "Now that it's contaminated with Dickie and Joyce cooties, I wouldn't be caught dead there."

"Dont be so sure about that."

"Is that a threat?"

"If you want it to be."

"Whore!"

"Slut!"

Then Dickie spoke up, pointing to the doctor's office. "Don't tell me that the two of you have actually procreated?" He shook his head like he couldn't believe it and then looked at Joe. "Just remember it was me who tried to warn you." Then he pointed to my hair.

Joe raised an eyebrow and stared down at him over the rim of his sunglasses. "I'd drop it if I were you. I've been on vacation for a long time, and I haven't had the chance to shoot anybody since I've been back."

"Why isn't he in jail?" I asked Joe. "You're a pig," I told Dickie.

"That may be true," he told me. "But I'm a helluva rich pig." Then he laughed. "Now that I've got enough money, I can finally afford to settle down and start a family."

"You tried to settle down with _me_ before you had enough money." Not that I really cared anymore, because truth was, he and Joyce had actually done me a favor. But I hated him so much that I wanted to call him out on being a jerkface.

"Yeah, the operative word there being '_tried_.' Turned out you were only good for my ego, and there was no way I was getting _you_ pregnant. You were bad enough as it was. I can only imagine the hormonally-challenged mess you are now. Good luck," he said to Joe.

Before Joe could respond, Dickie covered Joyce's stomach with his hand and said, "But me and Joyce here are the real thing." Joyce smiled like a dumb ass, and they started to kiss.

"Here comes my lunch, I said, covering my mouth. Then I stared at Joyce. "I was afraid to ask. I thought maybe you'd just gotten fatter."

"Bitch," she said.

Then I stared at Dickie. "You sure it's yours? You might wanna consider a paternity test once it's born."

Joe had had enough by that point. "I think we have better things to do than this."

He grabbed my hand, and we started to walk off when he turned back ."Oh, and just a friendly warning Dickie. I've got some buddies down at the station who told me they're keeping their eyes on you, so I'd be very careful."

"You don't scare me," he called out after us.

But I knew the truth. He looked like he was about to shit himself, which was expression #2.

He actually didn't have a numbered expression for that one, but he should have. I'd known him to have that look a lot.


	68. Chapter 68

A few days later I was lounging on the couch when I heard the doorbell. I stretched and yawned and put down the carton of chocolate ice cream. I'd done so well limiting my sweets intake since my doctor's appointment, but I'd suddenly been hit with a craving for chocolate. Ice cream was all we had, so ice cream it was. I comforted myself knowing that at least I was sharing it with the baby, so it wasn't like it was all for me.

I was still in my pj's, but I'd had serious intentions of getting dressed right before I knew Joe would be home. Either that or pretending I'd just changed into them.

I opened the front door and came face-to-face with two smiling mothers.

"Are you not feeling well today?" my mother was asking. I stifled a yawn and said, "No, I'm good."

My mother raised an eyebrow and looked down at her watch. "You're not dressed, and it's already 2:30."

"Oh, yeah, that. I just got out of the shower," I lied.

My mother stared at my dry hair and said, "Hmmph." Then I noticed her looking at my mouth. I rubbed my hand over it and looked. Chocolate.

"Aren't you going to let us in?" she was asking. Mrs. Morelli had been unusually quiet, so now I was worried.

"Why? What do you want?"

"Stephanie, that's rude. Angie and I stopped by to see if there was anything we could help you with. Like some cleaning or addressing the envelopes for your 'thank you' cards."

"All taken care of," I said proudly, pointing to the stack on the table. "I just need stamps. I was going to the post office today but haven't made it yet."

"Well, how about laundry?" Mrs. Morelli asked. "Or some light housework?"

Before I knew it, the mothers had taken over and were happily cleaning away. I plopped back down on the couch and clicked the remote. That was fine if_ they_ wanted to clean, but I wasn't about to feel obligated to help. I was trying to rest so I could convince myself to go back to work the next day.

"So how did your doctor appointment go?" my mother asked.

"Fine," I said, not wanting to discuss my weight with her either. "We couldn't hear the hearbeat, so that was disappointing. But everything else is the way it's supposed to be."

"Well, that's good," she said. "Don't take this the wrong way, Stephanie, but Angie and I have decided we're going to have to look out for you from now until you have the baby. As soon as we're finished cleaning, we want to help you write up a weekly menu."

"_Omigod_," I thought. This wasn't happening to me. "Mom, don't take _this_ the wrong way, but I don't think I need you two to do all of this. I'm a grown woman, and I can take care of myself."

My mother raised her eyebrow at me, and I said with a pout, "I can, too!"

But neither one was listening. They were on a cleaning frenzy. I grabbed my cell phone and made my way to the bathroom, locking myself inside. I hit automatic dial and whispered, "_Help_," as soon as Joe answered.

"What's up?" he asked cautiously.

"It's the mothers," I whispered. "They've invaded our house and are dusting within an inch of their lives. Come home and kick them out."

But Joe just laughed. "No can do, Cupcake. I'm swamped. I've got a mountain of paperwork to finish by tomorrow afternoon. Just stay out of their way and let them have their fun. I'm sure they feel like they're contributing, and it's making them happy."

"Contributing would be baking me a pie. Not cleaning."

"Listen, honey, I have to go. I've got a meeting in ten minutes, and I need to finish filling out this form."

"Fine," I said, totally frustrated. "See you later." Joe had been working long hours all week, which meant he'd been too tired to play with me at night. That was probably the main reason behind my chocolate craving earlier.

I snuck out of the bathroom and decided to make myself comfortable back on the couch. As I was walking past the kitchen, though, I overheard Mrs. Morelli telling my mother, "Have you seen Joseph's office? That room has always driven me crazy. He tried to show me something on that internet computer one day, but I just couldn't sit still in that room. I can't wait to get up there."

I let out a smirk and hit redial. "What now Cupcake?" He was trying to be patient, but I could tell his nerves were wearing thin. "I just wanted to tell you that your mother has designs on your office next."

"What?! Don't let her in there!" he exclaimed. "Put her on the phone."

I did as he said and made small talk with my mother while Mrs. Morelli was talking. I was trying to act disinterested, but I was dying to know what Joe was saying.

After a few minutes, Mrs. Morelli handed me the phone and gave me a look. I just smiled and said, "I can't believe how clean this kitchen is. You two are incredible."

Mrs. Morelli smiled, what I assumed to be a fake one, and said, "I have a wonderful idea Helen. Since Joe has ordered us to stay out of his office, how about we keep Stephanie in here with us, and we help her cook a meal for her and Joseph to eat tonight?"

"That's a wonderful idea, Angie!" my mother exclaimed. The two of them began inventorying the pantry and the refrigerator, and my mother turned to me and said, "Why don't you run along and get dressed Stephanie? Meet us back in here, and we'll get started. This is going to be so much fun."

I gave her a half-smile and dragged my feet up the stairs._ So much fun_, my ass. I remembered the thoughts I'd had at the reception and ran back down the stairs to retrieve my phone. Certainly Grandma knew someone who might be good for Mrs. Morelli. The mothers had crossed the line, and it was time for me to get serious and put an end to this madness.

* * *

As luck would have it, I was able to execute my plan the very next day. I had taken another day off from work, so I spent the morning and afternoon making phone calls on behalf of Joe's mother. I was careful not to mention who I wanted to set up, though. I knew good and well that the Burg gossips wouldn't let it rest until Mrs. Morelli had been well informed. _Or warned_, if you wanted to look at it that way.

After reviewing all of the potential mates, I realized my best shot was Stan's best friend, Dominic. Or Dom as Grandma called him.

And it just so happened that Joe called about five o'clock to let me know he'd be home late. They'd had some kind of break-through with some case that he said he'd told me about, but I didn't remember it. Anyway, for some reason or another, he didn't think he'd make it home for several hours, so I saw my chance and ran with it.

"Okay, love ya!" I told him, quickly disconnecting and dialing my parents' number.

"Grandma, this is Stephanie. I can only talk for a second. I need you to bring Stan and his friend, Dom, over to my house for supper. Six o'clock, okay? _And you cannot be late_. Okay?

"Sure thing, Stephanie. Calm yourself down. It's ..."

I interrupted her. "Great. See you then." Then I dialed Joe's mother. "Mrs. Morelli? This is Stephanie. Joe and I were wondering if you could come to our house for supper tonight?"

I listened as she rattled on and on about how nice that was, and I tried to refrain from telling her to just hurry up and say yes or no. Finally she said yes, and I practically yelled, "Okay, six o'clock. See you in a bit."

I grabbed my keys and headed toward the front door. I came to a screeching halt and ran back to the kitchen. I grabbed a chunk of cheese from the fridge and half of an apple turnover, then I hurried out to the car.

Forty-five minutes later I was home with a complete meal, compliments of Giordano's. I was racing around, pouring the food into our own dishes, stashing take out containers in cabinets, setting out plates and wine glasses. I ran upstairs and slapped on a fresh coat of makeup, changed my clothes, and fluffed out my hair. "Not bad," I said to Bob. "Three minutes to spare." I ran back downstairs and sat down on the couch, dabbing off the sweat.

At precisely six o'clock the doorbell rang. "Come in," I told Mrs. Morelli. "I just talked to Joe, and he'll be here any minute." Damn I was such a liar. "Have a seat."

I sat there smiling and staring down at my watch. "It sure is hot, isn't it?" I had no idea what to say to her. "So did you clean a lot of stuff at _your_ house today?" I asked with a smile.

"No, actually your mother and I went to lunch and did some shopping at that antique store down on Main Street."

I frowned. "Oh, you and my mother? That's nice." I said a silent prayer that Dom would be hot and sweep Mrs. Morelli off her feet.

Finally the doorbell rang. "Maybe Joe forgot his key," I said innocently, walking to the door. "Grandma Mazur! What a surprise!"

"Whaddya mean a surprise? You said six o'clock, didn't ya?"

I started laughing, but it went on a bit too long. "You're so funny, Grandma. I just love when you play around like this. But now that you're here, why don't you and Stan and Stan's single friend join us for supper? I have plenty of food."

"Stephanie, are you sure you're ..."

I pulled her in by the arm and whispered, "Just play along, okay?"

Grandma smiled knowingly and whispered, "I get it. Okay." Then loud enough for Mrs. Morelli to hear she said, "We'd love to stay for supper. Just so happens we're all starving to death."

I smiled at Dom and thought Grandma shouldn't be using the word death in his presence. I needed him and didn't want him jinxed.

"Introduce us to Stan's friend, Grandma," I said sweetly.

"Dom, this is my granddaughter Stephanie. And this is her mother-in-law Angie Morelli. Angie, Stephanie, this is Dominic Carpelli."

We both shook his hand, and Mrs. Morelli smiled politely. "You can call me Dom," he said with a charming smile. Dominic was probably a year or two older than Joe's mother, and you could tell in his day he was probably a stud. His hair was silver, his eyes were dark, and his body was still in pretty good shape for a man his age. I guess if I were super old, I'd have found him attractive.

"Okay, let's go eat." I was pointing everyone towards the dining room, and for some stupid reason Grandma sat down next to Dom.

"No!" I yelled at her, and everyone looked at me, startled. I started giggling and said, "Sorry, Grandma. I didn't meant to yell. Why don't you come sit beside _me_? I haven't sat next to you at dinner in ages."

"I sat next to you just the other night. You sure are acting screwy."

I laughed again. "Grandma's always cracking jokes. Such a riot" Then I narrowed my eyes at her. "Just sit down!" I demanded, pointing to the chair next to mine. "Mrs. Morelli you sit there," I said, motioning toward the chair Grandma had tried to take.

She nodded her head and sat quickly. I think she was afraid I was going to yell at her next.

"Okay," I said, sitting down in my chair. I smiled at Dom, and then I smiled at Mrs. Morelli. "Someone pray," I said, wanting to hurry up so we could get to the good part. Romance and all that.

"Stephanie, aren't we missing someone?" Mrs. Morelli asked.

"Huh?" I asked. "I don't think so."

"Joseph?"

"Oh, yeah, him." I laughed for a few seconds and said, "I forgot he wasn't here. But didn't I say he was working late?"

Mrs. Morelli looked afraid to answer me, like I was going to bite her head off or something. "I don't think so," she said hesitantly. "I thought you said he'd be here any minute. Why don't we call and check on him?"

"No!" I yelled. "I mean, it's okay. I'll heat him a plate when he gets here. Or he can just eat it cold. He's a big boy. He can take care of himself."

Dom looked at me and asked, "Aren't you two newlyweds? Boy, the honeymoon's over already, huh?"

Everyone laughed except me. "Would someone just pray?" I asked in a frustrated tone.

"Dear Lord, please bless this fine food that Stephanie has prepared for us this evening." I fidgeted in my seat. "And please let Stephanie accomplish whatever it is she hopes to do tonight." I opened my eyes a bit to see if anyone reacted to that, but all was good.

Everyone started to say "amen" when Grandma added, "and please take good care of Morelli, since he appears to be lost out there somewhere instead of being able to enjoy this fine meal here with us. Amen."

I shot her a look and practically screamed, "Joe's not lost, Grandma!" Then I looked up to the ceiling and said, "Just ignore that part."

The table was quiet while everyone filled their plates, and Stan poured the wine. His hand wasn't very steady, and he was sloshing it around, and it spilled on the carpet.

Mrs. Morelli immediately sprung into action. She poured some salt on it and then hurried off into the kitchen. She came back with a bottle of white wine and proceeded to pour some onto the stain. She blotted it up and smiled. "Always does the trick." Then she asked whether or not she'd seen club soda in the kitchen the day before. "Maybe?" I said with a shrug.

"I'll go check." She was back moments later with it and proceeded to work some more of her Martha Stewart magic.

"There," she said. "Now Joseph will never know." Funny how she didn't seem to think_ I_ cared about the wine stain. I did a major mental eye roll and said a half-hearted, "Thank you, Mrs. Morelli."

Dom was obviously impressed, so he spent the next five minutes or so quizzing Joe's mother on how to remove all sorts of stains from all sorts of items. Finally after they'd exhausted that conversation, Dom turned his attention to me.

"So, Stephanie," he was asking. "I know Edna said your husband is a police officer. What is it you do again?"

"I'm a bounty hunter. Sometimes."

"A bounty hunter, huh?" Dom repeated.

"Yep."

Grandma spoke up then. "She's a darned good one, too. Likes to blow up stuff and shoot at people. She finds more dead bodies than anyone I know."

"That's what it means to be a good bounty hunter? Dom asked. "That doesn't seem like anything I see on that A&E show. That guy never finds dead bodies or blows up stuff. She might not be as good as you think Edna."

Grandma thought about that for a minute. "You know, he might be right Stephanie. Maybe the guy on that show is more like Ranger. Except for Ranger's missing the big-boobied wife. And he don't have as many kids as that guy does."

"Ranger?" Don asked.

"_Oh, Lord_," I mumbled under my breath. Why on earth had I thought this was a good idea?

"Yeah, sometimes he does bounty hunting with Stephanie. But he's way better. Probably he could have his own show, and Stephanie could be his bumbling sidekick. You know like Barney Fife was to Andy Griffith in that show that had Opie in it. Now that was one cute kid. That red hair and those freckles. Course you didn't think about him having red hair cause it was in black and white."

I gave grandma the "_please shut up_" look, but she kept right on talking. "You ever thought about that name for a boy, Stephanie? Opie Morelli. Now that'd be original. And different. You like different."

I narrowed my eyes at Grandma and shook my head no.

"I can see your granddaughter didn't inherit your originality," Stan said. Dom, of course, agreed.

"Speaking of names," Mrs. Morelli was asking, "have you and Joseph started thinking of any yet?"

I sat my water glass down and said, "No, not for boys. But I have a few girl names in mind."

"Why not boy names?" Dom asked.

"She wants a girl," Mrs. Morelli explained, and I recognized the look she gave me. I'd seen the exact same one on my mother's face every Christmas and birthday when I'd begged her for a pony.

"What?" I asked her. "You don't think I can have a girl?"

Mrs. Morelli looked scared again, and I began twisting a curl around my finger, trying hard to remember she was Joe's mother and to not give her the evil eye.

"Of course not, dear. That's a silly thing to ask me. I think it's possible that you could have either one. Maybe you'll end up with one of each one day."

"Maybe I will," I said. "Maybe I'll have two of each even. Maybe I'll be like that crazy lady who has like twenty kids. I think they even have a television show," I said. I thought about it for a minute. "Or maybe it's just a website. I don't really care," I screamed.

I stopped and tried to collect my thoughts. This was supposed to be a fix-up, but I had decided I hated Dom, so my top priority was to now hurry everyone along and get them out of my house. I felt guilty about it later, but all I could think at the time was "_Old people suck_."

Everyone was quiet, so I decided to just try to make small talk for the rest of meal. "So, Dom, are you retired or do you still work?"

"Why? You looking for a new husband already?"

Everyone started laughing, and I let out a short laugh and then abruptly stopped. "That's funny," I said. Then I chomped down as loud as I could on one of the carrots from my salad.

"Looks like your granddaughter didn't inherit your sense of humor either, Edna," Stan said. And once again, Dom agreed.

I'm funny!" I said with a scowl. "I'm all kinds of funny."

I hated Stan and Dom. And I wasn't very fond of Mrs. Morelli at that particular moment either. Her and her girl-doubting self.

Dom shifted in his chair uncomfortably and addressed Joe's mother. "I'm retired now. I used to work for the phone company."

"Exciting," I mumbled.

"Never found any dead bodies, but I did blow up a wire or two in my time."

Everyone laughed again, like it was just the most hysterical thing they'd ever heard. I, however, was through with Dom. I smiled a fake smile and forked a chunk of manicotti, resisting the urge to fling it in his face.

Twenty minutes later, the old fogey's were still cracking corny jokes, and I was trying my best not to vomit in my plate.

I stood to get dessert and instead of walking through the doorway, I ran right into the wall. Except that it wasn't a wall. It was more like Joe's chest.

Shit.

He took one look at our guests and pulled me into the kitchen. "Care to explain?" he asked.

"Not really," I said with a sweet smile. "Want me to fix you a plate?"

"Playing sweet isn't gonna work, Cupcake. You're trying to set up my mother, aren't you?"

"Fine," I told him. "Yes, but I don't like this one anymore. There's gotta be someone better than him out there. Why don't you sit down next to him and look all scary like you can do sometimes, and maybe he'll leave."

Joe gave me the look that said, "_We'll discuss this later_," and then he made his way into the dining room.

I heard Mrs. Morelli exclaim, "Joseph! I'm so glad you're here. Dominic, this is my son Joseph ..." I stopped listening after that, grabbing an extra plate for Joe.

"_This is my son Joseph_," I said under my breath, mimicking Mrs. Morelli. I rolled my eyes, cleared my throat, and forced a smile, returning to the dining room.

I stayed quiet the rest of the meal, but of course Joe just loved Dom. And Dom seemed to be smitten with Joe, asking all sorts of questions about his job and criminals and crap like that. He didn't dare suggest that Joe wasn't a very good cop.

After everyone had gone, I started washing the dishes, and Joe came up behind me and gave me a hug. "You know, Cupcake, sometimes I don't give you enough credit. I think you were right about my mother needing a companion. She seemed to genuinely like Dom."

"Of course she did," I said, not even trying to hide my look of disgust.

"That's right. You didn't like him," Joe said, kissing the side of my neck.

"No, I didn't."

"Well, you might want to get used to him. I heard him inviting my mother to coffee tomorrow morning."

"Great," I said. "Another person to annoy the hell out of me."

Joe just laughed and turned me around, kissing me softly on the lips. "What's the expression Cupcake? Be careful what you wish for?" Then he started to laugh. "It actually serves you right for being such a buttinsky."

I didn't think it was funny, so I grabbed a handful of soap bubbles from the sink and flung them at him.

Before I knew it, we were engaged in a full-on water fight, and I was soaked from head to toe.

"Okay, okay, I give up," I said laughing. "No more."

Joe smiled down at my top and said, "Lucky for me you wore white today." His mouth was instantly on mine, and he was working his way up the back of my shirt, unclasping my bra. "I better get you out of these wet clothes."

The floor was soaking wet, so we decided to head upstairs to the bedroom. Joe had untied my shorts and was sliding my underwear down when he suddenly stopped. "You've finally got a little bump," he said with a smile.

"No, I don't," I said, but then I looked down and noticed it, too. Where had that come from? I'd been lounging around in my pajamas and baggy shorts all week, so I guess that's why I hadn't realized it. I hadn't been wearing any of my sexy panties, and my bumming around-in underwear hadn't seemed particularly tight, but there was no denying my stomach was no longer flat.

We smiled at each other, both of us excited to finally see some real proof of our baby. I laid there thinking that my stomach kinda looked like it did when I'd made one too many trips to the Tasty Pastry, but I decided to think it was due to the baby and only the baby.

Joe made love to me tenderly, and afterwards I cuddled up in his arms, feeling completely blessed and loved. My last thoughts that night were spent dreaming of the day when I would finally hold our baby in my arms. I smiled to myself in anticipation and drifted off to sleep.


	69. Chapter 69

I held off on going back to work until the following Monday, and unfortunately I woke up that morning not feeling so great. The heat was insane, and there was no use bothering with my hair or makeup. I figured I probably had a good fifteen minutes to a half hour and then no one could tell I'd even tried.

I walked into the office, and of course Connie was put together perfectly. Not a droopy hair in sight, no smudged makeup. Not even a drop of sweat.

"Welcome back stranger," her and Lula said, obviously trying to avoid looking at me. Their lack of staring made it worse, though, so I fussed at them. "Go ahead. Say it. I know I look like shit."

Lula and Connie stared at each other, most likely taking the time to carefully choose which description they thought would be safe. "Nah, you don't look like shit," Lula said. "You just look old. And tired."

I felt my bottom lip pulling downward at both corners, and I fought back the tears. "I'd rather look like shit than for you to say I look old."

"Did I say 'old' Blondie? I meant cold. Like you've been running your air conditioning too much in the car, and it messed up your hair."

"No you didn't. You meant old and that's what you said."

"Fine," she admitted. "But there are worse things, y'know. I coulda said you looked fat." Then Lula stared me up and down. "Course you are starting to poke out, aren't ya?"

Then her and Connie came closer to look. "Yeah you are," Connie said with a big grin, and she pulled my shirt up a bit to get a better look. Lula had her hand on my stomach, and just then, Vinnie opened the door to his office and peeked out.

He raised his eyebrows and asked, "What kind of fun am I missing out here?"

"Eww," Lula fussed at him. "Stephanie's your cousin, you sicko pervert."

"Yeah, and it's about time you came back to work," he told me. "I want you to bring in five skips today. Ten if you can do it. One look at you, and people will be begging for you to take them in. You look like shit." Then he slammed his office door.

"Pretty sad when Vinnie's the honest one," I told Connie and Lula. I let out a yawn and plopped down on the couch. "I don't wanna be here today. I need sleep."

"You know what your problem is?" Lula asked me. "You need sugar. _Lots of it_. That'll get you going."

"I can't," I said, shaking my head. "I've been practically sugar-free for a week." I chose not to think about the chocolate ice cream. I only ate that because I'd needed sex, so it didn't count.

"Girl, you're just pregnant. You ain't diabetic or nothing. You gotta have some sweets. Whatcha want? Some doughnuts? Some Boston Cremes? I'll go get you something." Lula grabbed her purse and was out the door before I could protest.

"You can't let me eat any of that," I told Connie. "I'm trying to be good."

Connie looked at me doubtfully and said, "Okay, I'll try. But I make no promises."

I started going through the files, pulling out the ones I thought were easy. "Go behind me and see what you think. I can't risk any serious screw-ups my first day back."

Connie shuffled through them and said, "Yeah, these look simple. I don't see anything that looks threatening."

Five minutes later, Lula strolled back in, a bakery box in her hand. "Here you go, Blondie. Got you a small sampling of everything."

"Lula, I really appreciate it, but I can't. I got fussed at by Nurse Ratched the other day. I gained six pounds, I mean three or four, since my last visit, and she said that was bad. I have to cut out sweets."

"Cut out sweets? No, no, no Blondie. You're going about it all wrong. You don't cut out the good stuff, you just make sure you burn it off. That's what I do to keep this figure of mine."

I raised an eyebrow, which Lula ignored, and she continued. "I'll have you know I work hard for this shape here." She ran her hand down the length of her side and smiled proudly. "I gotta stay just the right size to keep Tank happy. He likes a little cushion to hold onto, y'know. No skin and bones for him."

Lula thought about it for a second and then opened the box. "As a matter of fact, I better have one of these here. I'm starting to feel a little small on my left side."

I stood there watching her eat a chocolate covered doughnut, and I could feel myself starting to crack. I looked over at Connie and said, "You're my willpower, remember?"

Connie was going for a jelly doughnut, and she started shaking her head. "Sorry, Steph. I can't even stop myself. Why on earth do you think I can help you?"

I shut my eyes and imagined healthy foods like broccoli and cauliflower and an orange and a grapefruit. I thought about eating those things and how good they would be for me and the baby. I thought about the yummy treats in that box, and then I stared down at my stomach and remembered the scale in the doctor's office.

"What are you doing Blondie?" Lula asked.

"Contemplating," I told her.

"It looks more like you gotta take a shit. I wouldn't contemplate like that any more. People are gonna look at you funny."

"What else is new?" I asked, grabbing a Boston Creme. "Fine, you win," I told Lula. "Let's do some exercising after we bring in some of these skips."

"Sounds good," she said in agreement.

Five Boston Cremes and four doughnuts later, I was raring to go. "Get the files, okay?" I was telling Lula. "Which one first? You pick. It doesn't matter to me. I don't have a particular order, so I'll go along with whatever you say. I could put them in order if you want me to, though. Hand 'em here. Hang on. I gotta go pee first. Let me go to the bathroom, okay? You gonna drive? If you don't want to, I could drive today. Whatever you wanna do is fine with me. Let's just get going. Oh wait, I still have to pee."

Lula and Connie were just staring at me, and I disappeared to go to the bathroom. I heard Lula say, "Oh lawd," as I shut the door. I didn't know what her problem was. I was fine. Of course I did have a hard time getting my shorts back up because my hands were shaking a little too much. But I was fine.

"Okay, I'm ready. You wanna drive? I could drive. I never get to drive. I'm a good driver, you know? I've very safe and very careful."

"What about the time you ran over Morelli?" Connie asked.

"That was a long time ago," I said. "And I did that on purpose, so it doesn't count."

Lula was shaking her head no. "That's okay. I'll drive." She gave Connie a look, and I asked, "What? I'm feeling better, okay. I'm ready to go. I don't even want to take a nap anymore." I peeked into the box and snatched up the last doughnut.

"Nuh-uh," Lula said. "You put that back. You don't need any more sugar. I think maybe I was wrong."

"What are you talking about? The sugar's not bothering me."

Lula lunged towards the doughnut, so I popped all of it in my mouth.

"Damn girl, you're just like a junkie trying to get her fix."

"You take that back," I said between bites and gulps. "That's a really mean thing to say to me."

"Probably so," Lula admitted, "but you gotta have some kind of self-control."

"Yeah, I know," I admitted. "It's just I can't stop at one. I gotta have more." I eyed Connie's desk. "No way," she said. "I'm saving this one for after lunch."

"Come on Blondie," Lula said, pulling my arm. "Let's get going, and then we'll stop somewhere for lunch. That'll be nich, huh? You'll like that, won't you? And if you eat all of your veggies, I'll let you get a cookie."

I shot her a dirty look and said, "I'm not a four year old, okay?" I paused for a second and asked, "Where are we getting the cookie from?"

Lula just shook her head and said, "You still got problems."

* * *

I buckled myself in, but I couldn't sit still. My leg was shaking, and my hands were still trembling.

"Blondie, you're a mess. There's no way we can go after any skips with you like this."

"I'm fine," I told her. "I'm just a little hyper, that's all. I think I shocked my system with all that sugar, but it'll work its way out."

Lula just shook her head. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. Hell, ever since I've known you you've been a sugar addict. How could one week of not eating it cause something like this?" she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders and turned the music up louder.

Five minutes later we arrived at our first stop, and I flung open the door, anxious to get out of the car. I ran up the sidewalk and rang the doorbell.

"Wait up!" Lula was saying.

A woman answered the door, and I yelled at her. "Are you Martha Summerfield?"

Her eyes opened wide, and she nodded her head in fear.

"You missed your court date, so you need to be rebonded. Why did you do that? That car in your driveway doesn't run? You don't know where the courthouse is? You have to be more responsible. Vincent Plum was nice enough to bail you out, and this is the way you say thanks? You're too old to behave this way. You should know better than this."

The woman just nodded her head, and she was looking at Lula, silently pleading for help.

"Get your shoes on. You don't wanna go barefoot. That police station is nasty."

She just stood there so I yelled, "Hurry up!" She ran off and came back minutes later with shoes on her feet. "Good job," I told her. "If you always did what you were supposed to, then I wouldn't be here at your doorstep yelling at you. You like getting yelled at?"

The woman shook her head no. "Good, then get in the car. Backseat. I always ride shotgun."

Lula looked at her and said, "It's okay. She just ate too much sugar. She's practically harmless." The woman swallowed hard and walked to the car.

We made it to the station in record-breaking time, and the woman took off running to the door.

"Blondie, how 'bout you stay out here just in case we was to run into Morelli? I don't know how much he'd enjoy seeing you this way."

"He probably wouldn't notice. I'm starting to calm down." By this time, though, I was frantically chewing on my fingernails and using my free hand to play with my hair.

"Girl, you can't stand still. Don't come in there. I gotta catch up with our skip. Pretty sad that she chooses the cops over you."

"Very funny," I told her. But she did have a point.

I stood outside waiting, and after about five minutes, I saw Eddie walking towards me. "Hey Steph," he called out. "What's up?"

"Nothing much. How goes it with you?" I was still twisting my hair, but now I was smacking gum. I'd found it under my seat, and since it was still in the wrapper, it was as good as gold.

Eddie stared at me for a second and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Great. And you?" I yelled. I stared down at his bag and asked, "Where is that from? It smells like a burrito."

"Yeah, it's Taco Bell."

"Can I have your drink?" I asked him. "It is so freaking hot out here, and I don't know how much longer Lula's gonna be."

"Why don't you just come inside?"

"No, I have to stay out here. I made our skip nervous."

Eddie nodded his head like he understood and passed me his extra-large cup. "Don't be such a stranger. You and Morelli should come to dinner some time."

"Yeah, that sounds great," I said, slurping on the straw. "Just call me whenever it works for you and Shirley."

"Okay." He stared at me for a second and then said, "Take it easy today. You seem a little high-strung."

"You betcha!" I told him, sucking down the last bit of drink.

Finally Lula came back, and by this time, I was practically jumping up and down. I just couldn't control myself. I was pulling trash out of her backseat and was shaking out all of her floor mats.

"What the hell?" she asked. "Didn't you calm down some while I was inside?"

"I was starting to, but then I drank Eddie's drink, and I got hyper again."

"What was Eddie drinking?"

"Mountain Dew Baja Blast. You ever tried it? It's really good!"

"Yeah, and it's loaded with sugar." Lula stared at me and started grabbing her mats. "Come on. I think we better put the skips on hold and go do some exercising. You need to burn that shit off."

"Sounds good!" I yelled.

* * *

Lula stopped off at a gas station so I could use the bathroom, and we bought two bottles of water. Then she drove us to a park about ten minutes away from the police station.

"Okay, there's a track here. Four times around is a mile." She stared down at my sneakers and said, "Good. You're ready. Get going."

"Whaddya mean?" I asked her. "I thought you were gonna walk with me? I don't wanna do it by myself."

"I'll be there. They got some nice bleachers off to the side."

I rolled my eyes and headed down to the track. I started walking, and I noticed everyone passing me had iPods. I'd never thought about it before, but I wanted an iPod, too.

Some of the women walked by, and they were carrying weights and had some strapped around their ankles. I wanted weights, too. I saw Lula sitting on the bleachers, so I made a beeline to her.

"You can't stop now," she said." You've only done two laps."

"I'm not stopping," I explained. "I just wanna know if you have an iPod in your purse?"

"No. Now get back to the track," she pointed.

I was on my fifth lap and feeling pretty good. The shakes were starting to wear off, and I noticed some guy watching me every time I made my way around the curve. Finally on about lap seven, he approached me, not too far from where Lula was sitting.

"I'm not usually this forward," he said, "but I just have to say something to you before I lose my nerve."

I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. "I'm not sure if you're happily married or not," he said pointing to my ring, "but I would totally have sex with you if you wanted."

I glanced over at Lula and then looked back at the guy. I thought about it for a few seconds and then smiled. "Hmm, you are kinda cute. And my husband is kind of a loser. Okay," I told him. "Why not?" I shrugged my shoulders like "_whatever_."

The guy looked shocked and asked, "For real? That line never works for me."

"Well I guess it's your lucky day, isn't it?"

Lula's mouth had dropped open, and she was thankfully in too much shock to speak.

"Listen, I can't do it today, though. I have to go with my husband to some banquet. You know, work stuff." The guy nodded his head, staring at my chest.

"You have a pen and something to write on? I'll give you my number, and you can call me tomorrow. Some time during the day."

"I saw an old pen on the ground back there. I'll be right back."

He ran off to get it, and Lula said, "What in the hell are you doing?!"

I just smiled and motioned for her to stay quiet. The guy came back and held out the palm of his hand. "Just write it down on here." Then he thought about it for a second and asked, "You're not gonna give me a fake number, are you?"

"No way," I said confidently. "I'm not that type of girl. I always make good on my fuck promises."

"Yeah?" he asked with a smile. "Yeah," I said with a wink.

I started to write, but then I stopped. "Oh, I forgot. I'm pregnant. Is that gonna be a problem?" He stared at my stomach and said, "No. You're not fat."

"Cool!" I told him. I proceeded to write down the number to Dickie's office. "My name's Joyce, by the way."

Lula started to laugh, but I shot her a look. "And listen, just in case my husband answers, don't feel like you gotta hide anything. We have an open marriage, so he'll completely understand. Just tell him who you are, and what we've got planned."

"Awesome!" the guy said, walking off with a big grin on his face.

"You're pure evil, Blondie," Lula said between her laughter.

"Yeah, I know. But he was a dumb ass to say something like that to me in the first place. Not to mention he didn't even care I was pregnant. Gross! He totally deserves it." Then I laughed. "And Joyce and Dickie deserve it just because they're Joyce and Dickie."

I started to walk again, and Lula joined me. "I probably shouldn't have done that, but it was totally because of all that sugar. I'm probably not thinking clearly yet."

"Probably not," Lula said. "But it's still funny as hell. That's one conversation I wish I could listen in on."

* * *

I ended up walking three miles, and I was exhausted. I was way calmer, though, and I came to the conclusion that there was no way I could go cold turkey on giving up the sweets. I was just going to have to find a balance that worked to keep me from being at either one extreme or the other.

Lula and I stopped off for lunch, and I ate a huge chef salad, drank a tall glass of water, and had a side of fresh fruit to go with it. I even skipped the cookie for dessert. We headed back to the office and dropped off Martha's file.

"That's the only one you apprehended while you were out?" Connie asked disbelievingly.

Lula and I stared at each other. "Yeah, well it's Blondie's first day back, so I thought we'd better take it easy."

"Yeah," I told her, staring down at my watch. "And it's my naptime, so I gotta get going. See you guys tomorrow."

Lula made herself comfortable on the couch, and I started to leave. I heard Vinnie's door opening, so I picked up the pace, figuring I'd listen to him bitch and moan the next day. Lula and Connie could handle him for now.

* * *

Later that night, Joe and I were sitting on the couch, and he was rubbing my feet. He leaned in for a kiss and said, "I've got a surprise for you. I'll be right back."

He went into the kitchen, and I heard him opening the cabinet and grabbing plates. Next thing I knew, he was walking out with two plates filled with cake.

"You've been so good lately, I think you've earned it." I started to smile and just take the plate, but that was what the old Stephanie would've done.

I took a deep breath and confessed everything that had happened that day to Joe.

He sat there listening and then said, "Three miles? Really? I'm impressed." Then he hugged me to him. "I think you're right about finding a balance with the sweets, but more important, I like that you were honest with me." He kissed me softly on the lips and said, "It's not that big of a piece, if you still want to eat it."

I smiled at him and moved in closer. "Only if you promise to help me work it off once I'm finished."

The pieces of cake were still sitting on the coffee table in the morning, but I smiled to myself when I saw them, thinking how much I'd enjoyed Joe _way more_ than I ever could've enjoyed the cake.


	70. Chapter 70

A few days later I started my day snuggled up in the crook of Joe's arm. I yawned and stretched and slowly turned to check the clock. It was already a quarter past seven, so I gently gave Joe a nudge, trying to wake him.

"Aren't you gonna be late?" I asked with a frown. All I really wanted to do was get on top of him and keep him in bed with me for the entire day, but I knew that wasn't going to happen.

He opened his eyes and gave me a sleepy smile. His hair was tousled, and he was in desperate need of a shave. I reached out and rubbed my hand over his stubble, thinking how incredibly sexy it was, and then I slowly began to pull back the sheet. "Can you be a little late?" I asked between kisses.

Joe leaned in and kissed me passionately, lots of tongue action involved, and then he mumbled, "Fuck going to work today. I take it you have something better in mind?"

"Oh, yeah," I said with a grin. "Way better." I worked my way down past his chest, and as soon as I reached my destination, I gave him a little lick. "Something I _know_ you're gonna enjoy."

"_Oh, yeah_ is right," he whispered, unsuccessfully fighting back a moan. He was running his fingers through my hair, and I was thoroughly enjoying the task at hand. Even moreso whenever I heard him groan.

A while later we were both lying on our backs, gasping for breath. "Now that's the way we should start every day," Joe said with a smile. I propped myself up on one elbow and asked, "You're really not going to work today?"

"No," he said. "I've put in enough hours over the past week. I have a few phone calls to make, but that's it."

I sat up in bed and frowned. "I _have_ to go in today. I promised Lula I'd work until one. But if you can wait for me, I'll meet you somewhere for lunch."

Joe leaned in for a kiss and said, "Of course I'll wait for you, my gorgeous wife. Now, how about you join me in the shower? I don't think your breasts have been properly cleaned since we came back from our honeymoon. In fact I know they haven't been. They look kinda sad about it, too."

He leaned down and started kissing and sucking on my nipples. "Look, they're perking up already," he said with a smile. "See how happy they are now."

I started laughing, and my eyes were totally focused on what was below his waist. "I can see something else is happy now, too."

Joe stared down at himself and grinned. "Well how 'bout that?" he teased. "What time did you say you had to be there by?" Then he passed me the phone. "Call Connie and let her know you're gonna be late."

* * *

"Bad news," Connie was saying as soon as I opened the door. "What?" I asked with a wince. Those were my least two favorite words, because in my world, you just never knew exactly what was coming next.

"Lula just called. She's heading out of town. I think she said Ohio. Or maybe it was Iowa." Connie thought about it for a second. "Then there's Idaho. But that one's really far away, right? I don't think it was there. I'm pretty sure it was Ohio."

"Something bad going on?" I asked, hoping nothing serious was wrong.

"Her mom's in the hospital, so Tank is driving her there. She didn't say much more than that, but I gave her our best wishes."

I sat down in the chair next to Connie's desk, feeling pretty bummed for Lula and her mom. "That sucks."

"Yeah," Connie agreed. We both just sat there for a minute or two, thinking the same thing. "It sure is quiet without Lula here, isn't it?"

"Yeah," I said. "Did she say how long she was gonna be gone?"

"No, but she said she'd call."

I nodded my head and let out a sigh. "So how are things on the baby front?" Connie asked.

"Pretty good. I have this major craving for macaroni and cheese all the time now," I said.

"That sounds pretty normal."

"Sorta," I said. "Except I've been adding peanut butter and jelly to it"

"Ewww," Connie said. "Why'd you tell me that? That's sick!"

"It sounds gross, but it's really good. You should try it." Then I smiled. "The other night Joe was working late, so I got a pepperoni pizza from Pino's. I flipped it over and spread peanut butter on the bottom of the crust. It was messy but actually pretty tasty."

Connie just stared at me like I was the most disgusting person she'd ever met, and then she shook her head. "You've got to be having a boy."

"What?!" I said a little too loudly. "Don't say that! Why would you say that?!"

"Because boys, and men, can be pretty gross. And what you just told me is beyond nasty."

I decided to ignore her and grabbed a stack of files to flip through. "You can't go it alone," Connie said, pointing at them. "You'll just have to wait for Lula to get back."

"Yeah, I guess." I started feeling bummed out again because I'd already stashed away a good deal of money since Monday, and I just needed a little bit more so I could buy the dream crib I'd found at The Baby Barn.

I had already made plans to take Joe there after lunch so we could go ahead and buy it. I knew he wasn't expecting me to pay for it, but truth be told, the one I had in mind was way over what we had budgeted, and I figured that if I at least earned the money for it, maybe he wouldn't complain too much.

I sat there thinking, and then the wheels started turning. "Joe's off today. Maybe he'd be willing to tag along on a few of these." I thought about how satisfied he'd been when I left, and I was convinced he'd do it.

"I'll just take three or four of them, and I'll see what he says. If he won't do it, I promise not to attempt anything by myself."

Connie raised an eyebrow at me and asked, "You're not lying, right? You're really going to ask Morelli?"

"I swear," I said. "Cross my heart and all that stuff."

"Okay, I'm trusting you," Connie said, handing me the files.

* * *

Joe was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a cup of coffee, and reading the paper. He looked up when I walked in and flashed me a smile. "Decided you wanted some more, so you had to leave early and rush back home to me?"

I poured myself a glass of orange juice and gave him my sweetest smile.

He let out a sigh and put down his cup. "Okay," he said, "what's up?"

"Lula's had to go out of town to visit her mom in the hospital, so I was wondering if you'd go with me to pick up a few of these?" I held out the files and waved them. "There's nothing bad in here, and I thought it would be kinda fun. You know, like the old days when we used to work together."

"Why don't you just take the day off, and we'll find something much more entertaining to do? Anything's better than that," he said, pointing at the files.

"We'll just do a few." I hesitated and decided to just go ahead and tell him what I was thinking. "I don't need much more money, and then I'll have enough to buy a crib I saw at The Baby Barn. I was thinking we could stop by there after lunch, and I'd show it to you. And then we could get it."

"Is that all it is? I can make up the difference, Cupcake," he said. "It's not a big deal."

"I know, but at least this way I feel like I'm contributing. And if it's just you and me today, I don't have to split anything with Lula. So maybe I'll have enough left over to buy a stroller."

Joe nodded his head. "Okay, I can see this means a lot to you." Then he sighed. "I can never say no to you. Let me get dressed."

"Thank you!" I squealed, wrapping my arms around his neck from behind. I planted a few kisses on his cheek and said, "I can't wait to go baby shopping. Especially with you."

* * *

I had four files in my hand, and I'd decided to save what looked to be the most difficult one for last. The first three went off without a hitch, and I honestly could've handled all of them without Joe. They were all women, and they weren't exactly hardened criminals. One had forged a prescription, one had been caught shoplifting at the mall, and the other had been arrested for some serious harassment of her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend.

The fourth one, however, had been in trouble with the law _a lot_. This was her first time being bonded out by Vinnie, and I was pretty certain it wouldn't be her last.

"Okay, one more skip and then we can eat. What're you in the mood for?"

"You," Joe said matter-of-factly. Then he grinned. "I'll take you wherever you want," he said. "Let's just get this over with."

He punched the address into his GPS and pulled into traffic. I sat there wondering why Lula and I didn't think to use one of those, but then I realized it was because neither one of us wanted to take the time to learn _how_ to use one of those.

"Who's this one?" Joe asked. "And what'd she do?"

"Vera Simpson. Says she was arrested for disorderly conduct and for assaulting her common-law husband Bucky Jones."

Joe pulled into the driveway, and we walked up to the front porch. He hung back a bit while I stepped forward and knocked. It appeared Vera and Bucky had once had a working doorbell, but it was now dangling down, held in place by a single wire. Not a surprise considering what a dump their house was, and I stood there hoping and praying they didn't have kids living in a place like this.

I knocked again, and I finally heard someone approaching. It sounded like whoever it was accidentally ran into the wall, and I heard a loud "Fuck!"coming from behind the door.

I heard fumbling sounds with the lock, and then someone cracked the door open about an inch or two. "Whaddya want?" a lady asked, her speech slurred.

"I'm with Vincent Plum's Bail Bonds. You missed your court date, and I need to take you in so we can do this all over again."

"No, that's okay. I'm not interested in doing any of that today. But thanks." She started to shut the door, but instead she suddenly pulled it all the way open. After a few seconds it was obvious why. Her eyes were glued to Joe.

She stumbled through the doorway and made her way over to him. "Now why didn't _you _come a knockin'?" she asked, pulling her shirt lower to reveal more of her sagging cleavage. "I woulda opened the door right away for you."

Joe just continued leaning against the side of the house, his eyes hidden behind his dark sunglasses, and no obvious expression on his face.

"Are we being filmed?" she asked. She started looking around for a camera, and then she turned back to Joe. "You're way too fine to work for some sleazy bonds office. You look like one of them Hollywood movie stars."

I narrowed my eyes at her and said, "Vera, over here. I'm the one who works for the bonds office, and I need to take you in."

She gave me a half-glance and said, "Yeah, you I can see working there. But not this one."

We heard someone from inside shouting, "Vera, bring me another beer."

She scowled in his direction and then smiled at Joe, holding up her wrists in front of him. "You gonna cuff me now? Or do you people not do that sort of thing?"

"Vera," I said, but she shushed me with her hand. "I'm talking to your friend over here, not you."

"I'm not a bounty hunter," Joe told her. Then he flashed his badge.

"Even better!" Vera was really excited now. "What if I told you I had an illegal substance hidden somewhere on my body. Would you strip search me?"

Joe took off his sunglasses and stared down at her. "No." His eyes were hard, and the cop face was firmly in place.

Suddenly we heard a loud burp, and a man about Vera's age came stumbling through the door. "Where the hell's my beer woman?" he shouted. Then he stared at me. "Who the hell are you?"

I started to explain when Vera interrupted. "Go away Bucky. This officer here was just about to pat me down and take me with him."

"You messin' with my woman?" Bucky asked Joe. "You think you can come onto my property and disrespect me like this?"

"This is ridiculous," I shouted at both Vera and Bucky. "She missed a court date, and I need to take her in. Got it?! That's all this is!"

But Bucky was still staring at Joe. He balled his hands up into fists and started walking towards him.

"I'd rethink that if I were you," Joe warned.

"You don't scare me," Bucky was saying, dancing around Joe and making jabbing motions at him. Then he got in his face. "You wanna piece of me? Then we'll prove who's the tough guy here!"

I took the opportunity to slap a cuff on Vera, but she was so distracted watching Joe and Bucky that she barely noticed. In fact she instinctively put her other hand behind her back so I could cuff that one, too.

Bucky was still circling around Joe, boxing at the air around him, so I called out, "I'm finished here. You ready?"

"I don't know," Joe said. Then he raised an eyebrow at Bucky and asked, "How about you? Finished now?"

Bucky started to take a swing at him, but Joe just casually raised his hand, and Bucky punched that instead.

Joe stood there, shaking his head in disbelief, when Bucky suddenly lunged toward him. In a matter of seconds, Joe had grabbed his arm and flipped him down onto the ground. Bucky was lying on his back, and Vera was standing there laughing.

Bucky started screaming, "Police brutality! Police brutality!" and I asked Vera if she was ready to go.

She nodded her head and said, "As long as that hottie rides in the backseat with me."

Joe leaned down and offered his hand to help Bucky up, but instead he grabbed at it and tried to pull him down on the ground with him. Of course Joe didn't move an inch. He just stood there watching and waiting while Bucky continued to give it his best effort. Joe shot me a look, and I caught a glimpse of a small smile forming at the corners of his mouth.

In one last desperate attempt Bucky tried to grab onto Joe's leg, and it was obvious he was going to try to bite him. Joe just sidestepped him and put his foot down on his chest, preventing him from moving.

"Get off me! Get off me!" Bucky yelled.

"Are you going to calm yourself down and behave?" Joe asked.

"Yeah, man, I promise." This time Joe didn't offer his hand, and after a few minutes of struggling, Bucky managed to make it back up on his feet. He staggered over to Vera and asked, "Where the hell is my beer?"

"Can't you see I got cuffs on me now, you big old dumb ass?" She turned around to show him, wiggling her fingers, and he said, "Oh, yeah. You sure do."

He opened the door and looked back at Vera. "Okay then. If you get out before eleven o'clock tonight, swing by the gas station and get me a carton of cigarettes and one of them girly magazines. I need some new reading material." Then he shut the door and locked it.

I grabbed hold of Vera's elbow and tried to lead her to the car, but she wouldn't budge. "I'll only go if _he_ helps me."

I rolled my eyes and called out to Joe. He was already opening the back door of the car, waiting for us, when I gave him the "_come_ _here_" finger motion.

I couldn't see his eyes because he'd put his sunglasses back on, but I was sure he was rolling them. He walked back to us and planted his hands on his hips. "I'm not helping you," he told Vera. He wasn't in the mood to play, and I stifled a laugh.

"You_ have_ to help me," she said, leaning over in hopes he'd look down her shirt. "You took an oath to protect and serve."

"Trust me, you don't want _my _help_._" He started to walk off when Vera called out after him. "Won't bother me a bit. I like it rough."

Joe turned around and said, "Get in the car. Now!"

Vera let out a sigh and realized she wasn't getting anywhere. She gave me a look and asked, "How do you take him?"

"Mostly on top," I said with a grin. "But usually anyway I can get him." Vera nodded her head, like she'd do the same if she could, and I shut the door behind her.

I was glad I hadn't taken more than four files. I enjoyed watching "strong and sexy Joe" in action, but I was more excited to go spend some one-on-one time with "daddy Joe." Then maybe if I were lucky, "kinky Joe" would pay me a visit later.


	71. Chapter 71

Joe and I ate lunch at the Corner Deli and then made our way over to the baby store.

"Cupcake, isn't it a little early to buy a crib? Why the sudden rush?"

"I'm not in a rush. I just like this one and want to get it before they sell out or it's discontinued or something."

We made our way over to the crib displays, and I started to panic because I couldn't find the one I wanted. Fortunately I realized they had just rearranged everything, so we started walking around until I finally spotted it.

"There it is," I said, pointing to the crib. Joe stood quietly for a second and then finally he asked, "You're talking about the one in the corner, right?"

"No silly," I told him. "It's that one."

The crib was white with rounded spindles and arches. It had an attached canopy, and both the headboard and footboard were solid at the bottom with a curved top. On each side, in that space, was a beautiful raised design of a bouquet of roses that were painted a very light pink.

"This one's perfect!" I said with a huge smile. "Don't you like it?"

"It's pretty," Joe said, nodding his head slightly.

"But?" I asked, already knowing what he was going to say.

"We don't even know if we're having a girl. What if it's a boy? There is _no way_ we can have that crib in a boy's room."

"Boys can have canopies, too."

"That's a stretch, but the pink roses? He shook his head and stared at the side of the crib. "No."

"We could push it up against the wall so at least one of the sides is covered. And maybe we could put a big stuffed animal in front of the other side."

"Cupcake," he said softly, "if we find out it's a girl, I don't have a problem with this one. So if you can just wait a few more months …"

"But why can't we get it today?" I interrupted. "I have the money. We can leave it in the box until we know for sure."

Joe let out a sigh, and then he gave me a defeated smile. "I have to learn to say '_no_' sometimes." He pulled me to him and hugged me tight. "Alright Cupcake. But I'm _not_ putting it together until I hear for sure that you're having a girl." Then he kissed my nose and grinned. "If we find out it's a boy, we'll just put it in storage, and I'll have to keep getting you pregnant until we can use it."

I thought about that for a moment and smiled. "Or maybe we'll just sell it after another try or two." Three was my absolute limit, and I wasn't even totally convinced I was willing to have a second one. I had to wait and see how the whole birthing process went.

"Sounds like a plan," he said. He grabbed one of the cards from the crib and asked, "Anything else you want to look at? Didn't you mention getting a stroller?"

"Yeah, but I remembered I wanna look at bassinets while we're over here in this section. Let's go ahead and pick one of those, too."

"_A bassinet_?" Joe asked, as if he were almost afraid to find out what one of those was.

"It's something else for the baby to sleep in. We'll keep that in our bedroom until she's old enough to sleep in her crib."

"You mean it's not gonna sleep in the crib right away?" Joe was confused.

"Well, she could, but I don't want her to."

"What? Why not?"

"Because she'll be too far away."

"The room is right across from ours. How is that too far away?"

"It just is!" I exclaimed.

Joe finally gave up and let out a sigh. "Okay, if we need a bassinet, let's go look at those."

I immediately walked over to one covered in ruffles with a huge bow at the end. "It's a _yellow_ bow," I said hopefully.

"How about we skip the bow and all of this?" Joe said, waving his hand at all the ruffled pleats. I let out a sigh, and we kept walking.

Finally my eyes rested on one with a white satin single-tiered skirt that came with two swags to choose from - pink and blue. "How about this one?" I asked.

Joe gave it the once over and nodded his head in agreement. "Yeah, it's not near as bad as the others. But do we have to use this around it?" he asked, pointing to the swag.

"At least it comes with a blue one in case it's a boy," I argued.

He looked it over again and then asked, "Are you sure we really need one of these?"

"Uhh," I said impatiently, "yes!"

"Okay, okay. Let's just get this one then."

We decided we didn't have it in us that day to pick out a stroller, so we left with my dream crib, a bassinet, a baby swing, and a baby monitor. Joe tried to tell me we didn't need the monitor, but I reminded him that we have a two story house, and I needed something for when I was downstairs. He couldn't argue that, so we spent another twenty minutes or so debating which one to get. I wanted the one with a video camera, but Joe said that was going a little overboard, so I gave up on that.

I figured I should let him have a few small victories here and there and save the real battles for the important things. Like the gown I'd picked out for the baby to wear home from the hospital. The lady at Macy's said if I ended up with a boy, he could still wear it, but I knew Joe probably wasn't going to be very excited about that idea. I remembered how he had acted when his godmother brought his christening gown over to the house.

I smiled to myself thinking back on that day so long ago and how I had panicked and had Mary Lou bring me a pregnancy test. I wondered how different our lives would be now if the test had been positive. I definitely would've never made the "mistake" I made with Ranger, but then I decided none of that mattered anymore, so why was I thinking about it in the first place. Everything worked out the way it was supposed to, and in about six months, I'd finally get the chance to see what a Morelli/Plum baby looks like.

* * *

By the time we made it home it was just a little after three, and I was ready for my afternoon nap. Joe took Bob for a quick walk, and I spent some quality time with Rex. Mostly I just said hello and told him about the crib, then I put a few treats in his cage. He was curled up napping in his soup can, and seeing him in there reminded me I was supposed to be in bed. I grabbed a bottle of water and a package of peanut butter crackers and headed up the stairs.

An hour later I was awakened by the sound of a loud crash, and Joe yelling "Shit!" I pulled myself up and out of bed and wandered across the hall. He was breaking down the spare bed, and from the looks of things he'd knocked over a lamp and broken the bulb.

"Hey Cupcake," he said with an embarrassed smile. "Did I wake you? Sorry."

"No," I lied. "I was already awake. You need some help?" I bent down and started picking up some of the larger pieces of glass.

"I figured I'd go ahead and start clearing out this room. Tony said he wants the bed, so he's coming by to get it in a little while. I thought we'd have a cookout if that's okay with you. You can invite Lenny and Mary Lou if you want."

"That sounds like fun. I'll go call her." I gave him a kiss and carefully stepped around the glass and out of the room.

* * *

I'd heard the doorbell ring while I was in the bathroom, and I figured it was Tony. Mary Lou and Lenny were never on time, but that was okay. I was just relieved she'd agreed to come over. I had no clue what I was going to say to Tony and his wife. Lindsay was friendly, but she never really talked much, and I wasn't exactly the best conversationalist. Worse came to worse I could ask for baby advice, but I knew I'd have to pretend to listen to whatever she said, so what was the point?

I walked into the kitchen and saw the back door was cracked. I could hear Tony and Joe talking, so I moved around quietly, trying to hear what they were saying.

"So I guess I know why you need the bed," I heard Joe saying.

"Yeah, I'm moving in on Sunday. Lindsay's not giving me a damn thing." I heard a cap being popped off a beer and the sound of steaks sizzling.

"So you're really going through with this?"

"It's not exactly my choice, but it's probably for the best anyway. Our marriage was over a long time ago. We only stayed together this long for the kids, but with Jessie starting high school in the fall, we both agree she's old enough to deal with this."

"What about Christine? She moving in with you?"

_Christine_?! Who was she? And more important, why hadn't Joe told me about any of this? I narrowed my eyes at the thought of her and wondered if Bob had Christine cooties from his time with Tony. I grimaced at the thought that maybe he'd been in the same room when they'd had sex. Poor Bob. He was an unsuspecting accomplice to adultery.

I walked out to the patio and acted as if I hadn't heard anything. Divorce sucked, but affairs sucked even more.

"Hey Steph," Tony said. "How's it going?"

"Pretty good," I said with a fake smile. "How's everything with you?" Then I couldn't help myself. "Where's Lindsay? I was hoping she'd be here tonight. I wanted to talk babies with her."

I saw Tony's eyes dart over to Joe, but he kept his head down, turning the steaks on the grill. "She's visiting her mother for a while, but I'm sure she'd love to get together with you when she gets back." Tony took a swig of his beer, and I shot Joe a dirty look. He didn't notice though, because he was still busy with the steaks.

"Oh, before I forget," I said to Joe, "Bob needs a bath tonight."

That got his attention. "What?" he asked, looking up from the grill. "No he doesn't."

"Yes he does!" I yelled, and then I stomped back inside the house.

Joe was right behind me. "Stephanie, what's going on?"

"Nothing," I said, not looking at him.

"Steph, I can tell there's ..."

Just then the doorbell rang. "You better get back to your steaks," I said, rolling my eyes. "And I have to get the door." I threw the dish towel down on the counter and walked out of the room, not even looking at Joe.

"Hey guys," I said. I didn't even attempt to hide that I was pissed. "The Morelli men are in the backyard _if_ you want to join them Lenny. I wouldn't, but that's just me. _You_ can do whatever you want."

Mary Lou stared at me and gave me the "_spill it immediately_" look.

"What's up?" she whispered as soon as Lenny was out of earshot.

"Men are pigs," I told her.

"Yeah, but you've known that for years. Care to be more specific?"

I gave her the rundown of what I'd heard in the backyard, and she just sat there, sipping on a beer. "And?" she asked.

"And what?"

"Is Christine moving in with him?"

"Who cares?!" I yelled. "That's not the point."

"Oh, sorry. I thought it was." She paused for a minute and then said, "I don't get it Steph. The night before you got married you even said he was probably cheating on his wife. What about this situation is shocking to you?"

I let out a sigh and frowned. "I don't know. I mean I could really care less about Tony and his life." Then I paused. "That probably sounds bad that I said that, doesn't it?"

Mary Lou shook her head no and said, "Steph, I've known you forever. It just sounds like you."

"Yeah, I should probably work on that, though. I'm sure if I tried hard I might could care. But anyway, I guess what bothers me most is Joe knew all of this and didn't tell me."

"I can totally understand you feeling that way, but maybe, in Joe's defense, he's worried you might give him shit about it."

"What? That's stupid. Why would I give him shit about it?"

Mary Lou raised an eyebrow at me and said, "Again, I've known you forever." She grabbed a handful of chips and started munching. "Seriously, Steph, don't be mad at Joe. I mean, he's used to this kind of crap. I'm sure he thinks Tony sucks, but that's his brother. And his older brother at that. You know Tony was always more of a father figure to him than his real dad was, so maybe he just doesn't want to think about it. Let alone talk about it."

"Yeah," I said, "you're probably right." I picked up a pickle and squeezed chocolate syrup down the length of it.

"Oh geez, Steph. What're you doing?! That is just all kinds of wrong." Then she smiled and said, "You are so having a girl."

"Yeah?!" I grinned wide, thinking Mary Lou knew way more about this stuff than Connie did.

"Yep," she said. "Chocolate syrup? That's totally a 'girl' craving."

We both sat there contemplating that when all of a sudden Mary Lou yelled out, "Omigod, I just thought of something amazing!"

I started to open a bagged salad, but I quickly dropped it. "What?!" I asked, hoping it had something to do with the baby being a girl.

"Chances are pretty good that you're having a girl, right?"

"Yeah?" I said. "Go on."

"That could mean that one day your daughter might grow up and marry one of my boys! Wouldn't that be incredible?!"

"_Not really_," I thought, but there was no way I could tell Mary Lou that. "Yeah, wouldn't that be cool?" I turned around, trying to hide my disappointment with her not-so-great revelation.

I thought about it and then said, "Oh, but wait a minute. You'd probably want grandchildren, right?"

Mary Lou looked at me like I was stupid and then said, "Omigod! We'd share grandchildren! Omigod!"

But I was shaking my head no. "That's not what I was getting at. My daughter won't be growing up to have sex. So probably your boys would wanna marry someone they could actually sleep with."

"Stephanie, you're so weird."

"I'm not weird. I'm just thinking she might have to be a nun or something. You know how Joe is. He'll scare off any potential boyfriend with those looks he gives."

Then we both giggled. "She'll just sneak around like we always did. Man, those were the days." We both giggled some more, and then I thought about it and stopped laughing.

I didn't want our mini Cupcake having sex on the floor in a pastry shop or getting naked with her boyfriend in the backseat of a car. I didn't want her to be hurt by some selfish asshole like her pathetic Uncle Tony and some sleazy tramp like Christine. I mean it'd happened to me with that stupid slut Joyce, so chances were pretty good it could happen to her, too.

I _never_ wanted her to know that kind of heartbreak, but at that very moment, I realized there was no way I could ever guarantee that she wouldn't. That was such an overwhelming feeling, and I understood right then and there why my mother drank as much as she did. Between me and Valerie and Grandma Mazur, I was shocked that she didn't disappear for days on end, wandering the streets in a drunken stupor.

I had every intention of microwaving the potatoes, but I suddenly decided I needed to cry instead. I burst into tears and dropped the potato that was in my hand onto the floor.

Mary Lou looked up at me and asked "Stephanie?! What's wrong?!"

I couldn't speak. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't think about anything except the fact that I couldn't do it. I couldn't be a mother.

I ran into the bathroom and locked myself inside.


	72. Chapter 72

A minute or two later I heard someone knocking. "Open the door, Steph," Joe said softly.

I sniffled and shook my head no, even though he couldn't see me.

"Everyone's outside. It's just me, Stephanie." He paused for a second and said, "Come on. _Please_."

I unlocked the door, and Joe stepped inside, turning around to lock it back. It was a small bathroom, so we were cramped in there. I put the lid down and sat on top of the toilet.

"Talk to me," Joe said, but I couldn't. I just buried my face in my hands and started crying again.

He knelt down on the floor in front of me and gently lifted my chin. "What's this about? I thought we had a good day today."

"I can't do it," I whispered.

"Can't do what?"

"I can't be a good mother," I said between loud sobs.

"Stephanie," Joe whispered, then he pulled me to him. "_Of course you can,_ sweetheart. You're gonna be an incredible mother." He lifted my chin with his finger again, making me stare directly at him. "And when have you ever known me to be wrong?"

I rubbed my eyes and thought about smiling, but I couldn't.

He hugged me close to him and asked, "What started all of this, huh?"

"You," I said with a frown. "You should've told me about Christine."

Joe let out a sigh and then gently let go of me. He sat down on the floor, his back pressed up against the sink.

"I'm not going to argue that point with you. But even if I had, what does she or their situation have to do with all of this?" he asked, gesturing towards me.

"People suck. That's what it has to do with all of this." I sniffled again and blew my nose with some toilet paper.

"Okay, I'll give you that one." His voice was teasing, but I wasn't in the mood to be silly yet.

"It's just …" I paused, not knowing what to say to make him understand. "I've done a lot of stupid things in my life, and I don't think I can sit by and watch our child make those same mistakes. And get hurt by assholes like your brother."

Joe sat there a second and said, "Why do you assume my brother's the only asshole? Things aren't always what they seem."

I didn't say anything, so then he smiled and tried teasing me again. "And I don't know about the whole '_watching our child make the same mistakes'_ part. I think that any kid created by the two of us could probably come up with a whole new set of mistakes we never even thought about."

"Joe!" I said, exasperated. "This isn't funny." But I was trying hard to hide a grin.

"I see a smile under there," he said, moving closer to me. Then his face grew serious. "I know what you're feeling, Steph. I really do. You think I don't worry about this kind of stuff?"

That surprised me, because I really didn't think Joe worried about much of anything. "But we just have to look at this whole parenting thing with the attitude that we're gonna do the best we can. I know we were both pretty bad when we were younger …"

"Correction," I told him. "_I_ was good. Until I met you."

"Okay, fine_. I_ was pretty bad, and then I came along and corrupted you. Is that better?" he teased.

"Yes. I especially like the '_you corrupting me'_ part."

"I thought you would."

Joe stood and took my hand. "Listen, tonight after everyone's gone, we'll talk about the mess that is my brother's life and the fact that I was wrong and didn't tell you."

"I like what you just said," I told him teasingly. "You know, the '_fact that I was wrong'_ part.

"Yeah, I thought you would," he grinned. "I threw that in there just for you."

He pulled me to him and kissed me like he meant it. "And then we'll talk about the baby, and all of these fears and worries you're having." He hugged me close and said, "I'll do whatever I can to try to make you feel better about this. I'll stay up all night if you want. I won't sleep a wink. I might even shed a tear or two."

I stopped and considered that. "_Really_? You'd cry just for me?"

"No. I was lying."

"But it would make me feel better. And I thought you said you could never say _'no'_ to me."

"I guess I can _after all_." Then he smiled. "Who knows, maybe I'll cry for a second when you have the baby."

"Yeah?" That might make the pain of childbirth worth it.

Joe smiled and unlocked the door. "Come on Cupcake. Let's go enjoy the cookout. Then afterwards we'll talk." He gave me another hug and then whispered in my ear, "And then maybe we'll do a little of something else, too."

* * *

We ended up having a very nice evening, and I even managed to talk to Tony without imagining every second that I was strangling him. I tried to keep in mind what Joe had said about things not always being what they seemed, so I reluctantly gave him the benefit of the doubt until Joe could explain.

After everyone was gone, we cleaned up the mess and then made our way to the couch. Joe sat down and then pulled me down beside him. He started massaging my shoulders, and I immediately began to relax.

His voice was low, and we were both exhausted, but this was a conversation we needed to have.

"I should've told you about Tony, but truth is, I've always just tried not to think about it. He and Lindsay were a disaster from the start. She got pregnant, and there was pressure from all of the parents for them to get married. He wanted her to have an abortion, and I guess years later that came back to haunt him." He continued rubbing down into my back, and I caught myself closing my eyes.

"He was screwing around on her before they even said _'I do_,' so big shock he's still cheating after all these years, huh?"

I nodded my head and thought about how pathetic Lindsay must be to put up with that. I would've kicked him in the balls and taken that nice house for myself years ago. At least it was all hers now, and I thought it was funny that she wasn't letting him have anything.

"Anyway, and this part is _for your ears only_, Steph. I'm dead serious about this. No telling Mary Lou."

Now he had my attention. I nodded my head and said, "I swear! What?" I hated to be such a gossiper, but I loved secrets.

"Tony wasn't the only one cheating."

"Well of course your brother's gonna say that. It makes him seem less guilty." I thought about Lindsay and just couldn't see it. I didn't know her all that well, but she just didn't seem the type.

Joe shook his head. "No, it's true." He hesitated for a second and then said quietly, "He's not Jessica's father."

"No!" I said, sitting up and staring at him.

"Swear to God. He had his suspicions, so he did the whole paternity test thing. They almost got a divorce back then, but he couldn't do it to Jessie. Lindsay claimed she didn't even know who the father was, so Tony did what he thought was best. He still felt guilty over wanting to abort his own kid, so I guess he saw this as a chance to do something good for a change."

"_Omigod_," was all I could say. "I take it she doesn't know?"

"Jessie? No way. And she probably never will."

"Who all does know?" I asked, feeling really bad I'd been so excited to hear their secret.

"Paul knows. Not sure if he told Kate, but I doubt it. Obviously I know, and now you. God knows who Lindsay told, but I wouldn't think it'd be too many people. But it doesn't matter to Tony, and it hasn't for a long time. As far as he's concerned, she _is_ his daughter."

I sat there trying to imagine what Jessie looked like, but I couldn't really picture her. I thought about how much it would suck if I ever found out my dad wasn't really my dad. And that my mom was a whore. It probably wasn't nice to have thought of Lindsay like that, but I was still upset at the Christine's and Joyce's of the world, so she got lumped in with them, too.

"So, see. We've got a pretty big advantage over other people that we know. Maybe it took us a long time to get here, maybe the baby came before the ring, but we have something that matters way more." He pulled me to him and gave me one of his phenomenal kisses. "True love Cupcake. That's what we have that a lot of people don't. And our child, _our children_, will know that."

He smiled and held my hand to his mouth, kissing it. "And our daughter is going to know I have a gun and know how to use it. Or at least _threaten to_ _use it_ just in case some slimeball tries to seduce her while she's working in a store, all by herself, late at night."

I smiled and hugged myself to his chest. "And I have to teach her that it's okay to say no, even if that particular slimeball happens to be the hottest guy she's ever seen."

"See," Joe said. "We've got this all figured out." I thought about it a second and said, "But what if we have a son? What would you tell him?"

Joe grew serious and said, "What my sorry ass father should've told me. To treat girls with respect and to understand that they're not his personal play toys." He grinned and started taking off my shirt. "That is, until he's picked just one and actually married her. Then he gets to play all he wants."

Joe grabbed my hand and said, "Let's take this upstairs. I want to enjoy you on the bed instead of cramped here on the couch."

We turned off the lights, and Joe checked the front door and made sure it was locked. As soon as I got upstairs, I quickly discarded my clothes and laid down on the bed. I watched as Joe undressed and then joined me.

"Stephanie, I tease you a lot about getting you naked and having my way with you, but you know it's just teasing right? If you still need to talk about all of this, I want us to do that. I don't want you going to sleep tonight, still upset, and just doing this to please me."

I stared into his eyes and reminded myself how lucky I was to have him. "I'm not upset anymore. I promise." Then I reached over and pulled his arm, so he'd get the point and move on top of me. "And don't feel guilty. I'll let you concentrate on just pleasing me this time. I'm sweet that way."


	73. Chapter 73

It was time for my third doctor appointment, and I woke up that morning extremely excited. That week marked the official beginning of my second trimester, and I knew, without a doubt, I was hearing the heartbeat today.

Joe was called in early, but he said he'd meet me at the doctor's office as soon as he could.

I signed in and took a seat. Finally I heard Sarah calling my name. "Hi Stephanie," she said with a smile. "How've you been?"

"Good," I said, smiling back. I was glad to see her again and not the other evil one. We did the finger prick, she took my blood pressure, and then it was time, once again, for what I hated most.

"Okay, hop up on the scale, and we'll survey the damage." Then she grinned. "Just kidding. You practically look the same as the first time I saw you. Except that does seem bigger," she said, pointing at my stomach.

"128." She wrote it down on the chart, and then she paused. "You're not dieting, right?

"No, I swear. I think you're just good luck or something. Either that or the other nurse couldn't work the scale."

Sarah laughed and handed me the urine cup. After that, she walked back to the room with me.

"I have a feeling you're going to be the type that's all baby. Over the coming weeks you're going to notice some major changes in the size of your bump there, and that's always really exciting. At least at first." Then she smiled warmly. "But the best thing is when you start to feel the baby move. That should be happening any time for you now, so stay on the lookout for it. It's just little flutterings at first, and a lot of new mom's assume that it's gas."

"Wow," I said, even more excited than I already was.

"Oh yes. The second trimester is the most exciting one. Your morning sickness should be all gone, and you should stop feeling so tired all the time." I thought about that but then decided to pretend I hadn't heard her say it. I thoroughly enjoyed my daily naps.

"The baby is going to start really developing and growing. In about four weeks time, we'll be able to tell if it's a boy or a girl on a sonogram."

I grinned really big at that. "I can't wait. I _really_ want it to be a girl. I think my husband wants a boy, but he won't say." I paused and then added, "I'm hoping to give him one of those next time. But I want this one to be for me."

She smiled and said, "Maybe you'll find out you're having fraternal twins, and you'll get one of each. There could be two heartbeats in there."

"That's not funny," I told her. I was being serious, but she just laughed.

Thinking that Joe wanted a boy had reminded me that I was still waiting for him. "Oh," I said, "I forgot to tell the receptionist that my husband should be here any minute ..."

"Say no more," she said. "I'll let her know and will tell her to send him back as soon as he gets here."

"Thanks," I said, hoping more than anything Joe was already sitting out there waiting.

I sat there for a while, and then I decided to try to call him again. I pulled out my cell phone, but once again, I got his voice mail. "Just wondering if you're nearby," I said. "I'm waiting on the doctor to come in, so there's still time if you can make it. Love ya!"

I put the phone back in my purse and heard Dr. Williams and Sarah coming into the room. He talked with me for a few minutes, asked a couple of questions, and then wrote in my chart. Then he pressed down on my abdomen and did some measuring. I wasn't sure what that was about, but he seemed pleased enough with whatever the result was. He wrote some more and finally said, "Let's find this heartbeat."

I sat up and asked, "Would you mind if we checked one more time just to see if my husband's here yet? I know he doesn't want to miss this."

"Sure," Sarah said. She was back in a minute, and I could tell by the look on her face that he wasn't. "I'm sorry," she said, obviously sad for me.

"Thanks for checking, though." I sighed softly and tried not to think about it. I wanted to stay excited no matter what.

Dr. Williams smiled and got busy doing his job again. Immediately I started hearing all these swishing sounds, and he kept having to adjust it and move it. I was starting to get worried when he suddenly said, "There we go. Right there."

I sat there, in complete silence, almost not believing what I was hearing. I stared down at my stomach and couldn't believe that that was coming from inside of me. There was actually a heartbeat inside my body that wasn't mine. I let out a slight laugh and said, "Wow." Then a single tear slid down my cheek. I wished so much that Joe had been there with me.

"160 beats per minute. Sounds good, Stephanie," Dr. Williams said. "Strong and steady. Just what we like to hear." I nodded my head and smiled. Just what _I_ liked to hear, too.

The appointment was over, and I walked back up front with Sarah. She saw me look towards the waiting room, and she said softly, "You know, when your husband is free, give me a call, and I'll see if we can work you in for another ten minutes with Dr. Williams. Or even Dr. Parker. As you can see, it doesn't take much time, and I know neither one of them would mind."

"Really?" I asked, feeling a bit better. "Thank you. I'll definitely take you up on that."

"Good," Sarah said, handing me my next appointment card. "Then after that, we'll see you back in four weeks."

* * *

Lula hadn't spent much time in Ohio, and thankfully her mother hadn't been seriously ill. Unfortunately, though, I didn't have much desire to work, so I hadn't seen a lot of her lately. I was surprised she hadn't pestered me about it more, but I think both her and Connie knew. I just wasn't into the whole bounty hunting thing like I used to be.

At one time it had been the most exciting thing in my life. But now I had Joe. And our baby. I started thinking about the heartbeat again, and then I heard my cell phone ring. It was finally Joe.

"Hey," I said, "Where are you?" He sounded out of breath, but the first thing he said was, "I am so sorry Cupcake. I swear I am."

"It's okay," I told him. "Things happen. I know you're at work. But Sarah said when you get a chance, we can come back, and you can hear it for yourself."

"You heard it this time?" Joe asked. I could hear the excitement in his voice.

"Yeah, it was pretty amazing."

"I bet it was," he said. "Listen, Steph, I gotta go. Are you going home or meeting up with Lula?"

"Home. I'm tired."

"Okay, good. I'm coming home for lunch. I'll probably be there in an hour."

"Okay, see you then. Love you."

"I love you, too, Cupcake." He hesitated a moment and then said, "Drive safely."

I disconnected and walked to the car. I started the engine and decided to go visit with Lula and Connie anyway. I wasn't going to do any work, but they were still fun to hang out with. I had an hour to kill before I met up with Joe, and I wanted to tell them about hearing the heartbeat.

I strolled through the door about ten minutes later, and Lula and Connie stared up at me in shock. "Hey guys," I said. They both just kept staring, so I patted down my hair. "I know, it's looked better."

Connie stood up and started shaking her head. "Why are you even here Stephanie?"

"Uh, I work here, remember? I know I don't do it a lot, but every now and again I want to." Even though I wasn't planning to do anything that day, the mood could still possibly hit me some time in the future, so I wanted to leave my options open rather than just quit.

"Connie," Lula was saying, "maybe now's not the right time and all ..."

"For what?" I asked. "What are you talking about?" Lula just shook her head and pulled Connie back down into her seat. "Nothing Blondie. Nothing at all."

Connie started to argue, "Nothing? If it were me, I'd want ..."

"If it was you, your hair'd be perfect. Yeah, yeah, we get it." Then I saw Lula kick her under the desk.

I was starting to get pissed. I hated not being in on the secret. "What is going on Lula?!" Then I turned to Connie. "What're you trying to tell me?"

Connie looked at Lula and said, "Sorry, I wasn't sworn to secrecy, and obviously she doesn't know."

"Yeah, but maybe that's something he needs to be telling her."

"I don't know what?!" I said between clenched teeth. "And who is it that needs to be telling me?!"

"Tank called Lula a little while ago. He thought she was out with you, and he heard something come in."

"What did he hear?" I asked, totally out of patience. "You're not going to tell me this has anything to do with Joe, are you? Because I just talked to him about ten minutes ago, and he's fine."

"You talked to him?" Connie asked.

"Yeah."

"He didn't say anything?"

"No. What _should_ he have said Connie?"

"Nothing."

"Lula?" I asked, turning my wrath on her. "What did Tank hear?"

"Nothing."

"I'm going to slap you both until you tell me!" I yelled. Then I heard Vinnie's office door open.

"For Christ's sake, someone just fucking tell her already." He waved his hand casually and said, "Someone fired off a few shots at your husband, that's all. Coulda killed him from what Tank said, but they missed, so it's no big deal. Now are you here to work or not?"

I stood there trying to process what Vinnie had just said. As soon as it all connected, I picked the paperweight up off the desk and threw it at him. "_What the fuck is wrong with you_? Are you a fucking moron?! You tell me something like that, and then you ask me if I'm gonna work?" I picked up the next thing within reach, which happened to be the stapler, and I held it over my head. "No! I'm not gonna work! I'm gonna fucking kill you!"

Vinnie took off running to his office, and I flung the stapler as hard as I could in his direction. It hit the door just as he shut it, but I imagined it stapling his head instead.

"And you two! You couldn't tell me first? You had to let that asshole do it?"

"But you said you'd talked to Joe ..." Connie started.

"That doesn't matter!" I yelled.

I didn't mean to lose it on them like that, but all I could think was what Vinnie had just said about Joe. I grabbed my cell phone and fumbled with it. "I can't fucking do this," I yelled. "One of you help me." But of course it turned over to his voice mail again.

"Oh fuck no." I was breathing fast and hard, and I started yelling again. "Get somebody at that station on the fucking phone for me. Eddie, Carl, I don't give a shit who it is."

Lula nodded and started dialing. I leaned over, holding my arm over my stomach, trying to breathe. "Stephanie, you have to calm down," Connie was saying. "It isn't good for you and the baby to be acting like this."

"I need to calm down?!" I yelled. "Fucking pigface just tells me that my husband was almost killed today, and I'm supposed to calm down?"

Connie handed me a glass of water and led me over to the couch. "Sit Steph. Drink."

My hands were trembling so much that I couldn't even hold the glass. "Dial Joe's number again. _Please_."

I laid my head down on the side of the couch and tried again to catch my breath. I'd just talked to him, so I knew he was okay. But he hadn't said a word. I'd told him I wasn't coming in today, so that was probably why. He was most likely planning to tell me when he came home for lunch. I'm sure he thought since it had just happened, no one knew anything yet.

Lula hung up the phone and shook her head. "No one's talking to you Stephanie."

I rubbed my hand across my forehead and said, "I can't believe this shit."

"You're married to a cop," Lula said. "This kind of shit's gonna happen."

I sat there, thinking about that, and I knew Lula was right. I fought hard to keep the tears in, but they just wouldn't stay.

"Somebody take me home. _Please take me home_," I sobbed.

* * *

Lula drove my car, and Connie followed behind to give her a ride back. They saw me into the house, and Lula fixed me a glass of juice and sat down beside me on the couch.

"We can stay if you want," she said. But I shook my head no. "Thanks, but I'm okay. Joe'll be here soon." I wanted to be alone before he got there. I had so much going through my mind, and I wanted to try to sort it out some before I saw him.

"Okay, but you call if you need anything." They each gave me a hug, and I stayed there on the couch, listening to them let themselves out.

I sat there a minute, and I told myself I wasn't going to cry again. It had started out such a perfect day. And after all, whoever it was who shot at Joe had missed. He was fine. I'd talked to him, and he would've said if he had been hurt in anyway.

I thought about the baby's heartbeat again and how excited I had been that morning. It sounded so strong and steady and perfect. Then I thought about lying on Joe's chest at night, listening to the sound of his. It was strong and steady and perfect just like our baby's. The only problem was, I couldn't keep him safe and make sure it stayed that way. I could've just as easily been sitting on that couch, knowing instead that I was never going to see him again. And that our baby would never know its father.

And that did it. The flood gates reopened, and I couldn't stop. Bob jumped up on the couch beside me and snuggled his little Bob-head underneath my chin. Every now and then he licked up my tears, but more and more of them just seemed to fall. Eventually he stopped and settled down beside me. I tried to calm myself by petting him, but it didn't work.

Finally I heard the sound of Joe's car, and I jumped up and ran to the door. He was walking up as I opened it, and he immediately stopped when he saw me.

"Shit."

I just stood there crying, and he walked to me and wrapped me in his arms.

I pulled back a little bit and started slapping at his chest. "Why didn't you tell me? Why?" I just kept crying, and I wanted to keep hitting him, but I collapsed into his arms instead.

"Steph, let's go inside. Come on." I don't even remember walking or making my way into the living room. All I knew was Joe was there, he was safe, and I wasn't letting him leave.

We stood there hugging, him holding me tight in his arms. "Stephanie, everything's okay. I'm fine." He was rubbing his hand down my hair over and over, but hearing him say that made me angry.

"You're fine today, but what about tomorrow? What about next week? Or next month?" I started crying all over again, but this time I felt sick. I covered my mouth and ran into the bathroom. I started throwing up, and I couldn't stop. Joe was right beside me, holding my hair, and helping me.

When I finally finished, he helped me clean myself up and then walked me into the kitchen. "Sit down," he said, pouring me a glass of water.

He pulled a chair up, directly in front of mine, and sat down. He leaned over, taking my hands into his. "Steph, you have to calm down. Okay? Today wasn't as bad as you're thinking. This is why I wanted to tell you myself. In person."

He reached out and hugged me to him. "I've been in way worse situations than this. I know what to do. I wasn't in that much danger."

"Someone tried to kill you," I said between sobs. My head was pounding, and all I could think was I just wanted to start the day over. But I knew life didn't work that way. There were no do-overs, and second chances were extremely rare.

"_Tried_ but didn't, Steph."

"But what if they had? What then? I'm not doing this without you," I told him. "You can't ever leave me. You can't ever let someone kill you." I started crying again, and I reached out and slapped at him one more time.

"I was wearing a vest, Steph. We knew he was armed. I was prepared."

I let out a sigh and rested my head on his shoulder. I was so tired and exhausted, and I just wanted him there with me. "Please don't go back to work," I begged. "Please stay here with me."

"I'm _not_ going anywhere, Cupcake. I promise."

He took me by the hand, and we went to the couch. He snuggled me up close to him, and I rested my head on his chest. I was still so upset and so angry, but at the same time, I felt strangely at peace.

After a while I finally asked, "Why were you even in this situation in the first place?"

"It's part of that case I've been working on. The one I've been telling you about for weeks." That right there taught me to start paying attention to _everything_ he said, no matter how boring I thought it was.

"But it's all over with now," he said, trying to reassure me.

"Until the next one," I said with a sniffle. "Then what happens next time? What if you do get shot?"

"No, Cupcake, no more cases like this. Starting Monday, I've got a partner, and it's just standard investigation work from now on. I'll be like one of those Law & Order detectives you're always watching."

And it was then that I realized exactly how serious today had been. Joe had _never_ wanted a partner. He had never wanted to do just simple detective work. I stared into his eyes and asked, "Be honest with me, Joe. No bullshit. No protecting me. You got lucky today, didn't you?"

I saw the muscles in his jaw tighten and release, then he let out a sigh. I could see he was fighting with the words, but finally he said them. "Yeah, I got lucky." He hugged me tight and whispered, "Really lucky, Cupcake. Truth is, if he'd had just one more bullet in that gun, I wouldn't be here right now."

"Oh God," I said, crying again. "I knew it, I knew it."

"But I _am_ here, Stephanie. And I'm not doing this shit anymore. It used to be fun. I used to thrive on the danger and the excitement." He stared down at me and gave me a small smile. "But I saw today that none of that is worth the risk. What's more important is I'm around to take care of you and our family. For a very long time."

He held me in his arms, and I kissed him tenderly. Before I knew it, I was asking him for more, and we made love there in the living room. I needed him, but it wasn't about sex. To know I could have lost him that day was more than I could wrap my mind around, and I longed for the comfort of what was normal to me.

He spoke briefly to his mother, and I called my parents, but after that, we both ignored the phone and the outside world. That day was similar to the one we'd experienced when I was stabbed, and I hated that feeling. To say we ignored the reality of what happened wasn't true, but at the same time, we both needed to separate ourselves from all of it, in anyway that we could.

We spent the rest of the afternoon and evening just being together. We ate lunch, we talked, we went upstairs and made plans for the baby's room. Joe put the swing together, and we looked through a few of the pregnancy books. We talked about some of our favorite baby names, and we ate supper by candlelight. We never once turned on the television, and we made love again before I fell asleep in his arms, comforted by the sound of his heart beating in my ear.

Amazing how just that morning I'd been excited to hear our baby's heartbeat, and then by nighttime, I was comforted just being able to hear Joe's. And I was determined to spend every day of my life protecting both of them the best that I could.


	74. Chapter 74

Life was slowly returning to normal, and I'd finally gotten to the point where I could relax some whenever Joe left for work. He didn't admit it, but I knew he was still trying to adjust to the new position. He did seem to be less stressed, and he and his partner worked well together, so in my world, at least, it was all good.

We went together the following week and saw Dr. Parker. He was nice enough, but since he was Joyce's doctor it meant I didn't want to like him. I was just glad his hands were staying on the outside of my body. It didn't matter that he wore gloves or even if he'd washed his hands a thousand times. I knew where they'd already been.

I quickly forgot all of that, though, as soon as he found the heartbeat, and I got to see the expression on Joe's face when he heard it for the very first time.

"_That's amazing_," was all he could say. I nodded and smiled at him, and Dr. Parker left it there a bit longer, so we could continue enjoying the sound. I hated that he was so nice. He was way too good for Joyce.

That same week I had also started feeling those flutterings Sarah had talked about. I was lying on the bed, waking up from one of my naps, and there it was. I stayed still, enjoying the sensations, and as soon as it passed, I immediately called Joe.

"Are you serious?" he asked, just as excited as I was.

"Mmm-hmm," I said, smiling to myself. "Hopefully soon you'll be able to feel from the outside."

"I can't wait for that day," he said. And I couldn't either.

I think in all of the time that had passed, I'd gone to work a grand total of three days. Lula hadn't exactly minded, because she'd managed to convince Tank to go along with her whenever she needed help. Vinnie was happy, because FTA's very rarely put up a fight when they got a look at him. And when Tank or I couldn't go with Lula, she spent her days hanging around the office with Connie, filing and goofing off.

I hung out with them every now and then, but not quite as much as I used to. Every time they saw me, they both wanted to stuff me with food. Lula was fascinated with my belly, and she started keeping one of those cloth measuring tapes nearby on Connie's desk. As soon as they'd see me drive up, they'd each write down a number, and the moment I'd walk through the door, Lula would grab the tape measure, lift my shirt, and then yell out the size for that day. Whoever lost had to pay for lunch. At first they tried to leave me out of it, but I reminded them I was providing the source of their amusement, so they agreed to split the cost of my meal.

As far as the size of my bump, I now looked like I had swallowed a small cantaloupe whole. Maybe not exactly like that, but it was close enough. I was the same size everywhere else, breasts excluded, but I enjoyed watching how my belly was changing. It was proof to me that our baby was doing exactly what it was supposed to be doing in there. Valerie had been telling me that my butt and my hips were going to get huge, and every time she saw me, I could tell she was pissed off that they weren't.

Joe was obsessed with my belly, and every night before bed he'd kiss it all over, spend some time talking to the baby, and then he'd rub the stretch mark lotion on it. I didn't have stretch marks yet, but I wasn't taking any chances. Plus I always looked forward to that time alone with Joe. It was extremely intimate, and I knew it would embarrass him to death if anyone else ever found out. It was a side of him that was just for me and our baby, and I savored every moment of it.

It was September now, but the weather was still warm, which meant I could keep wearing my baggy shorts for a while longer. I'd had to buy larger tops to accomodate my breasts, and thankfully my stomach fit just fine in them. I'd also had to buy a larger size of the nicer, sexier panties I liked to wear, but I was holding off on maternity clothes for as long as I could.

Joe and I had been walking every evening, and I knew that had a lot to do with keeping my weight in check. I definitely wasn't eating less or ignoring my cravings. Sometimes during the day I would go to the track and walk, too. Not the same one I met Joyce's potential lover at, of course. I was afraid I'd run into him again, and he'd confront me. Although I did have a crazy thought that he might actually thank me. As disgusting as Dickie and Joyce were, he might've ended up joining the two of them instead of meeting up with Joyce one-on-one. I covered my mouth at that thought and swallowed hard, pushing my lunch back down. Even that was too gross for me, and I'd joked around about some pretty disgusting things before.

* * *

It was a Monday morning, and I was still lounging in bed while Joe was getting ready for work. He was supposed to have the day off, but he needed to go in for a pretty important meeting. I heard the phone ring, and I assumed it was someone at the station. Minutes later, though, Joe walked into the room, handing me the phone.

"Who is it?" I mouthed.

"Valerie."

I started shaking my head no. Valerie on the phone at 7:30 in the morning could only mean trouble. "No," I whispered. "Tell her I'm still asleep."

"Sorry Cupcake, I already told her you were awake." I shot him a look and grabbed the phone. Joe just laughed and left the room.

"Hey Val, what's up?"

"Stephanie, I need a _huge_ favor."

"No, sorry. I can't."

"You don't even know what it is yet!"

"But I probably won't do it, so why waste your time?"

"_Steph_!"

"Okay, okay. Whaddya need?"

"Can you watch Lisa today? _Please_?"

"Sorry, I definitely can't do that. But thanks for thinking of me."

"Stephanie, I'm _seriously_ begging here._ Pretty please_? I'm driving up to spend the day with Angie and Mary Alice, and I won't get to enjoy my time with them if I have to chase after Lisa."

"Where are your kids Valerie?! What did you do with them that you have to drive somewhere to spend the day with them?"

"They're at Girl Scout camp, Steph. I'm bringing them home this evening, and they have to start school tomorrow. I've got a crazy two days ahead of me."

"Oh," was all I said.

"So what about watching Lisa?" She was losing her patience, but she needed me, so she had to keep playing nice.

I thought about it for a second. "Um, no, I still can't." I could've, of course. I just didn't want to.

"_Why not_?! Joe already told me you're not working today. I asked him that specifically."

Shit. Joe could have a big mouth sometimes. "Yeah, he's right, I'm not working today, but um, I have to, um ..." Crap. For some reason there wasn't a good enough lie popping into my head. What was happening to me? "Um ... I have to take a nap soon."

"_Stephanie_! Help me out here. You know I'm desperate if I'm asking you."

"Thanks a lot." Then I thought about it a second. "Why isn't mom watching her?"

"Let's see. Why can't mom do it? Oh, that's right. Because she's spending the day with _your_ mother-in-law! They've got tickets to something that mom really wants to go to."

"Oh," I said sheepishly. "That's not my fault. What about Grandma?"

"I haven't reached _super desperate_ status yet. Like I said, it's bad enough that I'm having to ask you."

"Gee, Valerie, flattery like that will get you no where."

"Put Joe on the phone."

"No."

"He'll say yes."

"I'm not letting you talk to him. And besides, he would never say '_yes'_ in a million years."

I heard Valerie hang up. I stared at the phone and shook my head. "She's so rude." I started to hang up, and then I heard Joe's cell phone ring.

"No she isn't!" I yelled out at Bob. "I can't believe her!" I was running to the bathroom to tell Joe not to answer, but when I got there, he was already talking. I was mouthing the word "_no"_ over and over again while Joe was smiling and telling Valerie "_yes_."

"What did you just do?!" I yelled as soon as he disconnected.

"Stephanie, you really weren't going to help your sister?"

"Not if it means I have to watch Lisa. And what are you doing telling her I'm not working today? Whenever my family's involved, you _have _to lie. That's our rule. I thought you knew that."

Joe was squeezing toothpaste on his toothbrush, totally unaffected by anything I was saying to him. "Sorry Cupcake, but there's no reason we can't help out every now and then. People have done enough for us. We should give back when we can."

"Other people are fine, but not Valerie. She doesn't do anything for us."

Joe grinned. "Just think of it as extra practice. You want a girl so bad, and that's what Lisa is, after all."

I turned on my heels and stomped out of the room. I threw on a tank top and a pair of shorts and ignored my hair. I wasn't getting pretty for a child who walked around with caked food on her clothes.

I went downstairs and ate breakfast, and within ten minutes the doorbell was ringing.

I opened the door, and Valerie shoved Lisa into my arms. "Here she is. Here's her backpack. Everything you could possibly need is in there. Call my cell if you have trouble. I gotta go. I'm late." And just like that, she was gone.

I shut the door and stared down at Lisa. She stared up at me, and I could see she was about to cry.

"Hi Lisa. You're gonna spend the day with Aunt Stephanie. We're gonna have so much fun." How I said that without rolling my eyes I'll never know, but I didn't want her to cry, so I thought a little lie wouldn't hurt.

Lisa stared at me again, and then the tears came. "Oh, no, don't cry Lisa. You know me. Remember you got to wear that pretty little dress and say some ugly words last time you saw me?"

But I guess she didn't remember, because she just kept crying. "Remember this?" I asked her, sticking out my tongue. She stopped and stared at me, so I kept sticking my tongue out at her. She started to giggle, so I said, "Can you stick out your tongue, too?"

She buried her head in my shoulder to hide her face, but at least she'd stopped crying. I carried her into the living room and sat her down on the couch.

I stood there a minute, not knowing what to do with her, and then I remembered her backpack. It was heavy as hell, so I dragged it into the living room. I turned around and noticed Lisa wasn't on the couch anymore. She'd made her way over to the television and was pushing the buttons.

She stared up at me and said, "Watch SpongeBob."

"Oh, yeah, you like the sponge guy, don't you?" I started looking for the remote when I heard Joe coming down the stairs.

He saw Lisa and smiled. Then he waved at her. As soon as she saw him, she ran and hid behind the couch.

"Can't you stay home with us?" I asked. I was actually begging, but I was trying to keep it from sounding that way.

"I'll be home after a while. You'll be fine." He gave me a quick kiss and then said, "Bye Lisa." She peeked out from behind the couch, so he waved at her again. As soon as he made eye contact with her, though, she hid her face. Joe laughed and said, "Have fun Cupcake."

I let out a sigh and said, "So you wanna watch the spongie guy, huh? Okay, let's see what we can do." I started flipping through the channels, but I couldn't find anything that looked like a sponge. I did find the show with the four goofy guys singing on a stage, so I left it there. Lisa seemed to recognize them, because she started dancing along to their music.

I sat down on the couch, and Lisa pulled herself up and sat down beside me. "Wanna cookie," she said.

I looked at the clock. It was 8:17. "No, you can't have a cookie now," I told her. "It's too early. We can have a cookie after lunch."

She poked out her bottom lip and got down off the couch. She ignored me for a few minutes, but then she came back.

"Juice?" she asked. She pulled at the backpack, trying to unzip it. "Okay," I told her, "you can have juice."

I unzipped the bag, and she found it herself. Then she pulled out a bowl with a lid on it and handed it to me. I opened it up and found Cheerios inside. I handed it back to her, and she toddled off and sat down in the middle of the floor. She sat there for a while, eating, and then she picked up her sippy cup and her bowl of Cheerios and came back to me.

She was trying to get up on the couch, but she was dropping Cheerios everywhere. Bob was right behind her, woofing them up, which made me happy. I was afraid she might eat them off the floor or I might have to actually bend over and pick them up myself.

I reached out and helped her the rest of the way up on the couch. She cuddled up next to me and started sucking on her sippy cup. Her eyes looked sleepy, and I hoped and prayed that meant she was going to take a nap.

She sat there for a minute, holding her cup in one hand, twirling her hair with the other. Finally she tossed her cup down onto the floor and picked up the bowl of Cheerios. She leaned over and tried to put one in my mouth.

"No thank you," I said. "You eat them."

"Stephie eat," she told me.

"No, that's okay," I said again. But then she looked like she was going to cry. "Okay, Stephie'll eat just one." I held up one finger to show her, assuming she knew what that meant. Obviously she didn't, because she shoved three of them in my mouth.

"Yummy," I said with a big fake smile. She rubbed her eyes again and let out a yawn. "You wanna take a nappie?" I asked hopefully.

"No!" she yelled, hopping back down off the couch. I got the silent treatment for a little bit more, but then she came back and said, "Play toys."

"You're not very good at the whole '_making a complete sentence'_ thing, are you?" I asked. But she just stared at me.

I started going through the backpack, pulling out a few colorful looking things, but of course she didn't want those. I thought about it a minute and then went into the kitchen. I came back with a couple of pots and pans and a spoon.

She took the spoon and put it in her mouth and started chewing on it. I pulled it out of her mouth and showed her what to do with it. She seemed interested, and within seconds she was banging away. Bob went and stood by the back door, and I could tell he was silently begging for me to let him free.

Lisa beat on the pots and pans for about ten minutes or so, but it seemed like hours. I was hoping it was already lunchtime, but I checked the clock and saw that it was only 8:59. "Omigod," I told Bob. "We're in toddler hell."

Lisa came back to the couch and sat beside me again. She started feeding me more Cheerios, but this time I didn't complain. I didn't want to eat them, but I wasn't about to say no. I was past the point of caring anymore.

We did that for a while, and soon I learned that she'd laugh if I would pretend to bite her fingers when she fed me. She'd let out this giggle every single time, which made me laugh, too, because she sounded so cute. We did that for about five minutes until she decided it would be more fun to hit Bob in the head with them. Bob didn't mind, though, because it meant more people food for him.

She laid her head down beside me and then started patting my stomach. "Baby," I told her, pointing near my belly button. "There's a little baby in there."

She patted my stomach a few times and said "Baby." But then she started hitting it. "No, no," I told her. "We don't wanna hurt the baby."

She frowned at that and jumped down off the couch, ignoring me again. Finally she came back and said, "Gotta go potty."

I looked at her little shorts, and it didn't seem like she had a diaper on underneath them. That was good. "Okay," I said. "Come on." I took her hand and led her into the downstairs bathroom. I pointed to the toilet and said, "Go potty." But she just stood there.

"Man," I said with a sigh. I helped her with her shorts, and she tried to get her underpants down, but she couldn't do it. I helped her with that, and then she started struggling to get up on the seat. I sat her up there and quickly turned around so she could have privacy. When I turned back, she was sliding off, so I pointed to the toilet paper and asked, "Did you wipe?" She stared at me for a second, but then she reached over and pulled some off, holding it out to me.

"Does your mommy do everything for you?" I whined. I made quick work of that, pulled up her little Tinkerbell underwear, then her shorts, and I immediately washed my hands. Twice. I took comfort thinking it'd just been tinkle and not the other thing. I was afraid that would be coming soon, but I pushed those thoughts out of my mind. We weren't that familiar with each other, and I wasn't prepared to go there yet.

We went back to the living room, and I held in the few curse words that came to mind when I saw it was only 9:19. "No," I whined to Bob. "Why is time passing so slowly?"

Lisa toddled into the kitchen, so I followed behind her. She pointed up to Rex's cage and said, "Bunny."

"No, that's Rex," I told her. "He's a hamster. Wanna see him?" She nodded her head, so I picked her up and sat her on the counter beside the cage. I stood in front of her and kept my arm around her back so she wouldn't fall. "Rex," she said, pointing at him. Rex was up on his haunches, staring at us, his whiskers twitching.

"Let's give him a treat." I picked her up and carried her to the refrigerator and grabbed the bag of carrots. We walked back to Rex, and I handed Lisa a carrot. "You can feed him."

She pushed the carrot into the cage, and Rex took it from her hand. She giggled at that, and she just sounded so cute that before I realized what I was doing, I planted a kiss on the top of her head. "Where did that come from?" I asked Bob. "Awkward."

I put her back down on the floor, and she ran off into the living room. She started pulling all sorts of crap out of her backpack, and I was saying, "No, Lisa. Stop." I didn't want to clean all of that up, and I knew she wasn't going to do it. Finally she pulled out a baby doll and a bottle.

We both sat back down on the couch, and she patted my stomach again. "Baby," she said. Then she showed me her doll. She started feeding it a bottle, but then she stopped. "Baby wanna cookie." She might have had trouble with complete sentences at times, but she'd definitely figured out sneaky ways of getting what she wanted.

I laughed at that and said, "You think you're smart, don't you?" I smiled and said, "Okay, baby can have a cookie. But not Lisa." I saw her poke out her bottom lip, and I made a quick mental note that kids Lisa's age don't understand what it means to tease like that yet.

"Okay, okay," I told her. "Don't cry. Lisa can have a cookie, too."

She smiled and followed me into the kitchen. She pointed to the cookie jar, and I said, "No! No cookies in there!" I gently picked it up and hid it in the cabinet. I definitely needed to rethink the cookie jar hiding spot before our baby came along.

I searched the pantry and came up with some Vanilla Wafers, but Lisa said, "No," and pushed the box away. I had to agree with her, and I wondered why on earth we had those in the first place. Finally I found some Chips Ahoy, and Lisa smiled, reaching out for one. Bob and Rex got two Vanilla Wafers, while Lisa and I took two chocolate chips.

We went back to the couch, and I flipped the channels until I finally found the sponge guy. "Thank you God," I said, because Lisa was immediately entranced. It was then I heard Joe opening the door. I said a more sincere "thank you" for that one and hurried to greet him.

"I'm so glad you're home," I said, hugging him.

He looked around and smiled. "Things seem to be under control. Is it that bad?"

"She's easy to watch, but it's so boring. Now that you're here, though, you can entertain us both."

"Lucky me," he teased. He sat the paper down on the table and said, "Okay, let me change clothes, and I'll come rescue you."

I went back into the living room and looked at the clock. 9:48. Albert wasn't coming for Lisa until close to suppertime. But at least Joe was home, which meant I could survive the day. And I had to admit the thought of playing house with the two of them did sound kind of fun. I was sure it was going to be an interesting day.


	75. Chapter 75

I sat down on the couch to wait for Joe, and minutes later, Lisa came over to cuddle. She rested her head against the side of my stomach and started sucking her thumb. Then she looked up at me and said, "Hold you?"

"What?" I asked her. Then she held out her arms to me. "Hold you."

"Oh, you want _me_ to hold _you._" I helped her into my lap and carefully positioned her so she wasn't pressing too hard against my stomach. She laid her head down on my shoulder and went back to sucking her thumb. By the time Joe made it downstairs, she was sound asleep.

"Now that's a cute picture," he whispered. He sat down beside us and stared at Lisa. "It's a good thing she looks like your sister and not Albert." I started laughing, and Lisa moved around.

"Oops," I said quietly. "I don't wanna wake her up."

"So what do we do with her?" Joe asked.

"I don't know. You tell me."

He disappeared up the stairs and came back a few minutes later with some blankets and a pillow. He made her a little pallet in the middle of the living room, and then he very carefully took her from my shoulder and transferred her to the floor. I covered her with a lightweight blanket, and then we walked as quietly as we could into the kitchen.

"I wonder how long she'll sleep."

"I hope a long time," I answered. "Maybe until Albert comes to get her."

We stood there in the kitchen, and I kept waiting for Joe to suggest _something else_ for us to do. Unfortunately for me, though, he never did.

I stuck my chest out when he walked by me, but he didn't notice. He just grabbed a few treats for Rex and dropped them into his cage.

I dropped the dish towel on the floor and bent down to get it right in front of him, but he just went about the business of filling Bob's dog bowls.

When he finished all of that, he looked at me, and we smiled at each other.

"You hungry?" I asked.

"No, we ate breakfast at the meeting."

_Geez, why couldn't he tell I wasn't talking about food?_ "So whaddya wanna do until she wakes up?"

"I could drink another cup of coffee, I guess. And make you some breakfast if you're hungry?"

I let out a sigh. I wanted some Joe-lovin' bad, but he wasn't taking the bait. That meant I was actually going to have to ask for it, which I hated to do. I preferred him to be a mind reader or a pervert on his own.

"No thanks," I said. Then I smiled. "I was thinking we could go upstairs."

Joe poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. "Don't you want to stay nearby in case she wakes up?"

_Okay, this was getting_ _ridiculous_. "We don't have to stay up there for long. _If you know what I mean_?"

He grinned at me and put his coffee mug down. "_Oh yeah_, I know what you mean." He pulled me to him, and we started to kiss. "It's nice sometimes to hear you say you want it, too, y'know?"

I nodded my head and slipped my tongue back into his mouth so he'd stop talking. I wasn't in the mood for conversation.

We quietly made our way up to the bedroom, and Joe shut the door while I stripped. He did the same and then joined me on the bed. His mouth traveled south while my eyes settled on the door. He hadn't locked it. "Pull the blanket up over us. Just in case."

I fought back as many moans as I could, but a few escaped every now and then. I could feel the baby moving, but I decided to ignore it and pretend it was gas.

After allowing me to catch my breath, he shifted his body and positioned himself on top of me, plunging inside. It didn't take long for my second orgasm to hit, and I moaned louder as I felt Joe joining me.

I wanted to stay there in bed for a while, but I realized this had been our very first "_while the baby's asleep_" quickie, so I pulled myself up and called dibs on the bathroom.

I made quick work of cleaning up and redressing, then hurried back downstairs to check on Lisa. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw she was exactly where Joe had left her.

I sat down on the couch and watched her. Bob walked over and sniffed her hair, probably hoping to find some leftover Cheerios in there. I stifled a yawn, as well as an overwhelming urge to wake her up.

I stared at her again and decided I just couldn't help myself. I walked over to where she was and stopped to listen for Joe. I didn't want to get caught in the act.

I sat down on the floor and poked her gently with my fingertip. She didn't move. I pushed on her arm a tiny bit. Still nothing. I coughed loud and then cleared my throat. Finally, I reached out and pulled on the blanket so that her body rocked back and forth. That really did it. She started to raise up when I heard Joe on the stairs.

I was back on the couch in record time, and I watched as Lisa opened her eyes and focused on him. Then she started to cry. Really loud.

"Sorry, Cupcake," he said. "I guess I wasn't quiet enough."

"That's okay," I said sheepishly. "It was probably time for her to wake up anyway."

I made my way over to Lisa, picking her up from the floor. "Don't cry sweetie," I told her, but she just kept on, staring at Joe.

"She needs to get used to you," I told him. He sat down on the couch, and I carried Lisa and sat beside him. She pressed her head hard into my shoulder, and I caught myself cry out in pain. "Man, that hurts. Stop that," I fussed, trying to push her head over. But she fought hard against me and just kept crying.

"Will you look in her backpack and see if she has another cup of juice?" I asked Joe. He eventually found one and passed it over. It took all the strength I had, but I finally shifted Lisa over onto my lap and tucked her into my arm. I handed her the sippy cup, and she immediately stuck it in her mouth.

She would suck on it some then slowly turn to look at Joe. She was fine as long as he didn't stare back, but the minute they made eye contact, she'd start to cry again.

I picked up the remote and turned on the television. I finally settled on some weird show where the characters were singing about being in somebody's backyard. It looked dopey, but Lisa liked it, and that was what mattered.

After a while, she turned her attention back to Joe. He was sitting all the way back against the couch, and from that angle, she could no longer see his face. Every now and then, though, she would push herself forward to get a good look at him. As soon as she'd catch his eye, she'd immediately throw herself back against my arm.

Eventually he started making silly faces at her when she'd stare at him long enough, and after about five minutes of playing shy, she finally started to crack. The next time he did it, she couldn't hold in the giggles.

The phone rang, and Joe jumped up to answer it. From his end of the conversation I could tell it was Valerie, and I silently prayed she was saying Albert would be there early. No such luck, though. She was merely checking in and reminding Joe to make certain we didn't feed Lisa any sweets. "_Too bad for Valerie_," I thought. She shouldn't have asked me to babysit in the first place. I made a mental note to feed Lisa several chocolate chip cookies before Albert got there. That would teach them.

I sat Lisa on the couch beside me, and when Joe came back, he sat down on the other side of her. She was so enthralled with the backyard gang that she didn't even notice. Eventually the show was over, and Lisa turned to her left and noticed Joe for the first time. She didn't cry, so that was progress, but she immediately made her way over to me.

I could tell she was wide awake now and ready to play. She started bouncing up and down in my lap and then she began beating on my boobies with both of her hands. "No, no," I told her, gently pushing them away. "Don't touch there." She bounced a bit more, and then she suddenly leaned closer to me and pulled my tank top out, looking down inside.

I felt my cheeks turn red, and I turned to Joe and let out an embarrassed laugh. "Kids have no clue, do they?" I pulled my top back to my chest. "No Lisa. Don't do that," I told her sternly.

She'd already seen Joe laugh, though, so she tried to do it again. "No!" I fussed once more, giving him the evil eye. "Don't encourage her."

"Sorry, Cupcake," he tried to say seriously. "I can't say I blame her, though. I'd do that, too, if I were in your lap." She smiled at him, and he smiled back at her. Great. I'd wanted them to bond, but I never thought it'd be over my breasts.

"I have an idea," Joe was saying. "Why don't we take a picnic lunch and go to the park? You know, the one with that really cool looking playground?"

I nodded my head, agreeing. "Yeah, that sounds like fun. Plus we'll pass a good bit of time that way. I'll go make some sandwiches."

I finished packing up our lunch, and the sound of laughter caught my attention. I walked out toward the living room, stopping so that Lisa couldn't see me. I stood silently, watching as Joe was gently lifting her up in the air. He'd get her as high as his arms would stretch, and she'd look down at him, laughing and smiling. Then he'd bring her down slowly, and as soon as she'd reach his mouth, he'd blow raspberries on her tummy. She'd giggle like crazy, almost losing her breath she was laughing so hard, and as soon as she'd calm down, he'd do it all over again.

The next time he got her up in the air, she started swinging her hands down at his face. "Mmm, fingers," he teased. "I'm gonna eat Lisa's fingers." He pretended to bite at them, and she giggled hysterically all over again.

I smiled to myself and walked up behind them. "Lunch is ready. Who wants to go to the playground?"

Joe brought Lisa down and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"I packed an ice chest, but we don't have enough ice, so I thought we'd stop for that and get some cold drinks, too."

"No problem," he said, planting a quick kiss on my lips. "Looks like Valerie planned for a week with that backpack there. Why don't you just pick out the things we need and leave the rest here? I'll go load up the car."

He started to turn around and then suddenly said, "Shit." He looked at me and smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, but I just realized we don't have a car seat."

"She needs one, right?"

"Yep."

"Okay, let me call Albert and see if he has one in his car." Thankfully he did, so Joe drove over to his office to retrieve it while I got the backpack ready, helped Lisa potty again, and added a few more snacks to our picnic lunch.

We loaded up as soon as Joe got back, and then we made a quick stop at the store. I stayed in the car with Lisa, while he ran inside and bought ice, drinks, and a few toys he said would be fun for her to play with at the park. I rode in the backseat with her, and we sang a few goofy songs, and she tried her best to pull my hair.

We finally made it there, and thankfully there weren't a lot of moms and kids around. We set all of our stuff up on one of the picnic tables, but when I sat Lisa up on the bench, I realized she didn't reach the table very well. Not to mention I was afraid she might fall off since there was nothing to support her back.

Fortunately Joe had planned for us to picnic on the ground anyway, so we had plenty of blankets to use. We spread them out, unpacked the food, and started to eat. The only problem with that being Lisa had decided she wanted to play instead. That meant Joe and I had to take turns running after her and bringing her back.

At first she liked being chased and brought back, but after the third or fourth time of being stopped, she started to get mad. And loud. The last time that Joe carried her back to the blanket, her arms were flailing, her legs were kicking, and she was screaming. He turned her around to face him and said, "No Lisa, you stop this right now," in a tone of voice that meant business. He gently sat her down on the blanket and said, "You have to eat your lunch first. Then we'll play."

She poked out her bottom lip, but I noticed she didn't run off again. Joe ignored the lip and tried to hand her a small piece of her sandwich. She let out a scowl and pushed his hand away. "Lisa," he said in that same tone, and the next time he tried, she took it from him and ate it.

Thankfully it was a beautiful September day - not too hot with just the right amount of breeze to make being outside pleasant. We even got lucky and weren't annoyed by any flies or ants. After we finished eating, Joe grabbed the toys he'd bought and carried both them and Lisa over to the playground. There was a small sand box, and I sat watching as Joe kicked off his shoes and then removed Lisa's. He sat her inside and then plopped down next to her.

I cleaned up our mess and then left the rest of our things sitting on top of the picnic table nearby. I joined them in the sand box, but I hadn't been there long when Lisa decided it was time to potty. I looked around and was thrilled to spot actual bathrooms instead of a Porta-Potty. I have to be desperate to use one of those, and I wasn't excited about the prospect of Lisa using one either. I didn't want her getting disgusting germs on my watch.

We came back and discovered that while we were gone, Joe had decided to share some of her toys with the other kids that were playing there. I couldn't have cared less, but apparently it made Lisa extremely mad. She pointed at the little boy holding her shovel and squealed, "Mine." I smiled, embarrassed she'd done that, and said, "Why don't we take her over to the swings for a while?"

I meant that I was going to do it, but Joe stood, picked her up, and walked off with her. The mother of the little boy smiled at me, and I stood there, feeling a bit uncomfortable. I didn't feel like a mom yet, and I really didn't want to be around other ones either.

I stared down at her little boy, watching him beat on the sand with the shovel. "He's cute," I said with a smile.

"Thanks."

"How old is he?"

"A year and a half."

I nodded my head, not really knowing what to say after that. "When's your baby due?" she asked. As it turned out, she had just found out she was pregnant, so we talked for a while about babies. Joe walked up with Lisa after a few minutes and said, "She's not that interested in the swing. I think it's because she can't get dirty doing that."

I decided that I was thirsty, so I left the two of them to head back to our table. I drank some water and then realized I needed to potty, too. I took my time walking to and from, feeling a bit bored now, and debating whether or not I wanted to beg Joe to take us home. As I got closer, I could see that one of the other mothers was talking to him. His back was facing me, so he didn't know I was approaching.

"What an adorable litle girl you have," I heard her saying to him. I assumed he was about to correct her when she interrupted and asked, "Did I see that your wife is pregnant?" I saw him nod and heard her say, "Maybe you'll get a little boy this time around."

That was when I finally heard him say the words. "Yeah, that's what I'm hoping for."

I stopped and pretended to pull something out of my shoe, not wanting to walk up right after he'd said that. I didn't want him to know yet that I had overheard.

The woman saw me approaching and smiled. Joe turned, shading his eyes from the sun, and said, "I was starting to worry you'd taken the car and left us here."

I just laughed and sat down on the edge, burying my toes in the sand. One by one, all the other mothers and children left and made their way to the swingset, until it was just the three of us alone in the sand box. I debated whether or not to say anything, but I realized I wasn't going to be able to let it go.

"I heard what you told that lady."

"Which lady?" Joe asked, turning to pick up Lisa, wiping sand off the bottom of her feet.

"About hoping for a boy."

"Oh," he said. "That." He slipped his shoes back on, then picked up Lisa's sandals and shook all of the sand out of them. He picked her up, then held out his hand to help me stand. We walked back to the picnic table, and I kept expecting him to say something. He never did, though. He just sat Lisa down on the bench and began rifling through the backpack. Finally he pulled out a baby wipe, cleaned her hands, and then sat down beside her.

"Well, what if it's not?" I asked impatiently. "Are you still going to be happy?"

I watched as he reached into the ice chest and pulled out three popsicles. Cherry for Lisa, orange for me, and grape for him. He took the wrapper off of Lisa's and passed it to her. She held out her hands for him to hold her, so he picked her up. He was still sitting, and she was standing on his lap, pressed against him, watching the other kids play over his shoulder.

"Cupcake, you know I'll be happy with either one." He grabbed a paper towel and wiped some of the dripping popsicle off of her arm. "I'm just excited we're finally having a baby together. Boy or girl, it honestly doesn't matter to me. But, yeah, the thought of having a son ..." His voice trailed off, and he was just about to continue when Lisa interrupted.

She leaned over and stuck her popsicle in front of his mouth, and he pretended he was going to take a bite. She giggled and pulled it away quickly. She dripped popsicle onto his shirt, but he didn't seem to notice or care.

He was silent for a moment, and then he asked, "What about you? I mean you're buying everything pink. It doesn't seem like you're even considering the possibility that it could be a boy."

I thought about it for a second, knowing full well he was right. I hadn't paid it much mind, because I felt so strongly that it was, in fact, a girl. "I'm not going to lie and say I think about it being a boy, because I don't. But if it is, it's not like I'm going to cry or anything." _At least I hoped that I wouldn't_. "I just want to know that it's healthy more than anything."

Joe hugged me to him, Lisa still in his arms, and she reached out and smacked me in the face with her popsicle. I don't think she liked me getting any attention from her new favorite person.

We finished our popsicles, and Joe cleaned up Lisa the best that he could. He put her sandals back on her feet, then sat her down on the ground. She ran around and played while he packed up the car. She fell asleep in her car seat on the way home, and we were able to successfully move her to the couch without her waking up.

Joe had a few work related calls to make, so I sat at the end of the couch, making sure she didn't fall off. She finally woke up a little after four o'clock, so I took her to the bathroom, changed her into clean clothes, and brushed her hair. Valerie had packed a little baggy of bows, so I found two that matched her sundress and put them in her hair.

"Aren't you pretty?" I asked her. I pulled her to me and gave her a hug and a kiss, never once thinking anything about it. We sat in the floor and played with the pots and pans for a while, until she found the brush and began styling my hair with it. Mostly she just banged it against my head, but I smiled and said "Thank you" when she was finished.

Before long I realized that it was almost time for Albert to show up, so I took her into the kitchen and gave her three chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk. She sat in my lap and ate them, and I smiled to myself thinking how bad I could be sometimes. It had actually been a really nice day, and I didn't want to admit it, but I was glad Valerie had been a big fat sneak and called Joe.

I thought about Joe wanting a boy, and I stared down at Lisa, thinking about having a little girl of my own. I knew that he was serious when he said he would be happy with either, and I realized at that moment, that I wasn't ready to know what I was having.

I had a sonogram scheduled for my next appointment, and I'd had every intention of finding out that day what it was. _But_ the thought of keeping the mystery going as long as I could seemed much more appealing. There are few things in life that are a surprise, so why not hold onto that until the very end?

I heard the doorbell ring, so I picked Lisa up, wiped off all signs of cookie from her mouth, and carried her to the door. Joe came downstairs, got her backpack and car seat, and helped Albert carry it all out to his car.

"Tell Valerie I'll watch her whenever she needs me to," I said with a smile. "Bye Princess," I told Lisa, waving to her. "Bye bye," she grinned, waving her little hand like crazy.

Joe patted her head, shut the door, and pulled me to him. "How about a nap?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

We made our way upstairs and laid down on the bed. Joe alternated between rubbing my belly and my feet, and before I knew it, I was drifting off to sleep. We'd had a fun day with Lisa, but my last thoughts that afternoon were spent wondering how on earth I was going to do that on a daily basis.


	76. Chapter 76

We had the sonogram done and stayed with my decision not to find out the sex. I think Joe was disappointed, but he was willing to go along with what I wanted. There was a brief minute or two, though, that I almost broke down and begged to find out.

The technician was taking measurements and showing us different body parts when she suddenly said, "I'm not sure either one of you would know exactly what you're seeing unless I pointed it out, but _just in case_, I'd look away for a minute or two." Hearing her say that and knowing the answer was right there in full view was almost enough to drive me crazy.

I did end up asking if the sex would be written in my chart somewhere, just in case we decided later on that we wanted to know. Before we left, she handed Joe a sealed envelope which she said contained a piece paper with one single word written on it. I really didn't want it, but at the same time, I wasn't about to ask him to throw it away.

I stared at the envelope the entire ride home, as if it were a ticking time bomb ready to go off at any second. As soon as we walked in the house, I asked Joe to hide it. When push came to shove, I knew I couldn't trust myself.

* * *

Time was passing by quickly, and it was already October. The baby's movements had changed drastically from the flutterings to very discernible kicks. It was definitely busy in there, but no matter how hard we tried, Joe still wasn't able to feel anything from the outside.

Finally one evening I was lying in bed reading, and the baby was moving around like crazy. I happened to pull up my shirt to scratch, and I noticed that a spot on my stomach moved along with the baby. Joe was out walking Bob, and as soon as I heard him come inside, I called out for him.

He was upstairs in a flash, afraid something was wrong, but I was shaking my head and telling him to get on the bed next to me. I placed his hand on my stomach where I'd just felt the baby, and we both laid there, breathless and waiting. After a minute or two with no response, I turned on my side slightly, and the movements started up again. I shifted his hand to the new spot, and the baby kicked.

"Did you feel that?" I asked.

Joe didn't say a word. He just nodded his head and grinned. We stayed there while he felt a few more of the movements, and once the baby settled down, he hugged me to him.

"I love you so much, Steph." He held me in his arms and whispered softly in my ear, "You and our baby mean more to me than anything in this world."

I smiled and moved my mouth over to his and then eventually made my way up on top. Joe turned off the lamp, and I guess we didn't bother the baby, because I didn't feel anymore kicks for a while.

* * *

Halloween was right around the corner, and I was staring down my twenty-third week of pregnancy. According to all of the pregnancy books, the baby should've weighed close to a pound by that time, but it sucked that I had gained fourteen. It didn't matter, though, because I was basically still normal-sized everywhere except for my stomach. That definitely made me very happy.

Mary Lou had decided on a whim that we should go Christmas shopping, and although I wasn't going to buy anything yet, there was no way I was turning down a trip to the mall. We decided to shop first and then follow that up with a huge lunch.

Mary Lou happily informed me she was PMSing, which meant there was no way we were leaving without ordering the sampler platter of desserts. The thing was huge, and sadly, we didn't leave so much as a crumb on any of the plates when we were finished. I wasn't exactly on the same sugar high I'd experienced previously with Connie and Lula, but it was still pretty bad.

My mother called my cell phone while we were out and asked if I wanted to stop by and pick up some extra food she had baked. I certainly didn't have a problem with that, so Mary Lou drove us over there once we were finished.

"Hey mom," I yelled as I opened the door. With the mood I was in, it should've been an instant warning for me to take my happy ass home and stay there. But I liked living on the edge, so into my parents' house we ventured.

"Angie and I are in the kitchen, Stephanie," she called out, and I turned to Mary Lou and rolled my eyes. "Of course they are," I giggled, and then Mary Lou said, "I wonder if they're in there talking about sex like we always do."

"Oh God," I yelled out, turning at that exact moment to find myself screaming right in Mrs. Morelli's face. "Oh God it's great to see you," I said with a smile and a useless attempt at stifling a giggle.

"Stephanie, what on earth is wrong with you?" my mother asked, frowning in my direction. "It's not another one of those days, is it?"

"No, of course not. Nothing's wrong. Why are you asking me that?"

I was trying hard to keep a straight face, but Mary Lou was making naughty signs with her hands behind their backs, and I burst out laughing. I took a deep breath and counted to five, trying to calm down.

"I think I'm on a sugar high," I explained to them. "We ate a lot of desserts after lunch."

"Well that's exactly what you need to be eating," my mother said sarcastically, shaking her head hopelessly at me. "Don't you have your glucose tolerance test tomorrow?"

"Ah damn!" I cursed, immediately covering my mouth as soon as I'd said it. "I mean, yeah, I do." I leaned over on the counter and started eyeing the pineapple upside-down cake sitting across from me.

My mother followed my line of vision and smacked my hand. "No! Don't even think it. You can have some tomorrow after your test. And watch your language. The baby can hear you, you know?"

"_Alright, alright_. You don't have to hit me."

Fortunately Grandma Mazur decided to rescue us. "Stephanie, Mary Lou, come here and help me."

"Sure Grandma." Mary Lou and I shrugged our shoulders at each other, and I hoped for the best.

"A puzzle?" I asked, picking up the box to look at the front. "Grandma, has mom seen this?"

"No, she never pays attention to what I'm doing. She's just happy I'm leaving her alone."

"That's good, because this is really perverted."

Mary Lou grabbed the box and whistled. "Now this is my kind of puzzle." She plopped down into the chair and started looking at the pieces. "You've already done the good part," she said, pointing at the penis.

"Yeah, I did that first thing."

I settled into a chair and started searching for the border pieces. "So Grandma, what are you wearing to the Halloween party?"

"I don't know yet. You two got any ideas?"

Mary Lou and I looked at each other and grinned. "You want something naughty?" I asked.

"Well no shit," she said matter-of-factly.

"Mother!" we heard from the kitchen, and Grandma Mazur rolled her eyes. "Stephanie, please do not encourage her," my mother warned.

We all giggled and tried to ignore the two fuddy-duds that were baking.

"What about you, Steph?" Mary Lou asked. "You need to be something really cute. Especially with that belly of yours."

"I haven't thought of anything yet," I said with a sigh. "I'm not very creative."

Mary Lou started to laugh and slapped her hand on the table, making some of the puzzle pieces jump. "Omigod, I totally know what you and Joe can be for Halloween!"

"What?" I asked, turning over pieces and trying to figure out what body parts they went with.

"You can be a pregnant nun, and Joe can dress up as a priest."

Grandma Mazur started laughing, but I heard my mother gasp. She walked into the dining room and shot us all dirty looks. "Mary Lou!" she said in a whisper. "Behave yourself! Angie Morelli isn't nearly as tolerant as I am. What if she'd heard you?"

Mary Lou had the same look on her face that she'd had when my mother caught her trying to smuggle in a PlayGirl when we were twelve. "I am so sorry Mrs. Plum," she was saying. "It was totally a joke and obviously in very poor taste. I promise to watch my mouth."

My mother frowned at all of us and walked back into the kitchen. I couldn't help but laugh, and Mary Lou threw a puzzle piece at me.

"I can do better than that," Grandma Mazur said. "How about you dress as an angel and wear a sign around your neck with an arrow that points down at your belly? Right above the arrow you can write 'The Devil Made Me Do It.' Then have Joe dress up as the devil."

Of course Mrs. Morelli had decided to come in the room just as she was saying that. She placed a cake down on the sideboard, gave Grandma Mazur and the puzzle box a look, and shook her head. Then she turned her gaze on me. "I saw you giggling, Stephanie. A sign like that and Joseph dressed as the devil is not funny."

She had a point. I didn't want Joseph dressed as anything serious or funny. Completely naked was always my first choice. Thankfully I managed to keep the laughter in until she was gone. "Grandma, you got me in trouble with Joseph's mommy. You're both a bad influence on me."

Apparently I'd gotten myself too worked up throughout all of this, and someone had finally grown tired of it. I reached out for another puzzle piece and felt one of the hardest kicks the baby had ever given me. "Oh!" I said catching my breath.

"Did it kick?" Mary Lou asked excitedly.

"Yeah." I pulled up my shirt where I'd felt it, and I held my breath, waiting for another one. Grandma and Mary Lou moved closer, and we were all watching. I pressed down on my stomach, and almost immediately, it kicked again.

"Omigod," Mary Lou said, "I saw it!" No matter that she'd had two kids of her own, something like that was still pretty amazing.

"I'll be," Grandma said, pressing her hand lightly on my belly. "There _really is_ something in there."

I raised an eyebrow and asked, "_What is that supposed to mean_?!" but she just ignored me.

"Make it do it again. I wanna feel it."

By this time the mothers had joined us, and we were all staring intently at my rather large stomach. I started feeling uncomfortable having my shirt up in front of everyone, so I pressed again, and when nothing happened right away, I quickly lowered it. "Oh well," I said. "I'll let you know if I feel another one."

Mary Lou thought for a moment. "You could be a pregnant prom queen. Or a pregnant cheerleader."

"Nah, I think those things are pretty commonplace now."

"Omigod, I've got it!!" she shouted once again. "How about you dress as a 50s housewife and Joe can go as a milkman?"

My mother walked into the dining room and placed a bag of food down on the table. "Sorry you have to be running along, Stephanie. But please be certain to call me tomorrow after your test. And it was nice to see you again, Mary Lou."

I simply smiled at my mother, once again impressed at how she had handled the situation.

* * *

Halloween wasn't until Monday, but Connie had planned her party for Saturday night. She was in a semi-relationship with some guy named Scott, and the two of them had decided to go all out this year and make it this huge Burg blast.

I'd only met Scott once and wasn't that impressed, but that was Connie's business, not mine. I'd learned the hard way to keep my mouth shut and never criticize whoever someone close to me happened to be screwing. No matter what, it had always backfired on me, and I finally grew tired of losing friends. Therefore, it was Connie's life, and I was happy for her if Scott was what she wanted.

As for our costumes, I'd tried to get Joe to do the whole Adam and Eve thing with me, but all he said was, "Hell no Cupcake." I ended up getting him a mask and a cape and going with the Zorro look. Of course I took one look at him in his costume and made him take all of it back off.

That's one of the downfalls of being a hot-blooded Italian with a body like his. Combine that with the mask and him being dressed in all black, and I was taking off my top as soon as I saw him. All I could think was "_Fuck him_," so I had to do it. Then of course he saw me in my Sexy Kitten get-up, and we had to get naked all over again.

All of that sex made us a good hour late, but I couldn't have cared less. Ever since I'd moved out of the first trimester into the second, it seemed I was in a constant state of horniness. That meant I viewed being late as an insignificant consequence of getting what I had to have, and it had been totally worth it.

We finally made it to Connie's, and she had definitely gone all out. We walked through a blanket of fog, made our way through the petrified forest, and passed a long line of mutilated corpses and skeletons. I was truly impressed.

Joe and I mingled for a while, and I finally spotted Lula, dressed as a Playboy bunny. "Where's Connie?" I yelled above the spooky music that was playing a bit too loudly.

Lula smiled at my costume and said, "That's pretty cute Blondie, but I like your hubby's costume way better. Or at least what I imagine he's got hidden underneath it." Then she looked around. "I don't know where Connie is. Maybe she's gone upstairs. She's in some kind of funk, so I'm trying to stay away from her."

I nodded my head and told Joe I'd be back. I walked up the stairs and realized I'd never been up there before. It felt a bit awkward, so I called out "Connie?" before I went any further. I felt like I was intruding on her personal space and didn't want to go any further uninvited.

I called her name again, and finally I heard her say, "I'm back here, Steph."

I walked into the back bedroom, and Connie was decked out as Marilyn Monroe. She was the _Seven Year Itch_ version in a dress identical to the white one that gets blown up when she stands over the sidewalk grate.

"Nice costume," I said, feeling envious that she fit in it and I couldn't. Then I looked a little closer and saw she'd been crying. "What's the matter?" I asked.

She looked up at me and stared at my stomach. "Oh God. You're the last person I need to see."

"Thanks a lot," I said, sitting on the bed beside her. "What's wrong? You're missing a great party down there. It's yours, by the way," I teased, but she wouldn't laugh.

"I'm not in the mood," she sniffled.

"What do you mean? You've been planning this party for weeks. You've done a great job."

"But I can't enjoy it," she whined. "Scott's not here, and ..." She hesitated for a bit. "And ..."

"And?" I asked. "What?"

"I think I might be pregnant," she whispered.

"Omigod," I said, not really knowing what else to say. Her and Scott were most likely destined to crash and burn, and the last thing she needed was a baby with him. "Have you taken a test?" I asked quietly.

She shook her head no. "I've never had luck with the home kits. I'm going on Monday for a blood test."

"That's good," was all I could think to say. "At least you'll know for sure that way."

Then she burst into tears. "Steph, I know you're going to think I'm awful, but I just can't ... I can't have a baby with him."

I didn't really know what to say to that, other than "You don't have to Connie."

She kept her head down, and finally I said, "Look, take it from an expert. Just push it out of your mind for tonight, and let's go have some fun. I mean either you are or you're not. Having a good time tonight isn't going to change it either way."

Connie thought about it for a minute, then nodded her head. "Thanks Steph," she sniffled. But then she stared down at my stomach and started crying again.

"Sorry," I said apologetically. She shook her head and said, "No, don't be sorry. You're cute." Then she wiped her eyes and pointed to her face. "I'll be down in a few minutes, okay? I'm going to freshen this up."

I made my way back downstairs and spotted Stan and Grandma Mazur. They were dressed as a Plug and a Socket. I shook my head and walked in the other direction, looking for Joe. I finally spotted him talking on his cell phone, and he didn't look very happy.

"Hey," I teased, "No phone calls. Nothing to distract you from me."

Joe held up a finger and whispered, "Just a sec. It's Tony."

I gave him a nod and walked over to grab some punch. I bumped into a pirate, but when I looked closer, I saw it was Ranger.

"Babe," he said with a smile. "Cute costume."

"Yeah, you, too." We both stood there a few minutes, not really knowing what to say to each other.

"So are you here alone?" I asked.

"No, I brought a Treasure Chest with me. She's here somewhere."

Joe walked up moments later and placed his arm around my waist. "Ranger," he said with a nod.

Ranger returned his nod with one of his own. "Morelli."

Just then Ranger's date walked up and put her arm around him. "There you are baby," she said, and when she spoke, I detected an accent. She was about 5'9" with long, wavy brown hair and an absolutely perfect body. She was wearing an extremely short, shiny gold dress that was covered in gold coins and shimmering jewels. She had on several strands of pearls, a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings, and gold bracelets galore. Her heels were to die for, and I thought right away that she looked like a bitch.

Joe's phone rang, and he excused himself and stepped off to the side. Miss Pirate Booty shot me a look, and I got the distinct feeling she knew all about me. She raised an eyebrow and then turned her attention to Joe. He'd taken his mask off so he could talk, and she didn't even try to hide the fact that she was checking him out. Slowly. From head to toe. Her eyes settled briefly on the bulge in his pants, and I felt my face growing hotter by the second.

Connie had finally made her way back downstairs, and she seemed to be back to normal. I was trying to concentrate on what she was saying to me, but Ranger's date was making it impossible. Her eyes were now on me, and she alternated her glances between my face and my stomach.

Ranger was trapped listening to Lula prattle on about Tank, but he wasn't oblivious to what was going on with his date. He caught the look on my face and pulled her over towards him. She laughed slightly, tossed back her hair, then put her hand on his ass.

Joe walked over and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and planted a kiss on my temple. Connie kept talking, and I was trying my best to ignore Ranger and his companion. Finally Lula wandered off, and Ranger started pouring out two glasses of punch. And that was when his stupid bitch of a date spoke up and said, "Now tell me again, Carlos. You're not the father, right?"

Connie's face went white, Joe's eyes went dark, and I heard myself gasp. Ranger slammed the glasses of punch down on the table and pulled her away. Connie stood there staring at us, obviously at a loss for words. "I better," she started to say. "I better, uh, ... do _something_." Then she hurried off.

I turned to Joe, but nothing would come out of my mouth. I was afraid he'd read that as a sign of guilt, so I started shaking my head. His phone rang again, and he immediately opened it and reshut it.

"Joe, you can't honestly think ..."

He held up his hand to stop me. "Not here."

"Joe, this baby is ours, I swear. I don't know what she ..."

"I've never questioned that Stephanie," but his face was still hard, and his body was tense.

"Then why are you so upset if you know ..." I stopped and swallowed hard, fighting back the urge to find Ranger's date and pull her hair out.

Joe took my hand in his and led me out to the backyard. There were a few people out there smoking and drinking, but we made our way to the corner beside a tombstone and a decapitated corpse. Joe had grabbed a chair from the patio, and he plopped it down and said, "Sit."

I did as he said, staring down at my hands, afraid to look up at him. "How many times Stephanie?"

"Just once," I whispered. "When we were broken up. I swear. And it was a long time ago." I watched as a tear drop rolled down my cheek, and Joe reached out and wiped it away.

He knelt down in front of me and said softly, "Don't get upset, okay? It's not good for you or the baby." He picked up my hand and brought it to his mouth, kissing it tenderly. "Listen, I'm sorry. You know I'm the last person to judge someone for mistakes that were made in the past."

"Then why? Why were you so angry in there?"

He let out a sigh and paused before he answered. "Stephanie, I don't wanna do this right now."

"Joe, you need to tell me. We have to get this out so we can move on. I'm tired of being uncomfortable whenever Ranger's name comes up. He's not going anywhere, and neither are we. Let's settle this once and for all."

He shook his head no. "Not now, Steph. After the baby ..."

"_Yes now_, Joe. I won't get hysterical. _I promise_. But I need to know what you're feeling. I'm tired of this hanging over our heads."

Joe didn't speak, so I let out a sigh and stood to walk into the house. He gently placed his arm on mine and said, "It's not so much that you slept with him once. I mean, he's not my favorite person, but at the same time, I don't fault him for everything. I realize there was a reason he stayed in the picture, and that reason is why I question you. Why did you lead him on for as long as you did?"

"Joe, I ..." I stopped, realizing I didn't have an answer that sounded good enough. "I don't know," I whispered softly. "I was stupid. I was scared. I knew there was nothing to be gained from him. I could flirt, and there was never an issue of having to make a commitment. Never any worries of anything serious happening between us. But I finally came to my senses and realized it was you and only you ..."

Joe pulled me to him and kissed me passionately. "No more of this, okay? It just doesn't matter anymore, and I should've never brought it up. The day we said _'I do'_ was the day we started fresh ... "

That was when I interrupted him. "But have you forgiven me, Joe?" I needed to hear what he said, even if his answer was "not yet."

He stared into my eyes and nodded his head. "Do you forgive me for what happened in the Tastry Pastry all those years ago? Do you forgive me for being a disgusting pig who screwed anything in a skirt and wrote stupid poems about you all over town?"

I smiled and then nodded my head. "You're not that person anymore. You haven't been for a very long time."

"That goes both ways, Cupcake. Neither one of us are the same." He kissed me again and said, "I'm done reliving the past. It's all about you and me and that little guy in there," he teased, pointing at my belly.

"_Little girl_, you mean."

"You've got your delusions, I've got mine." He kissed me one more time and said, "Let's go home, Cupcake."

We started making our way over to Connie when Ranger suddenly approached. "I just wanted to apologize for Katarina. She was out of line and extremely disrespectful." He held his hand out, and Joe shook it. "I appreciate that," Joe told him.

Ranger looked at me and simply said, "Babe." I started to nod my head when Joe spoke up. "How about you call her Stephanie from now on?"

"Fair enough," Ranger said. And then he was gone.

* * *

We spent the following Sunday working in the nursery and just bumming around. Joe went out around suppertime and rented a few movies and grabbed a Pino's pizza.

After we ate we snuggled up under a blanket and started one of the movies. It was a chick flick, and after a while, even _I_ was bored to tears trying to follow the storyline. We had a bowl of popcorn between us, and Joe started picking up pieces and feeding them to me.

"You really wanna watch the rest of this?" he asked. "I can think of something _way better_ to do."

"I bet you can," I grinned. I didn't care much about the movie, but it was warm and cozy under the blanket, and I didn't feel like making my way upstairs to the bedroom. The size of my stomach and the subtle strains I was feeling in my back had put a damper on having sex anywhere but on the bed.

"So," Joe said, hesitating for a second, "after all of the drama last night, I forgot I had a secret to tell you." He didn't look very excited about it, though, so it had me worried.

"Yeah?" I asked warily. "Is it a good one?"

Joe chuckled. "No."

I frowned. "Do I really wanna hear it then?"

"No."

"So why are telling me?"

Joe smiled slightly. "Because if _I_ don't tell you before someone else does, there'll be hell to pay later. I'm looking out for _myself_ right now."

I started to argue, but then I realized he was right. If Joe was in on something, and he didn't share, I'd definitely give him shit about it.

"So you know the expression '_there must be something in the water_?' First you. Then Joyce. Now maybe Connie."

"_Yeah_," I asked hesitantly.

"Well," and he paused, obviously not wanting to continue.

"Well?" I asked impatiently. "Who is it?"

Joe hesitated. "It looks like my mother's getting two new grandchildren next year."

"Why's that a bad secret? Your mother's gonna be excited."

Joe laughed. "Not quite." He took a handful of popcorn and fed me some, too. "It's not Cathy or Mary, and Paul had a secret vasectomy. He's not a very good Catholic. Never has been," Joe teased.

"Okay, so that leaves Tony." Then I paused. "Oh, that's why you were talking to him at the party last night? And it's not good news because his divorce isn't official yet?"

Joe paused. "I hadn't thought of that. I guess that's a second reason it's not great news."

"So the first is your mom hates Christine?"

Joe shook his head. "There is no Tony and Christine."

"Don't tell me," I said, the dread in my voice apparent. "The look on your face must mean I actually know the woman that's taken Christine's place."

"Getting warmer."

"And I obviously don't like her."

"Hot. _Really_ hot."

"Oh God, no. _Not her_."

Joe just smiled. "At least you heard it from me first."

"We're moving. We're moving far away. Or at least tell me _she's_ moving far away?"

Joe shook his head. "Nope. She's already got the ring."

"He's marrying her?! Omigod, that's worse!"

Joe laughed. "Yeah, wait 'til my mom finds out."

"You know what it is, don't you? She couldn't have you so she went after your brother."

"I don't know," he said. "She always flirted with Tony whenever he'd pay attention to her."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of a long list of bad things he could've told me instead. But no matter what, the thought of our baby being related in any way, shape, or form to a baby that Terry Gilman popped out made my skin crawl. And her being my future sister-in-law was a thousand times worse.

I grabbed the remote and turned off the television. "Let's go upstairs now. I think I'll take you up on that _'something way better to do'_ offer."

"Only if you put your kitten outfit back on," Joe teased.

"Deal," I said. "As long as you let me lick you."

Joe's mouth met mine, and he mumbled, "Come on, naughty Stephanie. It's time to go play."

I smiled to myself, imagining way more than licking that I wanted to do to him.


	77. Chapter 77

Monday night was Halloween, and Joe and I stayed home so we could pass out candy to the kids. Not that many dropped by since most of the neighbors were old people on fixed incomes, but it looked like some of them were out with their grandchildren. There were a few young couples out with their kids, and I smiled to myself thinking how we'd be taking our little princess out the following year. We had fun looking at all the costumes, and we talked about what our baby would be for his or her first Halloween.

I kept sneaking pieces of candy while Joe wasn't looking, and after a while I started feeling sick. I didn't throw up, but I felt pretty close to it. We finally turned out the lights and went into the living room to watch a horror flick. Joe brought me a glass of water and a cup of yogurt mixed with fresh fruit and granola. "Eat this Cupcake. It's the best I can find to help counteract all that sugar you just ate." Then he shook his head and snuggled me up to him. I fell asleep during the movie, so Joe helped me upstairs and put me to bed.

The next morning I woke up with the urge to actually work. Plus I wanted to check on Connie. The minute I walked in the door, I was accosted by Lula and the measuring tape. "I thought you guys were done with this?" I whined.

"No way Blondie. You're getting bigger by the second. We gotta keep playing."

Connie looked at me and smiled. "The rabbit lives." Lula laughed, and I let out a big sigh of relief. "Well that's good news. Since that's what you wanted and all. So what about Scott?"

"Whaddya mean?" she asked.

"Uh, nothing?" I stuttered. "I just thought you two might be over."

"No way. The sex is too good to call it quits just yet."

"I heard that," Lula exclaimed.

I nodded my head in understanding. "Yeah, that does make a big difference."

"So Blondie," Lula was saying, "have you and Blondie Jr. been fed this morning?"

"Yeah," I said, "why? You haven't eaten yet? I could eat again."

"Damn girl, how much weight you gained so far?"

"Shut up!" I yelled, balling up a piece of paper and hitting her in the head with it. "Don't talk about my weight."

"How much _have_ you gained?" Connie was asking, staring at my stomach. "You still look pretty good everywhere else, but your stomach is huge. And you've gotta go to the end of February?" Then she looked at Lula. "God, imagine how much higher our numbers have to go."

"You both suck," I told them. "And I'm not _that big_." I turned sideways to show them, pulling my top tight over my stomach. "It's just the baggy shirts."

"You ever gonna wear something besides those baggy t-shirts and sweats? I see some pregnant women that look cute and all put together. But you're just a mess."

I gave her the evil eye, but she kept on going. "I know you don't wanna hear this, but I saw Joyce the other day, and she looked kinda nice all decked out in her little maternity top and shit."

"You're dead to me, Lula," I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

"I'm just saying you might wanna reconsider this whole look you got going on. It's a sad day when Joyce is looking better than you."

"Joyce is a whore. Who cares what she looks like?" I thought about Terry and imagined her stupid perfect-looking self in maternity clothes. Of course she was going to look way better than either Joyce or I ever could. "And I couldn't give two shits how Terry's going to look either."

"Terry?" Connie immediately asked. I looked over at her and asked, "What did you say?" I was pretty sure I'd just _thought_ all of that about Terry and not said it out loud. At least I'd meant to.

"You said something about Terry." Both her and Lula had perked up, watching me intently.

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Nuh-uh."

"You did, too." Then she smiled at Lula. "Spill it Steph."

"Uh, I, uh, there's nothing to spill." I picked up a stack of files, and Connie snatched them out of my hand.

"You _are_ talking about Terry Gilman, _aren't you_?"

"_No_," I said unconvincingly. But I couldn't think of any other Terry I knew. At least not one that was female.

"_Yeah she is_. You can see it in her face."

"Omigod!" Connie was yelling. "Terry Gilman's pregnant! I had no idea. I hadn't heard yet."

"Shit," was all I could say. I shook my head at my own stupidity and begged, "Guys, you can't say a word."

Connie looked at Lula and smiled. "This is really good gossip Steph."

"No!" I yelled out ."Everyone will know it came from me, and Joe will kill me."

"Why would Joe care?" Connie asked suspiciously.

"Lula, we better get going. I want to be home by three today."

But Lula just sat there, and Connie continued the interrogation. "Come on Stephanie. You know you wanna gossip. Come on. It has to be killing you to have all of that juicy information inside your brain and not be able to share it."

I was starting to crack. "No, I can't. It's a secret."

"It _was_ a secret," Lula reasoned. "You already spilled most of it."

"Fine!" I yelled. "Joe's brother, Tony, is a freaking man-whore who can't keep it in his pants, and he got Terry pregnant. He's obviously a disgusting pig with no taste in women and with absolutely no brains. He's asked the stupid bitch to marry him when his divorce is final, which means the dumb slut is going to be my sister-in-law."

Connie and Lula sat there with huge grins on their faces, eating it all up. "Woah!" was all Connie could say. "This totally made my day." Then she picked up the phone. "Who can I tell Stephanie?"

"No Connie! Remember? Joe'll kill me!"

"No he won't. You've got his baby in there. You can do anything you want for the next three or four months, and he won't say a word." Then she stopped and put the phone down. "Speaking of Joe, what'd he say about Ranger's date the other night?"

I took a deep breath. "He knew she was full of shit. And what was with all of that, by the way? I mean, since when does Ranger talk about his personal life to anyone?"

Lula looked at Connie, and her face said it all. "Omigod, Lula! What the fuck did you say to her?"

"Nothing bad, Blondie. I swear it. It ain't my fault she was too stupid to understand what I was saying."

I narrowed my eyes at her and sighed. "You two get me in so much trouble."

"To be fair, Steph, I think you get yourself in your own trouble. We're just innocent bystanders caught in the gunfire."

I let out a sigh because I knew Connie was right. "Yeah, I do bring most of it on myself. I just can't seem to help it. _But innocent bystanders_? _You two_?! Hardly!" Then I gave them a look. "Just please don't say anything about Terry Gilman. Okay?"

"Terry Gilman?" I heard Vinnie asking. "I know her. What about her?"

"Shit," I said.

"She got knocked up by one of Morelli's brothers. And pretty soon she's gonna be Stephanie's sister-in-law."

"Lula!"

"No shit?" Vinnie asked. "That's some pretty good gossip. I'm surprised I haven't heard that yet."

I closed my eyes and counted to twenty. Then I added another ten once I thought I about Joe. I was in such deep shit with him that I didn't even want to think about it. "Come on Lula. Let's go find some skips."

"About time you did something," Vinnie said. Then he looked at me. "Seat belts still fit around your stomach?"

I picked up the paperweight, and he took off running.

* * *

Lula drove us straight to the mall. "We don't have any skips to pick up here," I told her.

"No, we don't. But you're gonna buy something else to wear besides this crap you got on."

"I hate you, y'know?" I really didn't, and Lula knew that. But it just felt so good saying it that I couldn't help myself.

"Yeah, I know, but you're a slob Stephanie. You got a fine husband like Morelli, you ain't nearly as big as Joyce and her fat ass is. You oughta be looking better than this." She pointed her finger up and down at me, and I let out a sigh.

"Fine, I'll go get some ugly maternity clothes."

I ended up finding some really cute things, that actually fit without looking all that bad. I even got a compliment from Lula, which was something that rarely happened. "See, Blondie, you don't look near as big as you did before."

After that we decided to stop for lunch. As soon as we were finished, I checked my watch and told Lula I only had time for one skip.

"That's fine. I didn't feel much like working today anyways."

We got back to the car, and I reached in and pulled out a single file. "And today's lucky winner is Royce Crawford."

"And what did Mr. Royce do?"

"Broke into his boyfriend's hair salon and vandalized it. Didn't even try to hide that he'd done it either. Apparently he waited around for the boyfriend to show up so he could _'see the expression on his face_.' Now that's kinda funny."

"Yeah, I could see you doing something like that when you're on one of your sugar highs."

"Shut up," I told her. But she just laughed.

We tried his work address first, but his shop was closed. We drove to the other side of town and found his apartment. It was then that I realized I didn't have any of my bounty hunter paraphernalia. "We can't do this," I told Lula. "I promised Joe if I didn't have my stuff, I'd walk away."

"I got all of mine Blondie. You can just wait out here in the hallway if that'll make you feel better, and I'll handle this. I've gotten really good watching Tank in action."

I thought about it for a second and said, "Okay. I don't think Joe would mind that."

Lula knocked, and I hung back. After a while, Royce opened the door. "Hey there," he said in a friendly tone. "I'm not buying anything today, but I have to say I sure do like this whole look you got going on."

Lula was in love. "Well, thank you," she told him. "It's nice to see a man with a sense of fashion." Then she pointed to me. "She was a walking disaster 'til she let me help her out. Now look at her."

Royce looked me over. "I can only imagine how horrible it was before. The clothes are nice, but the hair. A bit too curly for my taste. You ever straighten it? I bet that'd look fabulous."

I rolled my eyes, and Lula looked me up and down. "Blondie with straight hair. That'd be different." Then she turned back to Royce. "She's kinda hopeless for a while. At least 'til she pops that baby out. Then I'll work on her some more."

I'd had enough. "I'll go wait in the car, Lula. Let me know when you're ready to work."

"Work?" Royce asked. "You need to hire me? Well come on in." He pulled the door open further, and Lula marched inside. He stared at me, but I just gave him a little wave. "No, I'm good. I'll just wait out here."

"For goodness sakes, I don't bite. I'm only gay, not a leper or anything."

"Oh, no. Really, no, it's not that. I swear. I don't care if you're gay. I mean, I totally get it. I like men, too."

"I can see that," he said, staring at my stomach. "So come on in."

I hesitated a moment, trying to debate which was worse. Being yelled at by Joe or someone thinking I was homophobic. Which was totally not at all the reason. But I couldn't tell this guy the truth. Then he'd accuse me of thinking he was a really bad person who might hurt me.

"What are you doing?" he asked me.

"Is she contemplating again?" Lula called out. "She looks real weird when she's doing that. Like she's gotta take a shit."

"Omigod," I said, shaking my head.

"Well, you do," Royce told me. "I've got a bathroom, you know. I don't mind if you use it. You probably have to go a lot in your condition."

I took a deep breath and walked inside his apartment. "I'm fine, but thank you."

Royce shut the door and headed over to Lula. "Let me show you some of my work. I've closed my store and am just doing freelance right now, but I've got big dreams."

"You moving?" I asked, staring around at all the packed boxes.

"Mmm-hmm," Royce said. "California." I wondered how that was going to work considering he had unfinished business here in Trenton. Business that we were supposed to be attending to.

I cleared my throat and said, "Lula?" But she was busy flipping through his albums. "Man, these are good. I've done some modeling, y'know. Maybe you seen me before?"

Royce looked her up and down. "No, not before today. But let me take some shots of you, and then everyone'll know your face."

Lula got excited about that. I coughed loud to get her attention. "Lula, why don't you tell him why we're really here?"

Royce looked disappointed and hurt. "You don't want me to take your picture?" he asked Lula.

"Yeah I do." Then Lula turned on me. "Just ignore her over there. She's too serious and not very photogenic. She don't understand all this the way we do."

"Well she is homophobic. That's probably why. Not very open-minded."

"I am not homophobic!" I yelled out. "I love gay people. I just happen to be straight, but if I were gay, there'd be nothing wrong with that. Geez!"

"Mmm-hmm," Royce said. Then Lula nodded. "Yeah, it's easy to say that when you ain't gay."

"I'm gonna kill you Lula!"

"It's the hair," Royce said. "I bet my new boyfriend could do wonders with it. Then probably she'd be nicer."

"Yeah," Lula agreed. "But listen here Royce. We actually stopped by to see if we could take you down to the police station and get this mess fixed with your court date and all. It shouldn't take long, and then maybe we could do some picture taking. I like doing that."

But Royce was frowning. "Oh no. I don't think so. I didn't like it down there at that police station. It was all dirty, and the other people in handcuffs were just gross. And none of the cops I saw were anything worth looking at."

"Well you must not have seen Blondie's husband then. He's a big time hottie. In fact, everyone calls him Officer Hottie. You come with us, and we'll call him in there so you can have a nice look."

Royce looked at me and then back to Lula. "Now why do you have to start lying? I thought we were forming a true friendship here."

"Whatcha mean _why I'm lying_?"

"There is no way she is married to a hottie. I'm sorry, but I think you need to go."

"No, for real. Tell him Blondie."

But I was beyond mad at the both of them and wasn't about to help. "Yeah, he's a real looker," I said unconvincingly with an eye roll and a sigh.

Royce wasn't having any of it. "This is just wrong. First she insults me with her homophobia, and now you're using my homosexuality to trick me."

"Listen, Lula, Royce is obviously not interested in coming with us, so let's just go." I wasn't about to take any chances. I'd already broken several of my promises to Joe, and I knew I was already in big time trouble about Terry. I imagined the Burg was fully aware of her secret now, and there would be hell to pay later. I didn't need all of this on top of it.

"No, I'm not going anywhere 'til Royce here understands I'm being genuine." Then she looked at him. "_I am_. For real now."

"Lula, why do you care?! You just met him."

"You don't have very many friends, do you?" Royce asked, obviously hurt by what I'd just said.

"No, she don't. But I do. So just forget all about that police station and show me some more of your work."

Royce seemed happy again. "Okay, come on. I'll show you my little impromptu studio." He turned to me. "You coming?"

"No, I think I'll take you up on that offer to use the bathroom."

"Second door on the right," he said, walking off down the hallway with Lula.

I made quick work of my bathroom break and returned to the living room. I stood there for a while reading what he'd written on some of the boxes, and then I realized I didn't hear anyone. "Lula? Royce?" I called out. Nothing.

I started walking down the hall, but I hadn't paid attention to which door they'd gone into. Suddenly Royce popped out from one and quickly shut it behind him. "Where's Lula?" I asked.

"Oh, you're still here? She said for you to meet her at the car. She's coming back later to do her pictures." He started turning me around and walking me forward. "Good luck with your little bundle of joy."

Something didn't feel right, though. "What? Aren't you going to the police station with us? Don't you want to get that resolved so you can move to California with all of this behind you?"

"I'm moving to California no matter what," he said rather rudely. Then he pushed me forward again and said, "You should mind your own business."

"I'm not trying to get in your business, but _this is_ our job." Just then I noticed Lula's purse sitting on the table. "Lula's not outside." I turned around to confront him, when he slapped a handcuff on my wrist.

"Omigod," I whined. "Not again. Why does this stuff always happen to me?" Royce just stared like he could care less. "Okay, you can uncuff me now. Please?" For some reason, I wasn't really taking any of this seriously. He just seemed so harmless.

"No I won't. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm a pushover."

"I never said you were. It's just this is really uncalled for." I held up my wrist and shook it at him. Before I knew it, he had cuffed the other side to a metal bar on his living room wall.

"There, that should hold you for a while."

I stood there in shock, not believing that any of this was happening. "Okay, the joke's over now. You can't seriously think you're going to leave me here like this. I'm pregnant. I pee a lot. I need food."

"Well, I guess you'll just have to wet yourself."

Shit. He _was_ serious.

"But just to prove to you that I really _am_ a nice guy, I'll leave you some snacks within reach. It won't be long, and I think Lula will work herself out of there, so you'll be fine. And by that time, I'll be long gone."

He pulled an end table a little closer to me and then disappeared into the kitchen. He came out a few minutes later and dropped a handful of treats down on top of it. "Leftover Halloween candy. Make it last." Then he looked at my stomach. "Seriously, try to control yourself and space it out. There's no telling how long you might be here."

He smiled at me and said, "Lula told me that your hubby _really is_ a gorgeous man. I say _good for you_ trapping him the way you did. Sometimes I wish I had that ability."

He picked up Lula's purse and tossed it down the hall, far away from my reach. Then he grabbed a bag and headed towards the door. "Toodles."

I narrowed my eyes at him, but he never looked back. "_Shit_!" was all I could say. I took a few deep breaths and tried pulling as hard as I could on the cuff attached to the metal bar. But that fucker wasn't moving. "Who the hell has a bar like this on their living room wall?" I shouted.

I screamed for Lula as loud as I could, but she didn't answer. Then I screamed "Help!" just as loudly and waited. No footsteps. No noise on the other side of the door. Nothing.

I let out a sigh and stared down at the snacks. A Snickers bar caught my eye. Maybe that would help. I ripped the wrapper off and took a bite. I chewed slowly and thought about it. It tasted good, but it wasn't really helping. In fact it only made it worse. Now I was thirsty.

I tugged on the cuff again, but that damn bar wasn't going anywhere. I tried to stretch out as far as possible, but that was useless. There was nothing at all within my reach that would help. I called out again for Lula, but again, no answer. I checked my pockets, praying my cell phone was in one of them, but of course it wasn't. I'd left it in my purse. In Lula's car.

I pushed the candy over to the corner of the table and sat down. I was in big trouble. Thankfully I'd peed right before he did this. I didn't even want to imagine having to wet myself.

I ate another piece of candy and once again screamed "Help." Nothing. I picked up a candy bar and threw it as hard as I could at the door. It hit the couch instead.

I thought for a minute and imagined I could maybe reach a box or two and start throwing it or whatever was inside. Yelling for help didn't seem to be working, and I couldn't stop trying.

Of course none of the boxes were within reach, so I sat there debating whether or not I wanted to throw the end table and lose my seat. My back was hurting, so I decided to keep it for a while longer. I settled myself down on top of it and leaned against the wall. Then I realized I should've been banging on the wall the whole time. I did that for a while and yelled "Help" to go along with it, but no one came.

I finally grew tired, so I leaned back and closed my eyes. Next thing I knew I was waking up to the sound of Lula crashing out of a door down the hall. "Stephanie?!" she was yelling.

"Out here! I'm out here Lula!" She came barreling into the living room and started laughing when she saw me. "That Royce is a trip."

"What?!" I yelled at her. "Are you insane? He locked you up somewhere and handcuffed me to the freaking wall, and all you can say is _he's a trip_?" I was past hysterical now, and I was determined to let Lula have it. "I think you're the one who's got problems!"

"Oh yeah?" she yelled.

"Yeah!" I yelled back.

"Well at least I'm not the one handcuffed to a wall. I'd say you're in deep shit, and I'm not."

I let out a scream and yelled, "Just get me out of these."

"Hang on," she said, walking down the hall to retrieve her purse. She dumped everything out on the floor and sighed. "I can't. He must've taken the keys."

"Fuck!" I yelled. "Double fuck!" I thought about it again and said, "Triple fuck!"

"You finished?" she asked. I took a deep breath and nodded my head, but it was only because I couldn't think what came next. I thought maybe it was quadruple, but I didn't want to actually say it in case I was wrong.

"Okay, call Tank and ask him to come over here. But tell him to be discreet. _Okay_?"

Lula nodded her head and pulled out her cell phone. "Sure thing Blondie." She walked into the kitchen to get me a glass of water, and when she came back, she was already off the phone.

"Did you reach Tank?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"Is he on his way?"

"No," she said, not bothering to elaborate further.

"Whaddya mean _no_?"

"He's doing RangeMan work, so I called the station, and they put me through to Morelli. He's on the way."

I choked down the water and then tried to toss what was left in the cup in her direction. "_What the hell Lula_?! Whenever I say the word _discreet,_ what it really means is "_Let's not tell Joe_!"

"I never knew that."

"Augh!!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. And of course someone shouted out, "Quiet in there or I'm gonna call the cops!"

"Shut up mother fucker!" I yelled back at them. "I was fucking yelling my head off an hour ago, and you think anyone fucking heard me?!" I picked up the candy bars and threw them at the wall.

"Better now Blondie?" Lula asked.

"No!" I yelled. Then I sat back down on the coffee table, right on top of all the spilled water. "Great, now my pants are wet. Everyone's gonna think I peed on myself. What else is gonna go wrong?" I cried.

"You're gonna catch a lot of shit from Morelli probably. And then maybe his brother and Terry Gilman, too, because you suck at keeping secrets."

I gritted my teeth and tried to slap her, but she just moved out of my reach and laughed. "But look on the bright side. You got some nice clothes today so you don't look near so fat anymore."

"I hate you," I said, listening to the sound of a siren getting closer. "Why on earth do you never get handcuffed?"

Lula just laughed and said, "I'll go outside and greet Morelli. You want me to go ahead and tell him about Terry for you?"

"No!" I yelled. "I'll handle all of that." Then I thought about it. "But you can tell him to hurry up, because now I really do have to pee."

Lula started laughing and walked out the door. I sat there practicing the breathing I thought I would have to do when I went into labor. I had no idea if it was right or not, but it was what the women did in the movies, so I went with it.

I heard footsteps coming closer, and I took a couple of calming breaths. There was no denying the amount of trouble I was in, so I braced myself for what I knew was coming.


	78. Chapter 78

Joe walked in the room and shook his head. His face was serious, but his eyes were smiling.

"I was thinking maybe you didn't wanna say anything while we were here."

He looked around. "Who's gonna hear us?"

He had a point. "Maybe you think it's funny, and you just wanna laugh about it."

"Maybe if I'd been the one who handcuffed you, I might be enjoying this. Especially if you were naked." He stared down at my clothes. "You went shopping?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"I like what you're wearing. You look cute. And the shirt is blue. Nice touch."

"I have a pink one in the car."

"Hmm, shouldn't have said that."

"Can you free me now?"

"In a minute. First, tell me where your gun is."

I sat there smiling.

"Your skip take it from you? Do we need to report it stolen?"

I shook my head no and whispered, "It's in the cookie jar."

"What was that? I couldn't hear you."

"It's in the cookie jar," I said a bit louder.

"How about your pepper spray?"

"At home somewhere."

Joe's hands were on his hips, and I sat there imagining him naked instead of serious. That made me feel better.

"Handcuffs?" he asked.

I shook my wrist at him. "Right here."

"Those are yours?"

"You didn't ask me that."

He still didn't smile. "How about your cell phone?"

"Oh, that I have."

He held out his hand, waiting for me to give it to him.

"I really have to go to the bathroom. And my arm is tired."

"I want your phone. Then you can go."

"It's in my purse." He raised an eyebrow. "In Lula's car."

He let out a loud sigh and unlocked the cuff from the metal bar. Then Lula walked in. I smiled at her, and she shook her head and laughed.

"Go to the bathroom," he said, "then we'll get out of here."

When I came back out, Lula was gone. "Lula left?"

"Yes," was all he said. Then he handed me my purse and the bag of clothes I'd bought at the mall.

I stood there not knowing what to say. "I know what you're thinking."

"Do you?" he asked. He reached out and twirled one of my curls around his finger.

"Mmm-hmm. That I'm a complete fuck-up who can't do anything right."

Then he smiled. "No, you do _some things_ right. Like forgetting to take your birth control pills and marrying me. And you bought this shirt, which is perfect for me to look down when I'm pretending I just want to hug you." He pulled me to him and gave me a kiss.

"You're not going to yell at me?"

"And what would that accomplish?" he asked in a serious tone.

"Nothing."

"Exactly." He brushed my hair out of my face, and his eyes lingered on my lips.

"Aren't you going to lecture me?"

"No, you already said you fucked up. What else is there for me to add?"

I smacked him playfully, and then he smiled. "We can talk about this later. For right now, you're fine, the baby's fine, and I'm hungry. I missed lunch, and I'm taking the rest of the day off."

He pulled me by the hand, and we walked out the door, locking it behind us. "And after I eat, you're gonna model your new clothes for me. Even the pink shirt."

* * *

I sat there stirring my spoon around a bowl of fruit salad, trying to figure out how to tell him about my big mouth.

He was flipping channels and taking bites of food while trying to look through the mail all at the same time.

"So," I started, "remember that secret you told me the other night?"

"Yep," he said, not really listening.

"Was it really a secret? I mean, do a lot of other people know?"

"Huh?" he asked, so I repeated it. He got up and went to the kitchen to refill his water glass, then he came back and sat down. "What? Tony and Terry? I don't know who all knows."

"Would it be a bad thing if a lot of people found out?"

Joe put his sandwich down and stared at me. "You mean like Mary Lou and the rest of the Burg?"

I smiled sweetly. "Like Connie and Lula and the rest of the Burg."

Then he shrugged his shoulders and grabbed a chip. "I don't know. Don't really care."

That surprised me. "Well _if it is_ a bad thing, won't your brother be mad?"

Joe just laughed. "I'm sure Tony won't give a shit. Terry, on the other hand, she might be pissed."

I sighed a huge sigh of relief. "Well that's good to know. I don't care if she's pissed."

"Yeah, I didn't think you would be." He took another big gulp of his water and then grabbed my hand. "Okay, time to get you out of those clothes."

I followed behind him, smiling to myself. "I thought I was going to model the new ones for you."

"You are," he grinned. "I get to do all of the undressing, though. That's my favorite part."

* * *

As it turned out, Terry was thoroughly pissed when she discovered her secret was out. Apparently she hadn't shared the good news with her family yet, so they got to hear it from someone else before she could tell them. Of course, so did Mrs. Morelli, but I didn't care about that either. All I wondered was whether or not she said she'd be saving them a spot in church on Sunday.

From what Tony told Joe there'd been a big stink about Terry and her family, and Tony told her he refused to marry her unless she basically cut all professional ties with them. He also told her that any woman that was his wife had to be a housewife. And_ only_ a housewife. I really laughed at that one.

From what Joe said, Tony was just a social drinker and not at all abusive, but he had chauvinism down to a science. The pathetic thing was that Terry had agreed to everything he demanded. And even better, he refused to let her put any of her money towards a house. The one they ended up getting wasn't nearly as nice as what he was living in with Lindsay. Mary Lou and I got a lot of laughs out of that one.

Mrs. Morelli had decided we needed to have a family dinner, adults only, so we could all work some things out. Mostly I think she meant Terry and me, but I didn't care. I told Joe I was going into it with an open mind, but I had lied. Terry was a bitch, and nothing was going to change what I thought of her. I could pretend to be nice, but I would always enjoy anything bad I heard about her.

We actually arrived on time that evening, and Joe stayed outside to talk to Paul, while I went inside to join the women. I walked into the living room to find Grandma Bella sitting in a chair.

"Hi Grandma Bella. How have you been lately?"

"Do you really care?" she asked me.

I thought about it for a few seconds and said, "No, not really. But I thought it would sound nice if I asked anyway."

Then I smiled and sat down on the couch. Cathy and I made small talk while we waited for everyone else to get there. After a while, Kate came out of the kitchen and joined us, but she sat quietly, just listening to Cathy and me.

Finally Tony and Terry arrived, and he escorted her into the house, then promptly went back outside to join Joe and Paul. Terry smiled at Cathy and Kate but gave me an icy stare. Then she said hello to Grandma Bella and asked her how she was.

"Do you really care?" she asked Terry, just as she had said to me.

Terry paused for a moment and then said, "Well, of course I do, Grandma Bella. You're my baby's great grandmother after all."

I tried as hard as I could, but I couldn't keep it in. I burst out laughing, and I saw Cathy biting down on her lip.

"And just what is so funny?" Terry asked, turning to me, her face full of evil and hate.

"You," I said. Then I laughed some more. "Oh God, tonight is gonna be so much fun." I wiped underneath my eyes, because I was certain I'd smudged my eyeliner with all of that laughing.

"You are so rude, Stephanie," Terry spit out. I started to laugh again when Grandma Bella suddenly spoke up. "I think the word you're looking for is honest."

I felt kind of bad when she said that, though, because truth was, I liked to lie when I knew I could get away with it.

"Thank you, Grandma Bella," I said. "But I don't know if I deserve that compliment. I mean, I've been known to lie every now and then. And I'll be doing it a lot tonight at the supper table when I fake being nice to Terry."

Grandma Bella smiled and said, "Maybe I've misjudged you Stephanie."

Just then Mrs. Morelli walked into the room and smiled warmly at both Terry and me. "Have you two been having a nice conversation?"

"No," I said flatly. "You do realize I don't like her, right? Certainly my mother's told you that. And dinner tonight isn't going to change that."

Mrs. Morelli was taken aback, and Terry sat there seething. "I thought tonight was about pretending to be nice. I should've known you couldn't play along Stephanie."

"I can pretend," I said. "Just as long as everyone knows beforehand that that's what I'm doing."

Terry glared at me again and said, "I hate you."

I smiled and said, "Yes, I know. The feeling's mutual."

"Stephanie! Terry!" Mrs. Morelli yelled. "Stop it this instance! I will not tolerate this behavior in my house. Cathy, go find your brothers right now."

When she came back, she had Mary and her husband with her, along with the men, so we all made our way into the dining room. Terry and Tony sat across from Joe and me, which I thought was a really bad idea, but I wasn't about to say anything. Mrs. Morelli knew beforehand what she was up against, so anything that happened was totally her fault.

The food was passed around the table, but Terry hardly put anything on her plate. She had a small salad, a tiny portion of ravioli, and half of a piece of bread. She gave the other half to Tony, and I looked at Joe and rolled my eyes.

"What?" Terry asked accusingly. I smiled and played innocent. "What do you mean _what_?"

"I saw what you did," she said. Mrs. Morelli sighed and started to say, "Girls ..." when I interrupted. "What makes you think everything I do is about you, Terry?"

She cut her eyes at me. "You were watching me, and then you immediately rolled your eyes at Joe. What else am I supposed to think?"

I cleared my throat and smiled again. "Well of course I could see you thinking it was about you. I mean, everything you do is worthy of an eye roll, but ..."

Then Tony interrupted. "Do we have to do this now?" Then he looked at Terry and said, "You need to be quiet."

I looked down at my plate and prayed that I could hold the laughter in. Tony looked at Joe like he expected him to say the same to me, but Joe didn't say a word.

Terry sat there fuming, and I sat in my chair smiling. Too bad for her she'd gotten pregnant by a chauvinist pig.

Everyone was silent, and then finally Paul spoke up. "So when is your divorce official Tony?"

Mrs. Morelli shot him a look. "Not at the dinner table."

We all sat in silence a bit longer and finally Terry went in for the kill. "You're not still bounty hunting, are you Stephanie? I mean, as big as you are now, I hope you're not."

"Terry ..." Joe started to say, but I interrupted. "It's okay. I can handle her myself."

I took a bite of my bread and a sip of my water. "As a matter of fact, I am, Terry." Then I forked a chunk of ravioli and asked, "And certainly you didn't mean to say _'as big as you are now_,' did you? Most likely you meant to say _'as far along as you are now._"

"No, I said what I meant. You're big."

I nodded and said, "Okay then. Well, how about you? Been an accomplice to anything illegal lately? Or can we not discuss that at the dinner table either?" Then I shook my head. "You're going to be hard-pressed for dinner conversation in this family."

"Bitch."

"Slut."

"Control your wife," Tony shouted at Joe.

"Don't you dare say that. I'm not like you," Joe told him.

"Maybe you should be," Terry blurted out.

"Weren't you told to be quiet?" I yelled at Terry.

Then she picked up her piece of bread and threw it at me. So then I had to pick up my glass of water and fling it in her face.

"Stop it!!" Mrs. Morelli yelled. "Enough! All four of you, in the living room, right now!"

We all walked into the living room, and Mrs. Morelli said, "Sit." Tony and Terry sat down on the couch, and I started to take the chair Grandma Bella had been sitting in. I didn't get the chance, though, because Joe took my hand and said, "Stephanie, we're leaving."

"Joseph," his mother warned.

Joe raised an eyebrow at her and shook his head. "No. As you're always telling everyone, you never could get me to listen, so why, at my age, would I start now?"

"Talk to those two," he said, pointing at Terry and Tony. "They're obviously the ones that need it. Stephanie and I are doing just fine."

And that was the end of the experimental family dinner.

* * *

We got home, and Joe and I took Bob for a walk. We were both quiet until we got back to the house. Finally Joe smiled and said, "Families suck."

I started laughing and gave him a hug. "Your brother's a jerk, you know?"

"Yeah, I know."

"And I'm always going to hate Terry. I don't care that she's carrying a Morelli."

"I know that, too."

"Okay. As long as you're fine with it, that's all that matters."

We sat down on the small front porch and watched Bob run around in the front yard. "This yard needs flowers. And maybe some grass."

"Yeah. Is that something we do in the spring?"

"I don't know. I think so."

"You wanna go open that envelope?"

I looked at Joe like he was crazy. "No! Why? Do you?"

"Some days." We both sat there, pondering that for a while.

"So if it's a boy, do you wanna name him after you?"

"No. He needs his own name."

I nodded my head. "Okay. But if you change your mind, I don't have a problem with it. I like your name." Then I paused. "Not that it matters this time around. But maybe for the next one that's a good thing to know."

Joe picked up a rock and aimed for the trash can sitting on the curb. Instead it hit the side of Mr. Blackburn's car and left a small dent. "Oops," he said with a laugh. "Thank goodness he blames teenagers for everything. Of course next time he sees me, he'll be asking me to write up a report and keep watch over his house."

I started laughing and then dinged the side of the trash can with my own rock.

"Pure luck," he teased.

"No," I smiled. "I'm just that good."

"With rocks maybe. Handcuffs are a totally different story."

I whispered in his ear what I wanted to do with him and a pair of handcuffs, and he immediately whistled to Bob. "Come on boy. Time to call it a day."

He helped me up and put his arm around me. "You, on the other hand, have quite a busy night ahead of you."

I made my way upstairs while Joe stayed behind, giving Bob and Rex fresh food and water and turning out the lights. By the time he made it to the bedroom, I was fast asleep.

I felt him crawl in bed beside me, pull the covers up around us, and snuggle me close to him. He kissed me softly on the side of my head and placed his hand gently on top of my stomach. I fell back asleep feeling protected and loved, with our baby moving inside of me.

And I realized then exactly why Terry hated me so much. No matter how hard she tried, I had the life that she never would.


	79. Chapter 79

Thanksgiving was around the corner, and I was now entering week twenty-six. Joe and I had decided to celebrate the day at my parents' house and then just drop by to spend a few minutes with his mother after Tony and Terry were gone.

Tony and Joe hadn't spoken since that night, and I knew it wasn't because of the fight between Terry and me. It hadn't been fair to Tony all those years ago that he'd had to take on so much responsibility when it came to Joe, but he'd tried his best to do what he could. So I knew when Joe had said, "I'm not like you," that he had truly hurt him. But Joe said he wasn't going to apologize for telling the truth, and there was no way Tony would ever admit to being a chauvinist. So life kept going, and the two of them continued to ignore each another.

My mother called me the Monday before Thanksgiving and asked if I would stop by on Wednesday to help with some early meal preparation. I thought that was a bit strange since I never cooked anything for Thanksgiving and had never had much input before, but I chalked it up to her trying to include me now that I was married and about to be a mother.

I drove up to my parents' house to find Mrs. Morelli's car there, along with five or six more that I didn't recognize. My first instinct was to keep driving, but I desperately had to pee, and I knew if I didn't get in that house within the next minute or so, it wasn't going to be pretty.

As soon as I opened the door, I was smacked in the face by a bouquet of pink and blue balloons. I carefully pushed them out of the way to find a house full of relatives that I didn't really know. At least I wished I didn't know them. Unfortunately I recognized most of them as the group of women who had played "20 Questions" with me at my reception.

Immediately everyone shouted "Surprise," and I smiled sweetly, scanning the room for my mother.

"Stephanie!" she said with a big grin. "Isn't this wonderful? And you had no idea! You thought I wanted you to help cook." Then she laughed. "Isn't that funny?"

I gave my mother a fake smile and said, "Oh, yes, you're a riot, mom." I just stood there with a big dopey grin on my face, enduring about seven or eight ladies giving me hugs and touching my belly.

"Oh my goodness," one said, "aren't you adorable?"

"Let us know if the baby starts kicking. I just have to feel it."

"I remember when _you_ were just a baby. I feel so old."

And on and on they continued. Someone pinned a corsage on me, and I tried my best to speak, but they wouldn't let me get a word in.

Finally a chair was shoved behind me, and I heard, "Sit down, Stephanie, and make yourself comfortable. We've got such a fun afternoon planned for you."

Everyone else took a seat, and suddenly the room was quiet. They were all just staring at me, but there was literally about to be a flood of urine if I didn't get to the bathroom. And fast. I smiled uncomfortably and said softly, "I can't wait to get started, but I really have to go to the bathroom first."

They all laughed and nodded their heads.

"I remember those days."

"Do you need help, dear?"

_Why on earth would I need help_? I thought. "Oh, no, I'm fine." I smiled. "I think I can manage."

I made my way to the bathroom, stopping first to give my mom "the look." But she just smiled and said, "Hurry up Stephanie. We have so much fun in store for you."

I contemplated having Lula call me in about ten minutes, faking an emergency, but then I remembered I didn't have my cell phone with me. I cursed myself for being an idiot.

I was going to take my time in there, but then I realized they might think either (a) I was doing something other than just peeing or (b) they'd knock on the door and insist that I needed their help. Both options were horrible, so I hurried and flushed, washed my hands quickly, and opened the door with a loud bang.

I made a quick detour into the kitchen to check out the cake. It was decorated with pink and blue roses and in the middle it had two pairs of icing booties, one pink and one blue. Below that it read, "Babies are a Gift from God." I swiped a fingertip full of frosting from the side and made my way back to the living room.

My chair had been moved to the center of the room, and there was a huge pile of presents beside it. I smiled nervously and sat back down. Then the questions began.

"Have you had a sonogram yet?"

"I am so impressed you didn't find out if it was a boy or a girl. Could they even see what it was?"

"What names have you picked out?"

"When is your exact due date?"

"End of February? Oh goodness, next year isn't a leap year, is it? That would be awful if you had the baby on the 29th." That led to a ten minute discussion on which day someone would choose to celebrate their birthday, and how many people in the world they thought had actually been born on the 29th.

"Do you have a christening gown yet?"

"Have you chosen godparents?"

"You should try for a natural birth." They all nodded their heads at that one and then grew silent, waiting for me to respond.

"Natural as in _they don't cut it out_ or natural as in _no pain medication_?" I asked, wincing as I said it.

"Natural as in no pain medication," they all agreed.

I bit my bottom lip, but I just couldn't stay quiet. "That's insane," I told them. "I'm having an epidural."

"Why?" one of them asked, and she looked pretty serious about not understanding.

"_Why_?" I repeated. "Because it's gonna hurt, and with an epidural, I won't feel it." I answered rather slowly, implying she was an idiot, but she just kept shaking her head.

"No, dear. Take the lamaze classes, and they'll teach you breathing techniques and a happy place to go to when you feel the pain."

"I already have a happy place picked out. It's called a spot in my spine where the medication is gonna flow into. I don't think I can get much happier than that."

My mother was squeezed into the corner of the couch, and I stared her down. She was actually laughing, and for a few seconds, I debated whether or not she was drunk.

I let out a sigh and endured the next twenty minutes or so being lectured on the joyous wonder of a drug-free birth. I think my mother actually started taking pity on me, because finally she stood and said, "How about some cake? You all remember how much Stephanie enjoys her sweets."

One of the women patted my shoulder and shoved a pen and a piece of paper in my hand. "If you would, write down your email address. I want to send you some articles about natural childbirth. And I love forwarding all those cute little emails my friends are always sending me. I think you'd love reading them, too."

"I don't have internet access," I lied. But Mrs. Morelli was standing right beside me, and I guess she was still upset about the way I'd behaved at dinner. "Of course you do, Stephanie. Joseph has an internet computer in his home office."

I forced a smile. "Oh, yeah, I guess he does. But I don't know how to use it."

Mrs. Morelli took the paper from my hand and told the woman, "Don't worry. I'll call Joseph and get the information you need." Then she smiled at me. "And look, Stephanie wore blue today. I think she's trying to tell us something."

All the women laughed, and I couldn't help myself. "Yes, but my bra and panties are pink." Mrs. Morelli just ignored me and announced she was going to help cut the cake. All of the other ladies continued laughing. "That's the way to do it. Cover all of your bases."

One of the women passed me a plate, and I stared down to see I'd been given the piece with a blue bootie on top. I knew Joe could forgive me a lot of things, but I sat there wondering how upset he'd actually be if he found out I'd smushed baby shower cake in his mother's face. At least it should make her happy that her face would be stained blue and not pink.

A few minutes later, though, Mrs. Morelli reappeared and handed me a new plate. It was a piece of cake with a pink bootie, and for the first time that day, she gave me a sincere smile and took the other plate from my hand. I returned her smile and started feeling guilty for wishing a really bad carpet stain on her. I knew she wanted _her Joseph_ to have a son, so I decided to stop taking it so personally.

After everyone stuffed themselves with cake, it was time to play some shower games. Mostly the ones we played were designed so that the women could talk. And talk. And talk. There was one about giving the mom-to-be advice, and I swear it went on for over an hour. I stopped listening after one of them started talking about breastfeeding and the best way to prevent or heal cracked nipples. These women were just sick.

Eventually it was time to open presents and a woman named Beth came to sit next to me. It was her job to write down everything that I opened, who it was from, and what the wrapping paper looked like. I caught myself wanting to ask if she needed my social security number and blood type, but I decided that might sound rude.

I got three books on natural childbirth, a granny gown to take to the hospital with me, a robe, a baby book, a photo album, wash cloths and towels, diapers, and a breast pump. That was accompanied with a book that had real pictures in it, so I could _'see for myself exactly what to do'_ when the time came. There were a few other various baby items, and I made sure to "_ooh_" and "_aah_" over everything.

Once Beth finished, she started to blush, and I prayed to God that wasn't a bad sign of what was about to come. As it turned out, she had also written down every word that came out of my mouth while I was opening the presents, and of course, those words were supposed to be what I had said to Joe the night I'd gotten pregnant.

I debated whether or not to tell them that it had probably happened in the daytime, but since I didn't want my mother admitted to the hospital the day before Thanksgiving, I decided to keep my mouth shut. Talk of any aspect of my sex life around her was bad enough, but confirmation that I'd actually done it when it was still light outside probably would've sent her over the edge.

Anyway, there were twelve "_oohs_" and eighteen "_aahs_," an "_It's so tiny_," "_What do I do with this again?_" and "_I've never seen one of these before_." Some of the other favorites were "_I don't have one of those_," along with "_I don't know if this will fit_," which I said in reference to the granny gown.

There was also Beth's personal favorite, "_That looks painful_," which was the only thing I could think to say when she had opened the natural childbirth book to the picture section and shoved it in my face. And then of course was the crowd pleasing "_I think it's stuck_," which was my comment when I couldn't open one of the boxes that had been taped to death. Goodness knows we didn't want those bath towels escaping.

The mothers' faces were clearly on fire after that, but I just laughed and enjoyed every single minute of it. It had been lame as hell but totally embarrassing to my mother, which I thought served her right. She shouldn't have allowed all of this in the first place.

Finally everyone said their goodbye's, and I think they all left with a copy of our email address and a promise to stay in touch. I made a mental note to have Joe set up a new account as soon as he got home.

Before I could make my mad dash out of there, Mrs. Morelli took me to the side and asked me to join her privately in the dining room. We sat down at the table, and the first thing she did was apologize to me for the dinner fiasco.

"Tony and Terry have called off the wedding. If I'd had my choice, he would've stayed married to Lindsay, but truth of the matter is, she won't have him back."

It was the hardest thing I'd ever done, but I managed to keep a smile off of my face throughout the entire conversation.

"I've known Terry for a long time, going back to when she dated ..." She stopped, realizing what she was about to say, so I finished her sentence for her. "It's okay. Back to when she dated Joe."

Mrs. Morelli nodded and apologized. "I certainly didn't approve of Tony being in a relationship with someone that had dated his brother, but as you know, my children have a way of doing what they choose to do no matter what I think."

I smiled at that comment, knowing that Joe was the main one behind it.

"Regardless, he and Terry have come to an understanding that a marriage between them just won't work. I'm not thrilled that they're giving me a grandchild out of wedlock, but Tony doesn't need another disastrous marriage _or _another divorce. So sometimes we accept things we normally wouldn't, especially when we know they're for the best."

"I can't say I'm not happy to hear this," I confessed. "I will never like Terry. I don't wish her dead or anything, but I do hope I never have to see her stupid face again."

Mrs. Morelli's eyes grew wide, and I giggled nervously. "I'm sorry. Sometimes I speak before I think."

She nodded and patted my hand. "I've noticed that dear. But the point of all of this is, I would like for you and Joseph to join us tomorrow for the evening meal. I'm not sure about Tony, but I know, without a doubt, Terry will not be there. I doubt she will ever dine with us again."

I smiled again at that and told Mrs. Morelli we'd make it.

I gave my mother a hug and whispered, "You will pay." Then I laughed and said, "Just kidding. I still love you mom."

She handed me the leftover cake, and I drove myself home, thinking the entire time how on earth there could be women in the world who would refuse an epidural if it were available to them. Then I thanked God that at least I had enough sense not to be one of them.


	80. Chapter 80

Thanksgiving at Mrs. Morelli's started out a bit strained between Joe and Tony, but after a while, they did the guy thing and just moved past it without talking it out.

I'd walked into the house to find Grandma Bella sitting in the same chair as the last time. Joe was beside me, and he smiled and said, "You're looking quite festive this evening, Grandma Bella." She smiled at him and then turned her gaze on me.

I hesitated a moment, realizing I couldn't agree with that, because she _didn't_ look festive. She was dressed in black like always with the same unpleasant look on her face. The best I could do was "I hope you've been well." She raised an eyebrow at me, and I smiled. "At least this time I mean it."

Joe gave me a strange look, and Grandma Bella actually returned my smile. It was nice to have her on my good side, even if it didn't last. At least it meant I could stop stressing over "the eye" for a while.

As it turned out Terry had chosen her family over Tony, which wasn't much of a surprise to me. He basically told her he'd be content with every other weekend with the baby and asked that he be included in holiday celebrations. I figured they'd be drawing up something legal later on, but as far as I could tell, Tony didn't seem very upset or broken-hearted. I overheard him telling Joe he was seeing Christine later that night.

December rolled around, and I was now in my third trimester. I had my tired moments, but at that point, I was still full of energy, as well as absolutely scared to death.

For the most part, I didn't seem to think about it until late at night when I was trying to fall asleep. I made a serious effort to keep my thoughts focused on the baby and what it would be like to hold her for the very first time, but those sweet and calming thoughts were constantly hijacked by more sinister ones, like unbearable pain and massive amounts of blood.

I'd worked past the "_being naked in front of strangers_" part and decided the other things were worth stressing over way more. And the more I flipped through the pages of the natural childbirth books those evil women had given me, the more nervous and tense I grew.

Thankfully, though, Christmas was around the corner, and that helped me take my mind off of childbirth for a while. Joe and I went shopping and bought a dresser and a changing table, and he spent one evening getting all of it put together.

I'd been downstairs napping on the couch, and as soon as I woke up, I made my way to the nursery, eager to see how it all looked. As it turned out, Joe had also set up the bassinet, and I walked into the room to find it ready and waiting, with the blue swag wrapped around it.

"Remember on our honeymoon when you surrounded me with pink? What happened to that Joe?" I asked teasingly.

He grinned wide and said, "Honey, that was all about making sure I got hours of mind-blowing sex that night. I would've painted _myself_ pink if that was what it took."

I narrowed my eyes at him, but before I could say a word, he was pulling me in for a kiss. "I'm joking!" he said playfully. He smiled and lifted the blue swag, revealing the pink one underneath. "See, it's right there."

"You can leave it that way. _For now_," I conceded. "I'll be nice and let you have one thing blue until you're proven wrong."

"How sweet of you," he teased, "but I could care less about that right now." He tugged on the top of my blouse and whispered seductively, "I'm much more interested in reliving our honeymoon and all that mind-blowing sex." He kissed me eagerly and mumbled into my mouth, "It's been a while."

I moved my head slightly to the side to give him better access to my neck. "Two days? That's a while?"

"Mmm-hmm," he said, lifting my shirt over my head. "When I'm married to a woman like you it is." His kisses were tender at first but immediately grew more demanding.

I started unbuttoning his shirt while he was sliding my pants down over my belly. He slowly walked me backwards until I was touching the wall. He slipped the straps of my bra down off my shoulders, and within seconds he had a bare breast in his hand.

"You should be wearing your nursing bra," he said with a grin. "I undo one little hook and then have instant booby, whenever I want. All bras should be that way."

I couldn't help but laugh at that one. "That bra's for the baby, not you."

"Good thing babies don't understand. It won't know it's sharing." Then he pulled my bra completely off and stared at my breasts. "Besides, there's enough here for the both of us." He began sucking on my nipples, working his fingers inside my panties at the same time. "Mmm, I'd say you feel ready."

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh, but it wasn't exactly a happy sounding one. I felt Joe's fingers still, and he whispered, "What's wrong? Am I being too rough?"

I hadn't actually wanted him to stop, so I shook my head no and started kissing him. But he wouldn't let it go. "You too tired for this right now? You can tell me, Steph. I won't be upset."

I stared down at my stomach, but I couldn't say anything. I felt embarrassed and a bit selfish.

"Stephanie?" he whispered. "Talk to me." He lifted my chin so I was forced to stare into his eyes.

"I just don't think I have it in me," I said, barely above a whisper. Joe raised a questioning eyebrow, so I continued. "I don't want the top tonight. I don't feel like working for it."

He let out a small chuckle and took my hand, leading me into our bedroom. "Is that all it is?" He slid my panties off, and I watched hungrily as he stripped off his clothes. "I promise you won't have to do a single thing. I'll do all the work."

I crawled into bed, and Joe got in behind me. Then I let out another sigh.

"What's wrong?" he asked again, his voice calm and patient. "Not like this?"

My burgeoning belly had meant sex was either with me on top or with Joe spooning me from behind. I didn't really enjoy being on my hands and knees with him behind me or him standing up beside the bed. Neither one of those positions did anything for me, although no matter which way we eventually settled on, the orgasms had still been incredible. But that evening, I just wasn't in the mood for any of it.

"Cupcake," he whispered, "you have to tell me what you're feeling. Otherwise I can't know what to do to make it better for you."

After a bit of maneuvering, I turned myself to face in his direction. "I just don't feel like this," I said, not looking up at him.

"This as in _making love_ or this as in _that position_?"

I nodded my head. "The second one." I stared down at my stomach again and whispered, "I don't feel close to you that way. There's no connection."

Joe smiled and raised my chin again. "Then if you want to, let's play around a little. Maybe we can find something else you like." He kissed me tenderly, slipping in just the right amount of tongue, and then said, "Or I can just do your favorite thing. I know you always like that."

I smiled, feeling a tiny bit embarrassed, and blushed. "It's your own fault for being so good at it."

He raised his eyebrows and grinned. "I'm not complaining. I enjoy it, too." He leaned in for a kiss and whispered in my ear, "The way you taste. The way you feel. Everything about you is perfect."

I was running my fingers through his hair, hoping that he would follow through on that and do my favorite thing, which he most definitely did. He spent a bit of time enjoying my breasts, planted some kisses on my belly, then kept going until his mouth was between my legs. I moaned softly as he licked and sucked, then slowly slid his finger inside of me. It wasn't long after that I felt the first one hit, but Joe didn't stop.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore. "I need more than your fingers," I said, trying to catch my breath.

He gently pulled back and raised his body up on the bed. He had me turn on my side and brought me as close to him as my stomach would allow. He placed a pillow behind my back and slowly lifted my leg over on top of his. Then he raised slightly and positioned himself at just the right angle to give him access. He stared into my eyes and smiled, and then he slowly entered me.

"How's this?" he whispered, pushing himself in deeper, bringing his body as close to mine as he physically could. He continued moving in and out, and I fought to keep myself under control.

"Come on Steph," he said playfully. His voice was low and rough, which he knew would get me worked up and turned on even more. "_Talk dirty to me_. You know you like it once you get going."

I closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to work myself up into that mood. Then I heard him whisper, "I'll go first then." His breath was hot in my ear, and I listened as he shared some pretty intimate thoughts, keeping up the steady pace of moving inside of me.

I bit down on my bottom lip and grinned, then I let loose and expressed quite a bit of sensual thoughts of my own. I put my arm around him, running my hand up and down his back wherever I could reach. I loved feeling how strong he was, how his muscles flexed as he was moving with me, and I realized how much I'd missed having him close to me like this while we made love.

It was comfortable for me, he wasn't pressing against the baby, and I wondered why we hadn't done it in this position before. I thought about it some more and decided it was most likely because _I_ was the only one comfortable this way. That made me extremely impressed that Joe had the strength and stamina to pull it off. I imagined not too many men could, and I decided that a talent like that should really be complimented. I whispered my exact thinking on that matter in his ear, and I could tell by his reaction how much he really appreciated me sharing that with him.

Our lovemaking that night had been incredible, and I snuggled up to him afterwards, feeling such a strong emotional connection to him. I'd realized a long time before that night there was nothing I couldn't say to him or trust him with, but at times I'd still catch myself holding back.

Suddenly I knew I couldn't keep it bottled up inside of me anymore. I reached out, rubbing my hand over his chest, and took a deep breath. "Joe, I'm so scared. I don't think I can do it." I stilled my hand and whispered, "It's gonna hurt really bad." And before I knew it, I was crying.

He lifted himself up, turned onto his side, and helped me move closer to him. "I know you're scared, honey. I know." He pulled back and cupped my face in his hands, kissing me softly. "But I'll be right there with you the entire time. Every step of the way." I could feel his smile against my mouth, and I was already starting to calm down. "You're a lot stronger than you think, Steph. You're gonna do just fine."

I took a deep breath and nodded my head. Somehow when Joe said it, I felt like I could believe it.

"Sweetheart, I know you want the epidural and think you don't need anything else, but we really should go ahead and sign up for a childbirth class. If anything, it will help _me_ know what to expect and learn what I can do to help you."

I hadn't thought of it like that. I'd always assumed Joe knew everything, but that was silly of me to think that way. He'd never experienced anything like this either, and I was sure deep down he had his own doubts and fears that he couldn't express, because he knew he had to be strong for me.

"You're right," I said. "I'll look into it first thing next week."

I fell asleep that night and dreamed that Joe had set up the girly crib and painted the walls in the nursery a soft pink. But instead of coming home from the hospital with a baby, we had a litter of puppies that had to be fed from a bottle every two hours. Bob hated them and left to go live with Dickie and Joyce.

I woke up the next morning determined to never eat another pineapple, pickle, and mayonnaise sandwich again. Or at least if I did, I'd make sure to leave off the M&Ms. If it was the strange food combinations making me dream crazy things like that, I had to stop. I'd rather give birth a thousand times over than to ever dream again that those disgusting people had anything to do with Bob.


	81. Chapter 81

Joe surprised me a few days later by coming home from work early. The main surprise, though, was that he was driving us out to a Christmas tree farm to pick out our very first tree as a married couple.

I settled in for the ride, and Joe kept the radio on a station that was playing all Christmas music. When we finally made it there, I desperately had to use the bathroom, and when I came back, I was greeted with a cup of hot chocolate and a gingerbread cookie.

We took our time walking around until we finally settled on the perfect tree. One of the boys working there helped Joe tie it down to the roof of the car, and then we made our way over to a small restaurant next door. We ate supper there, by candlelight, and Joe kept one hand in mine the entire time.

As soon as we got home, Joe set up the tree and then strung the lights. We combined all the ornaments each of us had collected over the years and decorated the tree. We made plans to go shopping the next day, so we could pick out some new ones together.

We snuggled on the couch, the television off, with just the lights of the tree brightening the room. Joe wrapped his arm around me, and I placed his free hand on my stomach. The baby was moving quite a bit, and in a way, it made me feel like he or she was a part of it, too. The three of us were together, Bob was at our feet, and Rex was running on his wheel. I couldn't have asked for a better end to our perfect day.

The next day was much colder, so I bundled up, and we headed out in search of our new ornaments. Joe found one that read "Our First Christmas Together" with the year on it, so we put that in the basket. I found a "Mommy-to-Be" one with a pregnant bear in a rocking chair, so that was a definite buy. Together we picked out an ornament for Bob, and I searched in vain to find something with a hamster, but all I could come up with was one with a squirrel and another one with chipmunks. I figured that was the best that was out there, so I got them both. Joe snuck a Mets ornament when I wasn't looking, which was funny because I snuck one of Santa dressed in a baseball uniform. I knew Joe would like it, and when the day came that we did have a little boy, I knew he'd be happy with it, too.

But more than any of the ornaments, I was obsessed with the box of candy canes Joe had in his hand. It'd gotten so bad that I couldn't concentrate on what he was asking me, because I just kept thinking about them. Finally he popped opened the cellophane and handed me one.

"Just eat it already," he said, shaking his head and laughing. "You're worse than a kid, Steph."

"I can't help it. I haven't had one since last Christmas, and that was a long time ago." I pulled the wrapper off and took a lick. "And I don't eat 'em. I suck on them so they'll last longer."

Joe stood there grinning, and I shook my head at him. "You are so nasty."

"Yep. And don't even try to deny that's one of the reasons you love me so much."

I ignored his comment and just kept sucking on the candy cane, purposely teasing him.

"You know, I've got something better you can lick."

"Yeah, but what you've got doesn't taste like peppermint."

"It could," he said with a grin. "I'm sure there's something we can buy to fix that. In fact, you may have something leftover from your bachelorette party."

He stared at me again and said, "I'm serious, Cupcake. You need to stop sucking on it like that. My pants are getting tight."

I stared down at his crotch and giggled. "We could make a quick trip to the bathroom."

"Seriously?" he asked. I'd obviously taken him by surprise with that one.

I nodded my head and tossed the candy cane back into the box. I took him by the hand and said, "Why don't you come with me, and you'll find out how serious I am."

Fortunately both the men and the women's bathrooms were single toilets with a lock on the door, and Joe pointed to the men's room. He found a "Closed for Cleaning" sign and stuck it on the door. We locked ourselves inside, and I helped relieve Joe of his tight pants dilemma.

I walked out of the bathroom first, with Joe following behind seconds later. There was just one person standing nearby, and I didn't think she saw us, and I prayed to God she hadn't heard us.

We picked up the basket we'd left outside the door and paid for our items. We'd been invited to supper at my parents' house, so we made our way over there, arriving thirty minutes early.

My mother already had their artificial tree up and decorated, and when we walked through the door, the whole house smelled like homemade cookies and pumpkin pie.

Joe joined my father in front of the television, and they both sat there, eyes fixated on the game. I had no clue who was playing, and I couldn't have cared less. I waddled into the kitchen and took a seat, watching my mother cook.

"You look tired Stephanie," she said. "Are you sure you're taking good care of yourself? I'm worried about you."

"Yes mom. I'm fine." I snatched a cookie, but before I could bite into it, my mother had taken it out of my hand.

"Are you taking your vitamins? Getting enough iron? You look peaked."

"They check my iron level at every appointment. It's all good."

"Well, you're getting a glass of milk with your supper. And an extra helping of brussel sprouts."

I made a face and rolled my eyes, and my mother fussed. "I saw that Stephanie. Just for that, I'm reheating the lima beans from last night just for you."

I started to protest when I heard the front door bang open and the sound of screaming kids. Valerie and the gang had arrived.

I immediately hopped up, which is the way I chose to think of how I did it, but the truth was I struggled to stand. No matter how it was done, I made my way out to the living room and said hello to Angie and Mary Alice. And although I wouldn't have admitted it to anyone at the time, I really wanted to see Lisa.

As soon as she saw me, she came running, her arms stretched out in front of me. "Stephie!" she said in her little tiny voice.

"Hey Lisa," I said with a smile, carefully picking her up and giving her a hug. "Have you missed me?"

She smiled shyly and buried her head in my shoulder, and I just couldn't help myself. The words came out before I could stop them. "You wanna come spend the day with me again?"

Valerie perked up when she heard that. "Are you serious, Steph? Can you do it tomorrow?"

Joe looked over at me, a huge grin on his face, and I stumbled over my words. "Tomorrow? Um ..." Then Lisa looked up at me, and I knew I was screwed. "Yeah, tomorrow's fine."

"Great, I'll bring them over at ten. That's not too early, is it?"

"_Them_?" I asked, somewhat reluctantly.

"Yeah, all the girls. Thank you so much, Steph. Now I can get the rest of my shopping finished. I asked mom, but she can't do it until Friday."

I put Lisa down on the floor, and she reached up and patted my stomach. "Baby," she said.

"That's right!" Valerie exclaimed. "You're so smart." Then she pulled my shirt up right in front of everyone, including Albert. "Let's see if we can feel the baby moving."

"Valerie!" I immediately pulled my shirt back down and whispered, "If the baby moves, you can feel it over my shirt."

"No, not this shirt. It's too thick." And then she pulled it back up again.

Angie and Mary Alice came running over. "Wow," Angie said. "That's a really pregnant stomach. I never got to see yours when you were pregnant with Lisa, mom."

Valerie nodded. "It_ is_ a very pregnant stomach, and it's gonna get even bigger before the baby finally comes out of there."

She looked at Angie and continued. "And you keep telling yourself you don't wannna look like this for a very long time, okay? Just like we talked about the other night." Angie blushed, and I looked at my sister like she was nuts.

"_What_?" Valerie asked defensively. "She needs to know. Being pregnant isn't pretty, and having babies isn't fun. It's very painful. Doing it with boys may be fun, but look what it gets you." Then she pointed at me. "That!"

Angie looked scared to death and nodded her head in agreement. Mary Alice looked up at me, surprise on her face, and asked, "You do it with lots of boys?"

I felt my cheeks turning red, and fortunately Valerie spoke up before I could. "No, Mary Alice, she only does it with your Uncle Joseph."

Joe looked over, laughing, and I heard my mother saying, "Valerie! What on earth are you saying out there?"

"What mom? They need to know these things. We had _'the talk'_ last week, and they still have a lot of questions. I've decided to take the very open approach. _Like you should have_."

Now it was my mother's turn to blush. She stood there a minute, shook her head in disbelief, and then walked back into the kitchen.

Mary Alice tapped on my arm, and I tried to ignore her. "Aunt Stephanie?" I pretended again not to hear. "Aunt Stephanie?" she repeated.

"Yes, sweetheart?" I asked, praying for the best.

"Do you like doing it with Uncle Joe?"

I started feeling light-headed and turned to Angie. "Would you please get me a glass of water?"

"Aunt Stephanie?" Mary Alice persisted. "Do you? Mom says she doesn't like doing it, but sometimes you have to go ahead if you want to get a baby inside you. So you didn't like doing it, but you wanted to get a baby? Huh?"

Joe was covering his mouth, trying not to laugh, and my father was furiously flipping through the channels.

"Valerie," I called out. "I think Mary Alice is confused. You need to come talk to her."

"No," she yelled. "I'm helping in the kitchen. Just answer her. I'm pretty sure you know the answers to whatever she asks."

I smiled down at her and asked, "Do you still like horses?"

But she shook her head. "No, I like talking about babies now. Mom showed us a book that had a drawing of a penis."

"Oh God," I said. "Please don't say that Mary Alice. Especially around Grandma."

"Have you ever seen a penis?" she asked me. Then Angie thumped her in the head. "Of course she has, stupid." Then she pointed at my stomach. "That's the only way she could've gotten that in her. Remember?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Alright you guys. I have a rule at my house when you come over tomorrow. You can't say the word 'penis' or talk about 'doing it.' Okay?"

They both nodded their heads, and I quickly made my way back into the kitchen. "Val, you have to keep the girls quiet with the sex talk. I can't handle all of this."

"Omigod, Steph. Don't try to play all virginal with me. I heard your mouth that day at the spa. You're not a saint."

My mother shot me a look, but I ignored her. "I never said I was, Valerie, but I was around grown women. Your girls are too little."

"No they're not Steph. There's a girl in Angie's class who's on birth control pills."

"Get out!" I yelled. "What grade is she in again?"

"Eighth. This is scary stuff, Stephanie. I don't wanna be a grandmother at my age. I'm trying to get pregnant myself, and I definitely don't need a baby and a grandbaby all at the same time."

"You are?!" my mother and I asked in unison.

"Yes. Albert and I want a boy."

"Oh." Then I thought about it a second. "So that's what Mary Alice meant with all the _'sometimes you have to do it when you don't want to so you can get a baby inside you'_ crap. Why on earth did you tell her that?"

"Because I don't want her thinking _I_ like sex. I am her mother after all. But it's okay if they think you do. You don't mind being their slutty Aunt Stephanie, right? You came in handy last week when we had our talk."

"I'm leaving," I told my mother. "Can you pack us a bag to go?"

"Steph, quit acting so immature," Valerie said, as if I had no reason to be upset. "I need you for this. When the time comes for you to talk to your daughter about sex, I'll let you use Angie or Mary Alice as the slut. They'll be grown women by then." She was nodding her head and waving her hands around. "See, I'm considerate. I'm willing to return the favor."

"Mom?! Are you hearing this? Do you hear what your oldest daughter is saying?"

My mother quickly shut the cupboard and turned around, wiping her mouth. "No, I've stopped listening."

I closed my eyes and said the alphabet all the way to "J" in my head. Counting hadn't been doing much good, so I thought letters might work, and since Joe always calmed me down, I picked "J" for him.

"Valerie, it's the holiday season. I want to feel the spirit of Christmas and have a nice dinner without any sex talk. Would you please go ask Mary Alice and Angie not to talk about it during supper? _Please_?"

"No problem. If it means that much to you, I will."

"It does. Thank you." I sighed and grabbed a cookie. "Don't even try taking this away from me," I snapped at my mother.

I walked back into the living room and saw that Grandma Mazur and Stan were now there. Everyone was chatting, and Joe walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"You okay?" he asked with a faint smile. "I thought for a minute there you were gonna throw up."

Before I could answer, my mother called us all to the table. Albert said the prayer, everyone filled their plates, and the room was filled with the sounds of clinking glasses and clanging silverware.

And then it began. "Grandma Mazur," Mary Alice said excitedly. "I know how babies are made now."

"You do?" she asked, pretending to be shocked. "And why do you need to know that? Are you getting married?"

"No, Grandma," she said with a laugh. "And besides, you don't have to be married to get a baby. Aunt Stephanie wasn't."

"Neither was your mom the last time around," I mumbled.

Valerie shot me a look and tried to kick me under the table, but she hit Stan instead.

"Huh? What?" he asked, lifting his head and wiping a line of drool away from his mouth. "I think I dozed off for a minute, Edna."

"Why are you screaming?" she yelled at him. "Did you forget your hearing aid again?"

"No," he explained. "I turned it off when all of you were yapping. It's a lot quieter that way. Makes dinnertime sound better."

"Aunt Stephanie, how is the baby gonna come out?" Mary Alice asked.

I smiled at her, wishing I could thump her in the head like Angie had. "Why don't you and your mom talk about that later? I'd much rather hear what you want for Christmas."

"Oh, that's easy. I want a makeup kit, a diamond ring, an iPod, some money, and a baby brother." Then she thought for a second and said, "I really don't want the baby brother, but mom said we should all hope for one, so that's why I said it."

Valerie laughed nervously and waved her hand dismissively. "Kids! You just never know the silly things they're going to dream up. Mary Alice, I never said that."

"Yeah, you did mom. Remember it was ..."

"Hush!" she said. "And if you don't, I'm going to make you eat brussel sprouts."

"I don't want brussel sprouts. I'm ready for dessert."

Valerie shushed her again, and then Grandma Mazur spoke up. "That reminds me. Speaking of dessert ... Stephanie, I heard from Loretta that you and Joe had a little bit of fun this afternoon while you were out shopping."

My hand froze, the fork resting right outside of my mouth. "We didn't go shopping today," I told her. I took a bite and chewed nervously.

"Yes you did. Loretta's daughter saw you. Said something about you doing some naughty things with a candy cane and then going into the bathroom with Joe."

My fork fell to my plate with a loud clang, and I sat there in stunned silence.

"No, that wasn't us," Joe told her. Then he smiled at the girls. "Your Aunt Stephanie would never do anything naughty with a candy cane. That would be inappropriate."

Grandma Mazur started to disagree with him, but then he gave her "_the look_." Lucky for me I've yet to find anyone who's disobeyed one of Joe's looks, and Grandma was no exception.

"Your Uncle Joe is absolutely right," she said. "Loretta's daughter don't know what she's talking about."

Thankfully that was the end of the sex talk for the evening, and just as we were about to get in the car to go home, Joe suddenly said, "I forgot something. I'll be right back."

I buckled up and made myself comfortable in the seat. A few minutes later, he was back, and I was looking to see what was in his hands, curious as to what he had forgotten. He started the engine and backed out of the driveway, not saying a word.

"So what did you forget?"

He kept his eyes on the road and simply said, "I had a word with Valerie. You're not babysitting tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Really. I know you want to spend time with Lisa, but you don't need '_Birds and the Bees 101'_ all over again. I think you suffered enough tonight. We all did."

"Thank you so much," I said. I smiled to myself, thinking how lucky I was to have him. "Have I told you today how much I love you?"

"Hmm, I don't think you have." I saw the smile forming at the corner of his mouth. "You better say it again to make up for it."

"I love you, Joseph Morelli. And to show you how much, I'm going to rub _your_ feet tonight when we get home."

"Would you rub something else if I asked nicely?"

All I could do was laugh. "You _really are_ a nasty boy. And yes, it is _one of many_ reasons why I love you."


	82. Chapter 82

I called my doctor's office the next day and spoke with Sarah. She suggested I call St. Francis and ask about the childbirth classes they offered, as well as request a tour of labor and delivery. I wasn't too crazy about that idea, but I made the phone call anyway.

I was transferred to someone named Martha, who was very helpful. As it turned out there was a six-week class starting up the following week, and there were still spaces available. I sat there listening to the descriptions of each session, and as soon as she finished I asked, "Would it be okay if we skip weeks one, four, and five? I don't think I really need any of that." Of course she _highly_ recommended that we attend the entire class, so I begrudgingly signed us up.

I hung up and decided to call Mary Lou. I was bored and needed entertainment, and she was my best bet. I hadn't actually seen her since the day after Thanksgiving, so we had a lot of catching up to do. She'd dropped by then to dish the dirt on Terry, and we had thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. Plus it had given me an excuse to pig out on more pumpkin pie. I'd found that I felt less guilty if someone else was eating with me.

I dressed in my favorite pink maternity top and a pair of yucky maternity jeans which I absolutely hated but was forced to wear. They were the best of the worst, so I tugged them on and tried not to cry.

"Omigod," Mary Lou squealed as soon as I opened the door. "You're so cute!" She immediately rubbed my belly and said, "Steph, you're not big at all. What the hell was all that whining you did on the phone earlier? You have no concept of how you look, do you?"

I stared down at my stomach and shrugged. "I don't know. I _feel_ huge. Especially when I try to roll over and move around in the bed. Plus everybody in the world keeps telling me I am."

"Steph, they obviously have no clue what they're talking about, because you really aren't that big. From behind you don't even look pregnant. I was a total whale with the boys." She stared me up and down and said, "I hate you so much."

We both got a good laugh at that one, because truth was, she really had been enormous when she was pregnant. Both times. She'd had her first baby when I was still married to Dickie, and she was the main reason I had entertained thoughts of getting my tubes tied. Not to mention the thought of giving birth to anything that was half Dickie was a nightmare in and of itself.

"So when are you and Joe gonna tear open that envelope? Where is it? Let _me_ look. I won't tell!"

"Hell no! The entire Burg would know within the hour. Besides I don't even know where Joe put it." I continued shaking my head no and said, "Sorry to disappoint you, but we're not opening it. I'm determined to be surprised."

"That's just dumb," she said teasingly. "And I resent the hour remark. You know good and well with news like that, I could get it done in less than fifteen minutes."

We walked into the kitchen, and I poured her a cup of coffee while I drank a tall refreshing glass of chocolate milk. It was my latest craving, and I'd been drinking it at every meal.

"So what're the names then?" she asked. "You can at least share that with me. I promise I won't tell. Unless you say I can."

"Alright," I said with a grin, "I'm feeling generous, so I'll give you those." I scooped in some more chocolate powder and stirred it around. "Besides, we've already told the parents, so it's not exactly a huge secret."

"You told them before me?! Some best friend you are!"

"Yeah, what were we possibly thinking?" I said sarcastically, offering her a blueberry muffin and smothering one in butter for myself. "So do you wanna know or not?"

"Of course! Hurry up and tell me!"

I placed my hand on my stomach and smiled. "I think we're gonna go with Kaitlyn Elizabeth, because I wanna call her Katie. We can't use Katherine, because that's Joe's sister's name, even if we don't spell it the same way. So that's why I'm thinking Kaitlyn."

Mary Lou was just staring at me like she was waiting for more, so I continued. "I think Katie Morelli sounds like a girl who'll be sweet and innocent."

"_And_?"

"And what?" I asked.

"You do realize there's still the potential chance it could be a boy, right? Will the poor baby have a name if it is?"

"Duh! Of course we have a name. Just in case." I made a face at her and took a bite of my muffin. "He'll be Jacob Andrew Morelli. The same initials as Joe. And when he gets older I wanna call him Jake. I think Jake Morelli sounds like a hottie name." We giggled at that.

"I could definitely see any son of Joe's growing up to be a hottie. But I don't think any child with genes from the two of you could ever grow up to be sweet and innocent, whether it's a girl or a boy."

I shot her a dirty look, but she ignored me and kept talking. "And just think, your daughter might grow up to be Katie Stankovic one day."

She smiled wide at that, and I tried to hide my frown, but unlike the last time she'd mentioned it, she caught on that I wasn't exactly thrilled with the idea.

"What? You don't think one of my boys would be good enough for her?"

"That's silly, Mary Lou. Your boys are cuties. I just don't wanna think about her growing up and getting married. That's depressing."

"No, what's depressing is if Dickie and Joyce have a boy, and she grows up to marry him. Then she'd be Katie Orr."

I gave Mary Lou the major evil eye over that one. "You don't wanna be friends anymore, do you?" I put my hands on my hips and stared her down. "Seriously, Mary Lou, that's something you should never, ever say again. I'd rather you call me a hippo than say something like that."

"Sorry," she said sheepishly. "Don't be mad. I was just trying to make the point that _one of my boys_ would be better than that."

I stared her down some more and then took back the blueberry muffin. "You don't deserve this."

She nodded her head. "You're right. That was a really disgusting thing I said. To make up for it, I'll come back tomorrow and help you wrap all of your Christmas presents. And I'll bring cookies."

I thought about that for a second. "Deal. As long as they're chocolate chip. Homemade. And by that I mean entirely from scratch."

* * *

Joe and I went for our very first childbirth class three days before Christmas. Christmas Day was to mark the beginning of my thirty-first week, and according to all of the books, the baby should've been a little over three pounds at that point, with the lungs being the last of its major organs that still needed to develop. I smiled thinking how close I was to finally meeting my little baby and seeing what she looked like. I imagined her to have a head full of hair, eyes the same color as Joe's, and a little button nose.

But even though I was getting closer, I still had a good nine weeks left to go, and at that time, I was faced with the reality that I had childbirth classes to suffer through first.

I looked around that evening and saw I was the biggest one in the class. The old Stephanie would've been bothered by that, but the new Stephanie didn't really care. Mainly because I had the hottest husband of all of them. I saw a few women admiring his assets, and I smiled proudly knowing I'd be seeing them up close and personal later that night. Joe was looking mighty fine, and unfortunately I was too busy thinking about that to listen to what was being said.

"Steph?" he whispered. "You're supposed to be paying attention, too. You're not copying off my paper later," he teased.

I giggled and whispered back, "Yeah right. I can think of plenty of ways to get you to give it up." Then I discreetly ran my hand up the inside of his thigh, my eyes settling on his zipper. "The answers, of course."

I got the sexy Joe-grin for that one, but then his face was immediately serious. "Playtime's over. Now pay attention."

I poked out my bottom lip and tried to listen. The instructor spent most of the time talking about stuff I already knew, and I was bored to tears. I caught myself yawning and getting "the look" from Joe. I never liked it when he used it on me, unless it was in the bedroom. That was when it was a challenge.

I imagined myself in bed with him instead of being there, but after a while I decided I was getting too worked up and thought it would be best if I moved on to something else. I started looking around the room at the other couples, trying to determine if I thought they matched. Mary Lou and I used to play that game when we were younger, and I decided it might be a fun way to keep myself awake.

Unfortunately I knew a lot more now than what I knew back then, so the game was a bit dirtier. There were just some of those couples who didn't look like they would ever have sex with each other, and I sat there trying to imagine that. I guess my facial expressions caught Joe's attention, because I realized he was watching me.

"Cupcake, what are you doing?" he whispered.

I starting giggling and shook my head. "You don't wanna know." He watched me for a second and raised his eyebrows, silently asking, "_What_?"

I chewed on my fingernail and whispered, "Those two right there. I can't imagine them doing it."

Joe lowered his head and rested his forehead in the palm of his hand. "Stephanie! _That's_ what you're thinking about right now?" Then he shook his head.

"I'm sorry," I said, trying not to laugh. "But I'm bored."

I saw the corner of his mouth twitch and then I knew. He was just as bored as I was. "You wanna play, too?" I asked him.

"No." But I could see he was trying to hide a smile. "I don't play games like that."

"You could," I whispered. "It's fun."

"No, it's perverted."

"Look who's talking?!"

Fortunately we were at the back of the class, and we managed to keep our voices low and not disturb anyone. Truth was, though, I would've loved for the instructor to have fussed at us. Joe had been two grades ahead of me in school, and I never got to see him get in trouble. Although I'd heard a lot about it.

Joe placed a finger above his mouth and another one below it. He scanned the classroom and muttered, "How about them? Over there in the corner."

I turned my head to see who it was. "Yeah, I thought about them already. See how he's dressed? I bet he takes a shower immediately after they're done."

Joe started to laugh, and it was just a bit too loud, so he covered it with a cough. "Okay, stop," he said. "You're a bad influence on me."

"I thought you liked naughty Stephanie?"

"Is naughty Stephanie in bed with me, naked right now?"

I shook my head no.

"Okay then. Be quiet and listen, and then naughty Stephanie can visit me later."

After that, Joe stayed serious, and he even asked a question or two. I was still bored, but I put the naughtiness away until we got home.

As soon as the class was over, though, I made my way to the instructor and asked to speak with her privately.

"I just wanted to ask you a quick question, and please don't take this personally."

The woman hesitated, most likely afraid of what I was about to ask. "Certainly," she said.

"Are you going to try to talk all of us into not having pain medication? Because I just wanted to let you know up front that I'm having an epidural. And I'm not changing my mind."

"That's fine, Mrs. Morelli," she said. "We always encourage natural childbirth, but we don't force it on anyone. Every women is different, and you know what works best for you."

I nodded my head, "Mmm-hmm, I definitely know. I have a very low tolerance for pain. _Extremely_ _low_," I told her.

"Oh don't be so sure," she said with a slightly psychotic smile. "I've had many women, who planned on using something for the pain, come back and tell me afterwards they decided against it. And all of them said it was the best decision they ever made."

I started laughing. "That's really sweet, in a crazy sort of way, but that's not me. I'd never do anything like that. And if, by chance, I had a temporary lapse of sanity and tried it, I'm sure I would never say it was the best decision I ever made."

But she wasn't giving up. "_Never say_ _never_."

I stared at her and shook my head. This woman just didn't get it. "No, _seriously_. I would _never_ say something like that."

Joe stepped up and smiled at the instructor. "She's not kidding. She practically faints when she gets a paper cut." I made a face at him and lightly pinched his arm, but he just flashed me a teasing grin and put his hand on my back, rubbing it softly.

"Oh goodness," the woman said. "Well you've certainly got a tough time ahead of you then." I frowned at that, but she just smiled like she pitied me and turned her attention to Joe.

They stood there talking for a few minutes, but I didn't listen. My thoughts alternated between eating a hot fudge sundae and dreaming about what Joe had under the Christmas tree for me.

Christmas was just days away, and then we'd soon be celebrating the new year. A new year that would bring some pretty incredible changes into our lives. I smiled at that, realizing how much I couldn't wait for it to be the end of February.


	83. Chapter 83

Christmas came and went, and Joe and I rang in our first new year as husband and wife at home alone. He had offered to take me out, but I only wanted to be with him. Everything else would've just been useless noise. He was the only person I wanted to see and be around when the clock struck twelve.

We continued our classes, and the next few I actually paid attention and behaved myself. Our instructor covered a wide range of topics, and it gave Joe and me some new things to think about. We started baby proofing the house, and Joe bought a gun cabinet so we could keep all of our weapons under lock and key.

We went back to The Baby Barn, and together we picked an alternate crib just in case it was needed. We didn't buy it, but Joe wrote down the model number so he'd know exactly which one to get if he had to go back for it. We had a lot of fun walking around scanning items into our baby registry, but we couldn't do some of the things we wanted since we weren't positive what we were having.

As it turned out, Mary Lou, Connie, and Lula threw me another baby shower, and some of the women at the station planned something for Joe. It was nice to hear that, because he deserved it. He knew years ago he wanted to settle down and have a family, but he had to wait very patiently for me to grow up and realize I wanted the same thing. And I felt extremely lucky that he'd known all along it was me he wanted to do that with.

The days passed slowly by, and the baby continued growing safely inside of me. Finally, one morning in late January, Mary Lou called to let me know Joyce had given birth the day before.

"Really?" I asked, trying to pretend I didn't care. "I guess she's at St. Francis, huh? That's where Dr. Williams and Dr. Parker do all their deliveries."

"Yep," was all she said. "So, do you wanna do something today? I'm free until one o'clock."

"I don't know," I pretended to ponder, trying to fight the urge to ask the question that I wished so much that I wasn't interested in.

"I could come over and help you wash baby clothes and help you baby proof the house some more."

But I couldn't take it any longer. "What is it?" I yelled. "Just tell me!"

"A girl."

"Bitch." I thought about it a second and said, "You know I mean Joyce, right? I would _never _call an innocent baby that. Especially that poor child. She needs all the good blessings she can get."

"Yeah, I knew you meant Joyce," Mary Lou said laughing. "You wanna send them flowers?"

"No, unless I can specify on the card that they're for Dickie only, and then stick poison ivy in it." We both laughed at that. "But then he'd be an idiot and touch the baby, and I'd never forgive myself."

"Look what pregnancy is doing to you, Steph. You're becoming so sweet and considerate now. It's like a whole new you."

We started laughing, but then I had to confess. "Don't give me too much credit. I really wanted to say that I hope it hurt like hell, and she had to have a lot of stitches down there. But then I remembered I still have to go through it, and I really shouldn't be wishing bad things on someone else. Even if it is Joyce. And even if she does deserve it."

"Well I do know she had to have a c-section, because the baby was too big."

I tried not to laugh and said, "Don't tell me these things Mary Lou! You know I wanna say it's because she's such a fat ass herself."

We giggled some more and decided to postpone her coming over until the next day.

* * *

Later on that afternoon I took Bob for a walk and then drove over to ShopRite to pick up something for supper.

I was making my way to the self checkout lane when I spotted Terry Gilman out of the corner of my eye. I did a major eye roll and tried my best to get out of her line of vision. Unfortunately I hadn't been fast enough.

"Hi Stephanie," I heard.

I turned myself slowly around and braced for the hatred that was about to be unleashed upon me. But Terry didn't do anything like that. She wasn't filled with warm fuzzies, but the evil in her face seemed somewhat subdued.

"Hi Terry," I said cautiously.

"Aren't you due soon?" she asked.

"Four weeks." I paused for a moment, and before I could help myself, I was saying the words, "How've you been?"

She nodded and said, "Good." She stared past me and asked, "How's Tony?"

And for the first time, in all the years I'd known Terry Gilman, I actually felt bad for her. "I'm not sure. We don't see him much."

She simply nodded her head and said, "Yeah, me either." Then she reached into her purse, pulled out a picture, and handed it over. "Would you see to it that he gets this? I've been meaning to take it to Mrs. Morelli, but I've been busy."

And that was it. She turned around and left, not saying another word.

I stared down at the sonogram picture in my hand and smiled. Written at the bottom was "It's a boy."

So Terry was giving Tony another son. I figured if nothing else that should at least make him happy. Or at least I hoped for the baby's sake that it would.

And there it was. Joyce had a girl, and Terry was having a boy. The question now was, which one of my rivals did I have the most in common with?

I went home and put the groceries away and started the noodles boiling for spaghetti. I put the sauce on to simmer and then thought about the envelope that was somewhere in our house. I was pretty sure I knew where it was hidden, and I debated for a moment what I was going to do.

I turned the heat down on the noodles and made my way upstairs, straight into Joe's office. I sat down at his desk and ran my hand along the edge of the top drawer. I smiled to myself and then reached up and lifted the printer slightly.

I pulled out the envelope and stared at it for the longest time. Then I decided to leave it up to God. If I could hold it to the light and see what was inside, then it was meant for me to know. If I couldn't tell, then I'd let it stay a secret.

I took a deep breath and started to raise it, and then I thought of Joe. The day of the sonogram he'd wanted to know so bad, but he was willing to wait, simply because I had said it was what_ I_ truly wanted.

I knew if I held up that envelope, I'd never get over the guilt. If I was going to peek, it was going to be with Joe there, right beside me. That was the way I lived my life now. No more lies. No more half-truths. It was all or nothing with him, and I was determined that the bond we had developed was never going to be broken.

I still had the envelope in my hand, and I kept it with me, walking into our bedroom. I opened the closet door and stared down at my suitcase, the one I was planning to take to the hospital with me. I bent down and opened it up, slowly unzipping one of the inner compartments. I slid the envelope inside and zipped it shut.

I wanted Joe to open that envelope. In front of me at the hospital, with our baby sleeping in my arms. I imagined it would be right after I'd finished nursing him or her, and then we could actually see together what was written on the piece of paper that tempted and tormented us for months. And even though we'd already have the answer right in front of our eyes, it was still something that needed to be done.

As far as I was concerned, opening that envelope would be a symbolic rite of passage for us. It was going to be our last bit of unfinished business together, and from that day forward, there would never be another secret in our lives again. Even if it was just something simple like the sex of our unborn child. The next time I got pregnant, we'd find out for certain ahead of time, and then we'd spend the remaining months preparing our son or daughter for the arrival of its baby brother or sister.

Just then I heard the door opening, and Joe calling my name. "How'd you know I was in the mood for spaghetti tonight?" I heard him ask.

I smiled and made my way back downstairs, eager to greet the man of my dreams.

* * *

And that was the last sentence I wrote before I took a break from my story. All I wanted to do was spend that final month of my pregnancy with Joe, preparing for the baby, and enjoying what little time we had left as a couple before baby made three.

Now that all is said and done, and I've had a chance to read over everything that I've written, I realize exactly how much I've changed.

I don't bother with the hyphen anymore. I'm simply Stephanie Morelli.

And the part about saving a spot in my brain for fantasizing about Ranger? It never happened. And never will. I totally missed the mark on that one. There is absolutely no other man in this world who can compare to Joe. I can appreciate an attractive man when I see him, but I never look twice or think about him later. When I close my eyes and daydream, Joe's the only one who appears.

When I'm up late at night nursing our baby, I often think back on that day in early June when Lula dropped by and begged for my help. I wonder how differently my life would've played out if I'd said '_no'_ to her. I'm absolutely positive Joe and I would've found our way to this same place eventually, because without a doubt, he's my one and only true love.

But if it hadn't been for the events that happened on that day, we wouldn't have the baby that's lying in the bassinet sleeping beside me, and we wouldn't be living the incredible life that we are now.

So I guess I should thank Lula for always being persistent.

Maybe I should thank Herbert Walker for being an abusive pervert.

I could also thank his mother, Patsy, for being a bad parent.

Taking it even further, I guess I should thank Ranger for making my job at RangeMan so boring that I was eager to get back to where the action was.

And of course I could thank whoever it was at the country club who called the police, because that brought Joe back to me.

If the two of us had gotten back together even just a week later, I wouldn't have been ovulating, and I probably would've remembered to take my birth control pills before I ovulated again. And that would mean my little Snuggle Bunny wouldn't exist, and that's just too heartbreaking for me to even think about.

So, on that day in June, all the pieces of the puzzle fell together perfectly, and because of that, I finally have the life that I used to think I was too afraid to have.

I haven't been a bounty hunter since the day I was handcuffed by Royce and rescued by Joe. And for now, that's fine.

And I don't worry about classifying myself as something specific anymore. I'm simply Stephanie. A woman who was lucky enough to marry Joe Morelli. A woman who was lucky enough to give birth to a beautiful and healthy baby, and a woman who can't wait to see what the future has in store for her.

I'll finish up my story by sharing everything that happened my last month of pregnancy, and maybe one day, I'll pick up the pen and write again.

Perhaps by that time, I'll know exactly how many children Joe and I are going to end up with.

Perhaps I'll know for sure if I'll ever chase after another skip.

But no matter what, at least I know I'll be happy.


	84. Chapter 84

January turned into February, and I was in the homestretch. My "full of energy days" were now a thing of the past, and I found myself tired and achy more often than not. The extra weight was putting a strain on my back, and my feet were always sore. Joe was wonderful and supportive, though, and every night he'd give me a rub down wherever it was needed.

I was now seeing Dr. Williams on a weekly basis, but I didn't mind. I was anxious to find out if I was dilated the first time he examined me and quickly disappointed to hear that I wasn't. My cervix was still closed, and the baby hadn't yet dropped. I drove myself home and pulled the leftover shower cake out of the freezer. At one time it had read "Happy Labor Day!" but now all that remained was the word "Labor." I decided to eat that in hopes my body would take the hint, but afternoon turned into evening, and the sun rose the next day with our little baby still squished inside of me.

Joe surprised me the morning of Valentine's Day with a dozen yellow roses that were tinged with pink. I'd told him I didn't want a box of chocolates because I knew I'd have them all eaten within a matter of minutes. Plus I'd already made plans to eat more shower cake while he was at work.

I spent the entire day resting just in case he had something planned, and that paid off big time. As it turned out, he took me back to Giordano's, the restaurant where we'd dined the day we were married. We wanted to sit in the same booth, but my enormous belly made that pretty much impossible, so we enjoyed our dinner at a nearby table. He fed me again like he'd done that day, and he surprised me with a gorgeous diamond bracelet.

I'd managed to score tickets for us to see the Mets' first game of the season, so I gave him those along with a sappy card. He loved both. We ordered our dessert to go, and I managed to stay awake long enough to enjoy some Valentine's Day lovin' with my incredibly sexy husband.

We finished up the last of our childbirth classes, and I actually watched a video of a woman giving birth. Well, to be honest, I only watched bits and pieces of it. Mostly I stared in the direction of the television, and I focused my eyes on a poster on the wall above it. I reasoned to myself that that was good enough, because I didn't really need to see all of it anyway. It wasn't as if I'd be on the sidelines watching it all play out when my time came, and I definitely wasn't one of those "give me a mirror and let me watch" types either. I was perfectly fine not seeing or knowing exactly what was happening down there. I'd leave that to the doctor and the nurses and Joe. I figured he could let me know what was going on, and that would be good enough.

The mothers were now on daily alert, calling and stopping by constantly. They were busy in the kitchen, as well, alternating days of food preparation between them. I have to admit I was thoroughly enjoying that, and I'm pretty sure Joe was, too. He'd spent much of the last few months cooking our meals himself, and I think he was burned out. Neither one of us wanted to cook, but we obviously still wanted to eat. And no matter how much we both loved Pino's, at some point you eventually grow tired of it.

I'd seen Dr. Williams on February 21st, and I was dilated one centimeter at that appointment. The baby had now dropped and was in position, and the last words he said to me were, "I want to see you back on the 24th, unless I see you in the hospital before then."

The 24th came and went, and I was now at two centimeters. He scheduled my next appointment for February 28th, and again he said he didn't expect me to make that one.

Finally on the 27th I was desperate. As soon as I got home from the mall, I called Mary Lou and immediately yelled "_Help_!" when she answered. She'd mentioned previously there were some things I could try that might bring on labor, and I finally decided I was ready to hear what they were.

"Let's see. There's walking."

"I've been doing that. It hasn't worked."

"Okay, drink castor oil."

"Uh, no. That's gross."

"Sex."

"That one sounds good. I'll surprise Joe with that when he gets home from work." Then I giggled. "He shouldn't mind."

"Just make sure he does his thing," she explained.

"_Does his thing_? You mean ..." I hesitated a second trying to think of the word I wanted to use.

"Squirts," Mary Lou said. "Semen's supposed to soften the cervix."

"Lovely. Anything else?"

"Nipple stimulation."

"Uh, I'm not doing that."

"Have Joe do it, dumb-dumb. I'm sure he won't mind that either. And you need to make sure _you _orgasm, too. That goes along with the nipple stimulation. Your body will produce ..."

"Okay, that's good. I get it," I interrupted. "Thanks Mary Lou."

She just laughed and said, "Call me if any of that works and you wind up at the hospital."

I hung up the phone and said a silent prayer to God. I felt like I was actually ready and wanted something to hurry up and happen before I changed my mind.


	85. Chapter 85

I woke up the next day tired and cranky. We'd tried everything Mary Lou had suggested, minus the castor oil, and nothing had happened. I saw Dr. Williams at 9:30, and I was still at two centimeters. He said that although I was two days past my due date, the baby was still a reasonable size, and he wasn't in favor of induction unless it was medically necessary. So basically he sent me on my way and scheduled me for an appointment on March 3rd.

I lounged around until close to eleven o'clock, and then I decided to call Lula to see if she'd go to the mall with me. I'd been there the day before and needed to go back, but I didn't want to go alone. Plus I really didn't feel like driving.

"Yeah, I'll go Blondie," she said. "_If_ we can go to lunch first."

"Not a problem."

"Okay, I'll be there in twenty."

I hung up the phone and decided to change my clothes. Everything I tried on made me look even bigger than I really was, and that made me not even want to leave the house. I loved the baby, but I was ready for it to come out. I hated thinking I was that vain, but some days were just really hard. Sadly, this day was one of them.

Lula pulled up to the curb, but I refused to get in until she turned off her music. "I can't put up with it today, Lula. And all that loud noise isn't good for the baby."

Lula gave me a look, but she turned the stereo off. "All you gotta do is ask nice."

"Thanks," I said, feeling bad that I'd hurt her feelings. We decided on Mexican for lunch, and afterwards we headed over to the mall.

"I need me something sweet to eat. We didn't get dessert." Then she looked at my stomach. "Maybe you could squeeze a little bit more in there."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked grumpily. "That's really rude, Lula!" Not only was I vain, but I'd become extremely sensitive about my belly, too. Logically I knew I wasn't fat, but I still didn't appreciate anyone joking around about it.

"Geez, Steph, what's wrong with you? Why you being such a big old baby today? You're just supposed to be having one, not turning into one yourself."

I made a face at her, but she ignored me. We made our way to the food court, and Lula bought a huge bag filled with mini chocolate chip cookies. "You want one?" she asked, shoving the bag in my face.

"No, that's okay," I said, pushing it away.

"Man, you gonna act shitty like this all day? I'll leave your ass here if you are."

I narrowed my eyes at her but then let out a sigh. "I'm just tired. That's all. And I'm so ready to have this baby."

"_Nuh-uh_! Don't you talk like that around me! You keep that baby in there at least until I take you home. After that, you do what you want."

We started working our way through the mall when I thought I saw someone peeking out at us from behind a kiosk.

I turned around, but all I saw was some young blonde girl working there. She was doing more talking on the phone than working, so I knew it hadn't been her watching us.

Lula and I kept going, and a few minutes later, I had the same feeling. But again, no one was there. After the third time, I told Lula.

"Blondie, I think it was all that crap you ate for lunch. You probably got heartburn, and it's affecting your brain."

I thought about that and decided she might have a point. My stomach did feel a little queasy. Probably the nacho's with cheese sauce and chocolate syrup on top wasn't settling in my stomach very well. I thought about it some more and decided that that was probably what it was.

We finally made our way into Macy's and headed to the baby department. I'd seen a pink pajama set I wanted to get the day before, but I didn't have my debit card with me. I'd left it in the car, which was where it pretty much stayed. I needed to have it handy for when I stopped off at the drive-thrus. Anyway, I'd been too lazy to walk to the car and get it and then walk all the way back to the baby department, so I'd asked the cashier to hold it for me.

I wanted to see if there was anything else I needed before I paid, so we started walking around, looking at all of the baby clothes. I started to pick up a jumper, when I_ knew_ I saw someone out of the corner of my eye.

I turned around and came face to face with the country club security guard Lula had fought with that day back in June. Lula shouted "_You_!" and started to lunge towards him. But he held up his hand to stop her and said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you. I'm practically a cop now."

The name tag on his mall security uniform read "Judd," but Lula stared at it and called him something else.

"Listen here, Jughead. You ain't a cop, and to me you'll always be the dumb ass that ruined _The Ugly Biscuit_ for me. So you better get outta my face _right now_ before I go all batshit crazy on your ass."

"Hey Lula," I pointed out. "Now that he's working here, you can go back to eating breakfast there again."

She smiled at the thought. "Yeah, you're right Blondie. I hadn't thought of that. I think I'll head over there tomorrow. You wanna come with me?"

I thought about it for a second and said, "No, I can't. Tomorrow's Joe's birthday."

At that point Jughead interrupted with a very loud clearing of his throat. "Hate to break up your boring conversation here, but we have some unfinished business we still need to take care of."

I thought about it and then narrowed my eyes at him. "Have you been following us?"

"I've been following _you_," he said matter-of-factly. "I don't want anything to do with _her_."

"Why are you following _me_?"

He pointed to my stomach and said, "I'm on to you."

"What?" I asked, totally not expecting that.

"You're not pregnant."

I looked at Lula, and she shook her head. "Man, you're a big old dumb ass, aren't you? What the fuck you think she is then?"

"I remember her from the country club. She's supposed to be skinny." Then he stared me down. "That's why I'm on to you."

I shook my head and started to walk away. "You're on something alright._ Something illegal_."

"Hold it right there," he said, pulling some kind of club out of his belt.

"You're not serious?" I asked him.

"Oh, I'm serious as a tick. You're gonna walk back to me real slow-like, and then you're gonna show me what's under your shirt."

"You some kind of pervert who gets off on pregnant bellies?" Lula asked him.

"No," he said with a look of disgust. "But like I said, _she's not pregnant_."

I shook my head and pulled my phone out of my purse. I hit automatic dial and waited for Joe to answer. "Where are you?" I asked with a sigh.

I waited for his answer and said, "Good, that's nearby. Can you come to the mall?" I tapped my fingers impatiently on the top of the clothes rack. "Because I need you." I rolled my eyes at Lula. "No, not _that kind_ of need you. Just come to the baby department in Macy's. And use your light. I've got a situation."

Jughead was just staring at me. "Who did you call? I didn't say you could use the phone."

"Okay, I've had enough of this. Where's your boss? And please don't tell me you are the boss."

"No, he's at lunch right now. But lucky for you, that means I'm in charge. Now I want you to slowly lift your shirt so I can see what you've got under there."

"You're crazy if you honestly think I'm going to lift my shirt up in front of you."

"What the hell you think she's got in there?" Lula asked. "A fucking treasure chest?"

"I don't know what all she's stuffed in there. That's why I'm asking her nicely to show me. In just a second, there isn't gonna be any nice."

"In just a second my foot's gonna be up your ass," I told him.

People were walking by, staring and pointing, and I'm sure they assumed Lula and I were big-time shoplifters the way Jughead was treating us.

"Quit playing stupid. We got a memo just yesterday that said people are pretending to be pregnant, and instead they're putting wire baskets under their shirts and stealing stuff."

"People? You mean men are doing this, too?" I asked, grinning at Lula.

"Quit trying to distract me," he ordered. Then he reached out and grabbed my shirt, lifting it up just a bit before Lula smacked his hand away. I was going to do it myself, but my belly was in the way, and I couldn't see exactly where his hand was.

I turned to Lula. "I wonder if we'd get in trouble if we zapped him?"

Lula thought about it. "Might be doing him a favor since you got Morelli on the way."

"What's a Morelli?" he asked.

"You're about to find out," Lula said between laughs.

And just as soon as she'd said the words, Joe walked up. He put his hands on his hips and stared down at Jughead. "Is _this _the situation?"

"I don't know who you think you are," Jughead told him, "but you're interfering with official business." Then he tugged at the rent-a-cop badge superglued on his shirt.

Joe raised an eyebrow at him and then looked at me. "Is this guy for real?"

I shook my head yes and said, "And he just tried to lift up my shirt."

Joe stood there for a second like I was speaking Chinese. "What?" he finally asked, obviously hoping he had misunderstood.

"That's right," Jughead foolishly confirmed to Joe.

"_That's right_?" Joe repeated. He stepped closer and invaded Jughead's personal space. "You mean you're admitting you tried to lift up her shirt?" Jughead just stood there, nodding his head, and staring smugly at all of us.

"Uh-oh," Lula said with a big grin on her face. She reached down into her bag of cookies and started munching away, looking from Jughead to Joe and then back to Jughead.

Joe slowly rubbed his hand over his mouth, and then he reached out and grabbed Jughead up by his collar. "Are you telling me you touched my wife?"

"You better let go of me or I'm gonna call the cops."

"Not necessary," Joe told him. Then with his free hand he showed him what a real badge looked like.

"Uh, uh," he started to say. "But we got this memo, and it said, uh, I mean, she's probably got a basket under there …" Jughead was trying to explain, but he stopped and just pointed at me instead. "I mean, pregnant women aren't really _that big_."

"Hey!" I shouted. "That's a really mean thing to say." I reached out and hit him upside the head with my purse.

Lula stood there a second, her mouth wide open in shock. "What the hell? You let him try to lift your shirt and don't do that? But then he says you're big and _now he gets hit_? What's wrong with you, girl?"

"I don't have time for this," Joe said. He looked down at Jughead and asked, "Where's the security office?"

"The middle of the mall." Jughead looked like he was about to shit himself.

"Okay." Joe was still holding him by the collar. "You finished shopping?" he asked me.

"No, we just started. All we've bought so far is cookies."

"You need some money? Your debit card's probably in the car."

"No, I remembered it today. _But thank you_," I said sweetly.

"You eat lunch?"

"Yeah."

"Something disgusting?"

"You know it," Lula told him.

Jughead was just staring at the three of us like we were insane, still trapped in Joe's clutch.

"What're you gonna do with him?" I asked Joe.

"I was thinking I'd handcuff him to a chair in his office and then have a nice long talk with whoever runs security here."

Jughead looked scare. "Cuffs?"

"Shut up," Joe told him. Then he looked at me, "We going to your parents' house for supper tonight?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Six?"

"Mmm-hmm."

Joe held Jughead out to the side and leaned in for a kiss. "I'll be home by 5:45 to pick you up. And don't buy our son any more dresses," he said with a wink.

Lula and I watched as he dragged Jughead off through Macy's toward the entrance into the mall.

Lula just shook her head. "He's sure got a mighty fine ass," she told me.

"Yeah," I said with a sigh. "I know."

* * *

We finished up in Macy's, and then I remembered I still wanted to buy one more present for Joe. The only problem was my back was now hurting, and I just didn't feel like walking anymore.

"Come on Blondie. You said you already had a couple of presents for Morelli. That'll do fine. You should probably go home and rest. Hand me your bag, and I'll carry ..." but then she stopped.

"What?" I asked irritably, holding my bag out towards her. My legs were hurting, and I suddenly had the feeling the nacho's I had eaten at lunch were about to come back up.

"Stephanie, uh ..." but all she would do was point at my pants. And just as she did that, I realized something was wrong. I felt like I was wetting myself, and I couldn't stop it.

"Oh fuck," I said, "oh shit." Lula stared at me, and I stared back at her.

"_Ah, hell no, Blondie!_ You jinxed us earlier talking about getting that baby out of you. _What'd you go and do that for_?!" she yelled.

I stared down, but I couldn't see anything. "How bad is it?! _Tell me how bad it is_!" I started saying hysterically. "Oh God, tell me it's not bad."

Lula looked me over and walked behind me. "_Not that bad, _Steph. Just like you peed yourself a little bit here in the mall."

Then I started to cry.

"Sit down on the bench, okay. Give me your phone. I'll call Morelli for you."

I covered my hands over my face, but I couldn't stop crying. Then the next thing I knew I was leaning over into the potted plant next to me and throwing up my lunch.

"Oh shit!" Lula yelled, obviously at the same time Joe answered. "Sorry about that," she said. "Listen, you still in the mall?" There was a pause. "Well, I think you better come back here." Another pause. "Nah, it ain't about the security guard. More like Stephanie's sprung a leak."

I started crying again, and Lula tried giving me the phone, but I couldn't take it.

"Uh, Morelli, you better just get here _and fast_. She's kinda bad off right now." Lula listened for a second and then said, "Yeah, I'll have her outside at the door. We're parked at the food court entrance."

Lula disconnected and handed me my coat. "Put this on Steph. It'll hide it." She stood there looking at me, obviously wishing she could run far away. "Can you walk and all? Do we need a wheelchair or something?"

"No!" I yelled. People were already walking by and staring at me. "No, I can walk," I said a bit more calmly. "Just find someone and tell them I threw up in there."

"Who cares about that? You're about to pop out a baby here any second. I think they'd be more worried about cleaning that up than something hidden in a plant."

I don't even remember walking, but somehow I made it to the food court, and Lula left me at a table while she drove her car up to the curb. She opened the passenger's side door and helped me get in. I started shivering, but not so much because it was cold outside, but because I was scared out of mind. I only sat there a minute or two when Joe drove up behind us.

He got out of the car and made his way to me. He opened my door and knelt down in front of me. He saw that I was shivering, so he took off his jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. "You having contractions?" he asked.

I shook my head no. "I don't think so. Just my legs feel crampy and my back hurts. And this," I said, pointing to where my pants were wet. "Oh, and I threw up."

He helped me out of the seat and then walked me over to his car. "I already called your doctor's office, and they're waiting for you."

I sat down in the front seat, and Joe leaned in and buckled me, shutting my door. Lula was waiting at the driver's side, so she peeked her head in. "Good luck, Steph. You want me to keep this quiet or let anyone else know?"

I was pretty sure I told her not to say anything yet, but I wasn't certain exactly what words had come out of my mouth. Whatever it was, she simply nodded and moved out of the way so Joe could get in. "Thanks Lula," he told her. "I'll keep you posted."

Joe drove in the direction of my doctor's office, and I started crying. "I don't wanna go there. Please take me home."

He reached over and took my hand in his and smiled like he felt sorry for me. That made me cry harder. "Calm down honey," he said softly. "It's gonna be okay. Just keep telling yourself that you're ready. Remember everything we learned in the classes?"

I closed my eyes and rested my head back against the seat. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make myself feel better. I wanted more than anything to see my baby and hold her, but at the same time, I sat there wishing someone else could do the whole childbirth thing for me.

It turned out that Dr. Williams was at the hospital delivering a baby, so I had to see Dr. Parker. The nurse took Joe and me back to a room and told me to put on a gown, but just to undress from the waist down. I hadn't leaked anything else since that little bit at the mall, but I still took a few minutes to clean myself up. I felt gross and sat there hoping I could go home and take a shower.

Not long after that she came back with the doctor. He asked a few questions about the way I was feeling and said, "Okay, let's take a look."

He had me put my feet in the stirrups and pulled on the gloves. I closed my eyes while he did whatever it was he was doing, and I heard him say, "You're at two centimeters and 80 percent effaced. Station is -1."

He rolled back in his chair and stared over at Joe. "That may or may not have been amniotic fluid, so I'm going to check to make certain. Since it was a small amount, there's always that chance it was simply discharge. Especially since she's not feeling any contractions yet."

He rolled closer, and I heard him say "speculum" to the nurse, and I knew I was in trouble. "Okay, Stephanie, this might be a little uncomfortable." I nodded my head, not expecting that it actually would be. They were always telling me that, and it never was, but for some reason, he decided to be honest about it that day. _Brutally honest_. I had no idea what he was doing up in there, but whatever it was, it hurt like hell. I literally alternated between saying "_ow, ow, ow_" and whimpering until he had finished.

Joe kept his hand in mine and continuously used his free hand to rub the top of my head. Finally Dr. Parker announced, "Okay, you can sit up now. I'll be right back."

Joe helped me sit up, and then he brought me to him for a big hug. "You did great, sweetheart." He kissed me softly on the forehead and kept my hand in his.

Finally Dr. Parker came back and announced, "Dr. Williams is waiting for you at the hospital. Looks like you should have yourselves a baby some time before the day is over."

I looked over at Joe, trying hard to hold in the tears. He squeezed my hand and smiled. "Looks like it's go-time, Cupcake." Then he hugged me close and whispered, "Just think ... tomorrow at this time it'll all be over with."


	86. Chapter 86

We made a quick stop at the house to pick up my suitcase and then drove over to the hospital in absolute silence. Since I'd already completed my pre-admission, I was able to go straight to L&D. I was taken to my room, where I changed into a hospital gown and was made as comfortable as possible by my labor and delivery nurse, Amy.

She hooked me up to a fetal monitor just so Dr. Williams could see how things were going, and then she explained that after he'd examined me, I could get up and move around. I wasn't feeling any contractions yet, so walking the hallways was supposedly going to help get that started.

Once the doctor was finished examining me, Joe and I started to walk. We made one complete circle, and midway through the second one, I finally got the chance to find out what a contraction felt like. And it hurt. Like hell.

There were railings on the wall, so I grabbed on and leaned over. I was trying to do the breathing like I learned in class, but mainly I was trying my best not to cry and scream. Joe rubbed my back and kept reminding me to breathe. According to him, it had lasted less than a minute, but it felt much longer. I wasn't happy.

We continued walking, and about four minutes later, I felt the second one. It was much stronger than the first, and I was afraid I was going to be sick in the hallway. I worked through that one, and then I begged to go back to the room. I had a secret plan that if I stopped the walking then the contractions would stop, too. Things were moving along a little too fast now, and I wanted to slow it down.

Joe and Amy helped me into the bed, and I asked if one of them would turn on the television. I thought if I did normal things, I could trick my body into behaving normally. I knew that made absolutely no sense, but I wasn't exactly thinking clearly.

Everyone had been telling me that labor pains felt like really bad menstrual cramps, and I hadn't been fully prepared for the extreme amount of pain that it actually was. To me, the menstrual cramp analogy had been a really fucked up one, and I made a mental note to yell at every single person who had told me that. In all the years I'd been having period pain, I'd never felt anything as excruciating as what that was.

Amy said she'd be right back, showing us which button to press if we needed to call for help before she returned. And no sooner had Joe turned up the volume on the television than the next contraction hit. This time I wasn't doing the breathing, though. It wasn't helping, so I decided to devise my own way of coping. I held my breath.

"Stephanie!" Joe fussed. "Stop holding your breath." I gave him the evil eye, so when he spoke again, he was much nicer. "Honey, remember what we've learned. You have to breathe through these."

But I shook my head no, and after a few more seconds, I exhaled loudly and then took another big breath, holding it in once again. Joe tried his best to get me to do what I was supposed to, but it didn't work. I wasn't in the mood to listen.

Finally when that contraction passed I regained my composure and told him in no uncertain terms that he could breathe all he wanted to, but I was done. Then I pressed the call button and waited for Amy.

"Epidural," I said breathlessly the minute I saw her. "I think I'm ready now." She smiled and said, "Okay, let me check and see how far along you are, and then I'll give Ron a call. He's on until tonight. You're gonna like him. He's really good with his patients."

I nodded my head thinking I really couldn't have cared less, as long as he brought whatever drug it was I needed. I was at three centimenters, and I had four more contractions before he finally showed up. I laid there wondering how on earth any woman could do this naturally. Either I was experiencing the worst contractions ever felt by womankind, or I was just a total chicken shit. I decided I liked the first one, even though I knew deep-down that I was a wimp.

Joe kept up the rubbing and the sweet talking, but Ron was the only man I wanted at that particular moment. By the time he finally walked through the door, I was ready to profess undying love to him if that was what it took to get the pain to stop.

He came into the room, said something to me which I assumed was funny because he and Joe laughed, but I just nodded and smiled through clenched teeth. He could save the jokes for later. Right then he had a job to do, and he'd better get going or I was going to let him have it.

He talked about the epidural, what he was going to do, and so on, but again I wasn't listening. Another contraction hit while he was talking, and I wanted to slap the shit out of him. If he had just shut the fuck up and done his job in the first place, I'd have been pain-free at that moment.

Finally when it passed, he had me sit on the side of the bed with Joe next to me. "We'll get going after your next contraction, Stephanie. And once we start, I'm going to need you to stay very still." I know he said some more stuff after that, but I wasn't sure what. All I'd zeroed in on was _'your next contraction_.' Ron wasn't really good with his patients. He was a fucking masochist, and I hated him.

He moved around behind us, and I could hear him doing busy work. He was obviously getting everything ready, and that made me happy. The next contraction came and went, and again he started talking. I wanted to tell him he did way too much of that, but I knew I needed to play nice.

He was reminding me to stay perfectly still, and I heard him tell Joe to make certain, that no matter what, I stayed facing forward. He said it twice, which meant I now had no choice but to look and see what was behind me.

Joe took my hand and smiled at me, and I smiled back. I acted like I was going to rest my head on his shoulder, but then I quickly turned and took a peek. "_Oh shit_," I said immediately. Joe stared over at me, shaking his head in frustration. "Why do you do these things, Steph? _Why_?"

"Because he told you to make sure _I didn't look_." Then of course I had to turn around and do it again.

"Oh God," I cried, "oh God. That looks like something you'd stick in a horse." I started crying thinking of it like that. "_I'm not a horse!_"

Joe looked over at Ron. "Can you give us just a minute?"

"No, nuh-uh," I said emphatically, staring Joe in the eyes. "You see the size of that needle, right? There's no way." I felt the start of another contraction, and I realized I was screwed. It was either the pain of the needle or the pain of the contractions.

I held on tight to Joe's hand and tried not to hold my breath. With the epidural now in question, I thought I should practice doing it the way I was supposed to, just in case.

As soon as it passed, though, I started crying again. I knew, without a doubt, there was no way I could do it the right way. Who was I kidding? I knew myself better than that.

Joe turned my face to him and stared into my eyes. "Honey, you're looking at _hours_ of labor ahead of you. If you really want to do it naturally, I'm right here with you. But if you want the epidural, it's just a matter of getting it in there, and then the worst of that is over with."

Ron came back in the room and started talking to me, but I didn't care what he had to say. I only wanted Joe to help me. Along came another contraction, this one even worse than all the others. Once it passed, I immediately whispered to Joe, "I want the needle."

Joe held my hand, and I stayed perfectly still. After it was all over with, I let out a huge sigh of relief and smiled. "That wasn't so bad." I had about two more contractions until the medication fully kicked in, and after that I was happy. Really happy because I couldn't feel a thing.

Amy checked me again, and I was at four centimeters. "I always suggest at this point you relax as much as you can. You may want to nap for a while, Stephanie. And you, too," she told Joe. "Oh, and you're welcome to have friends and family come visit with you. It's not like the old days with all the strict rules."

We both realized we hadn't made a single phone call to anyone. Joe called my parents' house first and then called his mother. He disconnected and then pulled his chair closer to the bed. He held my hand in his and grinned. "You're a totally different person now. I thought for a second there my life was in danger."

"Sorry," I said with a slight laugh. "But it hurt."

"Yeah, I gathered that." He began slowly stroking my head and whispered, "Why don't you do what the nurse said and try to sleep for a while? I'll be right here when you wake up."

I nodded my head and closed my eyes. A nap sounded like an excellent idea. And before I knew it, I was sound asleep.

* * *

I woke up a while later when Dr. Williams came in to check me. I had progressed to five centimeters, and he said everything looked great. He told me he'd be back in an hour and to just keep resting.

Joe was still beside me, and I noticed that he now had a cup of coffee and a newspaper. He'd changed his clothes, and I wondered if he'd left and gone home. He saw me looking, and he shook his head. "I had my mother bring them. Everybody wants to see you when you wake up."

Before long the room was filled with our family and friends. My mother sat down beside me and asked a lot of questions about the epidural. Mrs. Morelli stood there, listening, and I think they were both at a loss because they couldn't feed me. Making me eat had been their way of making sure I was going to be okay, and I could see the look of fear on my mother's face.

"Mom, don't look so scared. I'm fine. I have the epidural, and Joe's right here with me. That's all I need."

The mothers smiled at me, and then my mother turned to Mrs. Morelli. "It sounds silly, but Stephanie will always be my baby. No matter how old she is."

Mrs. Morelli nodded her head. "I know what you mean. Joseph is mine. The youngest of five and most definitely the tallest and the strongest, but no matter how old he is, I'll always think of him as my little boy."

I let them chatter and decided to tune them out. After a while, Mary Lou, Connie, and Lula peeked in the doorway. I smiled and waved, and they made their way over to me. The mothers moved over to give them space, and then the questions began.

"Did it hurt like hell, Blondie?" Lula asked, pointing towards my back.

"Not nearly as bad as the contractions were hurting. I'd suffer through it again in a heartbeat. At least I know now for when I have the next one."

"You're already talking about another one?" Connie said, laughing. "You'll never come back to work with us."

"Oh, I'll be back. Eventually."

About thirty minutes later I was talking to Mary Lou, and we were giggling about something silly, when all of a sudden I didn't feel as happy as I had been. The more I thought about it, the more I realized the room was too loud, and it was bothering me. I looked around and made a mental checklist of everyone I saw. There was Mary Lou, Connie, Lula, my mother, Grandma Mazur, Mrs. Morelli, Valerie, Joe's sisters, and of course Joe and me.

I blinked hard because I thought I even saw Mr. Wolesky from my old apartment building sitting in the corner talking to my father. I blinked again and realized it was most likely Stan. I let out a sigh and laid my head down on the pillow. I tried to drown out the noise, but I couldn't. I turned my head in the other direction, and before I knew what was happening, I was crying.

"Steph?" I heard Mary Lou asking me, but I couldn't open my eyes and answer her. "Stephanie?" A few seconds later I heard her say, "Joe, I think you need to come here."

I felt someone turning my head, and I fought against opening my eyes. Then I heard the sound of Joe's voice, and I wanted to see him. Just him.

"Steph, honey, what's wrong? Are you hurting? Is the medication wearing off?"

I shook my head and just kept crying. "Stephanie, baby, talk to me. What is it?" He knelt down beside me, cuddling me against him.

Between sniffles and tears, I whispered, "There's too many people in here, Joe. I only want you. There's too much noise."

He leaned over and kissed me softly on the forehead. He rubbed his hand through my hair, and I closed my eyes, turning my head back in the other direction.

I wasn't sure what he said, but within a matter of seconds, I heard everyone wishing me well and saying goodbye. One of the mothers said they were going to get Rex and Bob, but I couldn't open my eyes and say anything.

"I'm sorry Cupcake," Joe whispered once they were gone. "It's just you and me until this is over. No one else."

I nodded my head and held onto his hand. As long as I had Joe, everything was going to be okay.

* * *

About two o'clock in the morning, Dr. Williams announced that it was finally time for me to start pushing. The room that I was in was an all-in-one suite, so I didn't have to be moved, and the baby wouldn't leave the room either, until it was time for us to take him or her home from the hospital.

The nurses helped change the bed and get everything ready. They moved it up into the birthing position and helped me get my feet in the stirrups. They had turned down the epidural doseage when I'd reached nine centimeters, so I'd get a bit of feeling back in my lower abdomen and legs. They said that would help me be able to push, and although I could feel the contractions slightly, they weren't nearly as bad as what I'd experienced before.

Once everything was ready, Dr. Williams reappeared and said, "Okay, Stephanie, we're going to do this on counts of ten, alright? When I tell you so, I want you to push as hard as you can. When you hear me get to ten, you can stop and rest."

I nodded my head and immediately he told me to push. Thankfully I'd learned from the childbirth classes that I actually had to bear down like I was trying hard to go to the bathroom. I'd always thought before it was like doing a situp. I was glad I knew what to do for once.

I squeezed Joe's hand as tight as I could, and finally Dr. Williams made it to ten. I fell back against the bed, and I heard him asking Joe if he'd take over the counts the next time.

Amy had gone home at the eleven-thirty shift change, and I now had a young nurse named Marcie with me. She was as sweet as Amy had been, so I didn't mind the change. She was on one side, and Joe was on the other. She kept up the constant, "Push, push, push," while Joe kept one hand in mine, his other one supporting my back.

I don't know exactly how long I had been pushing, but it felt like it had been for days. On the next set of ten, I caught myself yelling at Joe. "You're counting too slow," I fussed, stopping at six. "I'm not doing anymore until you do it right."

"You're doing just fine, Stephanie," Dr. Williams was saying. "Just take a little rest and when we start again, don't stop pushing until we get to ten, okay?"

I gave him the evil eye and bit my tongue. I wanted to ask him what was so fucking great about ten. Six seemed like it had worked okay for me.

After a while I looked over at Joe and asked tearfully, "Why isn't it coming out?"

His eyes were tired, but he smiled anyway, and I knew he wanted to keep me encouraged. "We can see the head, but then it slips back when you're not pushing. But you're getting closer, honey. You just have to keep going." He wiped sweat off my brow again and squeezed my hand.

I shook my head no and said, "I can't do it anymore. I just can't."

"Stephanie, you're doing great," Dr. Williams was saying, but I no longer cared. I was exhausted, and I was sick and tired of hearing that. If I was so great why wasn't the baby out yet?

"Just a little bit more," he said, but I shook my head no. Dr. Williams turned to Joe and said, "Okay, we're going to try something different." Then he looked at me. "Stephanie, we're going to have Amy and Joe help you out some, okay?" He then proceeded to tell them to each take one of my legs and push them up toward my abdomen.

"Stephanie, you can rest until your next contraction. Then I want you to push for me as hard as you can, and we'll see if that helps." When it was time, I did as he said and pushed as hard as I could.

"There we go," I heard him saying. "That's it Stephanie. You're almost there."

I rested again and Dr. Williams said "Give me another one just like the one before." I did as he said, and moments later I heard him say, "Okay, here comes the head. Keep pushing Stephanie. There we go."

Joe had let go of my leg and was watching. He looked up at me and smiled, and I watched as the nurse handed Dr. Williams some kind of round bulb looking thing. Moments later I heard the sound of our baby crying. I was trying hard to catch my breath, but just hearing that, I started to cry.

"You're almost there, Stephanie. I need you to bear down some more, and then you'll have yourself a baby. You ready?"

I grunted out a "yes" and grabbed Joe's hand again, bearing down as hard as I could. I heard Dr. Williams ask Joe if he wanted to cut the cord, and I saw Joe nod.

Almost immediately I could see the doctor holding up a little baby. It was still crying, but it wasn't a loud cry. Its profile was turned to me, and I could see the side of its head, and its arms and legs. Its hands were balled up in little fists, and I was trying my best to make out if it was a boy or a girl.

Joe's eyes met mine, and his face was beaming. The expression he wore was one I'd never seen before.

And immediately, _I knew_. I smiled through my tears and mouthed the words exactly as he was saying them.

"It's a boy!"

He smiled wide again and repeated it, almost like he didn't believe it. "It's a boy, Steph!"

We had a baby boy.

I tried to stay sitting up but I was so tired, that I laid back down and watched the best I could as Joe cut the cord. Immediately Dr. Williams placed him on my chest, and I stared down at my son, really seeing him for the very first time.

"You're so tiny," I told him. I reached out and picked up his hand and stared at his little fingers. He wasn't exactly crying, but he was making these little whimpering type sounds, and I just felt so sorry for him. One minute he'd been safe and warm inside of me, and the next there were all these bright lights and strange people. Joe was beside me, and he leaned down and gave me a gentle kiss.

"It's okay," I was telling the baby. "Mommy's here." I didn't even care that he was yucky and bloody and gushy-looking. I wanted to touch him and hold him, almost as if I couldn't believe he were real. It was _his_ arms and legs that had been inside of me, kicking and poking my ribs; it was _his_ heartbeat that I'd longed to hear at my very first doctor appointment.

I smiled up at Joe, and I noticed his eyes were glistening. And I realized that seeing his face when our baby was born, seeing his face right now, had in fact made every single pain of childbirth absolutely worth it.

Marcie came over and smiled. "We're going to get him all cleaned up, and then I promise I'll bring him right back. Okay, Stephanie?"

I nodded my head, even though I really didn't want her to take him.

As it turned out I still had to get the placenta part taken care of and then have myself cleaned up. They changed the bed back to the way it had been, and I now had new sheets and a new gown. Now all I needed was my baby back in my arms.

Thankfully they were doing everything all in the same room, so I was able to watch as they moved around him. Joe had positioned himself over near him while they were taking care of me, and finally when they finished, the nurse handed him over. I watched as Joe held him in his arms, and I thought to myself how much I truly loved both of them and how happy I was to have finally given us this incredible gift.

He brought the baby over to me and carefully placed him in my arms. He gently sat down beside us on the bed, and we both sat there, staring down at our son. "He's 7 lbs 3 oz. Twenty-one inches long. Scored a perfect ten on his Apgar test."

I smiled at that and stared down into his little face. I couldn't believe how much he looked like Joe. He was wrapped up in a blanket, and I gently undid it so I could see him. He had the tiniest little toes, and I ran my fingers over them. He wasn't asleep, and he wasn't crying. He was just cuddled in my arms, and he looked like he was trying to focus his eyes on me. They'd put this funny looking knit cap on him, so I gently took it off so I could see his head again. His hair was dark brown, and I couldn't resist running my hand over it. He didn't have a full head of hair, it was more like peach fuzz status, but it was enough where he didn't look bald.

I heard Joe saying something, but I wasn't really listening. "What?" I asked, trying to tear my eyes away from our baby.

"I was saying about him not being a girl."

I let out a slight laugh and shook my head. I held his tiny hand in mine and said through a smile, "It was him I wanted all along. I just got a little confused for a while."

Joe hugged me to him gently, and the three of us stayed there, enjoying our first moments together as a family.

I stared down at our little boy and then looked over at Joe. "You sure you don't want to give him your name? I can't believe how much he looks like you."

Joe smiled proudly at that. "Yeah, he does, doesn't he? And we do share the same birthday."

"Oh my gosh, I hadn't even thought of that." I smiled wide and said, "Happy Birthday!"

He leaned in and gave me a tender kiss. "I love you, Cupcake. This is the best present you could've ever given me."

And that is the story of the night Joseph Anthony Morelli II made his entrance into the world, changing our lives for the better in every way possible.

* * *

_-- Story Continued in Part II: The Baby Years --_


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